What Is Normal Anyway??

[Movin On]

You know we (I) do the best with what God's given me......I know that I could do better and should have done better, but so much of my time I compare myself to others. Those people to seem to have it all together and seem to me to be normal.

But, I have been trying to embrace the fact that no one else in this entire world has my finger prints, no one acts exactly as I do, or thinks the way I do....and if I could only accept the fact that I am who God made me to be.

I know that addiction is not part of his plan, or is it? I believe there is a season for everything in life. Perhaps, I can, one day, help others with addiction and thus it's why I'm going through it. I guess drug addiction is not something that we go throught...it stays with us forever.

I am doing okay, and I'm thankful to be alive.

I don't want to be defined by my addiction however. I'm not ashamed of being an addict (I don't believe) but one day when I'm 6 feet under, I hope people don't remember me as the mother who loss her son and went crazy and turned to drugs and never was the same. I hope what I leave behind is much more than that.

I am doing better, my mood is more normal and I am just trying to do all the things that people say will help me.

[Sugah]

I have this friend in her eighties who's been sober almost thirty-four years. I have several different connections to her, both recovery-related and otherwise, and I can't remember a time we've talked that her that she hasn't referred to her alcoholism. It's part of her, and she believes it's a useful part of her -- she's reached a lot of people who might not otherwise have been reached because she's so open about it.

But, her life doesn't revolve around it. She's got a career behind her, she's helped form a rape crisis network, there's a Mexican school/orphanage named after her (less than a week ago, we spoke on the phone & she told me how many more children they're able to serve and how many classes they've added!), she's worked for environmentalist groups....so many, useful and fulfilling things. At eighty-two, she's got it all together, but is she "normal?" What's normal? To me, she's superhuman!

The one thing she won't let anyone forget is that everything she's accomplished in her life is built upon her sobriety. She's become willing to use every painful experience in her life for good. She's amazing.

I've talked to her when I've been going through a rough patch in recovery, and she'd pat me on the arm and tell me, "Sweetie, you just keep trying." I know you've had a lot of heartache, sadness, loss. I wish I could tell you that one day, all your sadness will be gone, but I don't know that. I do believe it will get better, so long as you keep trying.

Hang onto your gratitude. Keep reaching out. Pray for guidance and put one foot in front of the other, and when your time is no longer in this world, people will remember you as someone who changed her life. If they know you well enough, they might even realize that they knew an honest to goodness miracle.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Doug]

You're doing ok, and getting better Movin, you just don't know it yet. We were the last ones to know we were addicts, and we're the last ones to know we're getting better. Others see it well before we do.

That "comparing" leads to alot of headaches. I know, because I struggled with it too, and occasionally, I still do. Giving ourselves a break, and getting comfortable where we are is part of the process as well. Try to work on not doing that so much. All those other people have issues, and problems as well. They all worry at times, they make bad decisions at times, and they obsess at times.

And what is normal?

Normal is a label created by people as a collective, and dictated anymore by all the mass media outlets. It's easier, and more realistic to find our own happiness, and feelings of sanity and peace.

You're doing ok, and getting better Movin. This doesn't happen overnight, and try to learn to trust the process.

[Brewster]

MO, inside yourself, it may seem that your struggles are overwhelming and not going so well. Out here, we've seen you go through your battles with resiliancy and determination. IMHO, you are a budding warrior for sobriety with the best yet to come. Seriously. I believe that.

[ccgirl]

Moving, you are so insightful; that is a gift. People here are right. You do seem to be gradually getting better.

As far as being an addict goes, some of the best people I've met so far in this world are recovering substance abusers.

[exjunky]

Originally Posted by Movin On

I know that addiction is not part of his plan, or is it?

Not a leaf blows over, that God is not behind it.

Originally Posted by Movin On

I don't want to be defined by my addiction however. I'm not ashamed of being an addict (I don't believe) but one day when I'm 6 feet under, I hope people don't remember me as the mother who loss her son and went crazy and turned to drugs and never was the same. I hope what I leave behind is much more than that.

I think people will remember you for what you accomplish. People don't remember Edgar Allan Poe for being an opium addict, they remember him for writing The Raven and countless other stories and poems. People don't remember Miles Davis for fighting a heroin problem, they remember 50 years of jazz.

I'm not saying you have to start taking trumpet lessons, but whatever situation God puts you in, do your best. That's how people will remember you.

[bvaljalo]

Yeah, and people aren't gonna remember George W. Bush for being a booze-addled, coke-damaged sh*t-for-brains, either ...

So remember that!

Seriously, though, lot of great stuff on this thread. Thanks to everyone involved, y'all helped me out today

[Impurrfect]

Hi Movin'

I, too, believe everything happens for a reason. I am not ashamed of being a recovering addict, though I really wish I hadn't done some of the things I did.

The people who are closest to me, today, know all about my addiction and most of them lived it with me (though I kept them at a distance). Today, they tell me that I am a more compassionate and loving person BECAUSE of what I went through when I was active.

I think you are making progress and your posts help me and many others.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lizrox]

MO,

I am glad to see you posting..

Nobody has the right to say what is normal or what is not..

Glad to see your doing ok..

Love,

Liz

[tennchick9598]

I love you too, MO, cornerstone didnt work so well for me, huh? I hope you are doing well, us TN gals gotta stick together......love, Lady Tenn

[SaTiT]

I obsess in trying to difine normal or wanting to be normal.
As a teen growning up i was ask what i wanted to be when i grow up ?...NORMAL.

Even in my addiction I got high to cope and function.
Being numb was normal, but that didn't feel normal anymore,
So i alway try to get back to normal, but normal wasn't normal to begin with.lol

I knew how to numb myself out without the use of drugs and alcohol
long before drug abuse even started.

A common trait of an ACOA.

Soberity ment instant pain. it felt uncomfortable as hell.
however, I find that pain beyound the pain of detoxing...familar.

Anyhow..I function will in a high stress enviornment.
pretty damn strange..when you look in job requirement, that
an employer should put that as a requirement...
it's a warning sign..lol it's the normal thing for that employer.
Bascailly that boss is going to be screaming at your ass all de time..
or such words..it's a very demanding career.lol
The dysfunction at the junction, however I can excel in that enviorment.
I've mastered the art of dysfunctional.lol

It was helpful for me to replace certain words such as in normal..
with, healthy or unhealthy.

like this....normally it's dysfuntional, but it's unhealthy.

mmm do you ever do this sometimes ?
when you get a hang nail or some wound...you poke at it all de time.lol
To feel the pain and you like the feel of that pain.

[Movin On]

Thank you all for responding....I feel loved.

If I could ever master the feeling of being totally comfortable in my own skin -- well -- that would be an accomplishment.

I've noticed that it doesn't matter if you're smart, attractive, have nice clothes, etc if you have your confidence and a smile--life can be good. When I was in treatment this guy told me and the group that he felt sorry for me because apparently I didn't smile alot or let's say I never relaxed and let the real me come out, and I guess it showed.

When your told over and over again as a child that your worthless, then you grow up feeling that way. It's taken me a long time to feel worthy and when I do stupid things like keep secrets and isolate then that feeling of worthlessness becomes so huge and couple that with guilt and....well....relapse is just around the corner.

I am feeling more confident today and when I meet people I am trying to be me....trying to find out who I am. I have been in a fog for over 4 years now and I'm just ready to change.

I don't have to have the best of everything but if I can actually love myself and reflect that in my actions and words, then I believe I can stay sober. Confidence feels good and it seems to bring with it a sense of well being: spiritually, emotionally, physically....and....not to meantion it's sexy! (wasn't there a commercail a few years ago that said that?)

I'm very thankful for you guys and I certainly appreciate you loving me when I'm at my best and worst.

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

I dont think normal even exists, I think everyone has faults, problems, etc. whether or not they are addicts or not, I used to think there was normal people, but since I got sober and I have gotten older I now see there is no such thing as being normal. I remember my early years of college I had a bumper sticker on my car that said "Why Be Normal". I also believe if everyone was normal the world would be a boring place.

[tennchick9598]

Just wanted to say hello MO,and I hope you are well and feeling happy today. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, and I want the very best for you. All my love and big tennessee hugs!!!!!!