Another Poetic recovery thread. That might save a life. Part 5. So what goal, thought

[Timebuster]

Recovery is about finding your true self. By that, I mean finding things that bring you happiness and satisfaction in life…I understand that depression can hinder ones growth in life…When I was addicted to pain meds…Every morning I wake up so depressed and with such guilt…Everyday the same routine…Get up feel horrible about my life…And its not were life has taken me…Its were I have taken me in life…But temporally I would feed my body with drugs and escape running away from me one more day.

Reservations of letting go of the only way I know how to survive and cope with life is so freighting and depressing…Its freighting because if I don’t take my drugs I will be sick from withdrawals…Depressing because of my addiction life s*cks.

What a vicious cycle to live life like that. I Thank my Higher Power and the fellowship of NA I don’t have to live that way any more.

That was then…Now that I have freedom from addiction…In my active years what keep me sane…Even though I was abusing drugs…I had goals…thoughts…dreams…That one day when I beat my addiction…I will make them a reality…And I have.

One goal I had when I abusing drugs was…I had many…And accomplish them…Was to lose weight…Because of drugs and alcohol I blew up to two hundred and eighty pounds…I am proud to say that am back to my original weight of one hundred and ninety pounds… I went from a waist size forty eight down to thirty six…My Self-esteem is be on words…

So what goal, thoughts, dreams did you have when you was active…That today in recovery you can proudly say you have accomplish.

Thanks
Ivan

[kelsh]

I had actually two big goals and was told in treatment that I wouldn't be able to accomplish those goals because I had damaged my brain too much.

Goal #1: To go back to college after being sober one year to get my BA Degree;

Goal #2: To get a good job with insurance coverage for my daughter and myself;

Well I did go back to college. I worked half days and went to classes late afternoon and early evening....sometimes class until 10 PM.

I got a BA Degree in Psychology with a minor in Education within the two years I put aside to accomplish this.

I applied for a job at the local County Mental Health as a Mental Health Tech. I worked up to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor in two years. I had worked with the Elderly already in different jobs for 10 years so had experience with what I wanted to do plus the college degree.

[Brewster]

Before I was an active addict I already had a successful plumbing business. Although I have a Mechanical Engineering degree, I found that I like plumbing and more specifically drilling wells and maintaining water distribution systems.

My most important goal coming out of recovery was to take the time and effort I devoted to getting high and divert that same passion and energy towards my family. I have two younger ones (boy 7 and girl 9) My boy had only ever known me as an addict. Whenever I would spend time with them as an addict I was always high. You know - the functioning addict thing, often cleaverly masquerading at the "Drugs aren't a problem in my life". Then there would be days when daddy ran out and I was meatloaf in the bed. So my recovery has been devoted to doing stuff with my kids whenever I am not working. I am available twenty four seven for my family. I can make dates to do things, many weeks out and not have to worry about having enough of my DOC. I limit my working to 45 hours a week. Never on nights and if at all possible never on weekends.

I owe this attention to them and to society. It has really been a success and my kids are what keep me going and keep me sober. Oh and my wife - I can't say enough about how much I owe her for sticking with me throughout my idiocy. Happily devoting time to my kids means a lot to my wife so relationships are thriving. I live for them and I am trying to produce some well adjusted humans to foist on society.

Oh, but life is not perfect. I live in the middle of drugville U.S.A. In a resort town the temptations are plenty. But this is probably the case most everywhere. Nonetheless, my clients are doctors, lawyers and executives. The times that I have been offered drugs by many people in those catagories are too numerous to mention. That's why I need my support group, this board and my higher power - still. Two years sober in April of 08 is better than I could have imagined at one time, but I still need to be vigilant all the time.

There is finally some joy in my life lately.

So, for those still in active addiction, take timebusters advice and reinforce your recovery by finding a real goal to shoot for. Read kelsh's story of her success, and take it to heart - you can do whatever you want to do when you are a functioning human. Take that effort and time you are devoting towards getting high on your DOC and use it make something out of yourself. You deserve it. If you are having trouble finding a goal, here's a hint. It often involes finding a way to help others by giving of yourself.

[Timebuster]

Brewster…

Your post sends chills down my spine.

Giving so much time to your family is beautiful…What better way to say am sorry…( make amends )

It works…If you work it.

Thanks
Ivan

[Brewster]

It's you. Your posts affect my perspective and bring it out in me. And kelsh, well, thats what it's all about. Rebuilding a life.

[Surlyredhead]

This is a great thread!!!

When I was had about a year clean, I set some goals for myself also, I was a single Mom, on welfare, living in a one bedroom apartment (government supported) without a legal drivers license. It wasn't an easy time.

My goals were simple....of course sobriety tops all of my lists...then:
1) Get a job.
2) Get my drivers license back.
3) Get off welfare
4) Get a bigger place for me and my Son ( I wanted to own my own home by the time I was 40, I was 29 then)
5) Get transportation ( I wanted to get a new car by the time I was 35)
6) Get out of debt and build some credit.
7) Lose some weight and get healthy.

Fast forward 12 years....

***I got a job when my Son was 18 months old, $6 an hour, but it was a start...after that I got another job, with a little more money and a second job on the side...that led to my present job, decent money and benefits.
***I got my legal license back and managed to pay off the fines from my OWIL, I worked out a payment schedule and stuck to it!!!
***With the jobs.....I was able to contact the welfare office when my Son was 2 1/2 and tell them I didn't need help any more.
***I got an '88 Dodge shadow given to me when my Son was about 2 years old...what a piece of junk...I LOVED that car!!! I got the new car about three years later!!!! Two years ahead of schedule!!!
***I consulted with a credit counselor, I was advised that my debts were so large, that bankruptcy was my best option....I declared it in 1996, over ten years ago, I have since had it removed from my credit report and have not got anything negative on it!!!
***I managed to take over my one bedroom apartment from government help
and pay rent on my own, from there, I got a two bedroom flat when my son was 4-5, then I bought my own house!!!! I was 36 years old!! I love my little house..it is mine-mine-mine!!
*** I managed to lose about 35 lbs, I am healthy and happy, I take no medications...and with 13 1/2 years clean, I finally found true love!!!!

I would like to take credit for doing all of these things...but I can't. It is God, the fellowship, my support system(including everyone here at SR...thank you all)my family and my Son, he truly makes me want to be a better person!!! Today, life is great, good-bad-and inbetween...as long as I am Clean and Sober, I don't think there is anything I can't work through!!!

Cathy

[Movin On]

you all give me something to look forward to. and for all those that have children that are still small.....i can tell you one thing that i know for certain. time...time passes so quickly...one moment they are small and the next they are grown.

i didn't realize it at the time but back when my kids were growing up, well...those were the best times of my life. just little things....i can remember putting a sheet over the kitchen table and a couple of pillows on the floor underneath and we'd, matt & mallory, get under the table and just pretent.

or just making a peanut butter sandwich and kool-aid and throwing a blanket on the front lawn and having a picnic. i miss that so very much.

i've really not been good at anything except being a mother.

now i'm on the down hill side of life and i don't know what my goals are or who i am to be. it's very lonely. so.......i pray that a new life of sobriety can bring me as much joy as the first half.

tina