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10-14-2007, 11:30 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: anoka, minnesota
Posts: 1
| Why Me? Why Meth?
I'm in rehab, Its an out-patient treatment center, The program i'm in has 18 sessions of primary, 9 sessions of after care and after that i still have to go to 13 Support group meetings. I've completed 15 of the 18 primary sessions, and we think if all is well i should be graduating on thursday. The thing is i really do wanna quit meth i have quit meth, but i still want it at times, and it's like why do i have these thoughts and feelings still? I dont understand it it doesnt help at all that i'm still having these mad cravings, still having these really crappy mood swings, and always wanna run to go use the second things go wrong! Before i thought i was only hurting myself, then when i went sober i realized i even hurt people i never thought cared about me! and now i'm faced with my baby, and he helps although he's only 2 months old, he erases every thought from my head about using, but then theres the times when i wanna go use and the babys with me so i cant!, then i fall into these huge stages of depression! i literally cry for hours wishing i could die, and eventually just cry myself to sleep. How am i suppose to deal with it? i have so many things hitting e at once, and i have court on the 16th for sentencing and i pled guilty to 2 5th degree posession of a controlled substance charge. I'm so confused and scared and worried!! Things have not exactly came my way. It seems like everything went wrong when i started using, everything! nothing ever got better it just kept getting worst and even now that i've been clean for so long, everything still seems to go bad! i dont understand it it's a lose lose situation, if i use things go down hill and nothing goes and when i'm not using its pretty much the same thing! I just want advice and a little extra help cuz my biggest fear is relapsing
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10-14-2007, 11:45 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Moderator  Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,553
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Welcome to the forums. Have you been attending the meetings regularly? You are being impatient with yourself by thinking life is no different clean or sober. Things may be bad right now but one thing you can be certain of is that it will get 100x worse if you go back to using. Focus on taking care of your child . Go to meetings . Make your court appearances. Resist the thought of using. The urges will pass....they always do. Just hang on. Keep posting. Read recovery related material. Drink lots of fluid. |
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10-14-2007, 02:25 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Dopeless Hope Fiend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 1,674
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Sorry you have to face this addiction little sis!! It is a monster that is right there wanting to swallow you up again huh?? Well please know that you are NOT alone..I have times I feel like using just so I can get out of bed..or clean the house..."get things DONE" you know... And boy DO I get things done on dope!!! I spend every last cent my kids money...got hrough his piggy bank ...ruin my relationships...bring myself to the edge of death...end up in prison..loose my kids..Please know I never thought these things would happen to me...!! But I hit them all!! There is a whole community of folks JUST like us..its just addiction hun..its a horrible disease that you are always going to have to be aware of ...and work on...but it gets easier as time goes on.. There is nothing wrong with you at all...you are just a addict... I am here for you... Have you ever been to amy meetings??? Post back soon.. love north |
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10-14-2007, 02:40 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| InAButtonKindOfWay. Seriously?  |
Wow congratulations. I can't post much right now, but congrats. I'll post more in a few days. I have almost two years clean from meth , I know where you are coming from it's so hard but you can do it. Ironically I just was telling someone that I had a really bad week and was triggered almost worse than I have been in two years over 'just a book' about meth, and it was about a girl trying to get clean off of meth with a baby. Triggers are there and they are hard, but you can fight them. Peter & Northbelle gave you some great advice. I'll be back in a few days I think, i hope anyway. I'll pm you when i am. You can do it hang in there. We're very proud of you, you are doing a great thing!!
__________________  Hollywood RockStar outta control Need to rewind real slow Alwys Runin Time to take control Oh yeah ...  |
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10-14-2007, 03:31 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| We Do Recover  |  Quote:
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10-14-2007, 03:34 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 512
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just keep on doing the next right thing... everything will eventually fall into place. I've been clean from meth since 8/15/01. One day at a time...because that's the only way that I could think about it. I also did it "for my kids"... hang in there... Keep coming back! {{{The Little One}}}
__________________ There's no gram like the program |
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