How is my recovery going?

[Cleansing]

I tried to be brief, but I couldn't. Please take a minute to read and an extra one (or more) to reply. Thanx.

- I have not used coke or crack in two months (since August).
- (1) Three weeks ago i was able to stop drinking for three days because I had a terrible fever and that infection (I didn't want to drink/eat anything).
(2) Then i drank again, the next week I spent 4 days in Detox.
(3) I drank the very next day just to **** off everyone who pushed me into detox.
(4) but I stopped drinking the day after that, so it's been about 9 days since I drank.
- I got high on DXM pills 3 days ago and I'm tempted to do the same later on today and Sunday.

Alcohol was my "drug of Choice" though i know my favorite is the DXM High for now (nobody believes me though ). Crack is great, but it's too much involved ewith using crack. The high is good, the company and behavior is terrible.

Can you quickly rate my progress? I just want some ideas before I start a steady recovery/growth/rehab program (whatever I decide to do)

I would just like your opinion on the situation. What's best? A growth and recovery program (like outpatient rehab I guess)? NA? AA? A Rehab program? Should I go away, leave home, and do an inpatient treatment far in a different setting?

I also suffer from depression and I take anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. Does that affect the type of treatment I should look for? I feel like the reason Detox didn't work (I got kicked out a day early because I became real depressed and started an incident wit the staff workers) is because I need my freedom during treatment. I get depressed when I'm away from people I know and when I feel like I have no control of my treatment. Should I just rule our inpatient work?

[2ala2]

Hi Cleansing,
I have to thank you for your honesty.
I see no progress here, quite the opposite.
I think you need a long inpatient program (28-35 days) anywhere.
I'm not a doc. This is my op.
Do you think anyone actually enjoys detox?
Get clean from it all. Don't replace one drug with another.
Read "who is the addict" from the NA Basic Text today!

[windysan]

my opinion? detox then a 28 day stay.

[Brewster]

Kind of a side note here, inspired by 2ala2. I had become annoyed by the original NA group I attended after my inpatient detox. Happily I found a few others in the same boat. We formed our own support group, just not so much based on NA. About a month ago we welcomed a new member who has been clean for five years and very strong with the principles of NA. It has been an eye opener. He has been guiding and showing us the the power of working the steps, and that power cannot be denied. All of us are experiencing a clearer purpose and definition in our recovery. I am thankful.

[exjunky]

Originally Posted by Cleansing

- I have not used coke or crack in two months (since August).

That part is great. I am assuming you used to be a frequent user, right? Well if you can quit for 2 months you can quit forever. So thumbs-up in that regard.

Everything else you described doesn't sound so hot. It sounds more like a "retox" than a "detox". You are flip-flopping from one drug to another, getting drunk, popping DXM pills, in addition to your prescribed drugs.

So there's still a lot of work to do, but in the meantime, please don't pick up the crack pipe again. Sometimes we have to claim our victories in small increments, this is one of your achievements, so hang onto it.

[Cleansing]

skip down to the bottom line section if u in a rush. Two paragraphs down

I should clarify about the coke/crack. I didn't start using them until this year. Coke was never my thing, but crack was like heaven from the very beginning. I stopped because just two months after I started using, I noticed that I was always in danger. It can get real crazy out there. Seems like with the crack world, the suers and dealers are more vicious. My therapist, parents, and psychiatrists pleaded for me to stop. I never got that reaction from people who care about me when it came to the alcohol, weed, or pill use. So I don't consider myself a heavy user with crack, but I just mention it to show that YES (an you guys are right) I do substitute drugs all the time.

I don't even like Alcohol (well that's a lie, but follow me ...), but it became my drug of choice because it was the substance that affected my mood the least. I could function on alcohol. Too much DXM or crack (for one weekend) and I'd be having mood swings the next few days. I felt that the other stuff made it harder to deal with the depression. Even though Alcohol was a depressant, I felt like I could always sleep off the alcohol affects.



Bottom line
So once again, I wrote too much. But check this, here's my real problem now. I thank you all for your comments, but now I'm afraid. I don't know if I can do a stay away program. I have a meeting with this psychdoc who is gonna talk with me about possible treatment plans. And I also have an appointment with this "Growth and Recovery program" (outpatient) that I've been in contact with for the past 3 weeks.


So should I lie and tell these people that I haven't done nothing in over 2 weeks (since I left detox) and that I have no intention on using again? Because that's what I' feel like doing. 4 days in detox was terrible. How am I sure these inpatient programs will attend to my substance abuse problems as well as my depression? Because Detox pretty much ignored my depression.

[windysan]

I can't answer the depression question. I know that you shouldn't lie to those trying to help you. That's, um, dumb. Detox is to safely get you through the withdrawal process. Rehab will keep you away from dope for 28 days and the counselors/groups there will help you work through your problems. Most rehabs have doctors on staff or on call. I couldn't do outpatient....the dope man was too accessible. Good luck with it.

[Cleansing]

What's the word on Non-alcoholic beer? I love Oduol's (used it as a summertime drink when it was too early to drink). Yeah, even I had limits, no drinking before 10:30 AM was my thing.

Is it good tool to use? I'm thinking i can get the same effect. I said I don't like drinking, but that was not a full truth. I'm guessing if I can get that tatse while listening to music or watching sport events, then it'll be the same relaxing feeling without the alcohol actually enterring my system and messing with my brian chemistry.

I mean I NEED SOMETHING!

[ccgirl]

Cleansing, it's an all or nothing proposition for us. Bottom line.

[Cleansing]

yeah, i understand what you saying. I know , I know.

Dangers of N/A beer
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/relapse/a/aa000104a.htm

I see.

[windysan]

If your a drunk I'd say that drinking something that looks like beer, tastes like beer, might be dangerous.