i fear i'm going insane...

[despratemeasure]

This is my 2nd time back at a methadone clinic to avoid the withdrawal of opiates, knowing full well that methadone is harder to kick, I am super depressed, have never really thought about suicide, but I find myself actually making plans. I live alone right now with my dog. He is wonderful and doesn't understand why I cry all the time and am so upset. I can barely get off the couch to play with him. I was with my violent ex-husband for 18 years, we divorced. While going through the pain of my divorce, I started using pills, lots and lots of them. After a couple years, I found someone that treated me very good. We've been together 3 years, he moved in with me and we've struggled as he went to a pain management doc for legitimate reasons, I was already in at the methadone clinic at this time and it really did not bother me that he needed them. I wanted off the Methadone at this point, 1yr8mo, I tried one of the Rapid detoxes, Did NOT work for me, I was miserable for months,withdrawals and very depressed and could not shake it. I started using again after trying very hard to get through it, but one day I took just a couple pills and started my cycle all over again. I've been back at the clinic for 5 months now, and am even more depressed with an anxiety level through the roof. I just can't get over this feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. I can't even take care of myself or my dog, I drove my family and everyone away, what the hell is wrong with me? I feel more depressed going back to that clinic, but am scared to death of going through the withdrawal. Will it be so bad after 5 months of methadone, 6 months of pills, about 2 months clean after leaving methadone clinic trying the rapid detox and a year and 8 months on methadone before that????

[windysan]

Suicide is a really crappy option. You might want to try calling 2-1-1 and talk to a counselor.

[anvilhead]

i would strongly urge you to seek some type of medical/professional help.......

[rafe]

I know and feel your pain. suicide is not the answer please. I know ur scared and filled with fear,ive been there myself alot lately.But you have gotten clean before and it may not be as bad as last time but you want know unless you try. And if it is we'll cross that bridge then. But for now get up go to the phone and call 911 and tell them that you have a drug problem and are having suicidail thoughts and that you want help.They will get you help. Feel free to email me anytime Rcupit1@cox.net dont give up,get up.

[ccgirl]

Please don't try suicide. I did, and if I had succeeded I would have devastated my family; you would too.

It sounds like, along with your addiction issues is depression. Whether one is causing the other I certainly don't know, but if you don't feel safe, please go to the emergency room. They have mental health counsellors on call there.

[Jerzy007]

Suboxone is a safer alternative than Methadone. Im praying that you get through this.

[northbelle]

No detox is as bad as the hell that we find in active addiction.....Please post again hun and let us know how you are ,ok???
People here care and want to help so come back !!!
love north