life after methadone continues some more....

[Lady_Blue]

66 HOURS clean for the Lady....Whoppee. The LONGEST I've EVER made it. Not too dopesick to function...not bawling, in bed either. Prtty much takin' care of ME. I like it.
I've tried this a million times, and a million tims I've failed. I've read the Big Book in it's entirety. 24 hrs at a time will be my next. I'm working on daily reflections now. I'm finally doing what YOU all that have what I want have told me. Thanks for REPEATING over & over until I got it. I REALLY thought I was gonna have to go to reehab. Meetings are getting me where I want to be.....and you were right about them too. There are ppl there JUST LIKE ME. People I never would've dreamed of. Their kindness is amazing. I have a possible sponsor coming over to meet w/ me today....even tho I'm only on step 1. I'm doing this...all or NOTHING. Thanks. I love you & owe you MY LIFE. God bless this thread, and you L...

Always, LadyBlue

[Arura]

Evenin Folks .....xXx...

Thanks ''ya'll'' lol..
..for your well wishes ....Its the LONGEST IVE EVER BEEN CLEAN ..!

I Logged on this mornin then sat down n fell back to sleep ...?
Sleep is still an issue this far down the road for me ...!

Its Great to see so many of you hear ....

Ive sorted it out for tomorrow ..I picked a keyring up last night ....as my sponser was there and few that have REALLY ...helped me drag my sorry ass to meetins and keep up commitments ....and the chair was a good friend ...!

SO....I can go for the dinner tomorrow ..All that shoutin at a freind and feelin Left out and alone ....was for nothing ...!

Gotta stop Projecting the future .....DUH...!!!!
As i dont know whats gonna happen in the next hr let alone in a few days ...!!!!!!

I Hope your all havein a great day ...

and I'll catch you lot in the Mornin ....!

WTG ..((((((Joy)))))) ata Girl ....Keep it movein .....!!!!
Big Hugs to you ((((Belle))))
((((Becky)))) you've been there for me right from the start thanks ,...HON..!
(((((L)))))) Much Love and Many thanks .....xXx...!

Thanks ((Woops)) ...xXx...!

Gonna Get grateful ...and Lurk around for abit ...!

Many Thanks to you Lot this Thread and the people hear Aslo helped save my life ..!

If i can do it ANYONE CAN.!!!!!

Cya in My Mornin ...xXx..!

[Arura]

9mths today for me .... 4

A BIG THANKS TO THE MANY.......

Feel good about it tooo ....yes thats GOOD ..!

Ive gotta get ready for a day up town ...and a posh dinner thing ....!
with my friends family ....!
so i will get that dinner ....lol....Miss Moody over here ...!

Crikey i HATE going into the centre of town aswell its so busy ...!

But im gonna be brave and not swear at anyone who pushes me .....
I Hope ...!!!!!!!!

Wishing you ALL ....a Great day from over the pond ....xXx....!

[Lbad]

(((Arura)) Happy 9 months... Wow! What an amazing accomplishment. I knew you could do it and I am so deeply pleased and happy for you that you have....
I am also glad you got it all worked out for getting your keyring..

((joy)) hang on it is going to be a fantastic ride.........

I am still sick I feel worse today then I did yesterday..... Now I am coughing..

Last night I was sitting outside at the coffee shop and a high speed chase went by!! I was grateful I was not involved but it was exciting to see the bad guy drive by....

All my chores are already done. I did them yesterday. All I get to do today is whatever I want. Thank goodness the things I want to do are good things today....

The girls are off busy with father person for the day....
I made coffee and forgot to put the coffee in. lol
I am OK... trudging until this damn sickness goes away.........

Love you all bunches and I will check in later..

ttfn
gtg
Bad

[Lady_Blue]

Waytogo....Arura! I'm SO HAPPY for you. You're an amazing miracle.
LBAD...maybe you need some Robitussin? I can't take antihistamines either. I'm hypersensensitive to em'....they make me SHAKE, and feel all paranoid. Not a GOOD feeling. I'd rather be "snotty". lol

I am transforming, and it's the most wonderful feeling I've had in YEARS. I can't explain it, but I now know what you all said when you told me "I REALLY GOTTA WANT IT." I'm not fighting my recovery now. I'm going with it. Damn..what a difference this time. I'm KNOW my addiction was physical...for sure. I think the ONLY difference this time is I'm not doing it alone, or just on he internet (even tho you all helped me get there!)...but the mental part of the addiction...I'm working & not isolating. That's what got me back to using EVERYTIME. I went to a meeting last night that's not my favorite...but it was a good one last nite. I'm told that's when I really NEED to go...when I don't want to. I'm commiting to this FULL steam ahead. I got my very own copy of 12 steps & 12 traditions AND 24 hours a day last nite. Also, a recovering addict/alc. shared her copy of NA Big Book w/ me to read, as I've already read the AA big book. Last Wed., at the AA meeting, a lady w/ 20 yrs sober from booze told US addicts/(alc) that WE cannot get what THEY have (FROM AA) IF we are addicts. I listened...didn't argue. I disagree. The only meetings I've been to so far are AA, and EVERYTHING I hear fits me to a t......I remembered what L said...take what we want & leave the rest...I left that there. I will never be able to repay you L or A. I seen a sign somewhere awhile ago that saiud "Only when you give something to someone that they can never repay you for have you truly given from the heart".
I "get it"...NOW. That's what you've BOTH done for me. Thank you seems so little to say....
Big hugs comin' all the way to everyone here. I truly love you. Thanx AGAIN.... Always #. (That's my new name, short for LB..ladyblue)

[northbelle]

(((((LADYBLUE)))))) ..isn't it so cool..the way it works..
Recovery is a gift..
you can't GET it...it has to be given to you..
love nroth

[emmer]

I like how you put that North.

[Lbad]

((joy)) I am glad you didn't take that ladies opinion to heart. My opinion is that you are experiencing the "magic" that happens... Enjoy it and you can always tell people who say annoying or hurtful things, "Thanks for sharing that. I am open to the possibility that you COULD be right." lol Someday you might actually mean it but in the meantime it usually quiets them down...

[Arura]

Mornin Folks .....xXx....!

Thanks (((((L)))) for ALWAYS being here ,......
Im just full of Thank you's this mornin ....LOL.....!!!!!!!!

Just could'nt have got this far ....without comein here .....and keepin at it ..!

I really thought i'd be a drug addict ALL MY LIFE ...!
Nothing more ....But **** on the street beggin up my next bag ...!
But today i Have a Home a puter ....and my bills are paid ....!
Thats a bIG WOW...!

Still abit blown away really ....to be honest ...!
Its been tough ...!

Like i said if someone like me can do it anyone can ...!
I could tick most boxes ..when it comes to what drugs were your doc ..
..They all were ....????????.....!!!!!!!
and some Ive not seen disscused yet ...!

Like Ketamine ..I was big into that ....!


Crikey im amazed Im still alive ....!!!!!!!!!

Anyway .,....Not much sleep last night ....!
still not there with that one ..!

So im gonna chill for abit ....!
Then get grateful to have made it this far .....!

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL......

From over the Pond .....

[Lady_Blue]

Thanks everyone. L, you are a wondeful "coach" to me...helping me daily, more than you'll ever know. My son & a friend from a group, her 3 tr old daughter & I are ALL doing lunch today. How COOL is that? AWESOME!

Have a GREAT day!

Happy, Happy 9 months & 1 Day Arura! Love you! J

[Lbad]

Morning..........

((joy)) Have a nice lunch.
((arura)) Ketamine is scary .......We use it at the shelter on the animals....
Glad you made it back.......

I am just hanging out today. It is Columbus Day.... No work...
I am still sick.
Now I have an eye infection...
Hope everyone has a good day..

ttfn
gtg
Bad

[northbelle]

Hello all!!
Well I am still connected...things are alright up here with me...Really going through some stuff though,,without getting loaded life is a TRIP. I wonder how I ever made it being loaded now...Several times this weekend I felt compelled to drink....my son got into some trouble ..pretty BIG trouble too...and I have to seek out some help for him...counseling..which makes total sense ya know...I can see this boy heading straight for nothing but trouble...He is the product of two raging drug addicts ..I think we both need some couseling...!!
My sponsor came over and sat with me for a long time last night..I have so much respect for her. And it was nice to have support..my son took off and I did not know where he was for a long time,,,Jeanneatte came over(sponsor) and another friend from the program came over ...he went out with his son and looked for my kid..and I had online support right here at my finger tips...
It took me a few minutes yesterday to reach out when I needed it..To really need help and then calling and askng for it!!!
My little 13 step deal did not work out so great...he is already back out there drinking!!! God lord..it was fun though but I feel like maybe I hurt this persons sobriety ...all I can say is "Better him than me"
Winter is here with a vengance..
Things are so DIFFERENT clean and sober...I DO like it better but it is really a mind blowing experience..I am still in awe that I made it out of it alive...
Arura is that you on your avatar hunny???? I alwasy wonder that..Ketamine..never tried it but I imagine I am sure I would of enjoyed it...I like that PARALYSED feel and I know that is what it does!!! Jesus..the things we do to to escape!!!!!!

You guys I am so blessed ...I have so many folks who are there for me that I only know from the program...it is amazing what people do for each other...Having someone sit with me while I am totally insane and sober is a experience you know???

Thank god for other people helping me ....I hope I can be there for others too someday..I try to be as much as I can
love north

[Lady_Blue]

Good eveenig friends! For the very 1st time in my ENTIRE life, I'm putting my sobriety FIRST & FOREMOST, before anything,everything, and EVERYONE. As addicts, I understand that we are self centered. I never got that before, but I'm getting it now like crazy. Magic, as L put it. Life goes on...yeah. The laundry's piling up, (no big deal) but for some reason, I don't care...not like i did a month ago. I NOW know that IF I don't put my sobriety 1st...& foremost, I'm going to fail...blow it all again...just like I did a million times before. The mind is a powerful thing, As is the disease of addiction. Cunning, baffling, powerful. Thanks to the help of all of the wonderful kind people that you all "warned" me about...(lol)...my OWN fears....I'm doing with them/you all that I could have NEVER done on my own. I'm gonna do some more reading. I'm so...spiritually hungry. I need this....like a dog on a hot day NEEDS water....I need this to keep doing what feels to be the best thing...the most "right" thing that I've done in YEARS. The fam's not neglected...not at all. I've been completely honest with them, and they seem like they couldn't be happier. They all say they're so proud of me!...happy for me.... I'm just giving ME the time that I NEED to get my act together....and hopefully change it from an act...to a way of life. I can't BELLIEVE this is ME saying these things. My God, it's been a long time coming, and to be quite honest, I was so hopeless I never thought "this TIME would come...but it has....it's here NOW THANK goodness. Tomorrow, Oct 9th; is my belly button Bday. I'll be CLEAN & SOBER! Awesome! Just wanted to share...exactly what I feel. I LOVE it! I love you all too. Peace! Always, # (aka LB=LadyBue)

[WA_NA_Survivor]

Well done Arura! Nine months is major progress in recovery , my weekend was packed so I haven't been on SR recently to check on y'all's posts.
You will see life fill up and be enriched greatly as you go on recovery and you've got much Experience Strength & Hope to share with others in your fellowship.

I had a great night out with others in our local NA fellowship after the Area Service meeting on Saturday.

Take care now, y'all!

[Arura]

Mornin Folks .....xXx......

Thanks ((Survivour)) ....Im just waitin for the Enriched life bit ..to be honest ....!
It comes slowly for me i think ....Even when i put action behind my words ...!
Life changes slowly ....
Not like the DAMN WEATHER ...!!!!!!!!

(((Joy))) your sounndin GREAT....your really holdin on to it now ...Dont let go of that tigers tail ...as it bites Back ....!
Im so glad your puttin Recovery before the washin ....and life's ..genrel things ...It has to be done ....!
The washin gets done eventually ....

(((Belle))) Im so Glad your still on line ....I Know when mine went down ....I was abit lost ..not being able to come here ...!
Its a good idea for you and your boy to go for counsleing ....and some form of threapy ..as it will help you see where hes at and how hes thinkin ....Me n My boy used to go ....!
and Boy was he more messed up than i had thought ..they are Smarter than we think ....they take it all in ....!
and need to let it out some how ...and behavuior like that is an easy one for him to get your Attention ...Ya know ...!
Any attention ..is good even if its bad ....when they are so young ...Do you understand ....what im sayin ..?
They just want you to notice them ...Even if your Breakin your back to meet there needs ....as addicts ....we tend to put things 2nd ....!
He'll come round ..

..My son ....is a pain in the Butt to my mum ...!
Typical teenager ....But he wount do counseling he thinks its Just stupid ...But he needs it ...!
and hes Had lots of it forced on him already .....He just rebels now ...But he is 16 ..LOL...!!!!!

(((L))) I do hope your Startin to feel better soon ....its been awhile now ..that you have been under the weather .....
Yep ((L)) thats the stuff ...It does come in human form aswell But i never really botherd if it was for humans or animals ...It still does the same thing ...!

Well Im o.k ....Just gettin on with it .....It chuckin it down ....so rain will stop play today for sure .....Ive got to go shoppin and it dont look like its gonna stop ...!
The Nurse says that im aniemic at the mo ....and need more Iron in my diet ...lol..!
So ive gotta start eatin proplerly ....still something I struggle with ...!
Sleep n food ....!

Wishing you ALL....a Great day ....!
From a wet n Windy London ....xXx.......

[Lady_Blue]

Hi friends. I'm celebrating my 1st belly button Bday today CLEAN & SOBER for many, many years. A gal close to my age, and another gal that I''ve "bonded" with are all going to a "new" out of town meeting tonight....one goes there regularly & invited the both of us to ride along. I'm excited. I just double checked what timewe're leaving, and the fam's takin' me out to eat BEFORE then so I can still go. i told them how important it is FOR ME. My hubby took the day off, just to "be w/ me" today. He has a load of laundry in the wash...and I didn't even ASK him to do it. Guess he took inventory on his current 'status" of clean clothes...lol. My son's still out of school on his 10 day suspension....so he's here too. Wish our daughter was here, but she HAD to work. That's ok tho....I'm so happy this family has come so much together JUST FOR ME...finally. It took complete HONESTY on my part to get where we are now. Funny, all the bawling, bitchin', etc. PRIOR to meetings got me nowhere. In such a short length of time, miracles are all around me. Truly the most amazing thing I've ever encountered.
L...hope you get to feeling better soon, rather than WORSE! Enough already. Take it easy tho hon. You're only human. No wonderwoman crap anytime til u feel better, K?

Arura, I'm SO happy for you. You are a beautiful person. You help all of us, and the honesty & sharing on your part is amazing. Thank you. We ALL love you so much!

Thanks so much AGAIN LBAD, for giving us RECOVERING JUNKIES a SAFE PLACE. May God bless you & keep you. (All of you!)

Always, #

[Arura]

Mornin ...xXx.....

((((Joy))) Its your Birthday .....?

..................... .......!

Im so glad your gettin into the recovery side of life now (((Joy)) ..it becomes a way of life after abit ....!
and makes it easier...!!!!

For me ...Id been tryin so long to get n stay clean .
I could get clean But STAYIN clean ...was/is the Hard bit ..for me ..!
...Id just had enough to be honest .!
All the Hassle and i was gettin worse n worse ....Progerssion alright I it would be hard to get much lower than were i was headin ...and doin ...!

Yep id had enough ....!
Desperate ...!

It does seem to get better tho ...xXx...!

(((((L))))) I Hope your feelin abit better .....and not workin too hard ...!
Take it easy on yourself ....

((((Squirty))))) were are you .......?????

Hugs to ya ((((((Belle)))))......xXx....!

Anyway ..its Still RAININ ...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much Love from over the Pond ...xXx...!

[Lady_Blue]

Mornin' Friends. Stayed clean all day yesterday...by surrounding myself w/ winners.

Just checkin' in. I'm up extra warly. I'm gonna soak a long, got bath....relax. So the whole "facial" thing to myself this am. I DESERVE it.

Then some more reading...big hugs... Always, Lb

[Lbad]

Morning..

Yesterday the site was down all morning and I couldn't post!!

((north)) I am glad you are still with us sweets...
((joy)) Happy Birthday
((arura)) How is squirty?? Have you talked to her? If you do tell her hello form us...
((squirty))

It is raining this morning and I am up early for work.
I am feeling much better. Not 100% yet but definitely on the road there I believe..
Thank goodness as I was tired of being a big baby..

Everyone sounds like they are doing amazing... Don't stop whatever your doing...
People who relapse always say, "I stopped________ (fill in the blank)...... Just don't stop and all should be well...

Well, I am dashing off now. I will see you gals soon. I love you all.

ttfn
gtg
Bad

[Arura]

Mornin ..xXx.....

(((L))) since ((Squirty)) had here phone nicked ive not spoken to her ...!!!
I really hope she is alright ....!
and checks in here soon ....!

Well its the Dreaded THURSDAY.....!!!!
and its cold outside now ...!

So lots of layers ....!
I really dont want to do it but im gonna have to push myself outta the door ..today .!

My head is already tryin to come up with some excuse not to go out ...lol..!

But i'll do it ...!

Have a Good day Folks ....xXx...!
Hugs from over here .....

[Lbad]

Morning... lol

((arura))You will feel better once you get out and about...It is Therapy Thursday not "dreaded Thursday" lol love u...

((north)) Happy 30 days today!!!
((joy)) How are you????
((squirty))

I am feeling better..
People are already calling me and I have two new foster babies who are yelping and the dog is racing around and the kids are getting ready for school and and and lol...

oh what a joyous life....
who would have ever thought.... lol

love you all bunches and I will see you soon..

[northbelle]

I did it...30 days...think I will just scrap the methadone program...quit toying with the idea that I can get "high" every day...and that my life can somehow be pain free...NO GROWTH without pain right???
NOT saying methadone isn't a useful program..not at all...I am sure it could of helped me throught the roughest days of my life but the program here just does not WORK that way...I am going to check and see what I can do to help advocate for treatment services up here....I am tired of people DYING waiting to get help and I have personally known 3 addicts in 4 months who DIED of OD while on the methadone list,,,,,,
SO I am no longer SICK...what a MIRACLE..my stomach is cool..I can eat...I can walk..I can shower without it HURTING...I am not CONSUMED BY THE OBSESSION TO USE!!!! I am not sitting here looking at my son wishing he would just go away...and thinking I need to call the authorities to come get him because I am soooo sick and KNOW, even in my doped up state,he should not be in the same house with people cooking up dope and hitting the floor after too big a hit. I am not worried about the cops kicking in my door...or spending the toilet paper money on a hit...
It has to be really SIMPLE for me today...Every day I need to be OK with the fact that BEING CLEAN...and working a program is ENOUGH..
IT HAS to be...because by doing that ALL things will be added to my life..

Sobriety ALWAYS proceeds the gain of lifes other gifts..
I am so grateful that you are going to meetings LADY BLUE..
that awful pain that I can so relate to is gone from your posts!!! And LBAD and ARURA...you guys are the proof I have needed to keep me going..
Believe me if things did NOT GET BETTER through doing the steps I would not do em"!!
I am still a addict and I gotta have that payoff!!!
Thank you Arura for sharing about your kid stuff...you just don't know how it helps me....Your gut wrenching honesty...pain and guilt only a momma knows when she is a addict...I hope my daughter Fawn someday will come around again and let me be her mom....but if she never does I will undersand and that is OK..
I got my Chance !!! And we just started seeing a therapist !!! He seems glad to be getting HELP...I mean I have been surrounded by support and that little boy has had NONE!!! I can't even imagine what its like to have to be along on that crazy ride!!!!
He is doing alot better...because today I am HERE for him!!!
He is smiling again..
So am I...
love north

[Lady_Blue]

Thanks North...I don't know how to "Thank you for this usefl post." I'm hangin' on to my clean time for dear life....my bro had t go to E.R. for terrible tooth ache/gum inf. lasat nite. No $$ for a dentist, plus NONE here will accept the medical card...unless it's for a child under the age of 40! We have to go to another STATE to get dental service for him. Sux. They gave him PenVeeK & 20 Vicodans. I got him to the pharmacy at 8 last nite....he gave me 5 Vicodans...OFF LIMITS TO ME! I told him I'd hold on to em' for him as I KNOW he'll eat the other 15 in 1 or 2 sittings. I bought him some motrin.....I'm copin tho.

i'm doing somew more reading. I can't STOP...lol. Love you all.

LadyBlue

[Lbad]

Good Morning...

((north)) Don't stop no matter what.

." I'm hangin' on to my clean time for dear life...."
((joy)) IMHO you are in no position to be "holding" on to someones vicodin. Talk to your sponsor about that one. No excuses really... please. When you have under 30 days it is not suggested that you hold one of your drugs of choice to be of "help" to someone else.. Even your brother. Please please please talk to your sponsor... get rid of the vicodin...

((arura)) How was therapy sweets??? Today is Friday and it is the weekend... Are you doing anything fun?? How are you feeling??


phew. I am feeling a little disheartened and at a loss with patience. I am like, "hello!!!" Can people not see the traps that I can so clearly see...??? I need to remember that the disease is cunning, baffling and powerful... It is sneaky. It will convince you that you are helping someone when you are holding on to your drug of choice to "help" someone you love while you feel like your clean time is hanging from a thread!!!
God help us.. Please people.... share your "ideas" and "feeling" we want to hear them... We need to hear them..
It could save your life. There is magic in sharing.
Some of that magic is someone who's perceptions have cleared a bit saying, "Are you crazy!!" lol

I love you all and I want you to be happy...

ttfn
gtg
Bad

[Arura]

Afternoon .....

The smiles have moved ....lol..!!!!!!!

Change is GOOD ..!

Thanks ((((Belle)))) I Never find it easy to talk about the kids ...it just hurts too much.!
But im So glad you understand .....!

(((Joy))) ((L)) is RIGHT ...Lose the pills ..Hon ..too much temptation for you ..!

Well im still ISOLATING ....!!!!!
Not nice really ..and i see the dangers in it ....!

Its becomein COMFORTABLE ....to be alone ....and away from the stress of life ..!
I dont like it ...But i feel safe ...?????

Ive spoke to lots of people about it and they say they went thro a similer stage in there recovery .....????...!!!!
But it dont seem to help ..much ..!

I stay clean ....Just dont engage anymore ..and its gettin worse ....My head is so good at convincein me other wise ..that im SAFER ..in my own company ....when i need contact ...!
Still gettin to meetins .....But thats about it ...at the mo ...!

I skived off yesterday ..from threapy ..i just could'nt do it ..!
Fed up ..!

But im off to a meetin in abit ....its not my turn this week so i can sit back n be part of the meetin tonight ....
and listen ...and share ..with my friends ...!

I Just really hope its a Phase im going tho ....to be honest ..!

Hopein your ALL have in a Good day ......:ghug
From over the pond ....xXx...!