time for an update

[THE KING]

I spoke to my dad today for the first time in months and found out that he is still clean, got to be going on 3 years now this is a GOOD thing what is NOT a good thing is what he told me next while he is NOT doing anything illegal yet (he used to be a dealer as well as an addict) he seems to be missing the money he was making as a dealer and I think he's thinking of dealing again, I'm scared, scared that if he does that he will eventually relapse and I'm not sure I could handle ANOTHER relapse, the last one was REALLY REALLY hard on me and if it happened again I dont even wanna think about how I'd react espically sense I myself am doing so well in college, working harder then I've EVER worked before, this is the best I have ever done in school.

my dad also says he wants to come up here for christmas for maybe a week this scares me even more, because while I love my dad and REALLY want to see him again where I am now in fortmcmuarry IS the drug capital of Canada there is more **** here then I can keep track of I mean we have EVERYTHING here and it's EVERYWHERE

I am a little scared about what lies ahead I've been through it some many times I cant deal with the relapse crap again my dad always told me I was strong enough to deal with ANYTHING but he's wrong if he relapses I.... I just dont know what I'll do.

for the love of god somebody HELP

[northbelle]

hey King...it's ok. your dad obviously has some higher power that is watching out for him!!! Pray about it and try to let go with love..the answers will come for you if you get out of the way..sometimes things work out way better than we could of managed when we let life happen and take care of ourselves...
I don't have any magic answer on what you should do...you sound scared...tell your dad you would rather he keep his illegal plans to himself...set some boudaries..You CAN do that!! It healthy to do it and I know you can and will feel better when you do//
Just want you to know I hear ya!!
love north

[THE KING]

Originally Posted by northbelle

hey King...it's ok. your dad obviously has some higher power that is watching out for him!!! Pray about it and try to let go with love..the answers will come for you if you get out of the way..sometimes things work out way better than we could of managed when we let life happen and take care of ourselves...
I don't have any magic answer on what you should do...you sound scared...tell your dad you would rather he keep his illegal plans to himself...set some boudaries..You CAN do that!! It healthy to do it and I know you can and will feel better when you do//
Just want you to know I hear ya!!
love north

but if I tell him to keep his illegal thoughts to himself then I wont know how he's doing, one thing I do want is honesty cause if he ever told me he was clean and then I found out he wasnt, I can safely say all hell would break loose and I dont want that, I am NOT that type of person.