Help Please

[hmedme]

I drank very heavily until 1999, then gave it up. I was sober until January 2006. I started messing around with oxycontin and oxycodone. Gave them up because the withdrawal was so bad. Started drinking really heavily again. Checked into an IOP program and graduated two different programs. 4 months sober.... Then discoved some pain killers in the house, Darvocet, valium, and ritalin. Can't seem to shake it this time. Haven't been to a meeting in a month. Discovered this site due to inability to sleep. Hope to find some help here.... I can't loose everything i have.

Thanks.

[albertawind]

Well you came to the right place if you want some opinions. Help is something you have to do for yourself.

You are definitely going in the right direction, but I think you really need to attend some meetings and see a counsellor.

Come back here often and read, read, read as much as you can! The "Sticky" notes are especially useful.

I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing from you again.

Graeme

[Hope]

Glad you're here.

You will find tons of support and information here. You got sober before so you can do it again. You don't have to do it alone.

Keep posting and reading posts. You are among great people here who care!

[hmedme]

Thanks for the encouragement. I have been seeing a psychologist for about 8 years. The Dr. helped me with my antidepressants, but that's about it. I have learned that meetings and places like this forum contain people that can understand addiction. I believe an alcohol/drug councilor should be a former user, to fully understand what we are going through. I have discovered my triggers, but don't recognize them in time. Once I start using, i continue until something catastrophic happens. My marriage is suffering, and my kids don't deserve this. So far i have been able to hide this episode from my wife and kids, but it is only a matter of time before I screw up big-time.

[Viki]

I'm a clinical psychologist and i am an addict in recovery. I hope that my current attemp at sobriety will be the one that sticks. Seems as though I have made a career out of quitting drugs. I'm sure that I am not alone. I can be sure that if you continue that your wife will find out. You really don't want that or you wouldn't be hiding.. What are a few of your triggers?

[hmedme]

My triggers seem to vary, not always consistent. For example, this one is my favorite, things can be going fantastic at work and i feel the need to, i guess, "celebrate". Another is stress at home. I have two young children, and my wife is disabled. What led to my first relapse in 7 or 8 years was the combination of a dead-end crap job, stress at home, financial problems, and general depression. I switched jobs to what i call my "dream job". I thought everything would be great. However, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease, and after 2-3 months of joint pain, i realized that alcohol helped with the pain. I pretty much began drinking every night. My Doc recommended 120mg of Cymbalta for 1. depression & 2. joint pain. Guess what, it worked! I was feeding much better, but remained in a alcoholic rut. My wife has a zero tolerance policy for any kind of alcohol in the house, her father is a recovering alcoholic (+just under ~ 30 years clean). I get a lot of support from him. So having said all that, i describe myself as having a "switch" in my head. I will be fine, and all of a sudden I get the idea of a drink or a pill or anything to alter my mood. I do not plan this, it just happens. I spend quite a bit of time trying to figure it out in IOP care. I learned a lot about myself, and some possible triggers, but a large part of my disease is a mystery to me. In fact, i don't really even enjoy drinking. The euphoric effect that was present 8 years ago does not seem to exist, no matter how much I drink. I blame the Cymbalta or any other SSRI for this???

Hope this isn't too long and boring!

Thanks for your time.

[2ala2]

Hello hmedme,
I have to ask; why isn't there a 12 step program in your life? It is very very difficult to remain sober and happy without one IMO.
Go to an AA meeting. Put the program in your life.
The rewards are great and you will find answers to all your questions from people exactly like you.

[hmedme]

Until about 4 months ago I had never been to an AA meeting. I found one that I really like, but it conflicted with my work schedule. Now my schedule has changed and I can go back. I like the open discussion meetings. I like to learn from others experiences. The 12 step program is definitely worth a try. At this point I wish my insurance covered the IOP program. I miss it. Great conversation and I learned a lot, although not enough, about myself.

Thanks for the comment...

[hopefully tryin]

Hello,
I really wish you the best and hope and pray that you CAN and WILL over come this!!! I just had to say that your little doggie is SOOOOO adorable. I am a softie for little ankle biters LOL
I wish you the best and please be careful with the benzos because those are a b*tch to get off of.
Best Wishes and prayers to you

[ccgirl]

I have two comments. First off, my psychiatrist is not recovering addict, and when I finally 'fessed up, not only was he supportive, he helped me get into an inpatient program for duel diagnoses(mental illness and addiction) All his suggestions and opinions were right in line with my IOP facilitators. In fact, I even asked them if they thought a mental health doctor could be helpful without the personal background of addiction. (Ihad the same mindset you do) They said absolutely, as long as they were good and cared.

My second comment is about 12 step meetings and I'm not being unkind, but it was said to me in the beginning when I resisted them and my IOP facilitator was the person who said it when, toward the end of the program they asked if I had made an attempt to go to meetings and I didn't have time. Thier reply "Did you have enough time to find you doc and get high? If you did, then you have enough time to find a one hour meeting."

I didn't listen and relapsed twice. The third time, I listened. I go to at least 4 meetings a week and it's made all the difference in the world. Try it again. It works.

[TONYTEXAS]

Welcome this is a great place. Definetly attend some meetings though. Those you attend regularly STAY clean!

[hmedme]

9 am meeting yesterday, feeling pretty good today. better anyway. 12 pm meeting tomorrow...

so far so good.