lotustea

I have been off crack for 7 months now. I have been doing this on my own and wondered if anybody has any feedback on what you feel like after this amount of time clean. I am still mentally a bit slow as well as being fatigued- my energy is not back completeley. Does it come back? At this stage in the game I guess I am trying to find my daily rhythm again as far as work, eating, trying to get enthused to do stuff I like. Also I got really sick these past weeks and - sorry to gross anybody out- but it seemed like alot of dark congestion like I had when I was smoking was still there.

Sugah

There are mental faculties I've never recovered, lotustea. Oh, I'm much, much better than I was during the seven straight years I used coke & crack, and I sure wouldn't want to go back there again, but I have come to accept a short-term memory deficiency as the price I paid for living in that life. I deal with it. I make lots of lists. I try not to be too hard on myself about it.

I recall calling my sponsor at almost a year clean and crying about my ability to function mentally and physically. She chuckled a little and asked me how long it took to get myself into that condition. She was right -- I needed some patience. I couldn't see the little improvements until I got some time under my belt and was able to look back and see how far I'd come. I couldn't read & comprehend when I first got clean, and I'm now, at nearly five years clean, beginning my senior year of undergrad studies, preparing for graduate work.

As far as the physical side of it, the fatigue and illness, take a look at recovery stages after folks quit smoking cigarettes, then consider that crack damages a whole lot more than tobacco. For me, I had other physical things going aside from addiction, and it was difficult. I still have down days where I don't have the energy to do much, but I still manage to accomplish a lot. How? The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other, doing things that I may not think I have the energy to do (or want to do), and letting the motion feed on itself. I had to build new habits, and it all revolved around putting one foot in front of the other. Sounds simplistic, but in that way, I've continued to break through ability barriers over and over. Many of my limitations were self-imposed, though some did have physical and mental elements. With the latter (as well as the former, now that I think about it), just like an athlete training for a marathon, I had to start out slowly and build up.

I can't tell you how long it will take you to get as good as you're going to get, but I can tell you that using is a sure way to lose ground. Don't use, do what you can for your physical and mental health, break a few barriers, and when you get further down the road, look back and see if you haven't come farther than you think you have. I bet you'll see progress.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

lotustea

THanks Sugah. Ive got a few barrriers just waiting to be broken -- thanks for the encouragement and the one foot in front of the other advice. I will look up the quitting smoking symptoms too.
lotus

lotustea

Thanks for the response. I like that part about the bird feeder and being "easily entertained" its true -- one of the gifts of all this really. Today has been one of those great realization days about taking it slow and to loosley quote a fave poem by EE Cummings " may I pay attention to little birds who are the secret of living for whatever they sing is better than to know and if men should not hear them men are old"
Lotus