Help with Pain Pills

[arpilot]

I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in 18 months which is in itself a miracle! I Absolutely love AA and attend 5-6 meetings /week. I'm very active in my home group. I pray and mediate daily. I was in a horrific car accident almost two years ago in which I was given Vicodin. Initally I took them as prescribed for pain and I got past that dangerous hurdle. Last fall I had to go through reconstructive surgery and yet again was placed on Vicodin. I initally got off the meds and took them as directed after the surgery. However this past spring and summer I have struggled with the cravings for Vicadin. About every three months I "fall off the wagon" and go to ER's with bogus excuses to get scripts and wind up abusing them for several days then suffer the hideous withdrawls for another several days before getting back on my feet. Like I said I have a great sponsor whom I talk to every day. I pray twice a day, meditate and have begun working with others as I have two sponsees. I'm just coming off another Vicadin binge and am puzzled, as prior to getting the meds, I contacted my sponsor, hit a meeting and prayed my ass off not to go and get a script. But I gave into the cravings and went all last week doctor shopping befor coming to my senses on Thursday (August 19). I'm very scared that this will continue. I feel like I"m doing everything possible to avoid this and yet it keeps happening. Is there any words of advice? I feel very hopeless about being able to stay clean, and I sincerely don't want this in my life, as I absolutley love recovery! Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

David

[kittykat01]

You know David, there is obviously something that is driving you to self-medicate. Look deep into your heart, and you will find what it is. There really isn't anything we can tell you to do, that you aren't already doing. Meetings,sponsor, etc. But there is something that you aren't dealing with. Being an addict/alcoholic, for many years, I had to really look deep into why I was continuing to drink/use. I had many slips until finally, I got sober. It was only after I had completely forgiven myself and my pedifile father, and accept my childhood, could I really get sober. It takes, as you know, complete surrender. I know I cannot take anything, even with my physical condition as it is and needing pain medicine, I still just suffer through it. I pray about it constantly. I have severe neuropathy, and it will never go away, only get worse. I tell you this because I know how physical pain can be unbearable, but the physiological pain of using/drinking is so much worse. I am a miracle, and so are you. If you, like we all do, crave the vicodin, then you must figure out what is driving you to it. Only with surrender and humility will you stay sober...I will pray for you David...you are being a good example to others, stay strong, and find other ways to alleaviate the pain....with much sober love to you, and peace....Sarah

[ccgirl]

Maybe you should see a therapist to find out what is making you continue to do this. As Kitty said, you seem to be doing all the right things, so there must be some underlying reason for you to continue.

[Doug]

Are you; have you been, completely honest with your sponser about all this, including the most recent use?

Maybe you're simply choosing to use....

[Sugah]

David, in the long line of substances, I was alcoholic before I ever touched a drug. I make no distinction between "alcoholism" and "drug addiction" -- not in the obsessive/compulsive way we define them and their underlying causes. My "booze" took many forms over the years, and it made little difference if the little brown bottles came from the liquor store or the pharmacy.

My honest opinion? You're trying to make a distinction between the two. You're having binges on the Vicodan & still telling yourself you've been "sober" for eighteen months. Maybe there was a difference when you first took the Vicodan for pain, but once you started to abuse, there was no difference between it and alcohol. It's just easier for you to tell yourself there is.

You can use this same program you're using for your alcoholism to solve the problem with the Vicodan. Just remember the principle of "rigorous honesty."

Peace & Love,
Sugah

P.S. If your sponsor has no experience with prescription pain medication, it might be helpful to talk with someone who does.

[Jane63]

David...agreeing with what everyone else replied and adding that maybe you need to find another sponsor, come clean to your DR about prescibing you pain meds, and change your lifestyle more?

Not to scare you, but if you are DR shopping and using multiple pharmacies, you will get caught eventually...so why take the chance?

It is possible to stay off the stuff...maybe you just need to find the right combination of tools that will work for you!
Best wishes,
Jane

[squirty]

Please please please get out while you still can x

[NoelleR]

Before I get to my main point (which will be very brief), let me just 'stir the pot' so to speak......... lol

Unlike many here (since this is the Substance Abuse forum, and not the Alcoholism forum), I do see a difference/distinction between alcohol (and being sober) and all other drugs (and being clean).....

Technically AA is specifically about alcohol, and abstinence from it, thus the name Alcoholics Anonymous (sober).....NA is about all drugs, and abstinence from them--all of them (it IS in NA where one gets the phrase 'a drug is a drug is a drug....

..........so for me, and from AA's point of view (AA, not individuals in AA), a person can be 'sober' but not 'clean' ...... but a person cannot be 'clean' if not 'sober.' The way I see it...all alcoholics are addicts (whether they like it or not...lol...alcohol IS a drug), but not all addicts are alcoholics (but to be clean they must abstain even from alcohol).

Now that the pot is nicely stirred, let me get to the one thing that you said, to which I might have an answer, or at least a suggestion...

You said: "I'm just coming off another Vicadin binge and am puzzled, as prior to getting the meds, I contacted my sponsor, hit a meeting and prayed my ass off not to go and get a script. But I gave into the cravings and went all last week doctor shopping befor coming to my senses on Thursday (August 19). I'm very scared that this will continue. I feel like I"m doing everything possible to avoid this and yet it keeps happening."

Welllllllll.........how bout goin back to that first step; after all thaat's the only step that even mentions alcohol.....or drugs (and the only step that must be done 100%).....the rest of the steps are just a 'design for living.' .... Work on that first step as it relates to vicodin and you.....

........and there is one thing you didn't do.....uh huh, yeh, um hum..... lol....you didn't NOT pick up.....oh yeh, simple, I know (being sarcastic here), but after admitting powerless over the addiction, and accepting this, we still need to NOT pick up......no matter what else we do, or what other steps we do.....they're all worthless if we don't do this..... IMHO, of course.....

Hope this helps out a bit.............simple, but not necesarily.....


NoelleR
DOS/Clean Date: 6/23/86

[kittykat01]

Arpilot- I hope all is going well with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers...just remember that in order for us to make changes, we must believe.....with sober love to you....

[faithhopelovejr]

When you've had enough, there will be no questions or distortions in your mind.

[emmer]

Hi David, ......... How are you making out today?