need some advice pls help

[hopefully tryin]

Hi everyone,
I have been reading this site for quite some time now and now it is my turn to post. Today is my first day without any opiates in my system. I am proud of that! BUT (there is always a but) I have a scrip sitting at the dr office for my good ol morphine tom at 8 am. I know I shouldnt get it but I do have legitimate pain that i will get into later or another time. I am just having a HUGE personal conflict with whether to go get it or not. I know if I dont my back will be excrusiating and I might end up in the hosp or flat in my bed. But at the same time I cant take it as prescribed and never have. Does anyone have some advice for me and what to do. My kids are going out of town the last week of july and first of aug so I could hold out until then WITH MY MORPHINE and go into a detox program. But I know I have excruciating pain but with my addiction I go above and beyond what I am to take, That is all I have the energy for right now so hopefully i will get some advice soon cuz i am driving myself crazy with this internal conflict. I did go to NA today and actually saw a friend from yrs ago and that was awesome. she offered to help me get on the meth program but i dont want to go that rought i want to hold out until the kids are gone and then do a week detox and take it up in na from there. MY QUES IS WHAT DO U GUYS THINK U ALWAYS HAVE SUCH GREAT AND AWESOME WORDS OF WISDOM SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT

[best]

If needed and a Dr gives an RX... meds are not wrong. Pain or meds?
An option could be to find someone who will hold you accountable to only take what is Dr ordered. A friend that will hold your meds and only give them as needed. A Visiting nurse if your insurance would pay for such. I know it isn't a cure but it is a safe control that can work.

[Spiritual Seeker]

Welcome, i don't have any advice. I do applaud you for trying to get your addiction sorted out, especially since you have kids. Wouldn't it be great if you could be free of your addiction and totally present for them so the cylce doesn't repeat itself. Your idea to go into detox sounds like a good place to start. Getting off the meds is onyl the beginning of recovery, so hopefully you'll follow it up with a program to work on your addictive thinking. Good luck because it does work if you work it. You sound ready and capable of turning your life around and being a better dad.

[2ala2]

My advice would be to tell the doctor about your addiction. Ask him/her for an alternative to opiates.
A detox program is definately the way to go i think.
I have great respect for your honesty in that you might not be able to do it alone.
Keep going to meetings and ask for more opinions. You can never get to many.

[hopefully tryin]

thanks for the help. I went to the "mental health counselor" this am and came clean with her atleast. I have had major issues with controlling my addiction to these meds. My hubbie is overseas*pray for him* and I just told him last night just how bad it is cuz he knew but didnt know if that makes sense to anyone. He is being very supportive the prob is that I need support here physically and lots of counseling for past and current issues. as usual you guys are great. I did get my meds and have taken them "as prescribed" but that is just for today. my other BIG issue is childcare to get to these meetings and such. But I am determined on keeping my head high and getting through this even if it is alone which it is for now. My in-laws,parents nobody knows. Like they say one day at a time and I actually ran into an old friend at NA last night and that was a great start being that most of my friends are no longer around and i am alone

[ladyamalthea]

Hopefully,

Maybe your parents would be willing to watch the kids during the meetings? I know you say they don't know about your problems, but what if you try telling them? Is it possible that they might be supportive? If not, maybe the kids have friends they can go play with during the meetings? Where there's a will, there's a way.

You are right, though... one day at a time.

[hopefully tryin]

i wish they could, one lives 3 hrs away and the other is not so happy about it and will only do it on occasion. So for now i am just doing what i can within my powers it is hard with no support "group" I dont trust many with my kids, i had a "friend" come over once to bbsit and she stole $100 from me

[Spiritual Seeker]

hopefully tryin - In my exper. your recovery will have a better chance if you can integrate your life by being honest with your spouse and parents about the addict. issue and get their support. Learning to give up the lies and double life and speak from your truth is often a good beginning to getting to the core of your issues. Doing this alone usually does not work. I use to have a few friends where no money would exch. hands we just exchanged babysitting ea other's kids. I also found a sitter that did drop ins for a fee. Try your best to get some child care so that getting a fellowship of mtgs. with others in recovery is possible and your priority. Being fearful of leaving your kids with others needs to be overlooked to see the big picture of getting them a better mommy who is sober. good luck

[StagebearNJ]

My gut feeling, and I have wrestled with this, is to find someone, anyone, to hold the meds and dole out as needed. However, that does have a high risk of making someone else complicit in your addiction.
So, there are positives and negatives to doing the above. My moral dilemma here is your statement that you truly need the morphine. I know so me people truly do. However, some equate the pain of withdrawal with what they think is justifiable organic pain.
I still lean toward having someone help you by holding the meds, but if that cannot be, then I'd say don't get them. Running the risk of overdose could relieve your kids of a mom a lot sooner than going through a rough detox will.

[windysan]

I don't have any help for you as I'm clueless when it comes to pain therapy and addiction. But, good luck with that.

[northbelle]

I think that your honesty will help you find some answers. You know for yourself that you abuse the meds and are looking for a answer..Have you told your prescribing doctor?? Keep going to the NA meetings..and pray ...maybe you could try a taper?? Then you could see how you do ...i don't know if the methadone program would be agood thing or not. For me...I know I cannot control my use of that either and it is very rough to get clean from methadone. Of course this is JUST MY OPINION and I sure don't know what is best for you...just know what I have been through...
How old are your kids?? Hope you come back and post again!
love north

[mikiglen]

you can take your kids to meetings with you. most groups/people understand and welcome you anyway. when i trudge with all four of mine into meetings, i get the few that roll their eyes, but for the most part, someone always comes over and asks if they can help me so i can listen and stuff.
i don't know how old they are, but my youngest are 4 and 1, and they go. another option is some meetings have childcare there during the meetings...my home group has a huge meeting sundays at 11, and they have care then for the kids...maybe you can find a group near you that does that also.
hope you are doing ok

[hopefully tryin]

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I have been taking my meds as prescribed (much to my surprise) My kids are 6 and 1 and my 6 yr old is in that " I have to know who what when where and why" phase so if she hears a thing in the na meetings she will be askin questions. so far so good, i actually took one more pill than prescribed yesterday and puked my guts up so today i stuck with the way i am suppose to take it. I am actually proud of myself for this. I am determined to take it only as prescribed and that stupid tramadol they gave me before i am hoping to never take again!! I was taking so much tramadol at a time it is a wonder i didnt have a seizure and die!!
Again thanks everyone you are all sooooo great