Somebody please talk me out of this

[ladyamalthea]

I am desperately wanting to binge right now... normally I would call a friend, OA member, or even talk to my husband about it, but hubby is asleep and my friends all go to bed early and I am afraid to call anyone from OA this late... please give me words of encouragement, helpful thoughts, anything... you don't know how badly I want to get in my car and drive until I figure out what I want in my pigout session... I don't want to do this, but I feel like I need the food... I'm not hungry or anything, I just need food... just like any other addiction that people on here have recovered from or are working on recovering... what do you do when you think you're going to give in?

[best]

I have struggled through till I reach a time that the stores are closed and I can't get stuff because of the hour it is.
I have been hit with cravings and gave in only to find that no matter what I would eat... nothing filled the need or stopped the craving. I just ended up full but still feeling hungry.

Wait it out...it does pass.

You can do it.

[ladyamalthea]

Can I?

It is so tempting right now... I'm scaring myself, thinking of all the wonderful things I could be eating right now.

Best, I am so glad you are online with me right now. So few people understand what I am talking about...

I am trying to just stay on here and keep typing until it passes, but something inside of me keeps saying I need to hop in the car and go for a ride....

Which will lead me to all kinds of places I don't need to go...

[Done-With-It]

Why do you want to eat? What else is going on? If you eat what is that going to fill up? You want to eat to make "what" feel better?

[best]

Mondays are my bad day but they are my safe day as well.
I want a certain kind of food but the place I can get it is closed on Mondays.

Comes Wed. and I can get all I want...time and money in hand... The craving has gone and I don't want it at the time.

It does pass. I found that giving in... the cravings stay or increase. Waiting it out...they go away.

[ladyamalthea]

Done,

I don't even know at the moment... let's see...

depressed for the following reasons:

-130 pounds overweight and already on a huge relapse from my successful weight loss plan, so I have begun to feel like I've lost the fight
-worried about my ra sister
-worried about hubby and mine's living arrangements (our house might not close before our lease is up at our apartment, which has already been rerented)
-nervous as he** about going to my endocrinologist on Tuesday b/c he's going to fuss at me for gaining my weight back and I'm going to have to tell him that his nutritionist hurt me more than helped me and I'm afraid of how he'll react to that (he's the only doctor of this type within several towns, so it's not like I can just go to someone else)

That, and I've literally gotten to the point where any time I see food on TV, I think of the way food makes me feel, and I then have more cravings...

And I know that none of this is a good reason to binge... it's not even a good attempt at an excuse... it's just so hard to explain...

[Done-With-It]

This is intended for cutting, but you can use it for anything and it works:

IMPULSE CONTROL LOG


1.SELF-INJURY (BINGING) THOUGHTS:



2.TIME AND DATE:



3.LOCATION:



4.SITUATION:



5.FEELING:



6.WHAT WOULD BE THE RESULT OF SELF-INJURY? (BINGING)



7. WHAT WOULD I BE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY SELF-INJURY?(BINGING)




8.ACTION TAKEN:




9.COMMENTS:

[chiynita]

Hi lady...Boy do I know how you feel.
Not only am I obsessed with food. I also have a drug problem to boot. And after being out for days getting high all I do is eat. And when I am not getting high. I dream about all the yummy food I want to eat.
I just want to lay it all out in front of me. I could spend as much on food as I do drugs.
I have been eating all day. It is sickening.
But I was doing good before my last rlapse. I lost 25 lbs in a month./
But lately I could eat like 10 double cheeseburgers from Mcdonalds.
I want any and everything I see.
I know I am not helping.
Sorry.
Know your not alone tho.
I suck at helping.

[ladyamalthea]

Chiynita,

You are helping just by letting me know that you understand. I feel so alone in this sometimes... it's so frustrating to me that medical professionals acknowledge drug addiction, alcoholism, you name it, but when I tell them that I have the same kind of difficulty with food, they want to explain what in my body causes me to feel that way and say, "all you have to do is stop eating such and such and your problems will go away" but they have obviously never had that problem, or they wouldn't be talking to me that way!

Back to what I was saying though... anytime someone can tell me that they understand is helping me. Thanks for that.

[ladyamalthea]

Done,

Thanks for the log. I just printed it out and plan to make copies and use.

[Done-With-It]

Done,

I don't even know at the moment... let's see...

depressed for the following reasons:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OKAY, See right there, you know what's wrong and you know that you want food to fix these, to make you feel better. You are telling yourself that a cupcake will make you feel better. Stop and ask yourself. Wait? Will a bag of french really help?
Drink a glass of water, odds are you are thirsty.. Write it down....
QUESTION YOURSELF.... ACT, DON'T REACT..


-130 pounds overweight and already on a huge relapse from my successful weight loss plan, so I have begun to feel like I've lost the fight
~~~~~~~~~~~

You never loose the fight, not till the day you die.... the fight is always in us..



-worried about my ra sister
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WORRY IS MISUSE OF THE IMAGINATION...

You worrying about your ra sister, is going to do nothing......
If fact it's harmful to both you and her.
Let it go, and let what happens happen.
You cannot control it, and when you try to control it, it drives to right into a
"DRIVE THROUGH" literally....
You trying to control it, makes you lose control.
Whether you worry or not does not change the situation.
90% of what we worry about never comes true anyway.
And what we think about, we can create, so be careful....

~~~~~~~


-worried about hubby and mine's living arrangements (our house might not close before our lease is up at our apartment, which has already been rerented)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So you taking all this energy right now is taking away from your problem solving skills. You can transfer your worrying energy into. We will work it out.
I don't know how, but we will. lol, if you knew what I just went through, and I only got through it, because I said it will work out over and over, or else I would have driven myself to suicide worrying over it, and I'm not kidding. If I let myself I will do the same thing and worry and stress about something until I am about to explode and I can't deal, it's a bad bad habit.... You can control your emotions and your thoughts, it's what you tell yourself.....
As humans, we almost always figure things out, our survival instincts kick in, but we forget that we can do it.
So take some deep breaths and keep saying we will work it out, instead of the other things. You are going to be fine...
~~~~~~~~~~~


-nervous as he** about going to my endocrinologist on Tuesday b/c he's going to fuss at me for gaining my weight back and I'm going to have to tell him that his nutritionist hurt me more than helped me and I'm afraid of how he'll react to that (he's the only doctor of this type within several towns, so it's not like I can just go to someone else)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, take some of your power back here. You are giving away all your power to everyone else... If you don't want him to fuss at you, You don't let him. You are an adult, take some responsibility for what happened, know what happened, be confident when you walk in there, and don't let him talk to you in any other way other than you want to be treated....
I know that sounds easier said than done.
But not doing that, is what is making you want to eat... You have the right to stand up for yourself. It's OKAY that gained some weight back. Just because you are overweight does not make you any less of a person or make you have any less rights than anyone else. If you didn't like the nutritionist, that's perfectly okay.
But you have to understand that it's okay, and you have the same rights as everyone else. When you start to take your power back, and own your own feelings without guilt, your need to binge will start to fade....

~~~~~~~~~~~

That, and I've literally gotten to the point where any time I see food on TV, I think of the way food makes me feel, and I then have more cravings...

~~~~~~~~

Food doesn't make you feel, you make you feel.....

You are stronger than you think. You came here, you are talking, you are expressing yourself, you know what's wrong. That's huge.

That's is/was part of my problem with both my anorexia and bulimia I had a hard time knowing what was wrong with me, and it took my therapists hours to get it out of me.

Write this stuff down, and think how you would feel after the binge....
Your going to feel worse, and still feel empty.

Feelings are what you have to work on to feel better...

I'm trying to type this really fast, so i dn't know how much of this made sense,
cuz I know your having a hard time right now.

How are you doing right now?

[Done-With-It]

Here's another good one, about thoughts, I like the other one better, but this is a good read..

Thought Diaries
Thought diaries

If you're feeling depressed or anxious, these are some techniques which might help you in identifying the behaviours, feelings and thoughts that are to blame.



Before you use these techniques, it's important to point out that they aren't a substitute for treatment by qualified mental health professionals. This technique is used in cognitive therapy - but there's more to cognitive therapy than mood and thought monitoring. Also, some people may benefit from a different approach. If you find that this gets you so far and then you become stuck - or if it just doesn't work at all for you - then it might be better to ask your family doctor to refer you to your local community mental health team.
Using mood and thought monitoring is done using four stages.
Stage 1 - be clear about what the problem is
Stage 2 - monitor how bad the problem really is
Stage 3 - find steps between where you are now and where you want to be
Stage 4 - work through the steps at your own pace

This isn't as daunting as it all sounds. If you're reading this with more than just passing curiosity, then you've already acknowledged that there's a problem and wish that you could do something about it. It may seem overwhelming now, but things can change - if you take it a step at a time.
But before we carry on, there are two words of warning:

1. This isn't necessarily a quick fix. It does take working at, and there'll be times when you feel frustrated at your lack of progress.
2. You may feel that things get worse at first. This is because before you can do anything about your symptoms, you may need to concentrate on them and increase your awareness of them. You may well feel that you couldn't be more aware of them than you already are - but you may be surprised. Being more aware may make you feel worse - but it also suggests that you're working on the problem and (in the long run) may be successful.Before you use these techniques, it's important to point out that they aren't a substitute for treatment by qualified mental health professionals. This technique is used in cognitive therapy - but there's more to cognitive therapy than mood and thought monitoring. Also, some people may benefit from a different approach. If you find that this gets you so far and then you become stuck - or if it just doesn't work at all for you - then it might be better to ask your family doctor to refer you to your local community mental health team.
Stage one - be clear about what the problem is

To complete stage one, think about your problem. It can be described in general terms - you might be feeling depressed or anxious, or it could be that you've a certain phobia or obsessive-compulsion. These labels have their uses, but they say very little about how the problem is affecting you.
To help unpick the problem, it can be useful to split it up into behaviours, feelings and thoughts. Identifying the behaviours, feelings and thoughts is the beginning of changing things. You'll usually find that you can link them - certain behaviours will go with certain thoughts and feelings.
It's not important at this stage to try to work out which is causing which - as is so often the case with these problems, it's a vicious circle. Just the same it does help to realise that they feed off each other - as in this illustration.
The behaviours may be things you'd like to do but just can't - or things you want to stop doing, such as a compulsion, a habit, or even an addiction like smoking. It's important to be absolutely clear about these - they are very real things that you want to change. These specific definitions are, in part, what will define how successful you've been in changing things.
The other part of the cycle is feelings. Many mental health problems are defined by the kind of emotional distress that they cause. The depressed person wants to feel happy again, the anxious person relaxed and the phobic person wants to be free of fear.
It's too easy when you're distressed to be absolutely overwhelmed by the feeling - it can take up all your waking moments and leave you with little time or energy to think about anything else. A first step to dealing with the problem is to try to get beyond the sense of distress - and get it completely clear just what it is that's distressing you so much.
To do this you need to look at the thoughts - the third part of the cycle - that come with this distress. The human mind always has a variety of thoughts going through it - if you're not sure about this try to sit and think of nothing. Not easy, is it?
When you feel distressed, get a blank piece of paper and just note down the thoughts going through your head. This may take some practice. The idea is not to edit them - don't worry about writing in straight lines or about grammar and spelling. You just need to get those thoughts recorded somewhere other than your head.
If this all sounds confusing, another name for these is 'automatic thoughts' or 'self-talk' - the running commentary or conversation that you may have with yourself as you move from situation to situation. For some people, this will ring a bell and they'll immediately know what this is about. Others will find that it may take them sometime to learn to 'tune into' this.
It will also be important (for further work) to rate how bad each part of the problem is. That is:
3. how much is the behaviour getting in the way of life?
4. how strong are the feelings you're experiencing?
5. how strongly do you believe the thoughts?

To help you with identifying - and assessing the strength of - the behaviours, feelings and thoughts that need to change, print out and complete the exercise below. Some points to remember when you're filling it in:

* sit down at a time when you can be quiet and undisturbed to do it
* take your time - it's important
* you may not complete it in one session
* it's helpful, having filled it in, to wait a day and then review it
* you don't have to limit yourself to one sheet
* you can spend as much as a week or two to think it through.

You should be sure that you've completed this stage before moving on to stage 2.
Exercise: stage one chart (print off and keep).



Before you use these techniques, it's important to point out that they're not a substitute for treatment by qualified mental health professionals. This technique is used in cognitive therapy - but there's more to cognitive therapy than mood and thought monitoring. Also, some people may benefit from a different approach. If you find that this gets you so far and then you become stuck - or if it just doesn't work at all for you - then it might be better to ask your family doctor to refer you to your local community mental health team.
Stage two - monitor how bad the problem really is

So far you should have developed a clearer idea of definite problem behaviours, feelings and thoughts. We'll call these the internal workings of the problem. There's also an external element to the problem - all your behaviours, feelings and thoughts are affected by things happening in the world around you. It's essential to get to know how events change the internal working of the problem. One way to do this is to look for patterns over time. To do this you need to extend the exercise from stage one. When you're aware of a behaviour, feeling or thought that's distressing - repeat stage one, but note what's going on around you at the time, or what events lead up to the incident. To help you do this use a new form.
If you feel that the distress is with you all the time it may be better to stop and take a few minutes three or four times a day to note down how you've felt and what's been going on around you. Whichever way you decide to do stage one, it's also helpful to start tracking your thoughts and feelings over time. This way you may spot a general improvement - or worsening - of things, or realise that certain times of the day or certain regular events improve - or again may worsen - things.
To do this you can use the following chart either to monitor the number of incidents - such as panic attacks, or to rate each day in terms of how low, anxious or how much craving, for example, you felt.
Exercise: stage two chart (print off and keep).



Before you use these techniques, it's important to point out that they're not a substitute for treatment by qualified mental health professionals. This technique is used in cognitive therapy - but there's more to cognitive therapy than mood and thought monitoring. Also, some people may benefit from a different approach. If you find that this gets you so far and then you become stuck - or if it just doesn't work at all for you - then it might be better to ask your family doctor to refer you to your local community mental health team.
Stage three - steps between where you're now and where you want to be

By now, you've done a lot of work around your problems. For some people working at developing this level of insight is, on its own, therapeutic - while for others, becoming this aware of the distress can make things seem worse. Don't despair - they can, and will, improve. What you should have by now is a clearer idea of:

1. behaviours that need to change
2. feelings that cause distress
3. thoughts that contribute to the feelings and behaviours
4. situations that set off the whole cycle or make it worse.

Using this information it's now time to decide what you want to change first. It's very important not to be too ambitious - this is change by evolution, not revolution. The big changes will come later and by that time they won't seem so big.
Deciding on what to change first will, of course, depend on the problem. Here are some suggested first changes for different problems:

1. phobias - just try thinking about the thing without feeling afraid
2. obsessive-compulsion - try to put off a ritual for one minute, or if it's something you feel you have to do a certain number of times, try doing it one less time
3. smoking - go without a cigarette on one occasion
4. depression or anxiety - identify a negative thought and work on changing it

Obviously, for some problems, the focus needs to be on the behaviour, while for others it's the thoughts. It doesn't really matter where you start though as long as it's something that you can envisage being achievable. Having identified this first step think about how things would be if the problem had been resolved. Not just "I wouldn't smoke anymore," or "I wouldn't be frightened anymore" - but what would the thoughts and feelings be like and what situations would now be no problem.
This is your final step: write them in the goals sheet. Now we know where the journey starts and where it finishes.
Exercise: stage three chart (print off and keep).



Before you use these techniques, it's important to point out that they're not a substitute for treatment by qualified mental health professionals. This technique is used in cognitive therapy - but there's more to cognitive therapy than mood and thought monitoring. Also, some people may benefit from a different approach. If you find that this gets you so far and then you become stuck - or if it just doesn't work at all for you - then it might be better to ask your family doctor to refer you to your local community mental health team.
Stage four - work through the steps at your own pace

This sounds very easy but you know that this is where the real work begins. If it was as easy as just setting yourself small goals and achieving them then there wouldn't be a problem. Certainly, if a step proves too difficult then move back and try something easier - but at each step it's good to have a definite strategy for how to approach it. This will also allow you to be clear about when it's time to move on. The strategy we'll use here focuses on the behaviours and the thoughts.
Think of each step as an experiment in behaviour - are its consequences so terrible? So if you suffer from a phobia, what was the consequence of thinking about the thing that you're afraid of? Obviously you felt some anxiety; use the graphs to rate your anxiety and try the exercise again the next day.
You can supplement this by practising relaxation techniques and trying to use them while you're thinking about the anxiety-causing behaviour. Similarly, if you've an obsessive-compulsion, think about not completing a ritual - or leave one small ritual out - and practice the relaxation techniques. Try the short desk relaxation routine - it also suggests where you can get other relaxation tapes.
The other thing to concentrate on is your thoughts - specifically your 'automatic thoughts' or 'self-talk.' These can prompt all sorts of inaccurate assessment of situations, including:

1. split thinking - you may be telling yourself that there can only be two extremes in a situation, one totally satisfactory and one disastrous: "If this happens I'll be ecstatic - if it doesn't I'll just be destroyed."
2. catastrophe thinking - you may fail to see any satisfactory outcome or be convinced that it could not happen: "All right, it could happen, which would be great - but I just know it won't - this is going to be a disaster."
3. personalisation - an action taken by another person or organisation is taken as a personal attack: "The boss moved the office just to make my journey more difficult."
4. selective recall - the evidence that something is going to go wrong may be drawn from the one time that something went wrong - when on most occasions everything was fine: "He didn't like my work that time, I just know it's going to happen again."

The list goes on and on. It's important at each step to note your thoughts down and look at just how accurate they are. To do this, you can ask yourself four questions about each thought:

1. What evidence is there to show this is accurate?
2. Is there another equally believable interpretation of what's going on here?
3. What action can I take to have some control of the situation?
4. If my best friend were in this situation - what advice would I give to them?

Each step on the way takes practice - stopping to analyse what's going on also takes practice. But you've already started the process in the groundwork you've laid in stages one to three to get this far. Taking the time out to ask the questions is now really the last piece of the jigsaw, just as with the other stages - practice, practice practice.
After asking yourself the four questions, re-rate your thoughts and feelings and see if things have improved. Again keep a record so that you can track improvement. To do this follow the next link below.
Exercise: stage four chart (print off and keep).
This article was last reviewed in September 2006.
First published in June 2000.

Disclaimer

All content within BBC Health is provided for general information only, and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. The BBC is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of the BBC Health website. The BBC is not liable for the contents of any external internet sites listed, nor does it endorse any commercial product or service mentioned or advised on any of the sites. See our Links Policy for more information. Always consult your own GP if you're in any way concerned about your health.


Quote:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditio...diaries5.shtml

[ladyamalthea]

I'm feeling a little better, Done. The good news is I think I can see my way to getting some sleep BEFORE eating, which is amazingly rare compared to what I've been doing the past few weeks. Funny, I just bought a ton of binders today b/c they were on sale, and as a teacher I'm always needing binders, so I printed out a few copies of that log form you posted and I will write on one before I go to bed, and since I have these binders, I have a wonderful place to keep up with them

Your post made perfect sense to me...

Thank you so much for your help tonight, all of you. Being able to type here is keeping me busy, which is keeping me away from the fridge and my car keys that much longer....

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by ladyamalthea

Chiynita,

You are helping just by letting me know that you understand. I feel so alone in this sometimes... it's so frustrating to me that medical professionals acknowledge drug addiction, alcoholism, you name it, but when I tell them that I have the same kind of difficulty with food, they want to explain what in my body causes me to feel that way and say, "all you have to do is stop eating such and such and your problems will go away"

LMAO! And for years they used to tell me, all you have to do is EAT, and your problems will go away, or if you just stop throwing up you'll be just fine.
Or just don't cut your skin, and you'll be fine! Du!

Told my parents it's just a phaze, or she's doing it for attention, it's probably cause
of your divorce.

Uh the divorce from 14 years ago?

It's not funny really, it just amazes me how little some medical doctors know still to this day, or how some still think it's about food....

Is there anyway you can go into treatment?
That's what saved me in the end.

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by ladyamalthea

I'm feeling a little better, Done. The good news is I think I can see my way to getting some sleep BEFORE eating, which is amazingly rare compared to what I've been doing the past few weeks. Funny, I just bought a ton of binders today b/c they were on sale, and as a teacher I'm always needing binders, so I printed out a few copies of that log form you posted and I will write on one before I go to bed, and since I have these binders, I have a wonderful place to keep up with them

Your post made perfect sense to me...

Thank you so much for your help tonight, all of you. Being able to type here is keeping me busy, which is keeping me away from the fridge and my car keys that much longer....

Okay good, if your okay, I'm going to go to bed now also. I'm exhausted, lol..

Journaling is great! and those sheets are also.
I'll check back with you in the morning, okay?

[ladyamalthea]

Thanks Talk to you soon

[ccgirl2]

I've been right where you are. I lost almost 100 lbs and when I went for a check up recently, I'd gained 15 lbs over the winter. I felt like crap about myself. Then I just said to myself I would consider it a challenge to get that weight back off! Sometims I think it just gets so hard struggling against something like this: I mean, we as a society seem to celebrate everything with food. Just keep plugging along and when you reach a goal (set by you) reward yourself with a non food reward. And just don't feel horrible about yourself.

I remember you from a while back, and you seem to be a lovely, caring woman.