not sure

[thiskidknows]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post.. I've been self medicatin on what started with just over the counter painkillers but now its tramadol. I tried to get off them and when things got bad again I started taking them and its creeping up again. I also take beechams even though I don't have a cold, I take anti-depressants and slimming tablets I've become I guess using pills to curb my appetite. I've also started storing tablets as I feel very suicidal and although this minute I won't take them, havin them on me I know I can take control and end all the pain. I don't know, why I'm posting or what I'm asking,I'm in trouble and embrassed to tell my counsellor that I'm strugglin and back self medicating. sorry

[northbelle]

I KNOW why you posted here !!! No sorries you are in the right place. Realizing any us of ANy pills is causing you problems . puts you right here with us. This is a very very HARD thing to do...to stop taking pills and address our issues,,,,who really wants to.???we get driven here by pain and fear. Do you take many of the trmadols???? Have you ever deoxed off them before? What are Beechams????we are just not ver PROGRESSIVE here in Alaska I swear..
anyway I want to tellyou we are GLAD you are here and it is a great lace to tell your story adn get lots of good feedback!!!! Keep posting adn letting us get to knowyou . You will find it a non=jugemental place to speak your truth adn I bet You caan get tons of support!!!!!
welcome

[Peter]

If you don't tell your counsellor what is going on she cant help you.

You need to find out what is hurting you and why you're so afraid.A therapist can help you with that, but you have to honest.

[thiskidknows]

Thank you for ur replies. I was takin up2 10 tramadol a day and cut down to about 2-4 but now its back to 8 and I'm also taking paracetmol (about 4 a day). Beechams are cold and flu drinks, they contain caffine and paracetmol.

I was dealing with why I started to take them.I wanted to die an painful death, but now I feel right back there, and everything is getting too much again. When I take the tablets now, it somehow lifts my mood for a bit and then makes me slump again.

I just feel I'm lettin my counsellor down if I tell her the truth, she has helped me loads and I cut down the sessions because I thought i was going ok, and for a bit I was but things have got more intense. i will try and speak to my counsellor when I see her next.

Sorry.

[liveweyerd]

Please, we have talked about this before. Just print out that poem you have in mental health and hand it to her. And go back to the twice a week, since you are not doing okay as you thought.
And Please...do not stop posting.
I'll bet she could get you in Tuesday if you called.
You deserve to be well and you can't do it alone.
All said in love and I think you know that.
((((hugs))))
Tena

[xjunkie4u]

You do seem to have a pill problem but it sounds like you could get a handle on it. I don't understand the Tramadol thing . I was given them once and took some and got nothing. I do understand that they are hard to get off of as they have a strong anti-depresant component. all the best

[thiskidknows]

I have just emailed her the poem and will call on monday to see if I can see her on tuesday. I can't do it alone..I've tried and failed. I just want to run though, something inside just wants to run away from everything. I'm sorry just having a very bad day again. Sorry. i did stop taking the tablets for a few days and when my counsellor asked if I was still taking them I said no (and I hadn't for a few days) so now I feel bad telling her I'm doing it again. When ever I remember stuff I destruct and that's whats happening again isn't it.I'm back in destruction and i've lost control. sorry.

[liveweyerd]

Wow! I am so happy for you that you did that.
My p-doc calls it decompensating...and yeah, I have done that before.....decompensated.
From too much stress.
That took courage and strength!
Way to Go!
You are working hard at it and it will get better!

[StagebearNJ]

Believe me, I totally get the addictive nature of tramadol.
If you are still holding tramadol, you may choose to attempt a wean, cutting them in halves, etc.
But first and foremost, tell someone in your life who knows you and can help. Sounds like the counselor is that person and you've taken that step. Good show!
Best,
Bear

[thiskidknows]

I hope it does get better...I've just tried to make a peice of toast...the result..I forgot and the flat filled with smoke, I sat here thinking its going foggy and didn't even realise it was smoke until my eyes started stinking and I remembered the peice of bread i was toasting, stick to water in future.

I will try and tell my counsellor, I just feel really bad...I do still have tramadol I have 60 of them at the moment and will try what u have suggested, thank u.

I'm sorry I really don't like feelin down like this. I've even started drinking again yesterday..failure is written all over me.

[chiynita]

You WANT help..You CAN do it.
We all have seen the knowledge you possess.
The compassion you share.
All the life you have in you just screaming to get out.
Never be ashamed to tell your counselor or anyone that can help you anything.
That is what they are there for.
Your not going to get better in a week. So you need to stick to your program.
Just because you feel ok one day doesnt make it all go away,
You have years of stuff you need to work on.
Just make sure you reach out to someone as much as possible.
You know we are ALL here for you. And we care about you.
If anything ..come here and post like you do.
I will be thinking of you. Much love...

[mikiglen]

please read my help with home detox thread. vicodin used to be my DOC, then i switched to tramadol (nonaddictive, eh?). i was down to 15 per day, but was taking usually around 30 a day at the peak. it's a tough drug to come off of because of the AD properties. my last dose of six was thursday at around 5pm, i'm not having much of anything physical yet, but it's coming, as well as (well, i pray not), the mental anguish i used to get when i would try to stop.
and just to let you know, one of the hardest things in my life was to flush about 90 of those things down the toilet the other nite. i cried, and when i woke up, i was appalled at what i had done. if i could have gone into the sewer and found them intact, i just might have tried.
i so wish the FDA would make this controlled. it is going to eventually ruin as many lives as vicodin, oxy and the like.
it was embarassing for me to to tell my doc i was addicted to tramadol. he looked at me like i was crazy. the sad thing about pill addicts is most of us are addicted to ANY PILL.
please tell someone before you get to the point i was at.
please pm me if i can help you at all, or read my thread to see what my experience has been, is being, and is going to be.
i'm going to kick it, and if i can ,we all can
best of luck and i'm here

[StagebearNJ]

Originally Posted by mikiglen

it was embarassing for me to to tell my doc i was addicted to tramadol. he looked at me like i was crazy.

That's where I lucked out, because my doc warned me about the euphoria, but I had him convinced for the longest that I was taking them as prescribed. (by then I had at least four scripts running).
When I told him, by phone, I was abusing them, he understood right away and gave me what I needed to kick them.
Best,
Bear

[historyteach]

Please print out all your posts here on SR and take them to your doctor or counselor.
You will NOT be letting anyone down if you tell them what's wrong. You WILL let everyone down if you continue keeping secrets that are hurting you and not sharing.

I know talking about these things is difficult. So, print out your posts. It will make all the difference in the world once your doc's know the reality of your situation.

Shalom!

[CarolD]

I am s sad you are using again.
And adding alcohol makes it
more dangerous. You know this too.

Blessings

[2ala2]

Hello,
It's very difficult to withdraw off opiates alone. I took tramadol for months to get off heroin and ended up using both at the same time. My advice would be to get rid of the stock of trammadol that you have and check into a rehab. facility and get it over with.
Good luck.

[thiskidknows]

I drank yesterday and took tramdadol and slimming tablets. I wasn't able to drink much though as my stomach couldn't take anymore and I started being ill. I started taking the tramadol (which are not prescribed to me) as I wanted to di* a painful death, I felt its what i deserved..as my doseage cripped up and I was taking paracetmol and any other painkillers that I could get, if i went longer then a couple of hours without taking somehing I felt sick, i had severe headaches, I felt like I was living in a fog, I felt worse then when I was taking them..

I have cut the doseage down today and I've not had any drink, I can't drink, I feel sick and keep being sick. I feel really low and out of control, but I will get control back again won't I. I'll phone my counsellor tomorrow and try to get a session on tuesday. I've messed up, someone told me yesterday that cause of my sui*ide at*temps and the tabs I take I've already done damage and should just carry on case I'm de*d anyway. Have I done too much damage is my life over?

[StagebearNJ]

Please, don't wait. Get to a crisis center or an emergency room now. I don't know your life situation, but I do know there is a reason to live somewhere...I'm guessing you simply don't see it just now.
Please. Go. Now.
Best,
Bear