The Longest Day

[ccgirl]

Yesterday I broke. I lost it. I have been on the edge of a mental break and on the edge of a relapse and not handling either very well. I took vicodens and realized the program I'm in isn't right for me and I was in imminent danger to myself. So, I called McLean Hospital's Dual Diagnosis program and was told protocol from insurance said I had to go tot he emergency room for a psych eval before ANY psych hospital could take me. OK, fine. I got there at 2:00 p.m. got home at 11:30 p.m. It was horrible. There is such a hole in our system regarding dual diagnosis and frankly I had to tell the social worker that's where I wanted to go. In fact I begged. Long story short, there are not beds. I'm going to spend the day on the phone to the 3 hospitals in a 100 mile radius that have this program.

All I know is for a long time, I have been working with the bipolar/addiction issue separately. And it's NOT working. I'm struggling terribly. I just want someone to help me put together something that works I'm willing to do the hard work. I just don't quite know how. Meetings are in my future. Right now I'm just trying to get a bed somewhere and get safe.

[sleepyhead]

Stay with it, ccgirl. I'm saying prayers for you for something to open up. You should be proud of your tenacity.

[formergolf99]

From my understanding, Mclean is one of the best facilities in the Country. So, I can see why they are full.

What a TON of things to be dealing with. As far as your bipolar is concerned..have you had your 'levels' checked recently? I'm assuming you are taking medication for the bipolar.? See, as you know, from time to time the doses needs to be adjusted in order to work. I would get to your Doctor and have the medication checked and double checked to make sure you are getting the right dose.

I'm sure you are on top of that...but..just in case.

This will pass....in the NEAR future you will look back on this time in your life and wonder "How the hell did I make it"? But you will have made it.

My thoughts will be with you,
Golf

[kj0975]

CC I hope u can get somewhere to get the help u need to feel better. I agree with u they need to be treated and dealt with. Good luck with everything I hope u can get somewhere soon.

[Lizrox]

Oh Girl,

I am praying for you.

[t_a_n_y_a_]

Thinking of you CC and hoping you get the help you need and deserve
Stay safe

[mikiglen]

you've got my number, it's toll free, use it and use it often
i love you

[Barto]

Are you anywhere near Lowell? I knew some good sober people there. I have a woman in mind that has been sober in AA for some time. I can ask if I can pass her number along to you if you like. Let me know.

[northbelle]

cc..I am so sorry you have to go through this!!! keep posting. THINGS HAVE to get better for us !!
love north

[squirty]

Thinking of ya cc. Hugs x

[StagebearNJ]

I'm not giving advice here, only relating my experience.
I chose to go to a dual diagnosis facility when I was actively drinking a few years ago. I suspected they wouldn't take me unless I was an imminent danger to myself, so when they asked me if I could contract not to hurt myself, I told them no (I had no real intention of doing myself any harm). And I was admitted a few minutes later.
So, yeah, I guess I manipulated the system, but I knew that they knew that, if I left there and injured myself, they'd be liable. So they took me. Haven't had a drink since. Had other issues, which I acknowledge, but I still made the right decision at the time.

Best,
Bear

[Alycia]

what is a dual diagnosis faciltiy?

[Sugah]

(((cc)))

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Mr.Hyde]

Dual diagnosis is tough, I'd personally focus on the addiction first. When I was active in my addiction I was diagnosed with 5 different things throughout the course of my disease. I'm most concerned with you saying "....and realized the program I'm in isn't right for me". Not to be too frank with you but I'd try 2-3 AA/NA meetings daily. Thats what worked for me. I had every excuse in the book, "I'm not an alcoholic so this program won't work for me" was my personal favorite. (Of course, the one that makes the least sense to me now). I shot dope for 5 years and lived in hell as well. I know what its like to want to just leave your life behind and start over. Just don't forget that you can only stay sober one second at a time. If you don't eat a vicodin right now than you'll be okay.

[northbelle]

So how are you doing CC??? Are you still around???
I am thinking of you lots..seems many are going through a hard time right night..the dey word being THROUGH. We will come out the other side. I hope you are someplace safe..
love north

[mikiglen]

cc, do you remember me telling the story of how i actually called and wrote the montel show to get help for my addiction years ago?
we will go to any lengths to get our drugs.
we have to go to any lengths to save our lives.
check in, please

[hope3]

Hi ccgirl, you are on the right track, good for you..

I can't believe how bad our systems are....

You are an incredible person, you are right on with

knowing you have to deall with both at the same time.

Thats what all the specialist are saying...I am a dual diagnosis, not

bi-polar, but ADD and alcoholism...

Best wishes cc, hope3

[StagebearNJ]

Originally Posted by Alycia

what is a dual diagnosis facility?

A hospital or rehab that is licensed to treat both addiction and concurrent mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, major depression or others.

[northbelle]

CC where are you? I hope you post as soon asyou are back ok?? I know you probably got in someplace and we will be coutning down till you get back...I have ONE WEEK TODAY CC!! I did it..got off the horse..lol...lovin and prayin for you and the kids
north

[Sugah]

Let's pray cc's someplace where she can get the help she needs.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[ccgirl]

Hey, all, I'm back, finally. I did get into McLean (I begged and pleaded but got there.) Yes, I is a dual diagnosis facility, they did focus first on addictions issues. However, I've truly learned my addictin issues are concurrenctly connected to my bipolar condition (mainly I screw up on my meds. become vulnerable, start using and go on that downward spiral) That's why I wanted a dual diagnisis program. It was wonderful there. I met lots of people like me and I learned to let go of a lot of the shame and guilt and take it for what it is... a disease; one I have to control. To that end I left today and attended a meeting. Not my favorite one, but i went, and I'll keep going, probably trying others on for size until one fits. Any,for the first time, I feel hope; I learned at lot and hope to keep learning and just getting it, you know? Chin up time; time to get to work.

north; how are you feeling physically I mean? any better? And what about Snake - I mean Sky? What's up with him.

P.S..On other thing. At this hospital they gave me a low doese 2 mg soboxone for w;/ds - Ugh! I puked for two days. I was ALLERGIC to it. Go figure,huh? Otherwise, what a class act of a hosptal. The don't have that reputation for nothing

[angelgirl]

Hey cc,,

I am so glad that you got into the hospital.. Sorry you had the bad experience with the sub. it's not for everyone.. But glad the you got help for the dual diagnosis.

I attend a dual diagnosis meeting every week,. It's held at a local mental health clinic. I love it,.. I have learned SO much from that meeting. I have attended that meeting for a couple years on and off. I am also bipolar and for my addiction to drugs. The stats for people that are dually diagnosed are extremely high, verses people that just have addictions. Alot of people don't even realize that they suffer from a mental illness, they just think it's all addiction/alcoholism.. We can be more difficult to treat, but we can be treated We just have to stay on top of our moods, and take our meds.

Did they tell you of anywhere in your area that they hold meetings for dual diagnosis?
Like a support group? That's what I attend, only it's a paid support group. In my group we have both a drug/alcohol counselor and a Therapist in every meeting. Maybe you could find one like this, it sure has been great, even though there are many differnt mental health issues among the group, that doesn't matter, we all understand eachother very well, just dealing with the mental health issue, and the addiction/alcoholism.

You hang in there.. I don't know if you have ever posted in the mental health forum, but that can be a really good place to post too..

Prayers and :hugs:
Becky

[mikiglen]

i'm proud of you
please pm me your info, i was googling ccgirl like crazy last nite trying to find any contact info for you
glad things are looking up

[northbelle]

Oh thank the gods..you are OK!!!
I am so glad you are hopeful..for some reason I am too..I feel crappy and really look like death warmed over but I realize now how much worse things can get. And I also made teh decision snake has to go..Chance is totally behind me which says alot really..he told me..don't worry, dad can go live with his drug dealer...poor little dude..he is truly my little man..he takes better care of me than snake ever thought!!( I LIKE that name by the wayLOL) .
So what are you going to do as far as tehhospital CC?? Do they have weekly groups or what?? I need to go back and read your post again..I am just so happy to see you here..I had to write!!
Gotta go..snake is slithering..
love north

[ccgirl]

Hey North, good to hear from you, too! I'm doing an outpatient program and I'm even attending meetings! I learned a lot in the hospital and my resolve is strong. It will always be with me, but I will fight it with everything I have.

P.S. Is he gone yet? LOL