Slipped

[t_a_n_y_a_]

I was doing so well. My thoughts and dreams even greatly subsided. Then I go to my aunts house (She doesn't know about my problem with cocaine). I'm with my mom who says she has a headache. My aunt brings out two bottles, one of fiurinal and one of Tylenol 3. Codeine was my first DOC and I abused it for many many years. I felt very uneasy. I didn't touch it that night and it stayed on the table for the whole time I was there. Then right before I lef I was sitting at the table staring at it and I grabbed 4 out of each bottle and left.

I can't believe I did that. I felt so ****** and awful after but not awful enough to not take them. After all this time I go back to my family, surprise my little cousin at her birthday party, I offer to help with everything and I ****** things up again.
I know she knows. She's always super nice in her emails and all she said this morning was she wouldn't need my help anymore for the barbeque and thats all. I don't know what to do. If I come clean and tell her I look awful, and then if I deny it i'm still a liar....ugh

[Aysha]

Well Tanya...In my belief. Being honest may seem like a shameful thing to do.
But in my experience it also gains respect.
Being a liar is just being a liar and then may very well become a label.
Thats just my 2 cents. Do with it what you want.
But your still alright with me.
I hope you figure something out.
I'll be thinking of you.
By the way..I dont see you posting anymore.
Maybe you should pop in once in awhile and get some support every now and then.

[t_a_n_y_a_]

Don't have internet at home, only at work so I only pop on when I have time but I really need to get more support and go to a meeting or something because I don't think this is working...or actually I know its not.

Your right being honest is best, I just feel so ashamed and guilty for doing it.

[Aysha]

But I bet youll feel alot better after you get it over with.
You dont need that thumping your brain for who knows how long.
Might even cause another slip just to forget about the guilt.
Be strong girl. If they love you they will understand after awhile and still love you.
Best of luck.

[Sugah]

Tanya, I've done plenty of things, even in recovery, that caused guilt and shame. The only way I was able to get beyond them was to face them head-on. I'm glad you're opting for honesty...you'll be glad, too, I'll bet.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[shockozulu]

Originally Posted by t_a_n_y_a_

Don't have internet at home, only at work so I only pop on when I have time but I really need to get more support and go to a meeting or something because I don't think this is working...or actually I know its not.

Your right being honest is best, I just feel so ashamed and guilty for doing it.

I found that the guilt could make me feel so bad I would use it as an excuse to use again...it was a never ending cycle. Not good. The only way to end it was be honest and that helped relieve me of the guilt.

As for the fiorinal/fioricet just know they contain caffeine so they can make you even more anxious and worked up. Sending as you prepare to do the right thing...

[ccgirl]

Oh, Tanya, did you read what happened to me a couple weeks ago? I went over to an acquaintance's house, saw a bottle of pills and took them? He confronted me and I confessed. Thankfully he's a recovering alcoholic so he understood the behavior. He told me it was between us and to get help. He said he would never tell my husband. But, you know what? I did. I had to. The internal shame of taking them was bad enough. I didn't want to add lying to my husband on top of it. And while it didn't make right what I did, my husband respected me for it.

[emmer]

Hi Tanya, I've tried the recovery thing on my own too and it just doesn't work at all.
My doc was benzos but second was codeine and i too abused it for many years
(10's of thousands of pills).
My wife left out a bottle of t3's but i didn't totch them
because for me now I am sooo imune to the effects of codeine that i would need to
take about 50 of them to feel anything. And it just isnt worth it anyhow i just have too much clean time ...almost 9 months.
I am pulling for you Tanya ...you've done really well and you can do it again
I just know you can. .. Go Tanya Go ..

[parentrecovers]

glad you reached out here, to your sr friends, tanya. blessings, k