Northbelle?

[woops]

Hi Northbelle,
Been thinking about you - you are so brave and have such a big heart.............. I know you will be fine.............. just wanted to ask how you and Chase are?
woops

[squirty]

Yeah, how ya doin' sweety? Been thinking of ya.

Hugs xxx

[Done-With-It]

(((North))) my girl whats up!!

[northbelle]

Hi there Hollywood..funny..I was feeling really NEGLECTED by you today!! Stupid of me ..I just know that you have been here watching me bounce in and out like a freakin bad check for quite some time now..I know I am not the only one though so..
Hollywood..Do you ever loose hope in people ? Do you ever just say "They are never going to get it??"
So anyway I have been so depressed today I can't even speak...Forced myself to walk Chance and a friend of his to MacDonalds though . This depression is awful . I can't think of anything GOOD in life right now,,got to be some clinical disorder under all this crap..seriously..if someone came up to me and said "Here is a free trip to Hawaii for you and your kid" I would decline because getting up and packing would be too much trouble..
For so long now things have been so hard..I mean YEARS..do you think I can ever be happy again??
Chances dad has been really helpful to me these past days..he heals up fast..he is 10 years younger than I am so I think that has something to do with his ability to get clean easier..who knows what will happen with us..he wants to stay clean too and is working and gave me half of his paycheck. ,,at least I have someone who cares about us..
Oh lord I am really in a whining FUNK..
love you guys..day 5 down

[rat]

Hi North. I guess you must be as much of an insomniac as I am.
I wish for you a better tomorrow. Good night!

[northbelle]

Hey Ratty
questioon..
what is the picture of on our avatar?
what does it mean??
dumb question I am sure..I ask lots of em too
love north

[rat]

I choose this picture for my avatar because it looks like the part of town where I used to buy my junk, in the tenderloin, San Francisco. So named because that was the standard bribe in the 19th century for the cop the beat, when that part of town was really wild, not that it isn't now.

If you notice, in the background, the is someone sprawled on a bench, which is a quite common sight there.

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by northbelle

Hi there Hollywood..funny..I was feeling really NEGLECTED by you today!! Stupid of me ..I just know that you have been here watching me bounce in and out like a freakin bad check for quite some time now..I know I am not the only one though so..
Hollywood..Do you ever loose hope in people ? Do you ever just say "They are never going to get it??"
So anyway I have been so depressed today I can't even speak...Forced myself to walk Chance and a friend of his to MacDonalds though . This depression is awful . I can't think of anything GOOD in life right now,,got to be some clinical disorder under all this crap..seriously..if someone came up to me and said "Here is a free trip to Hawaii for you and your kid" I would decline because getting up and packing would be too much trouble..
For so long now things have been so hard..I mean YEARS..do you think I can ever be happy again??
Chances dad has been really helpful to me these past days..he heals up fast..he is 10 years younger than I am so I think that has something to do with his ability to get clean easier..who knows what will happen with us..he wants to stay clean too and is working and gave me half of his paycheck. ,,at least I have someone who cares about us..
Oh lord I am really in a whining FUNK..
love you guys..day 5 down

Oh no girl I don't ever give up on people. I am just being judged an awful lot lately with life and stuff so I'm being quite, that's all.... I get quite when things bother me, seems like I can't ever win sometimes so I'm just going into my own shell, it brings up a lot from my childhood also, so don't take me personal, just trying to deal with my own issues, and I don't feel good, having some kidney problems, that's all, has nothing to do with you or giving up on you...

You can whine to me all you want sweet thing. I'm here reading pretty much every day.. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, If I could do it for you I would, I'm sure you know that... But I also know how hard it is to stay clean.. Just cause I'm clean doesnt mean I haven't forgotten the battle sweet thing. You hang in there and keep fighting...

I know your down, but they will get better. Keep fighting sister...

[northbelle]

Wow...I did not think you HAD problems Hollywood!! Really cool to know that indeed you are still here with us...Why I would think you would be any different than me..or leading a charmed life in sobriety is definitely my own weird stuff huh??? Just because you are not all over the place with your emotions hanging out like I am sure does not make you cured huh girl!!! I guess I really put you on a pedestal though. I just think so much of you and your recovery it is really GOOD to hear some personal life stuff about you. It means alot that you share with us here.
I am sorry that you are feeling judged..I don't know exactly what is goin on of course but I know I feel jusged alot too for different things in my life and I let it really affect my self image.. Got to go the kids want the computer!
love north

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by northbelle

Wow...I did not think you HAD problems Hollywood!! Really cool to know that indeed you are still here with us...Why I would think you would be any different than me..or leading a charmed life in sobriety is definitely my own weird stuff huh??? Just because you are not all over the place with your emotions hanging out like I am sure does not make you cured huh girl!!! I guess I really put you on a pedestal though. I just think so much of you and your recovery it is really GOOD to hear some personal life stuff about you. It means alot that you share with us here.
I am sorry that you are feeling judged..I don't know exactly what is goin on of course but I know I feel jusged alot too for different things in my life and I let it really affect my self image.. Got to go the kids want the computer!
love north

lol, It's funny most people dont think I have problems but I think I let on that impression. But for the most part I don't like to think of things as problems
anymore just challenges, I used to think of everything as a problem.

But I have heard similiar things to what you said up there if not the exact
same thing, lol. Or I mean people thing I'm upset or whatever with them
when I'm actually just upset about other stuff, so I know I tend to have a
pattern, but it's just me. I'm still the same done who cares the same amount,
and thinks about you the same amount.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just think so much of you and your recovery it is really GOOD to hear some personal life stuff about you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks girl I guess I needed to hear that about now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I am sorry that you are feeling judged..I don't know exactly what is goin on of course but I know I feel jusged alot too for different things in my life and I let it really affect my self image..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahhh thanks girl, I'm sure in some way it's a good thing,
it will bring some kind of growth to me. It already has.
Usually I would have already reacted to how I am feeling,
Right now I'm not, just taking it all in, and trying to grow
from Life.
It isn't always the way I think it is, and I don't have to react
just cause I want to, in the end it may not be best for me
even though it feels like it now....
Kind of like doing a line, lol... Ya know, as much as a line
would probably feel good about now, it really wouldn't
be in my best interest in the long run... So I would
never do one...

My step grandma's funeral is also today, another wierd
life thing going on.. Very uncomfortable situation there..
Life on lifes terms, I'm learning...


You hang in there girl, and just remember I'm always here...