Too ashamed to live with codeine addiction

[poetrygirl]

Hello all you wonderful and brave people out there. I am in the UK and have been addicted to a codeine heavy prescription drug called solpadol for 15 years. During this time it has robbed me of all my ambitions and strength to the extent that I gave up looking in mirrors 3 years ago because the sight of myself made me sick. Something happened in my brain this week that has never happened to me before - I want to give up the drug. Before I loved it too much and the effects it produced to even think of giving it up. I should have handed my repeat prescription in on Monday but I burnt it instead. I took my last codeine hit nearly 40 hours ago and have no more in the house. I know some people don't advise cold turkey but I am not the type of woman who can gradually withdraw from anyhting. I'm an all or nothing girl. So far I am swimming in my own sweat, have terrible diarrhoea, everything aches, my head is full of negativity and nonsense and I feel as if I have flu. But my desire to conquer this drug is so strong. Will these awful symptoms ever pass for me ? Can anyone offer me any hope with my addiction ? I love you all

[northbelle]

Poetry girl...awwwww,,,I am so sorry you are going through this right now..or anytime for that matter..Sounds like you are right in the midst of the peak of withdrawal. From past experience..day 5 usually lightens things up a LITTLE...I am doing a "kick " myself right now and have your syptoms almost exactly,,,you are doing pretty good if you can make a coherent post like you did and the fact that you show care for those of us on this forum...(wonderful people, I believe you said) shows alot. I am soooo into my own pain ..totally self absorbed..YUCK..
I hae been through this before so I DO know the pain does subside..although I really would talk to a doc with how long you have been on them. 15 years is a long time ..he may be ble to help you out.
I know I am unemplyed and supposed to be looking for a job but there was NO WAY today...day 3 for me..
Write again..make your own thread so people can get to know you!! You sound like someone who would really be a asset to this forum!!!! KEEP POSTING!!!! You will get so much help here and truly can let your real feelings out..it is SUCH a great place!!
So good to meet you and I will be looking for you here!!!
love north

[poetrygirl]

Thank you so much for replying to me northbelle ! You sound like a total star and I'm glad my message wasn't rambling too much. You are in my thoughts today and will be from now on. Anyone who can write with such grace and obvious empathy deserves to be clean and happy. I am rooting for you !

[emmer]

Be carefull sweetie. Do you have anyone around you that can help you thru this ?

[GratefulGirl]

hi poetrygirl - congrats on your decision to make such a great change in your life!!

[poetrygirl]

Thanks for your lovely messages of support. Stll drug free and still 100% committed to kicking my addiction for good. All my love and thanks

[Sugah]

I was the same way, poetrygirl (I'm really curious about your nick! Maybe you'll explain here or in another thread?)....all or nothing. In detox, I refused even the normal detox meds...so there I was, having vitals taken every hour, round the clock. I got so I would automatically toss my arms out in my sleep when I sensed them coming near me...when I could sleep, that is.

A lot is made of CT, and it's true...it can be downright brutal. I've detoxed more times (often unwillingly, after running out) than I care to count. We all think we're never going to make it through a bout of the flu, but most of us do. Detox is the same...but what makes it harder is knowing that there's something that can fix it. I had to imagine that "fix" as something that was irrevocably broken for me. It didn't work anymore, and mourn though I did, I didn't go back to it.

Stay strong. This too shall pass.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[squirty]

Hi poetrygirl! Solpodol are my biggest problem too. Have issues with booze, coke & well most drugs people tend to put in front of me.

I managed to cut out the other drugs by making big lifestyle changes and cutting people out of my life. It's really hard though when you've got a script (legitimate & legal!) and you can just go and get your drug of choice from the doctor. You have done so well not filling that script - it proves you really mean it.

Codeine does suck the life out of you. I've let it control my life for about 6 years and quitting was the best thing I ever did.

Cold turkey is really hard (especially when you've been taking them for multiples of years) but like woops said the worst will be over in a few days.

It's the bit after that that's the hard bit - keeping off them. I'm finding that bit really hard. I have recently started going to NA cus coping on your own makes it all even harder.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice cus I'm still struggling myself but you should have a read of my threads cus I have been given some fantastic advice throughout my journey.

Keep posting. Go and take a nice warm bath - it helps no end.

Big hus, Squirty xxx

[rat]

Everything passes. I wish you well.

[T1]

Stick with it. You'll be at a week before you know it. Your making the smartest decision of your life because opiates WILL suck you dry of everything you once valued in life and the worst part is you usually don't realize it until it's too late. To let that happen. Welcome to the forum, you'll get lots of support here.

[woops]

How's things now?
You must be at the 48 hour mark? Hang on - another 24 hours of this awful withdrawal only, at this intensity and things will start to ease - and will start to ease quite quickly. Try to get some sleep tonight - tomorrow is Saturday - so try and take it easy...................hot baths, lots to drink............and just know that it will start to improve by Sunday and hopefully improve quite dramatically.
It's so worth it to be free of they tyranny of pills........
woops

[poetrygirl]

Still feeling a bit like hell in pyjamas ! sweating and shakes are still here and I've developed a really sore throat for some reason too. But I'm gonna keep going. My sweaty love to you all. Hopefully I'll be able to write clearer messages to all of you once the shakes ease up

[woops]

You can do this!! Can't keep a good weegie down!!

Just be kind to yourself - treat yourself as though you are really ill - cos you are!!

The hours are ticking by................... tempus fugit and all that!

Keep posting - it helps!!

woops

[woops]

This post got accidentally lost - its now out of sequence - but putting it back just in case it might spur you on.............................

You'll see that my intake of codeine phosphate as per nurofen was 460 mg a day.............. your 15 solpadol is the equivalent of 450 mg. So - we were on about the same dose. I had been taking them for about 8 years. I know exactly how you are feeling - right down to the specific symptoms and timing!! Rest assured - it will let up at the 72 hour mark and day 5/6 will dawn................. Squirty can attest to this too - she has been thro it all so recently as well - so just believe us and keep your head down!!
I am looking forward to your Monday posts!!!!
Keep the faith!
woops


Hi Poetry
My poison was Nurofen plus - so had much the same situation as yourself!
Had been taking 24 - 36 daily when I quit.
Well - the withdrawal symptoms are as you describe............... nasty!
But - they peak within 48 - 72 hours and then gradually subside.
Stick with it - altho its horrible - it is really short lived. If you are approaching the 48 hour mark - then you are well on the way to being better. For me - day 5 was really significant - the symptoms disappeared and I felt pretty good.
Please just hang on in there - you are at the peak of the worst of the withdrawals - today and tomorrow will be dreadful - but then by Sunday you will start to see real improvement. And Monday will be even better - and you will be back at work again!
Have you checked out the UK sites dealing with solpadeine? They are pretty good. David Greave of Overcount gives great advice as do the folks on codeinefree. If you want the actual sites - let me know and I will send them to you.
By the way - I live in the same "dear green place" that you do!!
woops

[poetrygirl]

Thanks Woopsy,
What an inspiration you are. I too am looking forward to monday's posts
poetrygirl

[woops]

carpe diem, quam maximum credula postero. LOLOLOLOL

(For those without a weegie classical training!! LOL:
Enjoy the day, trusting completely in tomorrow)

So - keep the heid doon - you're doing great! This is the worst............. so you have nothing more to fear - the codeine is doing its very best to kick you into touch now!! It is doing its very worst - and you are still surviving - and the war is soon now going to turn in your favour!!!!

[squirty]

Hey poetrygirl!!! You are doing SO WELL!!!!

You show that codeine right who's boss - cus when you were taking it Mr Codeine was certainly the big boss.

It's a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE drug and you are worth so much more.

Sorry - I am venting! I am telling the truth though. You have to be really on guard to make sure it doesn't slip back into your life. It crept up on me again and I relapsed on Thursday - was popping pills like smarties - HORRIBLE.

But I'm back now with my white keyring.

Just don't ever let the codeine fool you with it's songs of freedom - it's all a BIG FAT LIE!!!

I don't really have anything to add to woops' marvellous advice. She is a sweetheart isn't she - she has helped drag me through all my attempts to get off drugs! First time, getting off codeine was the hardest though. Poetrygirl, this really is the hardest thing you will ever do - and you're doing it!!!

By the way, are you taking any other drugs or drinking?

Just asking cus when I first quit I was drinking alcohol quite heavily and taking coke, which eventually lead to my downfall again!

Big healing hugs to you.

Love ya woops.

Squirty xxx

[poetrygirl]

Hi Squirty,
Mr Codeine is a very charming man indeed but he is also a big fat waste of space. I'm not taking any other drugs at the moment although I am a nicotine fiend. Just want to kick this codeine lark out of my life first. You are a real star squirty !
Poetrygirl

[2ala2]

Hey Poetry,
I'm so happy for you. You have made a very brave decision. My problem was that I could never keep going 3 4 days and I use again. The only thing that worked with me is rehab. It was the best decision I took in my life. I'm 97 days clean today. Please call a professional. You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.
Love,
Magellan

[poetrygirl]

Nearly 100 days clean ! Well done 2ala2 ! All those nasty toxins have long since vacated your body and mind. Be proud of yourself. I am proud of you !

[rat]

Glad to see you're well on your way, poetrygirl. I think you must be passed the half-way mark by now.

Btw, I used antihistimines last time I kicked, and they lessened the junk sickness a bit.


woops, shouldn't that quote be:

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero

(Seize the day, put little trust in tomorrow)

I think the idea is to make the most of current opportunities, because life is fleeting.

Everyone has the day, now. Tomorrow isn't given to everyone.

[woops]

I was just playing with the words.......................