The Addict's mindset

[Spiritual Seeker]

What thoughts do you have about yourself when you know you are one. What do you tell yourself to justify your actions. What does it feel like to see the pain in your mother's eyes? I am just trying to understand the mind of an addict because my son is one and I just don't understand it. Thanks for any insight. Do you have something to add?

[parentrecovers]

hugs to you, seeker. i'm the mom of an addict too - i understand your need for answers and understanding. k

[tracee1010]

I work in drug addicts and the mentally ill.

My sons father's behaviors Very closely mimic my schizophrenic clients.

They act and speak in the same ways....

[GratefulGirl]

spiritual seeker - i tried really hard not to think about my actions when i was using. it was too hard and i felt so ashamed. when the thoughts of my parents and my friends and all the other people i was hurting came into my mind, i would do everything i could to block it out - most the time by getting more drugs and getting more messed up. i couldnt justify my actions at all - my actions didnt make any sense and when i tried to justify them or make sense of myself, i would just get more depressed and want more drugs. it was a vicious cycle. i think, at least in my experience, it was easier for me to turn off my rational thinking and just go with my desire for drugs at any cost.
when i got clean and i let all those feelings in and was able to see that there was never any rational justification for my behavior, i was able to slowly deal with all the shame and embarassment and hurt. it took a while - something i still work on everyday.
one of the things a very good friend told me about how she felt while i was using - she tried so hard to "figure" me out and never could. it drove her nuts trying to rationalize my actions and could never ever find any answers. eventually she realized that there is just no easy answer...since i have gotten clean, she has told me that when she stopped trying to figure me out and understand that i am an addict and would do crazy things because of my addictions, it was easier for her to sort things out in her own mind..easier to handle the things i did.
hope this made sense, i couldnt find the right words!!

[Spiritual Seeker]

GratefulGirl I think your words are just right. Thanks for sharing.

[tyler]

I've never read anything that described my personal journey through addiction than this article posted by Morning Glory. It's kinda long, but it was very meaningful to me.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-dilemna.html

[chiynita]

I believe there is no answer to that question
It is just what addiction does.
There really is no way to explain or understand it.
because most of the time as an addict. I dont understand either.
I just know one thing.
I want to get high. Sometimes at any cost.
Yes I have sat there tormenting my grams so many times seeing the pain in her eyes.
Seeing her to the point of a break down. Shaking..screaming.
It is functioning in my mind. And it hurts like hell to know what I am doing to her at that moment. But the addiction is that much stronger that it takes over.
Addiction is a hell of a thing.
It broken the strongest people and made the best fall to their worst.
It is so powerful.
There really is no way I know of to even try to understand an addicts behavior.
Try not to kill yourself trying to.
It is what it is.
After the high is gone.. All that rational thinking comes back and then you feel again.But in the heat of the moment...Feeling anything except the urge to get high is all there is.
Then that is where my depression kicks in and just makes it worse.
I stopped trying to understand and justifying it a long time ago. Because after awhile. It just becomes habit and just is.

I'm sorry I cant help.
This is just my thoughts.

[rat]

My position is unusual, as both my parents were addicts,too. I didn't have the negative associations with drugs versus alcohol, for example. A drug is a drug, in my mind, so there's no difference for me between a drink or a joint. Often, I choose a drug for the kind of mood I wish to be in.

As far as my mother goes, she was a straight up alcoholic, which caused her death.
Alcohol did her no favors, as it brought out the worst in her. If she had been using a kinder drug like marijuana, or heroin, she might still be alive.

Also, animals from monarch butterflies to grizzly bears use different substances
to get high. So for me, drug use isn't unnatural or wrong. That's not to say that
there aren't problems with how some individuals use drugs.

Everyday, all over the world, almost everyone takes some kind of drug- sugar, caffeine, tobacco
aspirin,etc.

People can abuse anything to their detriment.

[woops]

ratus norvegicus as opposed to ratus ratus?
or rattus norvegicus by the stranglers??

[rat]

Rattus rattus are also known as 'roof rats'. Rattus norvegicus are known as 'sewer rats'.

Check out my home page for rats in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09Dck...elated&search=

[Jane63]

LOL rat! Cute video! Rats don't bother me one bit {I even find them kind of charming little critters!} although if a mouse were to run out at me I would absolutely FREAK!!
I am def. more of a bird person though!! :-)

Seeker...Being a Mother myself, my prayers go out to you! For me, I didn't realise how much I had hurt those I love until I got clean...and then it was a real shock because I seemed to justify everything I was doing and was majorly in denial.

One of the most powerful moments I had in recovery was when I found out that my husband and daughter used to cry and console each other when I was screwed up on Vicoden and passed out on the couch. My husband even wrote me a note once asking "please come back to me..."
At that time I just did not "register" any of this and thought everything was OK.
That is what addiction does...It covers our eyes and ears and keeps the truth out.

Best wishes,
Jane