Possibly a new friend...? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

GratefulGirl · 05-19-2007, 06:24 PM

hi all - i just wanted to get some insight into this. i dont have a lot of friends...its basically just me and my husband and our baby. actually, my husband works so much, its really just me and my daughter. when my husband has time off, we dont go out much, never go to bars, etc...so its pretty hard for us to meet people. and anyway, it seems that everyone i do meet wouldnt really mesh very well into mine or my husbands lifestyle so making friends doesnt happen very often.
anyway, i was out yesterday and i ended up seeing this girl i knew from high school. she has a young baby, her husband does the exact same thing mine does, and shes lonely and in need of a friend, too.
heres what im worried about - shes a recovering addict and so is her husband. she relapsed really bad about a year ago and was out for a few months. shes doing great now and seems to be on track (from what i gathered in our 20 min conversation). i dont know how to say it, i guess...i just worried about making a friend, i think. especially someone with such a similar past as mine. does anyone have any advice, thoughts, suggestions, etc for me? maybe im crazy and over thinking this. maybe im worried that being around someone thats got the same issues as me would be a bad influence. i dont know...im just confused i think!!

leeside · 05-19-2007, 06:33 PM

They say 1 year of abstinence until you get into a new relationship. If you both have at least 1 year, why not?

im2sweet4u1983 · 05-19-2007, 06:40 PM

From my own personal experience the first time I relapsed was when I was with a recovering addict who had been clean for 3 years and I was clean for one and its easier to fall back into it when youre with someone who has done it before because they are likely to say yes when it is presented to them as someone who is not an addict and who would not approve would say no. You would never mention it in front of someone who disapproves of it and you know they do. but when youre with someone who could possibly say "yes lets go do it" then you have put yourself in a bad situation and I can say that from true experience. its happened to me a couple times and all with other recovering addicts.

GratefulGirl · 05-19-2007, 06:46 PM

i have 19 months, im not sure how much time she has. i know shes had some hard times within the last year and a half, but im not sure what exactly happened or how she handled the stress. theres just something about it that makes me nervous. although, i feel like even if she wasnt an addict i would still be weird. its just been too long since ive been social, i guess. my social life was drinking and drugging - thats all. i dont even know if i would be a fun person to be around without drugs and alcohol. do you guys have a lot of friends?

by the way - im2sweet4u1983, i love your signature!

im2sweet4u1983 · 05-19-2007, 07:28 PM

Actually to be honest with you I dont. Just like you my only social skills were developed around drinking and drugging. So now that I am sober and I can see more clearly who I am I realize that I dont know too much about myself except for the "high" times. I met a girl who I clicked with really well but unfortunately our friendship grew apart because I did not know how to maintain any kind of healthy relationships. Which is one of the reasons that most of us became addicts in the first place. When you dont know how to keep and maintain healthy relationships you seek them out in other ways such as people you got high with. I honestly dont belive that anyone is addicted to a drug they are addicted to a fast life and they people that come along with it. That is the worst addiction to have. its also hard to have a friendship with someone who is not an addict for fear that they wont understand you because they are not like you. And having an addict as a friend is worse because you will eventually get into the stage where you are exchanging stories and that is whats going to kick your @$$. Once you get there you both become comfortable with each other in that area. When that happens you are more likely to falter in their company than u would alone.

GratefulGirl · 05-19-2007, 08:37 PM

yeah, i totally understand what you mean. i also have a person in my life that i have clicked with really well and can have conversations with. shes not an addict but her brother is a recovering addict so she understands that whole thing really well. when we talk, we can talk for hours about anything and we really get along great. but, i never feel comfortable calling her or asking her to do anything and so she has pretty much stopped calling me, too and we are drifting apart. its so difficult. i feel like i need friends but its all so hard and seems like its easier to just not have any. its like im just not good at being a friend to anyone.

not that its a good thing, but i am a little relieved to hear that someone else feels the same way i do about not really knowing how to be friends with someone. its so weird, too because i was the life of the party for so long - tons of people around, always had plans, surrounded by "friends" all the time. now, without drugs and alcohol i dont even know how to talk to people!!

ccgirl · 05-20-2007, 06:12 AM

I would go for it. Try the friendship. If it starts to feel hinky, if you feel she is not sober for any reason, then back away. But you'll never know until you try.

GratefulGirl · 05-20-2007, 09:16 AM

cass - thanks for your input. i agree with you. there are a lot of people in my life that have no idea about the problems i have been through..and i dont really feel the need to talk about it much with people who wouldn't understand. this girl that i am worried about befriending called me this morning and asked if i would be interested in joining her "moms group" at her church. its about 5 women and shes one of them and none of the others know about her issues. so, it wouldn't be "heres M the crackhead and K the crackhead friend". so at this point, i think maybe i will start off by limiting myself to the group's activities and see how it goes from there.
thanks to everyone for their responses! its so nice to have input from people who understand!!

((((hugs))))

**Done-With-It** · 05-20-2007, 10:21 AM

I know that people who are in programs become friends with other users in recovery? Use your best judgement, usually you know if a friendship is
healthy or not for you. If it starts to become unhealthy or if she relapses
you know what you need to do. If she offers you some, that doesn't mean
you have to take it, that means you get the hell out of there.

That is what I would do anyway. Like Cass said, I don't define myself
by what I was addicted to.
But that is "Me". Take what you will, and....

(((GC))) Good Luck!!

Kahlia · 05-20-2007, 11:35 AM

I would take a chance and if you start seeing "flags" get out. It is hard as you said being isolated with a child and just you and your husband, that is unhealthy within itself. I know the first two years I was clean, I was the "Look Out" Police!! I tried to find something in everyone so I did not have to form relationships, they were hard, TRUST, the key word, we as addicts do not trust anyone as we did not trust ourselves....just try...it will get you on the path to being healthy and IF you find that she is not ready hey, it is not YOUR fault, it is hers. Just try and become a healthy member of society....easier said than done. I have been clean 7 years now and the "old" feelings creep in every once in awhile but I stop and get it under control because I now know why.....you will in time, too.

Many Blessings and kiss your child.....
Kahlia

**Done-With-It** · 05-20-2007, 11:39 AM

Uh.......... SPEAKING OF "FRIENDS" OMG!!!

Kahlia · 05-20-2007, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GratefulGirl

i have 19 months, im not sure how much time she has. i know shes had some hard times within the last year and a half, but im not sure what exactly happened or how she handled the stress. theres just something about it that makes me nervous. although, i feel like even if she wasnt an addict i would still be weird. its just been too long since ive been social, i guess. my social life was drinking and drugging - thats all. i dont even know if i would be a fun person to be around without drugs and alcohol. do you guys have a lot of friends?

by the way - im2sweet4u1983, i love your signature!

Quote:

Originally Posted by GratefulGirl

hi all - i just wanted to get some insight into this. i dont have a lot of friends...its basically just me and my husband and our baby. actually, my husband works so much, its really just me and my daughter. when my husband has time off, we dont go out much, never go to bars, etc...so its pretty hard for us to meet people. and anyway, it seems that everyone i do meet wouldnt really mesh very well into mine or my husbands lifestyle so making friends doesnt happen very often.
anyway, i was out yesterday and i ended up seeing this girl i knew from high school. she has a young baby, her husband does the exact same thing mine does, and shes lonely and in need of a friend, too.
heres what im worried about - shes a recovering addict and so is her husband. she relapsed really bad about a year ago and was out for a few months. shes doing great now and seems to be on track (from what i gathered in our 20 min conversation). i dont know how to say it, i guess...i just worried about making a friend, i think. especially someone with such a similar past as mine. does anyone have any advice, thoughts, suggestions, etc for me? maybe im crazy and over thinking this. maybe im worried that being around someone thats got the same issues as me would be a bad influence. i dont know...im just confused i think!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Done-With-It

Uh.......... SPEAKING OF "FRIENDS" OMG!!!

Have been gone for awhile, cancer is in remission and am feeling great....Higher Power is still at work with me....I can't stay away from here when I am feeling well enough. Thanks for the OMG!!!! Right back at you!!! I hope you are well, too. ...I also am getting married, sometime next year, Steve is the guy I told you about on the woman's board when I was so sick, he was there no matter what and still is, he must love my hair on some days (UGH). Gotta keep on going and keep on living as long as it is in the plan.......PEACE

Kahlia

GratefulGirl · 05-20-2007, 05:47 PM

thanks for the input. i think everyone is right..ill take a chance, start by going to the moms group and see where it goes from there. i will look out for red flags but not become the "look out police"!! i dont feel like i define myself by what i was addicted to but i do let my past get in the way of my future a lot. i dont think of myself as "crackhead" anymore, and even feel sometimes like those times in my life are someone elses memories somehow...i guess maybe im just afraid of anything new these days. im very into my routine, anything new scares me!!!

kahlia - i dont know you, but congrats on the cancer going into remission!!! that is such good news and im sure you are so relieved!! and congrats on the engagement!!! things sound like they are going really well for ya!!

im2sweet4u1983 · 05-22-2007, 06:17 PM

Grateful i wish you all the luck in the world but please be careful. I am/was addicted to crack also and I know from trial and error that its a tough thing to stay away from. Is she addicted to the same drug? If so then I will tell you that you shouldnt get involved cause I know how easy it is to fall when 2 users of the same drug come together. If she has a different addiction than you then I would say go for it and try. But if she is also addicted to crack I am going to tell you Beware! Crack is worse than any other drug ever tried to be and I know the mental pull it has on people. Ive relapsed a few times but thankfully the guilt kicked in before I got into deep and I brought my but back home, even went into the stress unit here stayed a few days to get my mind right. But everytime I have relapsed its been because I met up with someone who is also addicted to it whether it be currently or in the past. Ive never relapsed when I was by myself. So please be careful cause this is not something you want to take any chances with.

GratefulGirl · 05-22-2007, 07:01 PM

im2sweet4u1983 - yeah, shes got the same addiction as me..and i just found out recently that shes had a pretty rough time lately. i couldnt get any real specifics from the person i talked to about all this, but basically what was said was that she went through a tragedy at home and it sent her back out...for about a month off and on. so, i think maybe i have changed my mind about starting up a friendship with her. im not even sure if i want to go to the moms group that shes in now, either. it sucks because i thought that group would be safe for sure, but i just have such a weird feeling about it all now..like she and i would stay after and go "get coffee" together or something and i would end up compromising my 19 months.
at the same time, though, im trying to keep in mind what done and cass said - dont define myself by my addiction. that seems to be a much harder thing to do than i thought!! is it possible that some people are meant to stay kindof isolated for the sake of their sobriety? i hope not, cuz its getting lonely!

carl250r · 05-22-2007, 09:19 PM

dont do it.

it has allways been a recipie for drug use when ever i hung out with a old friend or a new friend who was into it. even if me and the other person was clean. it is like starting all over new again. it is quite fun but it is bad.

you "click" with this person because you are both cool chicks who are down and on the leval ,and like to party, can do hard dope like a man. can get low down and dirty bad girls.but you guys are moms maybe you don't need to be around somebady who you click with so good.you have been a bad girl and now you are sort of paying for it by having a hard time finding friends.
and don't get me wrong i'm a bad fish to I aint trying to make you feel bad. but what i am going to get to is the kid.

my mom was a crack head . and now a don't care about her. i cant realy get into her at all. and it's not like it is a choice it is just that how i came up. because you reap what you sow, i was neglected and now i realy dont have the conection like how i see others feel for there mom or feel love rite . So you don't want to risk anything like that with your kid. i am serious if you neglect your kid by things like even sleaping all day or staying out all night on that $#!t,it efects them ,that is neglect,and they will neglect you rite back,no problem it's what they know to be normal,even if they know better it will be in there programing , kids get programed thats what raising is sort of , and the crack smoking mom program is not a good one.

I can see it now 2 girls out on town girls night out,having fun having a few beers, all of the stress of raising a kid or a baby all of the stress of dealing with a husbands crap,all gone, blowing off some steam, 2 chicks cutting loose having a fun night out.next thing you know one thing leads to another and some one gives yall some free bumps of coke and you say yea sure why not i,m feeling good no big deal. then you could maybe want to go out more and more seeing what fun you might stumble into,after not long your back doing the $#!t.

or what if you are clean and good and you and your friend realy become close and she gets back on the stuff,now you will be put through the crap a drug addict puts people around them though.the lies teh hurt feelings. the shoe will be on the other foot.and you dont need that crap in your life rite now,, you have a baby to raise.

it is all about the kid. you cant play rusian rulette with a kids childhood. it is not to be F-ed with. your kid can be your friend for rite now. we have messed up with drug abuse and we can't let that crap mess up our kids.I am out of the cocain buisness. i am a good boy now and don't F with nothing. if i could just get my old lady to quit being such a drunk we would be cool.

you have to do your time with that baby. i know it sucks and babys to me anyway are not that fun at all. but after a very short while they become kids.a baby to me was useless a squrming pooping crying blob,but it was my crying blob and i loved it, but i wanted that crap over with ,i wanted him to just hury up and turn 5 allready so we could start doing fun stuff together, baby stuff sucks hard for a dad, my son is cool to play with now that he is 5. we do all kinds of crap on the weekends together me and him.. so in a little while you can hang with your new little budy ,. and if you want some company maybe have a bar-BQ and have some people over. you are stuck in that house all day almost everyday,and i know that sucks for you,but it wont be like that forever.

I know it is hard to hang out with regular lame dorks sometimes, but in time hopefully we will become regular lame dorks to and fit rite in, i don't know ?

GratefulGirl · 05-22-2007, 10:19 PM

hi carl - thanks for your reply!! i totally agree with you 100% about it being all about my daughter. me and my husband have both been clean and sober since she was born so she is the only person in our lives that doesnt know that "dark side" of us. she was like a clean slate for us, a miracle, a reason to stay healthy, someone that has never known how awful we could be. i would never risk losing my bond with her for anything at all. i really enjoy being a mom, ive never been happier and i love all the "grossness" that comes along with it. in fact, my daughter was awake vomitting all last night (stomach virus, nothing serious) and i fell in love with her even more - something i thought was impossible as my heart felt like it was full already! but, the problem is that i dont have anyone to share it with. i dont have any friends...there is no other young mom in my life that i can go shopping with or even just go to lunch and talk about being a mom. its lonely and depressing. my husband works so much and he is around people all day - talking, joking, being challenged - so by the time he comes home after his 12 hour day, hes not in the mood to do the same thing with me.
youre comment about being a "regular lame dork" made me laugh! i WISH i was a regular lame dork!! i wish i was just "normal", if you know what i mean.

carl250r · 05-22-2007, 10:33 PM

well it sounds to me like you got your head screwd on strait.

youl be allrite

GratefulGirl · 05-23-2007, 09:24 PM

thanks carl!! im so glad people responded to my thread. i dont feel so alone now with all my social skills (or lack of)!

GratefulGirl · 05-24-2007, 04:05 PM

aw - thanks cass. i never thought i would enjoy being a mom - i never wanted kids as it never fit into my "fast lane" lifestyle. then i got pregnant and things changed!! who knew that i would love being a mom!! i feel like it is what i was supposed to do with myself or something..

Kahlia · 05-27-2007, 02:10 PM

It is what you are suppose to do...GOD gave you that little girl for a reason, we all get something from GOD, a sign so to speak to let us know that it is time to move on, to stop the nonsense, to become a resonsible adult...I think you have done that. As an Rn, I see many children, unwanted, loved, unloved, abused, uncared for, but YOU have in this page made me BELIEVE that you really are OK and that you are going to find the friend you need when you need them, not the kind you don't need just to HAVE them......you truly love your daughter and she is blessed to have you as her Mother...just keep that thought in your head and heart......,
Blessings,
Kahlia

GratefulGirl · 05-27-2007, 05:57 PM

kahlia - thank you so much for your beautiful reply.. i love what you said about finding "the friend you need when you need them, not the kind you don't need just to HAVE them". that makes so much sense to me and gives me a clearer picture of whats going on with me right now. thank you!

felicity · 05-30-2007, 02:19 AM

hey gg,

for what it's worth, i would suggest trusting your own judgement. after 19 months and motherhood, surely your judgement has improved some. does this girl seem nice? do you have things in common other than past drug problems? could you grow to love her as a friend without putting booze and drugs in the picture?

these are things i would be asking myself.

as for superficial friendships - those are usually based on using. so, if you aren't serious about becoming close friends, i wouldn't even pursue it. typically, i've found people to base superficial relationships around getting something out of the other person: drugs, booze, sex, someone to make them look good, someone to entertain them, someone to give them a job or money. so, if you're just looking to pass the time in the company of another, get a cat!! haha just my thoughts on things.

best of luck!!!!!!!!

05-19-2007, 06:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	Possibly a new friend...? hi all - i just wanted to get some insight into this. i dont have a lot of friends...its basically just me and my husband and our baby. actually, my husband works so much, its really just me and my daughter. when my husband has time off, we dont go out much, never go to bars, etc...so its pretty hard for us to meet people. and anyway, it seems that everyone i do meet wouldnt really mesh very well into mine or my husbands lifestyle so making friends doesnt happen very often. anyway, i was out yesterday and i ended up seeing this girl i knew from high school. she has a young baby, her husband does the exact same thing mine does, and shes lonely and in need of a friend, too. heres what im worried about - shes a recovering addict and so is her husband. she relapsed really bad about a year ago and was out for a few months. shes doing great now and seems to be on track (from what i gathered in our 20 min conversation). i dont know how to say it, i guess...i just worried about making a friend, i think. especially someone with such a similar past as mine. does anyone have any advice, thoughts, suggestions, etc for me? maybe im crazy and over thinking this. maybe im worried that being around someone thats got the same issues as me would be a bad influence. i dont know...im just confused i think!!

05-19-2007, 06:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
leeside outtahere Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 523	They say 1 year of abstinence until you get into a new relationship. If you both have at least 1 year, why not? __________________ Someone here said I said something I didn't say and I am not allowed to show it is not something I said, so I wont be posting on SR anymore.

05-19-2007, 06:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
im2sweet4u1983 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: pensacola, Fl Posts: 84	From my own personal experience the first time I relapsed was when I was with a recovering addict who had been clean for 3 years and I was clean for one and its easier to fall back into it when youre with someone who has done it before because they are likely to say yes when it is presented to them as someone who is not an addict and who would not approve would say no. You would never mention it in front of someone who disapproves of it and you know they do. but when youre with someone who could possibly say "yes lets go do it" then you have put yourself in a bad situation and I can say that from true experience. its happened to me a couple times and all with other recovering addicts. __________________ "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism."

05-19-2007, 07:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
im2sweet4u1983 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: pensacola, Fl Posts: 84	Actually to be honest with you I dont. Just like you my only social skills were developed around drinking and drugging. So now that I am sober and I can see more clearly who I am I realize that I dont know too much about myself except for the "high" times. I met a girl who I clicked with really well but unfortunately our friendship grew apart because I did not know how to maintain any kind of healthy relationships. Which is one of the reasons that most of us became addicts in the first place. When you dont know how to keep and maintain healthy relationships you seek them out in other ways such as people you got high with. I honestly dont belive that anyone is addicted to a drug they are addicted to a fast life and they people that come along with it. That is the worst addiction to have. its also hard to have a friendship with someone who is not an addict for fear that they wont understand you because they are not like you. And having an addict as a friend is worse because you will eventually get into the stage where you are exchanging stories and that is whats going to kick your @$$. Once you get there you both become comfortable with each other in that area. When that happens you are more likely to falter in their company than u would alone. __________________ "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism."

05-20-2007, 10:21 AM	#9 (permalink)
Done-With-It InAButtonKindOfWay. Seriously? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Hollywood Posts: 8,250 Blog Entries: 15	I know that people who are in programs become friends with other users in recovery? Use your best judgement, usually you know if a friendship is healthy or not for you. If it starts to become unhealthy or if she relapses you know what you need to do. If she offers you some, that doesn't mean you have to take it, that means you get the hell out of there. That is what I would do anyway. Like Cass said, I don't define myself by what I was addicted to. But that is "Me". Take what you will, and.... (((GC))) Good Luck!! __________________ Living in fast forward Hollywood RockStar outta control Need to rewind real slow Alwys Runin Time to take control Oh yeah ...

05-19-2007, 06:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	i have 19 months, im not sure how much time she has. i know shes had some hard times within the last year and a half, but im not sure what exactly happened or how she handled the stress. theres just something about it that makes me nervous. although, i feel like even if she wasnt an addict i would still be weird. its just been too long since ive been social, i guess. my social life was drinking and drugging - thats all. i dont even know if i would be a fun person to be around without drugs and alcohol. do you guys have a lot of friends? by the way - im2sweet4u1983, i love your signature!

05-19-2007, 08:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	yeah, i totally understand what you mean. i also have a person in my life that i have clicked with really well and can have conversations with. shes not an addict but her brother is a recovering addict so she understands that whole thing really well. when we talk, we can talk for hours about anything and we really get along great. but, i never feel comfortable calling her or asking her to do anything and so she has pretty much stopped calling me, too and we are drifting apart. its so difficult. i feel like i need friends but its all so hard and seems like its easier to just not have any. its like im just not good at being a friend to anyone. not that its a good thing, but i am a little relieved to hear that someone else feels the same way i do about not really knowing how to be friends with someone. its so weird, too because i was the life of the party for so long - tons of people around, always had plans, surrounded by "friends" all the time. now, without drugs and alcohol i dont even know how to talk to people!!

05-20-2007, 06:12 AM	#7 (permalink)
ccgirl Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Harwich, MA Posts: 2,593	I would go for it. Try the friendship. If it starts to feel hinky, if you feel she is not sober for any reason, then back away. But you'll never know until you try.

05-20-2007, 09:16 AM	#8 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	cass - thanks for your input. i agree with you. there are a lot of people in my life that have no idea about the problems i have been through..and i dont really feel the need to talk about it much with people who wouldn't understand. this girl that i am worried about befriending called me this morning and asked if i would be interested in joining her "moms group" at her church. its about 5 women and shes one of them and none of the others know about her issues. so, it wouldn't be "heres M the crackhead and K the crackhead friend". so at this point, i think maybe i will start off by limiting myself to the group's activities and see how it goes from there. thanks to everyone for their responses! its so nice to have input from people who understand!! ((((hugs))))

05-20-2007, 11:35 AM	#10 (permalink)
Kahlia goin' to sane land............ Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Some dusty road????? Posts: 456	Take a risk, you already have..... I would take a chance and if you start seeing "flags" get out. It is hard as you said being isolated with a child and just you and your husband, that is unhealthy within itself. I know the first two years I was clean, I was the "Look Out" Police!! I tried to find something in everyone so I did not have to form relationships, they were hard, TRUST, the key word, we as addicts do not trust anyone as we did not trust ourselves....just try...it will get you on the path to being healthy and IF you find that she is not ready hey, it is not YOUR fault, it is hers. Just try and become a healthy member of society....easier said than done. I have been clean 7 years now and the "old" feelings creep in every once in awhile but I stop and get it under control because I now know why.....you will in time, too. Many Blessings and kiss your child..... Kahlia __________________ Even PARANOID people have REAL enemies.........from a book I read somewhere in my 3rd yr rotation getting my master's degree....Kahlia

05-20-2007, 11:39 AM	#11 (permalink)
Done-With-It InAButtonKindOfWay. Seriously? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Hollywood Posts: 8,250 Blog Entries: 15	Uh.......... SPEAKING OF "FRIENDS" OMG!!! __________________ Living in fast forward Hollywood RockStar outta control Need to rewind real slow Alwys Runin Time to take control Oh yeah ...

05-20-2007, 05:47 PM	#13 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	thanks for the input. i think everyone is right..ill take a chance, start by going to the moms group and see where it goes from there. i will look out for red flags but not become the "look out police"!! i dont feel like i define myself by what i was addicted to but i do let my past get in the way of my future a lot. i dont think of myself as "crackhead" anymore, and even feel sometimes like those times in my life are someone elses memories somehow...i guess maybe im just afraid of anything new these days. im very into my routine, anything new scares me!!! kahlia - i dont know you, but congrats on the cancer going into remission!!! that is such good news and im sure you are so relieved!! and congrats on the engagement!!! things sound like they are going really well for ya!!

05-22-2007, 06:17 PM	#14 (permalink)
im2sweet4u1983 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: pensacola, Fl Posts: 84	Grateful i wish you all the luck in the world but please be careful. I am/was addicted to crack also and I know from trial and error that its a tough thing to stay away from. Is she addicted to the same drug? If so then I will tell you that you shouldnt get involved cause I know how easy it is to fall when 2 users of the same drug come together. If she has a different addiction than you then I would say go for it and try. But if she is also addicted to crack I am going to tell you Beware! Crack is worse than any other drug ever tried to be and I know the mental pull it has on people. Ive relapsed a few times but thankfully the guilt kicked in before I got into deep and I brought my but back home, even went into the stress unit here stayed a few days to get my mind right. But everytime I have relapsed its been because I met up with someone who is also addicted to it whether it be currently or in the past. Ive never relapsed when I was by myself. So please be careful cause this is not something you want to take any chances with. __________________ "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism."

05-22-2007, 07:01 PM	#15 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	im2sweet4u1983 - yeah, shes got the same addiction as me..and i just found out recently that shes had a pretty rough time lately. i couldnt get any real specifics from the person i talked to about all this, but basically what was said was that she went through a tragedy at home and it sent her back out...for about a month off and on. so, i think maybe i have changed my mind about starting up a friendship with her. im not even sure if i want to go to the moms group that shes in now, either. it sucks because i thought that group would be safe for sure, but i just have such a weird feeling about it all now..like she and i would stay after and go "get coffee" together or something and i would end up compromising my 19 months. at the same time, though, im trying to keep in mind what done and cass said - dont define myself by my addiction. that seems to be a much harder thing to do than i thought!! is it possible that some people are meant to stay kindof isolated for the sake of their sobriety? i hope not, cuz its getting lonely!

05-22-2007, 09:19 PM	#16 (permalink)
carl250r Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: south florida Posts: 81	dont do it. it has allways been a recipie for drug use when ever i hung out with a old friend or a new friend who was into it. even if me and the other person was clean. it is like starting all over new again. it is quite fun but it is bad. you "click" with this person because you are both cool chicks who are down and on the leval ,and like to party, can do hard dope like a man. can get low down and dirty bad girls.but you guys are moms maybe you don't need to be around somebady who you click with so good.you have been a bad girl and now you are sort of paying for it by having a hard time finding friends. and don't get me wrong i'm a bad fish to I aint trying to make you feel bad. but what i am going to get to is the kid. my mom was a crack head . and now a don't care about her. i cant realy get into her at all. and it's not like it is a choice it is just that how i came up. because you reap what you sow, i was neglected and now i realy dont have the conection like how i see others feel for there mom or feel love rite . So you don't want to risk anything like that with your kid. i am serious if you neglect your kid by things like even sleaping all day or staying out all night on that $#!t,it efects them ,that is neglect,and they will neglect you rite back,no problem it's what they know to be normal,even if they know better it will be in there programing , kids get programed thats what raising is sort of , and the crack smoking mom program is not a good one. I can see it now 2 girls out on town girls night out,having fun having a few beers, all of the stress of raising a kid or a baby all of the stress of dealing with a husbands crap,all gone, blowing off some steam, 2 chicks cutting loose having a fun night out.next thing you know one thing leads to another and some one gives yall some free bumps of coke and you say yea sure why not i,m feeling good no big deal. then you could maybe want to go out more and more seeing what fun you might stumble into,after not long your back doing the $#!t. or what if you are clean and good and you and your friend realy become close and she gets back on the stuff,now you will be put through the crap a drug addict puts people around them though.the lies teh hurt feelings. the shoe will be on the other foot.and you dont need that crap in your life rite now,, you have a baby to raise. it is all about the kid. you cant play rusian rulette with a kids childhood. it is not to be F-ed with. your kid can be your friend for rite now. we have messed up with drug abuse and we can't let that crap mess up our kids.I am out of the cocain buisness. i am a good boy now and don't F with nothing. if i could just get my old lady to quit being such a drunk we would be cool. you have to do your time with that baby. i know it sucks and babys to me anyway are not that fun at all. but after a very short while they become kids.a baby to me was useless a squrming pooping crying blob,but it was my crying blob and i loved it, but i wanted that crap over with ,i wanted him to just hury up and turn 5 allready so we could start doing fun stuff together, baby stuff sucks hard for a dad, my son is cool to play with now that he is 5. we do all kinds of crap on the weekends together me and him.. so in a little while you can hang with your new little budy ,. and if you want some company maybe have a bar-BQ and have some people over. you are stuck in that house all day almost everyday,and i know that sucks for you,but it wont be like that forever. I know it is hard to hang out with regular lame dorks sometimes, but in time hopefully we will become regular lame dorks to and fit rite in, i don't know ? Last edited by carl250r; 05-22-2007 at 09:48 PM.

05-22-2007, 10:19 PM	#17 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	hi carl - thanks for your reply!! i totally agree with you 100% about it being all about my daughter. me and my husband have both been clean and sober since she was born so she is the only person in our lives that doesnt know that "dark side" of us. she was like a clean slate for us, a miracle, a reason to stay healthy, someone that has never known how awful we could be. i would never risk losing my bond with her for anything at all. i really enjoy being a mom, ive never been happier and i love all the "grossness" that comes along with it. in fact, my daughter was awake vomitting all last night (stomach virus, nothing serious) and i fell in love with her even more - something i thought was impossible as my heart felt like it was full already! but, the problem is that i dont have anyone to share it with. i dont have any friends...there is no other young mom in my life that i can go shopping with or even just go to lunch and talk about being a mom. its lonely and depressing. my husband works so much and he is around people all day - talking, joking, being challenged - so by the time he comes home after his 12 hour day, hes not in the mood to do the same thing with me. youre comment about being a "regular lame dork" made me laugh! i WISH i was a regular lame dork!! i wish i was just "normal", if you know what i mean.

05-22-2007, 10:33 PM	#18 (permalink)
carl250r Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: south florida Posts: 81	well it sounds to me like you got your head screwd on strait. youl be allrite

05-23-2007, 09:24 PM	#19 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	thanks carl!! im so glad people responded to my thread. i dont feel so alone now with all my social skills (or lack of)!

05-24-2007, 04:05 PM	#20 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	aw - thanks cass. i never thought i would enjoy being a mom - i never wanted kids as it never fit into my "fast lane" lifestyle. then i got pregnant and things changed!! who knew that i would love being a mom!! i feel like it is what i was supposed to do with myself or something..

05-27-2007, 02:10 PM	#21 (permalink)
Kahlia goin' to sane land............ Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Some dusty road????? Posts: 456	It is what you are suppose to do...GOD gave you that little girl for a reason, we all get something from GOD, a sign so to speak to let us know that it is time to move on, to stop the nonsense, to become a resonsible adult...I think you have done that. As an Rn, I see many children, unwanted, loved, unloved, abused, uncared for, but YOU have in this page made me BELIEVE that you really are OK and that you are going to find the friend you need when you need them, not the kind you don't need just to HAVE them......you truly love your daughter and she is blessed to have you as her Mother...just keep that thought in your head and heart......, Blessings, Kahlia __________________ Even PARANOID people have REAL enemies.........from a book I read somewhere in my 3rd yr rotation getting my master's degree....Kahlia

05-27-2007, 05:57 PM	#22 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	kahlia - thank you so much for your beautiful reply.. i love what you said about finding "the friend you need when you need them, not the kind you don't need just to HAVE them". that makes so much sense to me and gives me a clearer picture of whats going on with me right now. thank you!

05-30-2007, 02:19 AM	#23 (permalink)
felicity is grateful Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in my house Posts: 44	hey gg, for what it's worth, i would suggest trusting your own judgement. after 19 months and motherhood, surely your judgement has improved some. does this girl seem nice? do you have things in common other than past drug problems? could you grow to love her as a friend without putting booze and drugs in the picture? these are things i would be asking myself. as for superficial friendships - those are usually based on using. so, if you aren't serious about becoming close friends, i wouldn't even pursue it. typically, i've found people to base superficial relationships around getting something out of the other person: drugs, booze, sex, someone to make them look good, someone to entertain them, someone to give them a job or money. so, if you're just looking to pass the time in the company of another, get a cat!! haha just my thoughts on things. best of luck!!!!!!!!