Introducing Myself - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

GratefulGirl · 05-18-2007, 07:22 PM

Hi all -

i just wanted to introduce myself to everyone. I have sort of lurked around the forums for awhile, but never posted too much. I am a recovering addict - coke/crack(19 months clean) and married to a recovering addict with 15 months clean. I'm doing well, I still get cravings a lot but I am able to keep myself in control of things pretty well. Something recently that has started happening is that I am obsessed with drug info things like that show Intervention, or the documentary TV Junkie, etc. Does anyone else do that? I'm not sure why I do it - sometimes it makes cravings worse and sometimes it really helps put things into prespective for me.
Anyway, just wanted to say hi to everyone.

carl250r · 05-18-2007, 08:23 PM

yeah i can't get enough of that stuff.

l like shows on coke. like colombian drug cartels and hollywood drug storys of rock stars.And them true life shows with junkys in them. and homeless peolpe and kids shows.

i look at coke and crack on the internet and on youtube.

i was never realy even a crack head at all. i have smoked a hand full of rocks and it was good. but i never got hooked or sold my things for it. i never been to a pawn shop except ot buy things.

you know what though i have sold other peoples things for drugs a alcohaol. so whats the difference.not much. except i would steel ,not from people i know though ever. i stole from strangers only. and a big reason i did is because you can't get caught ,theres no trail back to you.and i hate a thief to ..go figure

but i have snorted god knows how much cocain.and i think about it all the time. not like ,"man i need to get some coke" but it is in my head. crack is to . i am allways calling people crack heads like as a cut down or as a greating . like "whats up crack head"

and if it is on TV i will be glued to the screan for sure. and i hate the ending of that movie BLOW, it makes me sad .

GratefulGirl · 05-18-2007, 08:33 PM

yeah, it is weird..i found a youtube.com series called "high on crack street" about these people in massachusettes that are in pretty bad condition. i watched the whole thing and was glued to it the whole time. i dont know why i get like that.

im like you too carl, its always in my head somewhere. sometimes its just like a memory that pops up, other times its a craving...but its always there. i wonder if this will continue forever - like i will never get it out of my head, or if eventually it will just go away and not be so present all the time.

**margo** · 05-18-2007, 10:53 PM

Hi GG - congrats on your 19 months!

Personally, I can't stand those shows and will not watch them - they literally make me sick to my stomach and why would I need a reminder of the times in my life I regret the most? If I want a replay, I don't need TV - I only have to go to my own head....

I definitely think it's worth exploring why you are becoming obsessed with those shows - if you are able to come up with some answers, are those answers completely honest? A relapse begins long before you pick up - be careful!

northbelle · 05-19-2007, 02:38 AM

Hey Grateful!!
Nice to meet you.
You know I do the same thing sometimes too. Now though I will intetionally stop myself and change the channel. I have to because I KNOW it is not healthy if I am just living vicariously through the TV , I DO tend to go right for em though!! So I know what you mean..Depending on the show too.
Boy I tell ya ..one movie that I can't watch (although I OWN it and have seen it sevearl times!!) is "Requiem for a Dream". Ever seen it?? Oh my god it makes me feel totally INSANE...that and Pulp Fiction!! HAHA ..we addict are pretty funny foks sometimes huh?? Thank god we have each other so we know we are not ALONE in our crazy ways and sometimes insane thinking,,,,
Thanx for the post..I think it actually brings up a important topic. Triggers are good things to be aware of..it is kind of like watching a cooking show and getting hungry when I watch shows like that!!
I had a counselor that used to say "Garbage IN..Garbage Out"..meaning what we feed our minds can manifest itself in our actions!!!
HUGE HUGE congratulations to you on finding your way into recovery and reaching out to other addicts!! Hope you will post more so we can hear more about how you have been able to get and stay clean!!!! WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!
love north

Boy Carl , be careful!! Don't torture yourself too much with those shows..
OK now I an going to youtube to check out that videao!!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

ccgirl · 05-19-2007, 05:51 AM

First, welcome!

Now, I'll tell you something really pathetic. You know that show "House" He's addicted to Vicodin? Sometimes when he's popping those pills (and they're not even real) I get jealous - yes, you heard correctly, jealous!

If I was really honest with myself, if there was a never ending supply of pain meds available with no repercussions, I would probably be an addict forever. Sad, but true.

So, don't feel bad about watching those shows. I'm even more pathetic, lol.

carl250r · 05-19-2007, 06:30 AM

i love that show house.

but the best show is the office. that show kills me.

GratefulGirl · 05-19-2007, 05:52 PM

i think maybe youre right, northbelle, i should find out why i am obsessing about those types of shows. it doesnt seem healthy and i havent been able to figure out any answers to it at all. a part of me thinks i just like the whole culture of recovery and thats why i tend to gravitate towards shows like intervention on a&e. i have seen blow (which really just kindof annoyed me) and requiem for a dream (made me feel so weird, i almost turned it off). i didnt have the same feeling watching that movie as i get watching intervention. but, like you said, i need to find the REAL HONEST answer..thats hard to do sometimes!!

anyway, i love the show House too. hes so entertaining - his attitude and how rude he is! the office is great, too although i dont catch it very often!

carl250r · 05-19-2007, 07:53 PM

i watch those shows with cocian in it beacause maybe it is that ,
I don't like cocain i just like the way it smells.

and yeah house is the man, i relate to that. am am very rude at work and am also a prfesional who knows what he is doing and can hold his own in a room full of people twice my age

GratefulGirl · 05-19-2007, 08:31 PM

LOL carl, i understand what you mean!! im a stay at home mom so im not in an office or anything but there is a part of me that thinks i needed to be some big shot ceo or something so i could show some real attitude!!

Louise54 · 05-19-2007, 09:25 PM

I have an an as who was obsessed about watching intervention while he was using. I often wonder what that was about.

GratefulGirl · 05-20-2007, 09:21 AM

yeah, i feel sad for those people, too and it reminds me of how awful life was when i was using. its good that it shows how difficult it is for the families and loved ones, too. i agree, cass - i cant imagine letting anyone film me while i was using. i always felt so shameful and embarassed and would basically just hide out at my house. the last thing i would want is some crew of people there documenting my every stupid move! i try not to get to wrapped up in the show because it does make me feel very emotional - all sorts of emotions - and then all of a sudden its over and on to CSI or something and im left feeling like someone threw me in the washing machine and put me on the spin cycle. its too much sometimes.

GratefulGirl · 05-20-2007, 05:40 PM

i feel the same way, cass. whenever i am driving past THE neighborhood or see someone who is dealing drugs, i feel so sick and sad. i live in a city thats very similar to new orleans - drugs are everywhere, out in the open and i see it a lot. i want to just smack the person buying them and tell them to "wake up!!!" and then smack the dealer around a little bit, too! like you, i used to think the whole lifestyle was so cool - fast track, "cutting-edge" or whatever, but now its just so pathetic and i feel like i wasted a lot of life to it.

speaking of tv shows (a few replies back) does anyone watch the sopranos?? i love it - cant believe its ending!!

Chris38 · 05-22-2007, 09:46 PM

Gratefulgal, sorry I took so long to reply. my DOC was vicodin, never did cocaine or crack, congrats on 19 months clean though, if I were on those I dont know if I could have come off.

If you still have cravings go to meetings. Not only that, 19 months clean, you can also start to help people too, if you wish to. I'm 51 days clean and already up there helping folks. I jumped right into it, helping myself as well though too.

Keep posting. - Chris

GratefulGirl · 05-22-2007, 10:04 PM

hi chris - i think youre right about me needing to help some people out. maybe being around people that need some guidance would be a good place to start becoming more of a "social" person instead of feeling so lonely trapped in my house all day. also, of course, it would be a great thing to get out there and actually do some good!

Chris38 · 05-23-2007, 12:37 AM

It's been proven that helping folks is self theraputic. If you feel you can do it go for it. Jump in! If you really want to help someone but think it may be a little over your head though consult with a chairperson first, as they may know the person better than you. - Chris

spacebaby72 · 05-23-2007, 12:43 AM

I watched Intervention alot when I was still using. I wanted my family and friends to do one for me. My thinking was all messed up then. I know my intervention was Children's Service. I am so grateful for that day because I wanted to quit but couldnt. I dont watch those shows as much anymore. I have what my life was like back then clearly in my mind and I dont want to go there.

ayla zaire · 05-23-2007, 01:32 AM

welcome to sr, greatfulgirl.....glad you are posting......and i hope to see ya around......

formergolf99 · 05-23-2007, 06:43 AM

I too watch those shows. I get real emotional when I watch 'Intervention' and the addicts fail to get clean. I'm rooting the whole show..for the person to be successful. Then..BAM..the ending credits roll and most of the time it says that he/she relapsed...OUCH. I get really ticked. As far as the show kicking in some cravings...not for me. It gives me re-assurance that being healthy is the smart choice.

GratefulGirl · 05-23-2007, 09:20 PM

hi everyone - thanks for responding!! formergolf, i understand how you feel - im the way, always rooting for the person to make it through and be clean at the end of the show. but when they dont, its awful and i feel so bad for them and their families. its also a great reminder of why we decided to get clean - seeing how awful life is while using and how much pain it causes the ones you love...great way to keep the motivation up!
i have decided, though, for now im going to take a break from watching any shows, movies, etc about addiction. i think maybe the constant exposure to it is getting to me...not making me crave anything, but just getting me really down. i dont want to define myself based solely on my addiction and that seems to be what im doing right now for some reason...
cass - im sending a PM your way. i would love to get involved with something productive and meaningful! thanks for the info!!

rat · 05-25-2007, 02:38 AM

Hi, GratefulGirl,and welcome. I am new here and I also am into drug information.

I posted a link to some old school films about drug use, I hope you like them:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ool-films.html (Old School films)

I wish you luck and good fortune on the road ahead.

GratefulGirl · 05-25-2007, 06:35 PM

hi rat, thanks for sending those links. i will check them out and see what they are all about! and welcome to you too - i hope everything is going well for you in your new start. keep posting!!

SWEETSHAY065 · 06-21-2007, 01:48 PM

I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT WATCHING THEM SHOWS OR GOING ONLINE AND LOOKING UP ANY INFO THAT YOU CAN ON THE DRUGS THAT I USE TO DO...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS...BUT IT INTERESTS ME AND I FIND MYSELF THINKING BOUT MY PAST....YEAH ITS HARD, BUT STAY STRONG....

05-18-2007, 07:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	Introducing Myself Hi all - i just wanted to introduce myself to everyone. I have sort of lurked around the forums for awhile, but never posted too much. I am a recovering addict - coke/crack(19 months clean) and married to a recovering addict with 15 months clean. I'm doing well, I still get cravings a lot but I am able to keep myself in control of things pretty well. Something recently that has started happening is that I am obsessed with drug info things like that show Intervention, or the documentary TV Junkie, etc. Does anyone else do that? I'm not sure why I do it - sometimes it makes cravings worse and sometimes it really helps put things into prespective for me. Anyway, just wanted to say hi to everyone.

05-18-2007, 10:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
margo Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 1,747	Hi GG - congrats on your 19 months! Personally, I can't stand those shows and will not watch them - they literally make me sick to my stomach and why would I need a reminder of the times in my life I regret the most? If I want a replay, I don't need TV - I only have to go to my own head.... I definitely think it's worth exploring why you are becoming obsessed with those shows - if you are able to come up with some answers, are those answers completely honest? A relapse begins long before you pick up - be careful! __________________ Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky. ~Ojibwe saying~

05-25-2007, 02:38 AM	#21 (permalink)
rat rattus norvegicus Join Date: May 2007 Location: elsewhere Posts: 63	Hi, GratefulGirl,and welcome. I am new here and I also am into drug information. I posted a link to some old school films about drug use, I hope you like them: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ool-films.html (Old School films) I wish you luck and good fortune on the road ahead. __________________ " Most of the trouble in this world has been caused by folks who can't mind their own business, because they have no business of their own to mind, any more than a smallpox virus has." -William S. Burroughs

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Introducing myself	Swansea24	Newcomers to Recovery	11	10-03-2007 12:01 PM
Introducing Myself - Hi ! I'm new here	Michael22	Alcoholism	20	05-11-2006 06:25 AM
Introducing Myself	Ifayomi	Newcomers to Recovery	5	02-02-2006 02:35 AM
introducing myself	mykidhunter	Newcomers to Recovery	10	01-13-2006 08:58 AM

05-18-2007, 08:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
carl250r Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: south florida Posts: 81	yeah i can't get enough of that stuff. l like shows on coke. like colombian drug cartels and hollywood drug storys of rock stars.And them true life shows with junkys in them. and homeless peolpe and kids shows. i look at coke and crack on the internet and on youtube. i was never realy even a crack head at all. i have smoked a hand full of rocks and it was good. but i never got hooked or sold my things for it. i never been to a pawn shop except ot buy things. you know what though i have sold other peoples things for drugs a alcohaol. so whats the difference.not much. except i would steel ,not from people i know though ever. i stole from strangers only. and a big reason i did is because you can't get caught ,theres no trail back to you.and i hate a thief to ..go figure but i have snorted god knows how much cocain.and i think about it all the time. not like ,"man i need to get some coke" but it is in my head. crack is to . i am allways calling people crack heads like as a cut down or as a greating . like "whats up crack head" and if it is on TV i will be glued to the screan for sure. and i hate the ending of that movie BLOW, it makes me sad .

05-18-2007, 08:33 PM	#3 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	yeah, it is weird..i found a youtube.com series called "high on crack street" about these people in massachusettes that are in pretty bad condition. i watched the whole thing and was glued to it the whole time. i dont know why i get like that. im like you too carl, its always in my head somewhere. sometimes its just like a memory that pops up, other times its a craving...but its always there. i wonder if this will continue forever - like i will never get it out of my head, or if eventually it will just go away and not be so present all the time.

05-19-2007, 02:38 AM	#5 (permalink)
northbelle Dopeless Hope Fiend Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: anchorage Alaska Posts: 1,674	Hey Grateful!! Nice to meet you. You know I do the same thing sometimes too. Now though I will intetionally stop myself and change the channel. I have to because I KNOW it is not healthy if I am just living vicariously through the TV , I DO tend to go right for em though!! So I know what you mean..Depending on the show too. Boy I tell ya ..one movie that I can't watch (although I OWN it and have seen it sevearl times!!) is "Requiem for a Dream". Ever seen it?? Oh my god it makes me feel totally INSANE...that and Pulp Fiction!! HAHA ..we addict are pretty funny foks sometimes huh?? Thank god we have each other so we know we are not ALONE in our crazy ways and sometimes insane thinking,,,, Thanx for the post..I think it actually brings up a important topic. Triggers are good things to be aware of..it is kind of like watching a cooking show and getting hungry when I watch shows like that!! I had a counselor that used to say "Garbage IN..Garbage Out"..meaning what we feed our minds can manifest itself in our actions!!! HUGE HUGE congratulations to you on finding your way into recovery and reaching out to other addicts!! Hope you will post more so we can hear more about how you have been able to get and stay clean!!!! WELCOME!!!!!!!!!! love north Boy Carl , be careful!! Don't torture yourself too much with those shows.. OK now I an going to youtube to check out that videao!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

05-19-2007, 05:51 AM	#6 (permalink)
ccgirl Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Harwich, MA Posts: 2,593	First, welcome! Now, I'll tell you something really pathetic. You know that show "House" He's addicted to Vicodin? Sometimes when he's popping those pills (and they're not even real) I get jealous - yes, you heard correctly, jealous! If I was really honest with myself, if there was a never ending supply of pain meds available with no repercussions, I would probably be an addict forever. Sad, but true. So, don't feel bad about watching those shows. I'm even more pathetic, lol.

05-19-2007, 06:30 AM	#7 (permalink)
carl250r Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: south florida Posts: 81	i love that show house. but the best show is the office. that show kills me.

05-19-2007, 05:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	i think maybe youre right, northbelle, i should find out why i am obsessing about those types of shows. it doesnt seem healthy and i havent been able to figure out any answers to it at all. a part of me thinks i just like the whole culture of recovery and thats why i tend to gravitate towards shows like intervention on a&e. i have seen blow (which really just kindof annoyed me) and requiem for a dream (made me feel so weird, i almost turned it off). i didnt have the same feeling watching that movie as i get watching intervention. but, like you said, i need to find the REAL HONEST answer..thats hard to do sometimes!! anyway, i love the show House too. hes so entertaining - his attitude and how rude he is! the office is great, too although i dont catch it very often!

05-19-2007, 07:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
carl250r Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: south florida Posts: 81	i watch those shows with cocian in it beacause maybe it is that , I don't like cocain i just like the way it smells. and yeah house is the man, i relate to that. am am very rude at work and am also a prfesional who knows what he is doing and can hold his own in a room full of people twice my age

05-19-2007, 08:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	LOL carl, i understand what you mean!! im a stay at home mom so im not in an office or anything but there is a part of me that thinks i needed to be some big shot ceo or something so i could show some real attitude!!

05-19-2007, 09:25 PM	#11 (permalink)
Louise54 Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 285	I have an an as who was obsessed about watching intervention while he was using. I often wonder what that was about.

05-20-2007, 09:21 AM	#12 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	yeah, i feel sad for those people, too and it reminds me of how awful life was when i was using. its good that it shows how difficult it is for the families and loved ones, too. i agree, cass - i cant imagine letting anyone film me while i was using. i always felt so shameful and embarassed and would basically just hide out at my house. the last thing i would want is some crew of people there documenting my every stupid move! i try not to get to wrapped up in the show because it does make me feel very emotional - all sorts of emotions - and then all of a sudden its over and on to CSI or something and im left feeling like someone threw me in the washing machine and put me on the spin cycle. its too much sometimes.

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

05-20-2007, 05:40 PM	#13 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	i feel the same way, cass. whenever i am driving past THE neighborhood or see someone who is dealing drugs, i feel so sick and sad. i live in a city thats very similar to new orleans - drugs are everywhere, out in the open and i see it a lot. i want to just smack the person buying them and tell them to "wake up!!!" and then smack the dealer around a little bit, too! like you, i used to think the whole lifestyle was so cool - fast track, "cutting-edge" or whatever, but now its just so pathetic and i feel like i wasted a lot of life to it. speaking of tv shows (a few replies back) does anyone watch the sopranos?? i love it - cant believe its ending!!

05-22-2007, 09:46 PM	#14 (permalink)
Chris38 Chris38NYC Join Date: May 2007 Location: New York, NY Posts: 152	Gratefulgal, sorry I took so long to reply. my DOC was vicodin, never did cocaine or crack, congrats on 19 months clean though, if I were on those I dont know if I could have come off. If you still have cravings go to meetings. Not only that, 19 months clean, you can also start to help people too, if you wish to. I'm 51 days clean and already up there helping folks. I jumped right into it, helping myself as well though too. Keep posting. - Chris

05-22-2007, 10:04 PM	#15 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	hi chris - i think youre right about me needing to help some people out. maybe being around people that need some guidance would be a good place to start becoming more of a "social" person instead of feeling so lonely trapped in my house all day. also, of course, it would be a great thing to get out there and actually do some good!

05-23-2007, 12:37 AM	#16 (permalink)
Chris38 Chris38NYC Join Date: May 2007 Location: New York, NY Posts: 152	It's been proven that helping folks is self theraputic. If you feel you can do it go for it. Jump in! If you really want to help someone but think it may be a little over your head though consult with a chairperson first, as they may know the person better than you. - Chris

05-23-2007, 12:43 AM	#17 (permalink)
spacebaby72 Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Coos Bay Posts: 2	I watched Intervention alot when I was still using. I wanted my family and friends to do one for me. My thinking was all messed up then. I know my intervention was Children's Service. I am so grateful for that day because I wanted to quit but couldnt. I dont watch those shows as much anymore. I have what my life was like back then clearly in my mind and I dont want to go there.

05-23-2007, 01:32 AM	#18 (permalink)
ayla zaire Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons Posts: 2,364	welcome to sr, greatfulgirl.....glad you are posting......and i hope to see ya around......

05-23-2007, 06:43 AM	#19 (permalink)
formergolf99 Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Washington, D.C. Posts: 123	I too watch those shows. I get real emotional when I watch 'Intervention' and the addicts fail to get clean. I'm rooting the whole show..for the person to be successful. Then..BAM..the ending credits roll and most of the time it says that he/she relapsed...OUCH. I get really ticked. As far as the show kicking in some cravings...not for me. It gives me re-assurance that being healthy is the smart choice.

05-23-2007, 09:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	hi everyone - thanks for responding!! formergolf, i understand how you feel - im the way, always rooting for the person to make it through and be clean at the end of the show. but when they dont, its awful and i feel so bad for them and their families. its also a great reminder of why we decided to get clean - seeing how awful life is while using and how much pain it causes the ones you love...great way to keep the motivation up! i have decided, though, for now im going to take a break from watching any shows, movies, etc about addiction. i think maybe the constant exposure to it is getting to me...not making me crave anything, but just getting me really down. i dont want to define myself based solely on my addiction and that seems to be what im doing right now for some reason... cass - im sending a PM your way. i would love to get involved with something productive and meaningful! thanks for the info!!

05-25-2007, 06:35 PM	#22 (permalink)
GratefulGirl Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Memphis, TN Posts: 103	hi rat, thanks for sending those links. i will check them out and see what they are all about! and welcome to you too - i hope everything is going well for you in your new start. keep posting!!

06-21-2007, 01:48 PM	#23 (permalink)
SWEETSHAY065 ALL 4 MY LITTLE GIRL Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 7	I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT WATCHING THEM SHOWS OR GOING ONLINE AND LOOKING UP ANY INFO THAT YOU CAN ON THE DRUGS THAT I USE TO DO...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS...BUT IT INTERESTS ME AND I FIND MYSELF THINKING BOUT MY PAST....YEAH ITS HARD, BUT STAY STRONG....