Dreams

[chiynita]

I am a very active dreamer.
I just woke up from a horrible dream.
Very weird one.
Every once in awhile I have dreams where I get really mad at my grams and I get violently raging angry with her. For dumb things. But I get like super crazy angry and act out in them. Its usually only her in them.
I hate these dreams.
This one had alot of my family with her in it and I was seperating and doing the same thing to all of them I do my grams in the anger dreams. And I was being like that with strangers as well.
Also I was trying to get away from something in this dream too.

I know stupid post. Really didnt know where to put it.

Its just they really affect me for a minute when I wake up.

I wonder why I dream this stuff. I would never hurt my grams. Especially that way. Maybe its how I really feel with my addiction and the affect on them. I dont know. And the anger is really toward myself.

Just had to get that out somewhere. Thanx.

[kittykat01]

It's important to talk about everything in your life that bothers you, even if you think it's silly, or you are the only one going through it. It's not silly and you are DEFINITELY not the only one going through it. One thing that I can suggest to you is, do something relaxing before you go to bed at night. Meditate, read, take a hot bath, pray. Let out all your anxieties before you lay down. I use to have a lot of nightmares, I know where you are coming from. They will eventually subside. I've learned that doing something to clear my mind and relaxing really helped alot. I will pray for you. It will get better. God bless you hunny...with much sober love..

[ccgirl]

Why don't you get one of those books about the meaning dreams? I don't know how much of it is scientifically proven, but it might be interesting.

And don't worry about your grams. I've had horrible dreams that I've done horrible things to people. I've never acted on them (obviously) or really even felt that way. Well, maybe the one about my M-I-L, lol!!!

[chiynita]

Geeeezz!!!! I had just fell asleep after being awake for an hour after the first post here. I have gotten like 3 hrs sleep. I woke up from that first dream came here and fell back to sleep.
This time I had dream I was pulling out of a gas station and my truck was getting faster and started sliding all over the place. i just missed a burger king.(kinda funny) And then kept skidding but I wasnt even braking I just let it go and finally crashed into a chain link fenced gate. I got out and my truck was demolished. I mean bad. I started crying and woke up to me trying to shut the driver side door over and over that wouldnt shut and I was saying over and over ..OMG this is real.
MAn what the heck.
I fear these may be in connection with my thoughts the past couple days of calling the dealer. As in my post in newcomers "curiosity got the best of me somewhat"
I know dreams are only dreams. I just wish I could make sense of them. I do believe they come from subconcious (sp) thoughts.
Maybe it is a test. MAybe it is the devil trying me. I dont know. But I am very relieved that it was only a dream. But wow do they seem so real.

[SaTiT]

You get crazy dreams too.lol
Try not to make too much out of it Chyinita.
Your brain is trying to heal itself.

Okey....now,
Don't know if you done lots of reserch on mental health.
You know me...I was really wack and had to find out.lol
We slip into our sub-consicious mind during our sleep.
The sub-consiciouse had no reasoning and dose not
distinguish or discriminate. The SC also stores lots
of informations, pretty much just like a hard drive
on a PC. A lot of un resolved anger or surpressed
emotions and everthing else. But the information
is like an enmigma. So when you dream, it's like
pulling up a huge zip file, and within the zip file
are millions of files that's not sorted in any maner.

During our slumber is when our body/brain heal and
regenerate and also release surpress emotions
or energy. So your grandmother is probably someone
you really love and someone that's been there for you a lot. You are angery..just angery or have surpress anger
becuase young ladies should not get angery or show anger.
You run becuase , thats what you do and most addicts
do and probably becuase you walk away from a treament
center a week ago.

[anvilhead]

when we are sleeping, the active conscious part of our brain, the traffic cop if you will, goes on break. so all these little thoughts run amok, banging into each other, wreaking havoc, like a room full of firstgraders left alone too long........

try not to read too much into your dreams right now. now that your brain isn't getting inundated with drugs, some of the damaged or dormant synapses are starting to fire again...........waking up from a long hibernation........struggling back to life. and that's a GOOD thing!

[SaTiT]

Oki doki...from a symbolic view.

grand mother = unconditional love = god
anger= litter girl= your inner child = spirit
Runing=fear= addict = ego

there's also a part of our brain or mind that's defind
as the ego. This is also our basic instinct . it's our
servival instinct. it's also a part of our brain the
needs to be stimulated. Most addicts and alcoholic
has a greater drive to fill this stimulation than an average
person.
Therefore the compulsive and obsessive behaviors.
The ego is also at the lowest of our mind structuring.
The reason why the ego runs from light is so it will
remain in control. In other words it's a struggle
between your conscious mind and your lower mind
to retain control. I sometime use the term getting
out of my mind (conscious mind) into the super consicous
mind (hp/ god). Becuase wreslting with the ego is
like a rodeo clown(conscious) fighting a bull (ego).
Have you notice all cowboys gets the hell of the
ring after riding a bull. This is a simple analogy.
Have you also notice the stupid bull just runs back
into it's stable once everybody gets out of the ring ?

So...you know how people say just surrender,
The fight is over. We get out of our conscious mind
of reasoning or logic and go into our
super conscious. You don't reason with a bull...ya know

And that's the paradox....powerless.
You actaully retain control or have power over the ego if
you let go of it. Basically you're not giving it anymore
fuel to run on. During this process your brain will
go through withdraws, becuase it's been habitual.

That's why JC simply said STOP. He was in
the superconsicous. Not in the ring with the bull
struggling with it.
Some people has even defind this as the Chirst mind.

I didn't make it stuff up.... okay.
A lot of self help , spiritaul, mental health books.
They all pretty much have the same principle, just
different terminalogies and ways of definding the
samething.

[anvilhead]

my mind always locked onto the saying:

WHAT WE RESIST, WE BECOME.

all my life growing up, i swore i'd never be like my mom.....and ended up being more like her than if i had tried.

surrender
acceptance
letting go

those all sound like such passive, almost weak acts....yet as SaTiT said so eloquently by relinquishing control we regain control.......

for as long as i was convinced i had this crack thing under control, but thanks for asking, the worse it got. things spiraled out of control. life flew by me like bits of paper in a windstorm and i couldn't catch them. but when i finally said, ok, i concede, i'm a failure as a successful dope fiend, things slowly started to slow down. at times everything in me seemed to scream so loudly for dope i swore the neighbors could hear.

in the recovery process our bodies and minds are gonna go thru a whole series of changes. healing, repairing, restoring. it can be uncomfortable, awkward, unpleasant, even miserable at time.....it's just how it is. it is but one season of change, necessary and survivable.

[yippeeciayay]

Originally Posted by chiynita

I just woke up from a horrible dream.
I get really mad at my grams and I get violently raging angry with her. But I get like super crazy angry and act out in them. Its usually only her in them.
This one had alot of my family with her in it and I was seperating and doing the same thing to all of them I do my grams in the anger dreams. And I was being like that with strangers as well.
Also I was trying to get away from something in this dream too.

I would never hurt my grams.

could be shes and others are who can help you, yet, you are still somehow trying to resist and wanting to do it by yourself, you may be still running from help...
you did say you liked to do things your way in another post...wink wink

just a look at the otherside

>>>>dont worry, they're only dreams!!!

[chiynita]

Boy you guys. My mind must be on hyper heal today if what you all say is true. I havent felt too good all day. Just drained so I have slept alot today.
But I just woke up once again to 2 more rage dreams on my grams.
NUTS!!!
My grams is getting a kick out of it. I dont think its funny.

I am going to take a nice hot bath.

[SaTiT]

Oki doki...
We go through emotional roller coasters in earliy recovery.

If for some reason, you just feel like crying or having a
break down.....don't trip okay.

Have a good cry, allow yourself to cry. Don't resist it.
Within our tears are also residue of pioson that we injected
into our body. This is also another way our body and brain
heals itself or rid itself of pioson.

When i cry , my tears are hot.
But after a good cry, my brain feels lighter or less tension.
My thinking becomes clearer.

Some would say our tears are telescope into heaven.

You can also get pro active and start doing excersize.
Sweat out the pioson. Drink water, basically just
flushing out your system.

Basically, that's what my sponsor dose. He just sit
and listen to me and then I cry.
Bascially that's what I do my my sponsee, I sit and
listen and just let them cry.