Ten Checking In

[Ten Chips Down]

Hi everyone,

As I know there are a few people who frequent this forum worried for my recent drop in activity, I felt it would be a good idea to post a hello and update ...from Ten

Greeneyes' passing did hit me very, very hard. We had a budding recovery friendship and she could be so optimistic and hopeful about her future, as evidenced by her last post. Her husband and I were talking about this just yesterday: A part of her wanted the sober life so badly; the disease just won out first.

I have gone through some weird, full spectrum of emotions, emotions ranging from guilt to even anger. And knowing it is all nothing compared to her family's.

=-=-=-=-=

So anyways i am feeling ok ...ok, now? And in fact, I would like to announce a new "totally" clean date (yes Woops, "even from the Restoril" lol), but . . . .I am holding off until I feel more sure about it.. LOL!!!

I don't really know what else to say right now. That is different for me. I try to keep my spirits high, "for everybody else." you know?? i just keep reading her last post and i cannot fully comprehend it all right now.

I think that anyone who knew of or followed her at all on this forum... simply needs time. It's a lot to comprehend. And perhaps impossible to fully accept.

Love you all.
Ten

[Ten Chips Down]

i, too, have been finding myself just sort of.... naturally gravitating away from normal coffee-consumption, lately!

I think you're having some freaky, osmotic effect on me? i dont want to drink so much coffee anymore? maybe just a cup-a-day ? I'm stuck on question-mode like a Woops?


And I am definitely feeling better for it, too. I am going completely benzo-free right now. I am completely clean and sober. A little shy about announcing a date, still, but - that's where I am now!! Weeeeeeeee.

Oh! lol but anyways i am noticing the day is CONSIDERABLY less stressful and/or prone to anxiousness when i leave out most or all coffee.

So there ya go, Sport. I think you're rubbing off on me. Ok that maybe didn't come out right.

Goodnite :Wgla

[51anna]

I'm so glad to hear from you Ten!

We will get through this together. And, yes, I think time is the answer for all of us to deal with this.

[Hope]

I know that it was hard on us all with the passing of greeneyes. That really hit me hard too yesterday. I was reading along with her posts and then she was gone before I even knew what happened. What a shocker. That helped me stay clean another day in her memory. I was struggling and I thought about what happened to her and I didn't give in to the urges.

Ten, I'm so happy for you that you are going to have a new date. That is so empowering in many ways. When you're ready to let us know, we're here.
I know you can do it. I enjoy reading your posts. I always get so much out of them.

[woops]

That is wonderful news - I cannot tell you how pleased I am for you - I don't think I have ever seen anyone with quite the same withdrawal...........boy, you have some tenacity!
The rest will all follow on in time.
But to finally be benzo free - is wonderful - liberating.......... all that wasted time, friendships left to die, opportunities...................och and all the rest - will pale into the past..........and you're finally free to live life to the full...........
Depression, insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, feelings of indadequacy will all lift soon..........
Yeeeeeeehhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And just for you I have managed to get thro this post without a question! A first for me too!!
woops

[historyteach]

Many of us experience shock, saddness and even anger at the passing of someone we've come to know here on SR. Greeneyes was important to us, and her untimely death leaves a void. We don't know how to fill it.

Here's a link that may help. It is about the five stages of grief. And how many of us process that grief.
http://changingminds.org/disciplines...ubler_ross.htm

Please continue to take good care of yourself as we collectively and individually grieve the loss of our friend, Greeneyes.

Shalom!

[Doug]

Welcome back Ten.

[mywifeisatpeace]

I am grateful for all of you. greeneyes3902 made friends here in the brief time that she came here. it was the only place on the internet she looked foward to comong to. she never really used the computer until she came to this site. thank you all for being there for her in her final days.

[TryingisDying]

((((ten)))))

[mywifeisatpeace]

Originally Posted by TryingisDying

((((ten)))))

she won't be there with me. thats what hurts the most. just like in the song.

[I'mready99]

Welcome back Ten...

You are such a help to people on this forum. I know you have been to me...

I feel such sorrow from hearing about Greeneyes passing...

The insanity and sadness of addiction!

Steve

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

I know that it was hard on us all with the passing of greeneyes. That really hit me hard too yesterday. I was reading along with her posts and then she was gone before I even knew what happened. What a shocker.

Yes. It is... surreal. I will describe what I think it is we go through using the subject noun, "you" to represent each of us. Ok?

This is 'just the internet' and yet you know this story is very real.

And so, you try to process--to understand, to accept. But comprehension eludes you as the enormity of what has happened becomes more evident. A mother, a wife, a friend, another beautiful person; a fellow addict in search of recovery just like you, has lost that battle. She is much better now but she is within our realm no more.

We empathize with her because we are one. We empathize with her because we too are addicts. There but for the grace of God and so on. We empathize with her because we are one--we are all a part of the family of woman and man. What affects you ripples throughout, and in some distant way affects me. This is what highly spiritual people know. We are as one.

"That helped me stay clean another day in her memory. I was struggling and I thought about what happened to her and I didn't give in to the urges."

Yes, it makes us to look inward with a firmer more sober countenance. During these times, we are reminded of the transience of life. And yet because we impact others around us during our sojourns here, our lives and especially our struggles on the path, are precious and immeasurably meaningful--even if not to ourselves.

"Ten, I'm so happy for you that you are going to have a new date. That is so empowering in many ways. When you're ready to let us know, we're here.."

Hey, thanks. I am off the Klonopin (and Xanax), which were the biggest hurdles by far. Yet, I could never claim to be "clean" because I was still taking a small bit of the hair of the same dog: Temazepam. A bozo benzo. lol It is like Woops said: My way back has been sinuous, and nothing if not interesting.

So... out of honesty with myself and everyone, I never tried to pretend otherwise.

Didn't stop you guys from celebrating with me as I celebrated! You lifted me up and sang praises for every small victory, including that of being happy in my 'relative' sobriety.

You døødz are so cool! :Wgla

Ten