Maybe i am just not ready yet?

[mbbb]

i sit here, wondering if it is possible that as much as i want to quit and end this addiction that is ruining me, as much as i plan and try, as much as i go to meetings and say tomorrow is the day, that well, I am just not ready to give it up yet

I have read so much on addiction and treatments and support that i truly believe i have read it all.....i have made the choice 100% that i want my life back and am ready to get it back and will do what is needed.....but something is missing

is it possible that i am just not ready yet to give it up, it is not my time yet and no matter how hard i try i am doomed to fail, or is this just part of the process, looking for any excuse to hold on to, cause im done with excuses, but if i am wondering about this, then well, maybe its true?

In the end, i know it doesnt matter, every step closer is a step in the right direction, and i will keep trying and moving closer cause god knows it just doesnt happen, but wondering if anyone know what i am talking about..or any advice???

mb

[ccgirl]

I think at the end of the day, you kind of have to take a deep breath, and dive in and just do it. And yes, you really have to want to.

[faithhopelovejr]

Your "higher power" which is God to me, is the key to what's missing possibly. Pray, Pray, Pray.

[hope3]

Oh mbbb, do I know what you are talking about when you say:

is it possible that i am just not ready yet to give it up, it is not my time yet and no matter how hard i try i am doomed to fail, or is this just part of the process, looking for any excuse to hold on to, cause im done with excuses, but if i am wondering about this, then well, maybe its true?

In the end, i know it doesnt matter, every step closer is a step in the right direction, and i will keep trying and moving closer cause god knows it just doesnt happen, but wondering if anyone know what i am talking about..or any advice???

mb

That is your addition talking, not you.........

The last person to think they are ready, is the addict.

Thats why, even when your addicted brain is telling you those things, you just have to believe that in time, your true brain will come through and that the best thing you can do in early recovery is to just say no.

I'm not going to use, I'm not listening to the addicted brain, no matter what!

It will come to you, have faith,, (((((((((hope3)))))))

[StagebearNJ]

Originally Posted by mbbb

as much as i want to quit and end this addiction that is ruining me, as much as i plan and try, as much as i go to meetings and say tomorrow is the day, that well, I am just not ready to give it up yet

There's more to it than being ready. We have to be willing to do as much, to endure as much cr@p as we were willing to endure to get high.
Most of us went to any lengths (oops, there's my AA history showing) to get what we needed (or wanted) to get our DOC. We likely have stronger willpower than the average Joe(Joanne) to endure what we do just to get the "feeling".
We can go to opposite lengths to get that other "feeling" I hear mentioned so often here...normal.
So, welcome to the club. You clearly know you have a problem and probably are ready to stop. Now, to become willing...
Holding out a paw, I remain your humble servant,
Da Stagebear

[northbelle]

Ahmen..it takes alot more than just being ready..
I have to be willing to step outside my own wants and do the next right thing.

Me and my son are going to go ride a ferris wheel downtown..in minus 19 degree alaskan style!!!!!

Recovey is not for the faint at heart//
Press on...you CAN do it!!!
love north

[ccgirl]

North, good for you. I was whinig that is was 22 farenheit here.

[Missymae737]

Originally Posted by mbbb

i sit here, wondering if it is possible that as much as i want to quit and end this addiction that is ruining me,
mb

Hi,

Look at the reasons why your addiction is ruining your life. Is it making your life unmanageable?

Examine the reasons why you want to quit.

Keep coming here for support, you can do this!

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by ccgirl

I think at the end of the day, you kind of have to take a deep breath, and dive in and just do it. And yes, you really have to want to.

I agree with this, MB. Got to just do it and stop analyzing. Have heard the saying analysis leads to paralysis? LOL When I hear you say that you have the desire and are "ready do to what is needed," but that you feel "something is missing" I see someone who is over-thinking the problem at hand.

There is no magic. For most, there is no bright shining light and the skies do not part. Plus, you can choose when the time "just right," meaning as ccgirl just said, you can MAKE it happen. It's up to you.

I like Northbelle's line that "recovery is not for the faint of heart." Very true, yet when you know that you want it, no amount of difficulty can keep you from getting and staying clean.

Ten

[mbbb]

Damn....words from the wise, thanks

I think i knew all this, but i need to certainly ask for some help and strength (not mention endurance) from the one above, i am getting close, im gettting mad to, thats when i can do anything, i have to get to that point though, thats when i know i am ready, and willing, i am so close.....know what i mean, i am sick of this whole thing, thinking about it, planning it, wanting it, i just need to frickin do it!!!

Plus my alaska friend, i with u, it winter in winnipeg and i love it but hate it, no ferris wheels or rides here, but lots of fresh snow, which is always nice, until the temp and windchill make it -50 , that sucks

please wish me luck all, i need your prayers the next couple days, i am going to do this.....i can feel it, and am going to keep trying

mb

[ayla zaire]

i'm praying for you........

what everyone says is true....you may never feel 'ready'

you have to try....ready or not....

[Missymae737]

Originally Posted by mbbb

I
please wish me luck all, i need your prayers the next couple days, i am going to do this.....i can feel it, and am going to keep trying
mb

I am sending prayers your way, and yes, you can do this. Keep coming here, keep us posted, your on your way to recovery.

[hope3]

I totally agree with ayla zaire;;;

Originally Posted by ayla zaire

i'm praying for you........

what everyone says is true....you may never feel 'ready'

you have to try....ready or not....

Why, because ask yourself this question.

I know I would be ready if I damage my liver, my heart my etc....

but, will it be to late when I am finally ready...

Best wishes, (((((((((((hope3))))))))))

[HopeTo180]

mbbb, I've been there. I went to all the meetings, church and researched all the bad things about my activities. I never quit until I really decided to do so. You are closer than you realize. Keep gathering all the tools and something will happen. Something that will make you see. Something that will make you decide.

[anvilhead]

hope, nice message...however please note the last date of this post.......Feb 2007......