help with home detox part 3

[mikiglen]

woo hoo, a part three, lol
as always, i am going to repost my background and the link to parts one and two. part one especially was very detailed about my withdrawals from a huge hydro and xanax habit. if you'd like to know what to expect, please check it out here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ome-detox.html

this is the first post i ever made here on SR:

first of all, let me say thanks for all being here, and hopefully being able to support me.
a bit of background.....11 years ago, i had a 100 pill a day vicodin habit that i sustained by forging prescriptions among other things (i was a nurse). i was put in jail, went cold turkey, but made it, then did eight months in a wonderful treatment center. i made it almost 9 years.
when i am sober, i am a very energetic, happy, funny person, which is why i never understand why i use to feel those things. however, i relapsed two plus years ago, and have used some substance every single day since then. i have ranged from xanax to clonopin, vicodin to ultram, st johns wort to fiorinal without codeine. my main problems? stress, anger, irritability, and inability to stay awake without "something". funny, all the things i'm not when i'm truly sober.
my use has been out of control the past few months, sometimes 15 mg of xanax a day, just trying to feel happy. sometimes 400mg of hydrocodone just to be awake enough to function.
let me mention here i am a single mom of four kids. the ten and three year olds have severe behavioral issues. i have a six year old, and also a six month old baby. i also work full time, hate my job, and am very financially stressed. this all makes the appeal of opiates, oh so much more intense. just that happy, "everything is ok" feeling, "i can do all this" for just a few hours has been worth it to me.
right now, the most trouble i am having is with tiredness. i can barely make it past eight pm, sometimes it's just pizza for dinner, then i get up with the baby twice, and even though i'm up at 530, i've GOT to lay down for that extra thirty minutes, and i'll still be mad when i wake up. then i have to find something to take to help me get up and moving as i have a very high tolerance for caffeine. i'm also aggravated by now, and realize i'm going to be spending a day yelling at my kids if i don't stop things now.
then comes work. the apathy. the just wanting to sit on the couch, cause if i don't have opiates, i don't want to do anything. then i have to figure out lies to tell my boss about not working, and figure what i'm going to do when bill time comes.
anyway, yes i'm tired of being a slave. i'm tired of spending all the money. i'm tired of feeling like i need something to wake up or be happy. but, in all honesty.....if i could get free unlimited opiates for the rest of my life, i would.
so, tonite, i have two milligrams of xanax, eight fiorinal without codeine and no money for more doctor visits or med. i am in a position where yes, i want to quit, albeit frustrating, but i also HAVE to.
i cannot go inpatient anywhere because i have noone to take my children. i can't afford antidepressants or expensive meds due to no insurance. i know about immodium. but what about the tiredness, the lethargy, the irritability, the sweats, the shakes? what can i do for those? is there something cheap i can get OTC or even get my doctor to prescribe (he is very understanding). i am willing to do everything to quit, and believe me, once i do this detox thing again, i am never doing it again.
i would love pointers, advice, stories, support, anything you all can give me. when i have some time again, i will give it all back
thanks for reading

[mikiglen]

here is the link to part two:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ox-pt-2-a.html

so now, i am more than 60 days opiate/benzo free, but unfortunately, i relapsed on provigil the first of january and am just now at 30 days again. i am a single mom of four kids, and love all the people at SR. if you are new here, post...the people here are so wonderfully supportive.
i just want to tell anyone who is reading that detoxing can be done at home, and you can stay sober!
now, who's going to be the first to post in my thread?

[lexirott]

I really think your boss needs to be on meds. He has issues.
So sorry that you have to deal with that.
Did I hear you correctly-you are not watching idol tonight?

[lexirott]

Ha... didn't realize i was the first to post on part 3 until after I posted it.

[northbelle]

I just re-read you original post..HAHA..I love it when you tell how crappy you feel then ask "if there is something you can buy over the counter to make you feel better!!" I wish ,sis, I WISH.
Its a inside job...
I chaired the noon meeting today and it was totally awesome. The whole group was in a laughing mood..mostly at ourselves and our crzazy behaviors..regarding blaming others and resentments..I am working on my 4th step right now and WOW..it is really making me take a hard LOOK at myself and MY ATTITUDE..how I ALLOW others to make me feel.
kay thats all for me...
love north

[Slightly Batty]

I feel almost honoured to be able to post in your thread!
.. I'm one of those who PM'd you yesterday? with an idea about getting that cheque of yours deposited.
I will repeat what I also mentioned in the PM - you are so awesome - truly.
The battles you have fought and are still fighting and here you are - making it, really making it work. You are a warrier!
sometimes I think of some of the words in several Springsteen songs, and also when he's been interviewed he has said, that the hardest battles fought and won in this world are the day to day hardships that people face every day all over the world. And I sure agree with that.

Yes, I'm new, I'll post over in the Newcomers' section soon. I'm from Alberta, Canada, and dag nab it! it's cold up here today. But me, and my two teenage sons are all comfy and warm here in our little old farmhouse.
My husband is an alcoholic, and spending the night again at his brothers' house, which is an agreement we have - and myself- I'm addicted to oxycontin and am doing a so called forced taper to the big Zero since my doctor cut me off with a two week prescription. I'm about half way now, I'm another one of those who takes the pain meds for legit pain, however, there's about a two year waiting list for pain clinics here so I'm SOL.So I'm feeling crappy but good just the same in a way, I'm going to be off! these things!
I know I'll feel crappier yet before I'm done the taper so you'll hear lots from me. anyhoo, sorry! This is your thread! If you want me to move this last paragraph up to another thread, I will.
I'm going to go back and read your post again from the start. It's an amazing thread. It has helped me so much.
God Bless,
Batty

[I'mready99]

Batty...Welcome to Misti's place...

Yes she is an amazing lady. I would like to be half as strong as she is...

She and others who post here will be a big help to you. I'm sure she will check in and reply to you shortly...

Stay strong.

Steve

[mikiglen]

hey lex, first poster on my thread, cool!
nope, no idol for me tonite...i love criminal minds and tonite is part two of what was an EXCELLENT show sunday...gotta watch it.
when jericho comes back, that will take preference over idol, too
NORTH, great job on chairing the meeting. you have come so far and i am so proud of you!
welcome batty, i am so glad you posted here! i am honored that you have.
you're tapering now? what are you going from, and what are you at now? it's hard, i know...can someone hold your meds for you maybe? and about your pain, have you talked to your doc about other medications, or ways to treat it?
i admit, i do call this "my" thread, lol, but it is where anyone can come to vent, rant, be funny, whatever. i'm done detoxing, so it's not about that anymore. i post what's going on with me, and i love it when others post about what's going on with them. that's how we support each other. if you are ever having a bad day, or cravings, or just something bugging you, come post here. the people who regularly drop in are wonderful at advice, and all are so sweet
i would like to hear more from you, more about you when you get time
to all readers, love y'all

[mikiglen]

heh, steve, we were posting at the same time
YOU are truly wonderful, the way you adore that baby.....how is she feeling anyway?

[mikiglen]

for some reason, it won't link to part one, which to me, is the most important thread. i'm gonna try it again....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ome-detox.html

[mikiglen]

ah, there we go

[northbelle]

Well hi there Batty!! Great news on the taper. Will be nice to be free from the addiction huh?? We are here for you so feel free to join right in OK???
Sounds like you have a cozy little home!!!! Canada is beautiful..
love north

[I'mready99]

Evening Misti...

Rinnie and her Dad just left a little while ago. Lizzie (my wife) watched her today while her Daddy worked over at their new house. She felt much better then she did yesterday. I guess she was sore from the three shots she got when she went to the doctors...

I've got to send some new pics to PhotoBucket so I can post them...

You sound like your feeling better. That makes me happy...

Steve

[TexasDumb]

Mikiglen,

How you doing today???

You sound positive today, or at least not writing that even more bad luck is coming your way.......

Hang in there, what else we going to do????

[mikiglen]

yep, one step at a time
still frustrated about the refund situation, but there is nothing i can do
still don't get boss....really bothers me that he is threatening me again. i hope to god he doesn't fire me...with no car, no social security card, it will be very hard to find another job. not to mention, i have no day care for the baby
he was also supposed to pay my internet/phone today so i could continue working, but he did not. it will be shut off on the 13th, so i won't be around for awhile then.
got thirty dollars today and got enough food and stuff to last another week. i so hope things get better financially soon
steve, i'm glad baby is feeling better...you know, i don't think i've ever "heard" you complain about anything...YOU are always so positive and encouraging
TD, i asked about you in another thread this morning. how are things going with you?

[Slightly Batty]

Thanks to all for "taking me in here" !
Mikiglen - I just can't get over your boss - I feel so frustrated on your behalf I could just spit! ((**&*( and all...... do you think he'll come through at the last minute again? ........... Could you get another job something like the one you are doing? at home?
Batty

[TexasDumb]

Misti,

I saw the thread where everyone was wondering where JordanCole was, and I saw that you asked about me - I answered "present and accounted for," like we used to have to in the Military, ha. Old habits drilled into you, die hard... course on here we all know that, in different ways, ha.

It is bad about the way your boss is treating you....One day, you are indispensible, and the next moment he's going to fire you if you mess up again, even though he does not tell you what you did wrong. Makes me wonder what HE'S ON! Or if he's just plain mean or nuts...

As I have said before>>> MOST of us men are PIGS and we don't even know it. We think WE know EVERYTHING, duh......

Hopefully, he will pay you, and keep you on long enough for you to find another job, your check will get cashed, and you will sucessfully by the Grace of God be able to take great care of your kids and get by easier than it looks right now.

That's what I'm hoping/praying for right now. I just said a little prayer for you and your family, did you feel it?

About me, I am doing better and better each day. Tapering is going great. Sleep is even creeping back into my life. My mental fog - that I didn't even realize I was in - is slowly lifting and man it's weird, but great!!!!!

I am eating good again, even began to work out on my mini-trampoline again...going to get in shape as I put some weight back on at the same time.
For the first time in a long while, I can actually see my stomach muscles, ha...

I'll walk past a mirror in my house and have to do a "double-take." I guess there was one good thing about no appetite for 3-4 months....

But, maybe the best improvement is my outlook on life...I am starting to look forward to today and even tomorrow again...

I know I am not "out of the woods" yet. And there are some evil, tricky, sneak-up-on-you-and-try-to-talk-me-into-it-again-thoughts still yet to come. All you guys on here have taught me that....

So, I am not getting too cocky or comforatable...and I am on the lookout for when they pop up and then I am going to fight them until they go away....

I know, I know, I talk a big game, while up here on the porch, ha. But, that's my plan, and I am determined to stick to it...

Wish me luck...
You guys and gals on here that have been through this and know what to lookout for, have been a LIFESAVER for me.

Thank you all....

[TexasDumb]

Slightly Batty,

I am TexasDumb, so we probably can communicate very easily on the same wavelength, ha.

Myself - even though I have been tested to have a 141 IQ (I am not bragging folks, it ain't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes, it's even a down-right bummer when your brain gets to racing all around on it's own and you just have to hold on for the ride till it gets tired,) --I usually can't tell if I am "Dippily Brilliant," or "Brilliantly Dippy."

But, I am for sure DIPPY, ha.
But, dogs and little kids just LOVE me. It's like I am on THEIR plane.....and they know it before I do.

So, that's why I like your name so much, ha. I reminds me of me.

But the reason I posted to you now is about the oxycontin that your doctor is making you quit in just two weeks. That spooks me, for you...

I do not know anything about oxycontin, except that people say it is very, very strong and that they cost about $50 a piece on the street! That's a clue....;..

I do not know if or what the withdrawals from oxycontin are. I do know that just two weeks off of BENZOS will have you pulling your hair out!

Maybe, no not maybe, there are for sure some people on this forum who DO know what the proper way to get off of oxycontin is. Hopefully, they could help you - you might could start a post and ask for advice from these people who KNOW.....

Mikiglen, being a RN, would be a good place/person to start with..... I'd bet if she did not know, she could steer you into the right direction...

Anyway, like Mikiglen said, we/I am just worried about you and we all want the best for all of us on here......We are ALL in this together!

[TexasDumb]

Mikiglen,

Get off that Criminal Minds show, and help this woman with your medical expertise, now!

Just kidding. It's kinda fun to just SHOUT into cyberspace at someone, ha.

It's like what you going to do to me,? Na, na, na, booby.

[I'mready99]

Happy Thursday Misti...

I hope you and the kids have a nice peaceful day.

Steve

[tennchick9598]

Hey there Miki Chicki, lol, Im sorry i havent been able to post on here as much, I have been swamped at my 10 hour a day job!! ugg, what is the update with your check, any good news? My refund was intercepted due to my husbands student loans which amount to 47, 000 dollars, so we wont get a refund forever!!! Our refund was supposed to be 5392.00 if it hadtn been intercepted, so it made me sick to my stomach as you can guess. What exactly is provogil, is it something for energy and how did you abuse it and how did it help you? I have a serious lack of energy at work anymore despite taking lamictal and lexapro and really need to wake up or something to help wake me up, I get plenty of sleep so thats not it. PLEASE some suggestions for me, I am half dead right now, from being tired!! much love and to my close buddies, check out my idol thread and keep it going, love ya

[northbelle]

Hey tenn...lord it I had your job I would be a bit TIRED myself.
Maybe you should take a nice bath...take a nap..sounds like you deserve some down time!

Misti.....if you stay sober and keep putting one foot in front of the other..try to do THE NEXT RIGHT THING...
it will work out.
If you get loaded..start doing any desperate illegal activity..(LOLOLOLOL) smile...things WILL work out..
Just do your part..thats all you have to give right now.
Fixing everything gets tiring...but I am discovering it is a mess of my own making more every day. The wreckage of my past is going to take years to get past..IF I ever can.

Mist do you guys HAVE a bus system there??
Would you LIKE to have a job outside your home...maybe not TODAY..but it is a possibility in the future girl!!
Things WILL CHANGE..gauranteed..

Ok ..I am starting to get FAT..I better get my butt back out there and look for a job..its a scarey world out there for me sometimes!! But I PRESS ON..
Going to the Freedom Group at noon as always..goingto go take a shower..

So whats good on the tube tonight??
love north

[mikiglen]

absolutely nothing unless you like survivor
ER at 9pm
i hate thursday nite tv

[mikiglen]

hey, kj, why'd ya thank td for yelling at me????
i haven't detoxed from oxy
she can do it herself, and doesn't have to be under a doc's supervision, although a prescription for clonidine will help with the sweats and shakes. might can get lunesta or something for sleep, and definitely immodium, and vitamins, esp b-12 i think it is
it's rough, peaks at days 4-6, then it's all better
if she's tapering, tho, i don't know how it will work, she didn't answer the questions i asked her yet

[Slightly Batty]

Good Morning mikiglen and all...
a few answers to what you were asking.

Natch there's a whole long story behind all of this,yada yada yada, isn't there always? But that's for my newcomer's post which I haven't done yet. I feel so lazy and pooped.
anyway, my prescription for oxycontin was 30 mg twice a day, I was finding that it sure as he** doesn't last for the 12 hours, so started taking them about 9 hours apart. And if the pain was bad enough, I'd take a couple more. The doctor wasn't impressed to say the least, however, wouldn't raise the dosage.
My breakthrough med has been tylenol 3 or 4. The tylenols didn't do diddly at the time though, so rarely took them. So! for tapering, I decided I was probably at about 120 mg ( for a 24 hour period ) so went down to 60 mg for the first taper. 20 mg. three times a day. After 5 days went to 50 mg., with the 10 mg taken as the middle dosage. After 4 days of that, as of today I'm at 40 mg., 10 in the AM, 10 in the afternoon, and 20 mg as last dose.
Next will be 10, 10, 10. Then, 10 mg BID, then 10 mg a day. I'm thinking by then I'll just stop. I do have tylenol 3's or 4's for the pain, and yippee! I'm also on ativan for panic attacks, as well as Paxil 35 mg. Also on blood pressure meds, Lisinopril, and diuretics if needed, just once in awhile.
My doctor does know I'm going to do this, this is my main doc, not the one who prescribed the oxycontin. My main doctor would rather prescribe almost anything than percocet or oxy. He also prescribed for me codeine contin, which I have never filled, but still can. Not sure if I will though. I am however, taking half of a tylenol 4 a couple of times a day for the pain when I have to,
one devil for another I know. But I was previously on tylenol 3 for a long time for pain and never did really get a yearning for them. I suppose that could change now! Today just before noon I'm going to call my doctor at the clinic and ask if he would consider prescribing another 10 oxy so I can do the taper as I had scheduled it out, I'm certainly not counting on him doing that however. If he doesn't, I'll just spend a shorter time on each dosage reduction. Or may be just stop and get the damn thing over with. This particular doctor has been my rock, helping me and counselling me about alcoholic husband etc., who has been so verbally abusive for the past few months - husband is now telling me he does want treatment. God, I hope that happens! We have two beatiful sons and they deserve two sober parents.
** Will tackle the ativan after the oxy horror show is done. Have taken quite a bit LESS ativan if you can believe it as my oxy dose has come down.
So, I do have a doc I can go to - I know he's so ticked with me, but he will help, as far as I know. My oldest son and myself have been battling with Rocky Mountain spotted fever/Lyme and the pain is neuropathic for the most part, and it's hell. But, there are far worse hells, I know that. My son just gets plain tylenol, maybe a tylenol 1, otc here, once in awhile. Neither one of us can take ibuprofen, although I used to take them like candy - not a good idea at all.
So! that's where I'm at right now. Really want to catch my doctor at 12 so I can calculate my taper. Then, I'm going to have a nap. ** That's another story altogether!

Thanks you guys, mikiglen, hope you have a good day and thank you so much for the help.
Batty ( I love being slightly batty, I like to think it's in a good way, not sure what everyone else thinks! Actually I am quite the conservative mom in most ways just have a bit of the dickens in me........... )