Do I have a problem???

[Stan50]

This is my first post. I'm 25 years old, and I live in Minneapolis, MN. The reason I am posting here is because I want other peoples opinions on my current situation. I have an addictive personality. By that I mean, I am easily addicted to substances, and I love being intoxicated. So here is my story of substance abuse from the beginning.

I was 14 years old. Standing on the corner with some other kids waiting for the school bus. There was a group of three girls there, fairly attractive girls, I might add (they were the same age as me), and every day they would smoke cigarettes while waiting for the bus. Now, I was never the type of person that was offended by cigarette smoke. I actually have always enjoyed the smell of it. But up until that particualar day, I had never smoked a cigarette. So we were all just kind of standing around waiting for the bus, while the girls puffed away. All of a sudden the school bus came around the corner, and one of the girls who had a freshly lit cigarette panicked, and threw her cig on the ground. I had always wanted to try smoking, but I had never had access to a cigarette before now. I watched this chick throw the cigarette on the ground, and just step on the tip of it, putting it out.

After school I got off the bus, and stood on the corner until the bus left. The cigarette that the girl had thrown on the ground was still there, and in perfect condition. I picked it up and went into the woods behind my parents house and smoked it. Now most people that smoke a cigarette for the first time cough and gag, and make it look like a miserable experience. I didn't. I inhaled right away, and I have to say, I enjoyed it immencely. I finished it, and hung out for awhile because I wanted the smell to go away a little before I went into my parents house. After that day I was looking for cigarettes anywhere I could. I was on a bowling league back then, and after bowling was over, I used to walk around the parking lot while I was waiting for my mom to pick me up and look for half smoked cigarettes on the ground that I could smoke. I know, it sounds pretty discusting, but that tells you how strong a nicotiene addiction is. But I didn't do that for long. One of my parents friends was a heavy smoker, and they used to over there a lot to party. And since I was 14, I pretty much had no choice, but to tag along with them. But it wassn't all bad, because the guy had a pool. But anyway, the guy always kept a carton of cigarettes in a drawer in the kitchen. So every two weeks or so, I'd sneak in there and grab a pack of cigs, and since the guy was such a heavy smoker, he didn't even notice they were missing. I continued this habit for about 9 monthes, but eventually I was caught smoking by my dad. He didn't even get mad. He just said that he was dissapointed, and to me that was even worse than getting mad. I felt really ashamed. And I quit smoking that day.

Four years later I got myself a girlfriend, who happened to be a smoker. I went out with her for almost a year, and I never once smoked a cigarette in that time. But when we broke up I was an emotional wreck. And I was 18, so I thought it would be a good idea to smoke a few cigarettes to relieve some stress. I went to the store and bought a pack, and smoked about 10 of them while driving around in my car. Ever since then I have never stopped smoking. I am currently a smoker. About a pack a day

That explains my whole thing with cigarettes, which doesn't even seem like a problem when compared to all the other stuff I have going on

When I was 16 I had my first experience with an intoxicating drug. I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and my dentist prescribed me hydro-codine. I had a four week supply, and I took all of it in one week. Not because of the pain, but because of the high that I got from it. I was pretty much stoned for that whole week, and when I ran out I had to stop because I didn't know how to get more.

After that I was completly sober for about 2 years. Keep in mind that, I had never even been drunk before. But I was 18, and hanging around by the University of Minnesota with some people that I knew there. And anybody that has been to college knows that drinking is a part of life. I drank on the weekends while at parties and whatever, but during the week, I was sober. That was until I discovered something wonderful.

Marijuana. I was introduced to it at age 19 at an outdoor music festival. I didn't get high the first time I smoked it, but the second time was amazing. I absolutely fell in love with it. But even then, I only smoked it when it was offered to me. I was too broke and cheap at the time to buy any for myself. But that all changed when I got a little older and had a better job. I started buying it for myself, and smoking it by myself regularly, on a daily basis. I also drank most weekends.

Than the unthinkable happened. I was fired from my job. Not because of my drug use, but because of the poor economy at the time. The only other job I could find did random drug testing. So I was forced to quit the weed. Quitting the weed was hard. It's a drug that isn't necessaraly physically addictive, but it's severely mentally addictive when you've been doing it every day for 3 and 1/2 years. I remember laying on my couch literally depressed because all I could think about was getting high. But knew that I couldn't because I needed to clean up so I could get the new job.

After awhile I really started getting sick of being depressed and not being high, so I did the only thing that I knew wouldn't effect my ability to effect a drug test. I went out and bought a case of beer. Before that date, I had never sat around and drank beer by myself. But I have to tell you, it did the trick. I wasn't depressed anymore, and I didn't even think about the pot anymore.

Once I got the job, about a month and a half later, I stopped drinking during the week. Things were going good. Then something happened. With the new job, we went on strike for six weeks. I know know if any of you out there have ever been on strike, but it's extremely stressfull, because you have no income coming in, and you don't know exactly when your going back to work. So I started to drink again. Partly because of the stress, and partly because of boredom from not working.

From that point forward I drank almost every day for 2 1/2 years. At first I was drinking six beers a day, then it went up to eight, and then I finally settled at ten. I drank 10 beers a day after work for 2 1/2 years.

Then I finally woke up. I took a good look at myself and relized that what I was doing wasn't normal. So I decided to try and change it. I decided to stop drinking during the work week. At first it was hard. I'd get home from work and the first thing I wanted was a beer. It wasn't like I physically needed the beer, but I wanted it simply because that is what I was used to doing after a long day of work.

I made this decision to stop drinking during the work week 7 months ago. I have been successful on not drinking during the week exactly 4 times. There is always at least one day during the week where I slip, and end up drinking ten beers. Usually, it's not a bad day or anything that triggers this, it's just that when I don't drink, I go home, and end up incredibly bored. I sit in front of the tv and just feel mentally numb. If I'm sitting in front of the tv with a beer, I'm happy, and I have energy to e-mail my friends, make plans for the weekend, etc....

I don't know. Most of the time I only slip once or twice during the work week, and sometimes I don't slip at all and stay completely sober. I guess my question to all you people out there is, do you think this is a problem? It it wrong to get drunk once or twice in the middle of the week? Are there a lot of people that do this and, is it a problem? Keep in mind that I have had no negative effects resulting from my drinking. I am completely functional. I'm just kind of looking for somebody older, that has had a similar experince. Thanks for reading.

[Time2Surrender]

Welcome to SoberRecovery. Thanks for sharing. Your typing and writing skills tell me your probably pretty bright and educated. Addiction is a progressive disease. Chances are it will gradually get worse. Maybe not. But why risk it? My disease didnt really start to kick in til I was in my late 20's. Thru my 20's and a lot of my 30's, I functioned just fine. Evenually I went down. I lost everything. I finally got clean at 42. I had to start over. I had lost everything. I wasted a lotta years of my life. Only you can decide whether or not you have a problem or if your an addict or alcoholic. Stick around read a few threads and make a few posts.

[Ten Chips Down]

Well well well Stan. Nice to have ya.

I'm 43, ten years without a drink, and a certified, bona fide, died-in-the-wool, true-blue, 200-proof, no frickin' doubt about it, alcoholic.

So you caught one to give you feedback. Me.

Yours is a very long narrative. Quite enjoyable, mind; good prose style as T2S says. But it's long, so let us take it piece-meal.

"When I was 16 I had my first experience with an intoxicating drug. I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and my dentist prescribed me hydro-codine. I had a four week supply, and I took all of it in one week."

Side-note!! I had no idea they GAVE a damned month's supply of analgesic for a tooth-extraction. LOL

"I made this decision to stop drinking during the work week 7 months ago. I have been successful on not drinking during the week exactly 4 times."

You have been successful at following your self-established goal precisely 4 times. Out of 28 weeks. Just spelling that out.

"There is always at least one day during the week where I slip, and end up drinking ten beers."

You don't elect to change your goal; to go back and abandon the decision, remember. Rather, by your description, you "slip," lose control, and down almost two 6-packs. Now, it has you feeling badly enough that you come onto an addiction-recovery website to share it. Just pointing that out (stay with me, here ).

"Usually, it's not a bad day or anything that triggers this, it's just that when I don't drink, I go home, and end up incredibly bored. I sit in front of the tv and just feel mentally numb. If I'm sitting in front of the tv with a beer, I'm happy, and I have energy to e-mail my friends, make plans for the weekend, etc...."

Your "trigger" is not tied to negative events, but you are describing a condition in which you crave a psychotropic (mind- or mood-altering) substance of some sort in order to function normally. Stan remember that is it normal for most folk to be happy and to have that sort of relaxed energy that comes after a nice, full day's work, to e-mail friends, make plans for the weekend, etc.

"I don't know. Most of the time I only slip once or twice during the work week, and sometimes I don't slip at all and stay completely sober."

Note use of the word, "slip" again. By slipping rather than choosing and feeling just fine about that choice, you are describing characteristics of an out-of-control behavior pattern.

"I guess my question to all you people out there is, do you think this is a problem? It it wrong to get drunk once or twice in the middle of the week? Are there a lot of people that do this and, is it a problem? "

Please note (again) that it bothers you. It is an issue and you are here, on an addiction-recovery site, bothered enough to ask.

There's my mirror-psychology technique for today. LOL

Alas, I cannot answer you man. I see a 25 year-old dude who is a sporadic heavy-drinker. That is all. I cannot opine that you may be an alcoholic. The signs just aren't there. Namely, you've "no negative effects resulting from your drinking," to borrow from your excellent post. See, the question, "... and is [insert drug of choice here] interfering with your life?" is one of the primary diagnostic criteria by which
a clinician or other professional will assess you.

You're dislaying a few other, more minor, signs of the early alcoholic, or pre-alcoholic, and I have tried to point those signs out.

But in closing, nah - I don't see an alcoholic. And I'm not going to try and turn you into one just because that's my baggage. LOL

Do stay alert to problems and ask yourself why you are moved to ask the questions you are asking. Last--keep in mind the "normal" drinkers? They never ask those questions. Is this normal, Is this wrong, Is this a problem. <-- questions which are simply not in the vocabulary of a normally-adjusted person who imbibes.

Stick around and keep posting.

Ten

[Time2Surrender]

Great reply Ten. By the way, I like your user title. East bound and down, loaded up and trucking. One of my favorite movies.

[Ten Chips Down]

Heh.
Thanks!

Actually I've been worried about that. Many of our youngsters will undoubtedly not recognize the title and simply see the "Loaded" part. LOL!

[TexasDumb]

Ten,

I guess you could have been 'ole "Smokey."

That would go well in the Nicotine board, ha.

[Ten Chips Down]

lol.... booooo Try harder than that!


I don't smoke, ya know. I just have that sig because the issue is quite close to my heart. I lost both parents to lung cancer. Both heavy smokers.

Ever since Philip Morris got on that sickening, pathetic "anti-smoking" campaign, I just haven't been able to hide my disdain for the entire industry behind cigarettes.

It's the height of duplicity, you know. "Talk to your kids about smoking. They'll listen" and the whole website they have up, the commercials, etc. It's quite sickening to me because I can see straight through the smoke they're blowing. "Hook 'em while they're young" was an abiding strategic board room theme for half a century. Everybody knows that--yet they think they can just whip out a public-service ad campaign and all will be forgotten. Or forgiven?

I can NEVER forget. And public-health advocates know what I know, as well.

Hence, my signature.

Ten

[Buzz Kilowatt]

Do you have a problem?

You've got a lot of insight into your own strengths and weaknesses, which is good. And you recognize your own binge drinking, which could become more regular --- or not. In my opinion, it's not good a good habit to drink alone.

My pattern is / was a lot like yours.

I picked up my first cigarette at age 4. Smoked with my elementary school buddies whenever we could sneak them. Became a regular at about age 13 or 14. But always less than a pack a day until I quit 20 years ago.

I drank a lot in college and until I was about 30 (don't think I could handle 10 beers a night, though!) Now I'll have a drink, sometimes two, but rarely more. It's a social thing for me.

About a decade ago I began an affair with opioids. One or two pills a day. Never extreme, but psychologically / physically addicted nonetheless.

So you see, we seem to have a bit in common.

Now if I can spare you some distress, I would like to. What I discovered, somewhat late in life, is that these psychoactive chemicals dull the emotions and the senses. Worse than that, they dull the soul, and hamper psychological / spiritual development & growth.

I realize that is a pretty abstract damnation. But life is a precious and beautiful thing, and one should try to show up for it . . . . ;-)

My guess . . . is that if you have a setback or are under great stress, you'll be inclined to seek a chemical ameliorative. Which can morph into a full-blown "problem" if you're not careful.

My advice? Find some things in life to get interested in. Surround yourself with friends and try to help others; find a mate or lover. This is much more satisfying in the long run.

Learn from my losses. Don't wait until you're 50ish to start getting your stuff together.

Good luck,

Buzz

[TexasDumb]

TenChipsDown,

I was just trying to be funny about the movie.

So, sorry about your parents...I lost my mom to lung cancer too...

Well, actually they first found it in her liver, but it started in her lungs I am sure.

She and my dad were both smokers. Dad died first from renal heart failure, but I am sure his smoking caused or at least added to this...Plus, we could never get him to exercise at all.....

He grew up in a time (the Depression) where you worked really hard and then rested or at least did not add MORE exercise...like you had to rest your body, less you would "overwork" it. There was not a lot of joggers from his day...they figured it would "wear" out their already tired bodies.... instead of building them up.

Mom had a nagging cough for about a year or so, and knew something was wrong, being an ex-nurse and all. She kept going to her "supposedly" expert internal specialist for help/tests.

He began to even tell her she was an hypochondriac. P.O. me off, cause my mom was the toughest person I ever knew.

We, my brother and I, had been trying for a long time to get her to switch doctors....but she would put us off, saying "Oh, it's too hard to transfer medical records," etcetera... Looking back, WE should have just ROPED her into another doctor....hindsight.
Once, her so-called doctor would not even do a lung X-ray for her. He sent her home. My brother and I were so angry, that we took her back down there the next day and pretty much told her doctor that we were going to beat the **** out of him right then and there if he didn't.

So, he did an X-ray and found a "small" spot on her lungs. The dumbass doctor (and us too, for allowing it) told her, "it's nothing, go home, and come back to see me in a month."

Well, soon (before the month was out,) she got so sick at her stomach one afternoon and evening that she could not get out of bed without hearling. This was SO not like my Mom, that we piled her up and took her to the emergency room. (It turned out that she was having a heart attack - with none of the "normal" symptoms - just terrrible nausea....

While at the emergency room, a young resident doctor did a sonagram of her stomach area - because he figured if she was "that sick" she must have gallstones, kidney stones or something like that...

That's when he discovered that the cancer had spread to her liver...THAT'S A DEATH SENTENCE!!!!

We were basically told she had two weeks to two months to live - and to check out a shovel on our way out.......

She lived 5 months.

We finally then we were able to get her to an oncologist, who said if this type of lung cancer could have been caught a year or less earlier, she would have had an 80/20 chance of surviving. But now, she had a 20/80 chance if she would go to the special cancer hospital in Houston.

She was TOO tired to try and pretty much accepted her fate...

We are not big frivolous lawsuiters in our family, but we should have sued the pants, vacation homes, boats, Mercedes, Jaguars...... off of her doctor. I could have won the case myself without a lawyer.......the idiot.

But we were in so much grief dealing with losing our mom, revenge never came up. Until about two years later, after the statute of limitations had ran out...

I should have at least got an appointment with this "specialist who let my mom die", went down there and when he came into my room - knocked out all his teeth out with a metal bedpan....

I still will if I ever run into the imposter again.

So, anyway, I am sorry for your loss and hope I did not upset you or bring up bad memories....

As far as Phillip Morris' ad campaign to "get kids not to smoke," in my opinion that too is a ploy. They just want us "to advertise smoking" to our kids...Be sure and tell them about it even if it is "to make sure they don't."

Who are they kidding? If we get all the kids to "not smoke" - their future clients - they would have no business in 30 years, and you can bet that is not their goal...

By the way did you hear the recent news report that today's cigarettes have 10% more nicotine each than they did 10 years ago????

I feel it's the same thing with the "Drug Wars" and the "DARE" program in schools... Why does a 6-year-old need to be told not to do cocaine?????

I surely don't want my daughters to be "taught" about drugs even if they are told not to do them....What do kids do when you tell them not to do something?????? They do it to find out for themselves.

Even in my case in 1969, while in the 8th grade, I had never heard of drugs and didn't need to. Until "they" came to our school and showed us these ridiculus, lying films about "Refer Madness" and the like. We all knew they were lying and it made us curious to find out why...in the not so distance future....

Advertise at an early age. It's a retention advertiseing ploy by "whoever is making all the big $$$ from the drug trade - and it ain't foreigners outside our borders.

It's like with Coca-Cola, they have advertised so much for years that they are in the retention stage ---just plaster your name on everything - you don't need to tell consumers WHY to buy your product - just keep your LOGO in front of their face.....

Anyway, that's my rant for the night.

If you want to find out who the perps are, follow the $$$$ trail. The ones who don't want something to change (lose their revenue) are ALWAYS the first to holler....

For instance in California with that medical marijuana issue ---who hollered first?....our Federal Government of course...Kinda makes you wonder where the $$$$ goes and who had the most to lose if California gets away with legalizing it - meaning taking the money out of it???

I am not saying legalize drugs - not at all......I am just saying who's getting all the money and why.?
And we are talking billions $$$$. Even way back in 1975, THE number one cash crop in California was marijuana - even over all the veggies, grains, and fruits that they raise in that state.

There is a lot of money at stake, and that's ALL They care about, whoever THEY are....and there is a THEY somewhere....

[consilience]

Originally Posted by TexasDumb

There is a lot of money at stake, and that's ALL They care about, whoever THEY are....and there is a THEY somewhere....

The pharmaceutical giants. They rake in billions of dollars from pain meds which are more addictive then marijuana, of course they don't want it legalized. So they make massive campaign contributions. The only reason cigarettes and alcohol aren't illegal is because of the massive corporate money behind them and the kind of black-market illegalizing them would create (remember the prohibition?).

Anyway, RE the OP: Every time you drink ask yourself "WHY?". Notice what you do, what you think, how much time/$ you spend drinking or buying drinks, and then decide for yourself if you have a problem.

[anvilhead]

Hye Stan - welcome. i'm gonna shoot from the hip here.....usually people who don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol don't wonder if they DO have a problem and don't seek out recovery sites for a problem they don't have.....

long long ago when i was talking to someone from AA on the phone about my boyfriend's problem (we'd get drunk, he'd beat the snot out of me....) the very kind gentleman on the other end kept asking me:

IS ALCOHOL CREATING A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?

and i'd sputter and reply, I don't have the problem, my boyfriend does! and he'd ask me, again, gently:

IS ALCOHOL CREATING A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?

again i tried to tell this man we werent' talking about MY drinking (never mind i could drink my bf under the table and back up the other side....)

and he asked me once again, REGARDLESS OF WHO IS DOING THE DRINKING, IS ALCOHOL CREATING A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?

ah, when you put it that way, yes.

see i didn't want to even consider that i could possibly be an alcoholic, for pete's sake. i didn't want to look at my own behavior and admit that perhaps i'd lost control somewhere along the way. but i could admit that yes, alcohol was creating a problem........

if we drink when we don't intend to, that's a problem.
if we try to stop, go without, and find we can't, that's a problem.
if we spend as much time thinking about drinking as we do actually drinking, that's a problem.

problems can be fixed. problems, kinda like tires with a slow air leak, rarely just go away or fix themselves. they tend to get worse, make themselves known, demand attention.

these are things you have to decide for yourself........i wish you the very best...

[Summerpup]

I'm new, too. Also asking if I have a problem. I'm 37, married, flailing fiction writer, no kids. Because of the profession my husband's in I have friends who will write scripts for me for Lortab. And no one would guess I had a problem with them. But I have been taking at least one a day for 9 months (not for pain, just the feeling of wellbeing) and more in the last 6 months. Since November I've taken 5-10 a day.
In writing this looks so bad. But I don't feel like a person who has an addiction problem. I function normally, have friends, am an involved member of my community, and very physically active - I love to mountain bike, kayak, hike - anything outside.
Lortab makes everything in life more enjoyable. I'm more present, not always anxious, and enjoy conversations more.
I've run out of pills, however, and I'm spending time thinking of when I can replace them. I can't muster the same excitement for life without them as I do with.
Can anybody offer...well, anything. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, or why,to be honest. But here I am.
Thank you.

[Stan50]

Originally Posted by Summerpup

I'm new, too. Also asking if I have a problem. I'm 37, married, flailing fiction writer, no kids. Because of the profession my husband's in I have friends who will write scripts for me for Lortab. And no one would guess I had a problem with them. But I have been taking at least one a day for 9 months (not for pain, just the feeling of wellbeing) and more in the last 6 months. Since November I've taken 5-10 a day.
In writing this looks so bad. But I don't feel like a person who has an addiction problem. I function normally, have friends, am an involved member of my community, and very physically active - I love to mountain bike, kayak, hike - anything outside.
Lortab makes everything in life more enjoyable. I'm more present, not always anxious, and enjoy conversations more.
I've run out of pills, however, and I'm spending time thinking of when I can replace them. I can't muster the same excitement for life without them as I do with.
Can anybody offer...well, anything. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, or why,to be honest. But here I am.
Thank you.

Although, I am the one that originally started this thread, I feel that I need to respond to this post. Let me start off by saying, that I have read everything you people have wrote, and it has sunken in. Ever since the the day I have wrote that first post, I haven't drank during the week at all. I have figured out that drinking really isn't a problem for me, it's basically just something that in the past, I've done out of habit. I still drink on the weekends, but hey, I'm not an alcoholic, so it's allowed (I know you alcoholics won't side with me on this decision, but hey, I'm not like you).

But anyway, in response to summerpup's post, I can relate to you in a very similar way. I used to use marijuana every day. I know that isn't the same as using Lortab, but I know that wether your using lorbab or marijuana, it makes you feel good. And if you use either one on a daily basis it makes life seem fuller, even if you are functional, have a social life, or are an involved member of your community. I can even relate to the phycially active part also. I am a frequent member at the gym, even back when I was smoking weed.

But as you have experienced, an addiction problem gets worse. You said you were taking 1 pill a day for awhile, and then now you are taking 5-10 a day. Although you are functioning normally, this is not healthy.

When your talking about pills, you are talking about liver damage. Although your normal day to day life goes on, seeming undisturbed, It will catch up with you soon. Taking that many pills a day will ruin your liver. If you don't have a liver, you get sick and you die. This is very serious. Just as with alcoholics, Alcohol will ruin your liver (this is part of the reason why I decided to seriously cut back), but those pills will do the same thing.

You said that you are very physically active. As I said before, so am I. That is part of the reason that I seriously cut back on alcohol. The other reason is the horrible stuff I have read on this site. Some of these people over dramatize things, and make you feel like you have a bigger problem than you have, but none the less, If you ruin your liver, you can't be physically active. You end up bed ridden.

Personally, I would rather be able to go for a run rather then be stuck in a bed hooked up to machines because what I have done to my body.

Listen to me Summerpup, you need to stop taking those pills. They may make you feel good for now. But eventually your health will decline, and you'll be really sorry that you ever started. Please stop before it's too late.

[Summerpup]

Stan50,

It's your thread and you took great thought in responding to me - you are kind. I've read the post multiple times. I almost hear you. Thank you very much.
Summerpup

[StagebearNJ]

Originally Posted by Summerpup

Because of the profession my husband's in I have friends who will write scripts for me for Lortab. And no one would guess I had a problem with them.

I was surprised at who suspected I had issues and never let on.

Originally Posted by Summerpup

Since November I've taken 5-10 a day.
In writing this looks so bad.

Where does it look good?

Originally Posted by Summerpup

I've run out of pills, however, and I'm spending time thinking of when I can replace them.

So your question is...?

Originally Posted by Summerpup

Can anybody offer...well, anything. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, or why,to be honest.

I know I seem flippant, it's just my personality, really I am much more empathetic than this seems. But you're answering your own question if you look closely. As I mentioned in your other thread, life is not as good as with pills...it's better because it's honest.
How honest are you being with your husband's friends who are writing the scripts? Or with your husband? Something has to feel not quite right or you wouldn't be here.
Stick around and keep reading. You'll eventually find what you need or you'll find a way to continue to use.
When you're ready, people are here and "out there"
All my best,
Stagebear

[StagebearNJ]

Sorry, Stan, I forgot this was your thread:

Originally Posted by Stan50

(I know you alcoholics won't side with me on this decision, but hey, I'm not like you).

Au contraire, mon ami! If you can enjoy drinking with no ill effects, this alcoholic thoroughly agrees with you.
(Of course, it's not what you said in your original post, but things change, I suppose.)
Somedays I think if there was a pill to make me a non-alcoholic, I'd take it. Then I remember, I'm a pill head, too. Silly bear!
All my best,
Stagebear

[giz]

Originally Posted by Buzz Kilowatt

Now if I can spare you some distress, I would like to. What I discovered, somewhat late in life, is that these psychoactive chemicals dull the emotions and the senses. Worse than that, they dull the soul, and hamper psychological / spiritual development & growth.

I realize that is a pretty abstract damnation. But life is a precious and beautiful thing, and one should try to show up for it . . . . ;-)

Beautiful. Thank you Buzz for your insight and wisdom

[roadie58]

I knew I had a problem when I COULD NOT GUARANTEE THE RESULTS if I put alcohol or drugs in my body. Sure sometimes I would be a regular party kind of guy, but sometimes I COULD NOT STOP and a monster would emerge. I'd scare people, go off the deep end, keep drinking and using for many more hours than intended, skip work to use. Those sorts of things.

I've been struggleing in and out of AA with various addictions for 5 years. It's gotten better every time I came back but the relapses sometimes came close to killing me. Literally.

SR is a great place, but at meetings face to face with others is what helped me the most. You might try that.

[roadie58]

I read some of the later posts. I just wanted to say that I did not realize that I was an Alcoholic until I joined AA. Until then, I knew I was NOT LIKE YOU OTHER PEOPLE. Now I realize that I AM and I'm glad that I found you all. These people have saved my life.