A Shot In the Arm...

[northbelle]

I FINALLY gave my recovery a shot in the arm,,,I asked a lady that has 18 years clean to be my sponsor. Man I HAVE to do something different because lingering in this freakin depression has got to end..I want things to be different..not my old..detox stay clean white knuckling it for a few months..tehn back down the tubes straight to the gutter of addiction again.
I have been scared to take this step..thinking about it alot..just being afraid maybe I can't DO IT..the whole step thing, you know??
But guys I have to do something..I want to change not just get through one miserable day after another...
So I wanted to let you guys know what was up with me. And guess what?? I feel better already!!!
love north

[Alera]

I am so happy to hear you have taken the next step in recovery north!

.I want things to be different..not my old..detox stay clean white knuckling it for a few months..tehn back down the tubes straight to the gutter of addiction again.

When I finally felt that way, I knew I was ready to work my recovery

[Hope]

Good for you honey! You took a huge step. You can do it! Working the steps can help rid a lot of baggage that pulls addicts down. It really helps to be able to wade through that and find healing.

I'm still nervous over the step work too. I am about to start step 4 with my sponsor soon and I'm kind of scared but in thinking of that, I realized that my whole life has been characterized by fear. I've always been running scared. That is why the steps are good. I will be able to confront things like that fear and find the courage to face them.

It will be good for you too. You will see a huge change in your life. I'm rooting for you hon!

[ccgirl]

You sound like you really mean it. Good for you!!

[emmer]

I was also afriad to ask for a sponser, somebody volenteered to be my temp sponsor. I did make a big differance.

[Brian1978]

I am really glad you have taken the step to get better. For along time I tried but my main problem was being honest to people and to myself, it took some very hard knocks for me to learn it but it happened. I promise you, if you try hard and be honest it will work.

[daydream]

Wow, that's AWESOME northbelle!!! It sounds similar to my decision a few weeks ago. My history has been get a few years clean, get pissed off at the group, leave NA and then relapse some months down the road. This time around I have been clean allllllmost 6 years and I have been constantly vigilant to stay very active in my recovery and deal with resentments in a spiritual way when they come up, so I don't decide to throw the towel in. Well, several months ago, a year of resentments, frustrations and worsening depression built up and I threw in the towel yet again. But THIS time, I knew I had to do something different. I knew what road I was on and where it would eventually lead. After a few months sitting at home (but still applying the steps and talking with others in recovery), I surrendered to the idea that I HAD to get back into meetings, try AGAIN to find a sponsor who's the right fit (one who doesn't pet me to death) and get my ass in high gear. I had someone in mind. She has 22 years with, imo, strong recovery. Nearly 200 miles away, but I'm willing to travel like I would have for my drugs. I was afraid then and I'm still a bit afraid that I won't be able to get motivated enough to really do that intensive work that needs to be done, but for now I am willing. I'm back in meetings for 2 weeks already, so far things are going great with my new sponsor and i've done everything she has suggested. I had a close call with being home from meetings 3 months, but this time I did something different instead of closing NA completely out of my life. It feels great to have escaped disaster. Hang in there! I hope your sponsor turns out to be as great as mine!

[GlassPrisoner]

Man I HAVE to do something different because lingering in this freakin depression has got to end..I want things to be different..not my old..detox stay clean white knuckling it for a few months..tehn back down the tubes straight to the gutter of addiction again.

DING ! Folks, we have a winner !

I'm glad you've had the epiphany. It wasn't until I felt the same way that I actively pursued my recovery, which also involved getting a sponsor.

[northbelle]

I appreciate the feedback..I too am afraid I won't be able to motivate myself to do what I need to . But I am hoping that if I try to the best of my ability ..it will be enough to open some doors..ya know??
I am so disorganized in my life right now and it makes me crazy. I am a single mom and it seems there is never enough energy to get what I need to done..straightening out the wreckage of the past..I have stuff that won't let me forget from YEARS ago..gets me a little down..but at least I have a means to work through these issues..
Wow, I haven't been called a winner in a long time!! Thanx for the inspiration!!
love north

[windysan]

Keep on marching. Good job so far.

[emmer]

It is really hard to give up trying to fix things in the past ...the stuff I'm talking about is the stuff we can't do anything about. Or maybe stuff that's not practical right now...to try to fix.
It's ok to put that garbage on a "shelf" for now.
I started obsessing about something that happened to me when I was 15 years old ...a little while after it happened and I ended up in mental hospital.
Not fun. I'm not saying your obsessing but what I'm saying is that I would have been better off puting it on a shelf for the time being. I was in no shape mentally to deal with it.
Please keep us in touch Norbelle. Joe

P.S. IMHO the only thing that we get from white knuckling is white knuckles. LOL

[michski]

It's a tough road.. but when you get there you will be amazed and blown away that you could have lived a life full of angst and depression and done such awful stuff to your own body... Your body is your temple. Take care of it.

[Lizrox]

North,

Your definitly on the right path. I am so happy for you.

Love, Liz

[northbelle]

Yeah i especially obsess about the 15 thousand dollars that the probation deprartment is on my back about all the time. Man I am barely making it and they expect me to pay that off!! So yeah I obsess.
I feel pulled in a thousand different directions. I hate the mornings..I never wnat to get up and moving. Who WANTS to go look for a job on the bus in the winter cold?? nobody I suppose. I guess I think I am special or something!
Just rambling trying to get in the shower. My house is a mess. I feel like a freakin looser this morning..
love north

[emmer]

Ah hey your no loser Norbelle. I am and I never see you at any of the meetings. lol
I can belive mornings are hard...there the toughest for me when I'm depressed. evenings were much better. PM me Norbelle if ya feel like it. I'll write ya a long one. But I want to respect your privcey if you don't want to.

...Joe