Progression of Cocaine addiction - Sorry for the cross post

[dobiediva]

Sorry for the cross post but wasn't sure where to put this so I will post it here and on the Friends and Family board.

This is probably a stupid question but I was wondering if there's some sort of a "pattern of progression" for cocaine abuse/addiction. I know its probably different for everybody and some people get hooked faster than others but is there a "general" timeline for about how fast someone can go from just occassional usage to stealing from friends and family to feed their habit?
My exabf only used coke on occassion. He swore he was never addicted and could take it or leave it. Well in the last year and a half he used about once every 5 months (that I'm aware of). In the last week I think he has done it twice. He was definitely on it last night when I saw him. Sad thing is he's the most loveable, kind, caring person when he's on coke (more so than usual) and "cocaine BF" is actually my favorite of his multiple personalities (sober, alcoholic, marijuana, and coke) which is sad considering how he has to get that way! I also noticed he has started SMOKING it rather than snorting it. Someone told me that smoking it is a faster high and is usually a sign they are an addict. Is that true?? I thought (and still do think) he started smoking it so it would hide the usage (no runny nose or white powder in his nostrils). He always denies using it and in the past I would drug test him to prove otherwise, but I know the symptoms so well (rapid heart beat, overly affectionate/loving behavior, unable to keep an erection, and I could taste it if I kissed him) now I don't need a test to confirm it, and last night he finally just admitted he did it. (has nothing to lose if we aren't together)

Could it be possible to remain just a "social user" and not an addict? Will his personality turn ugly if/as the addiction progresses? His son and my son are best friends so if he appears to be an addict to coke as well I worry he will start stealing from me or harming his kids and mine if they play together. But I'd hate to have to go completely no contact. We've been doing well since we broke up with maintaining our friendship. I would love to support him as a friend but worry if the cocaine addiction gets really bad then what? As of now he isn't allowed around my kids at all but his son can come HERE to play. I plan on keeping it that way but if odds are he's going to get ugly as a cocaine addict and not remain this "loveable" occassional cocaine user I'll have no choice but to cut all ties. Any advice on what to expect would be appreciated.

[outre]

Originally Posted by dobiediva

This is probably a stupid question but I was wondering if there's some sort of a "pattern of progression" for cocaine abuse/addiction. I know its probably different for everybody and some people get hooked faster than others but is there a "general" timeline for about how fast someone can go from just occassional usage to stealing from friends and family to feed their habit?

You are correct in that everybody is different so a timeline really isn't possible. Cocaine tends to sneak up on people as they slowly increase the frequency of usage -- once or twice a year becomes once or twice a month which turns into once or twice a week, etc. Some people go from first use straight to daily and others use occasionally for years. It really is different for everybody...

Originally Posted by dobiediva

I also noticed he has started SMOKING it rather than snorting it. Someone told me that smoking it is a faster high and is usually a sign they are an addict. Is that true?? I thought (and still do think) he started smoking it so it would hide the usage (no runny nose or white powder in his nostrils).

It is not true that smoking is synonymous with addiction. However, smoking typically leads to addiction much faster than insufflation. Regardless of the reason he started smoking, it is a bad sign, it is more expensive, and tends to be much easier to get hooked.

Originally Posted by dobiediva

Could it be possible to remain just a "social user" and not an addict?

Yes, it is possible and many people use cocaine without fitting any definition of being addicted. He could continue to use occasionally/socially, but addiction sneaks up as usage becomes more and more frequent.

Originally Posted by dobiediva

Will his personality turn ugly if/as the addiction progresses?

You are in the best position to know this, but it is extremely difficult to predict how someone will deal with addiction. Cocaine affects people differently and as addiction progresses most people are confronted with issues interacting with others -- some turn ugly/angry, some become isolated and withdrawn, and some remain basically the same. You know him best.

Originally Posted by dobiediva

His son and my son are best friends so if he appears to be an addict to coke as well I worry he will start stealing from me or harming his kids and mine if they play together. But I'd hate to have to go completely no contact. We've been doing well since we broke up with maintaining our friendship. I would love to support him as a friend but worry if the cocaine addiction gets really bad then what? As of now he isn't allowed around my kids at all but his son can come HERE to play. I plan on keeping it that way but if odds are he's going to get ugly as a cocaine addict and not remain this "loveable" occassional cocaine user I'll have no choice but to cut all ties. Any advice on what to expect would be appreciated.

You seem to have a rational and sensible approach. It doesn't seem fair to assume he'll start stealing from you or that he'll become a mean cocaine addict, but you do want to be careful and cautious. Clearly you understand that things may get worse, so regardless of the odds continue to monitor and analyze the situation and act accordingly. One other thing to note is that you might want to stress the importance of his honesty with you and your willingness to help him quit (if you're willing to help). If you can build a strong interpersonal relationship with him you will be in a better position to evaluate the situation and he'll be more likely to turn to you for help. If he continues to lie to you about his usage you'll be left with few choices.

Keep your eyes and ears open, stay realistic, and hope for the best.

Good luck.

[Ten Chips Down]

Dobie.

Look to me for a slightly different take on things, I guess. LOL It does seem I am less tolerant of these sorts of scenarios, perhaps from having grown up under an alcoholic pall (with both parents out-of-control drinkers) and lain witness to all the tortured craziness that comes with the whole sickness of addiction.

I am free now, ya see, and there is no comparison. "Did my time" as a child.

I had no choice in the matter then. So I can never understand why adults willfully choose this sort of drama. Do you see?

The first thing that jumped out at me, I gotta tell ya is - you used to drug-test this guy? You would drug-test a full-grown adult boyfriend. And you... want him back. Or you still want him in your life, anyway - right?

See I would not stay with a woman whom I felt a need to test for drugs... uhhm.. (Forgive me, I'm really having a difficult time typing this with a straight face. )

Love and attachment I understand, but what about beyond that? You have a kid, and there is so much more to be considered. Responsibility. His having a healthy circle of friends. Character. Honesty. Dependability. There is just SO, MUCH that a good man should be to you and your son. A person you both can run to in time of need. Just so much.

Love ain't enough. Love is not enough to make a relationship work. Love does not conquer all. Those are just the myths of lovesongs. (Love alone never suffices nor conquers all because it cannot.)

My question to you is, why guess and hope and wait and watch when those signs of addiction are already here. Why play "let's define the word... addict"? I'm befuddled. Number one--he has had past problems with alcohol. Correct? Number two--he dabbles in pot, which is illegal. Correct? Number three--he likes coke, which is illegal. Correct?

I cannot see staying with or sticking around to see the outcome of someone who is clearly an addict, walks the addict's walk, indulges an illegal lifestyle, and talks the addict's talk by lying & denying.

Just some food of another flavor for you to chew on, ok?

Goes to show, I guess, that addiction truly does affect the entire social circle around the addict or alcoholic... Because I see so many of these kinds of questions on here.

I couldn't work in the field, Lord knows. After six months I'd shoot myself.

Best of luck to you though, dear friend. All the best.

Ten

[chichi]

I couldn't agree more with what Ten said. He's an addict -- he has already shown you that --and he is actively USING. If this guy were the last man around, I'd still take a pass.

My best advice to you is to walk away now and find yourself a guy who is worthy of you. It will likely save you a world of hurt.

Good luck.
chichi

[consilience]

He needs help. You can try to push him in the direction of a doctor and NA, but if he refuses to change his lifestyle I would stay away until he does.

[dobiediva]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the honesty and different perspectives. I have already broken up with him. Was trying to remain friends just to be supportive and was trying to get some answers as to whether or not that would be a good idea. Our sons are very close and I'd hate to have to stop THEIR friendship too. But maybe that really is what I should do to protect MY son. Its tricky because he CAN go MONTHS without using anything so I usually let my guard down because I think maybe he's really cleaning up this time. But then 5-6 months later it starts again. He doesn't do it here. He doesn't do it around either of our kids. (He doesn't drink around them either) But why should I wait for it to progress? I shouldn't.

[Social User]

Hi dobiediva,

I have to disagree with the others here. It's not like you are either a user struggling with recovery or his girlfriend. You are his friend and as such I think you should try to help him.

Right now he's a fairly irregular user. Now that may change, and reading what people say on this board, it maybe likely, but I don't think that's a reason to cut him off. If it gets to the point where things are not changing, then sure, maybe it'll be necessary, but right now I think you should stick with him.

Just my opinion.

[outre]

Originally Posted by dobiediva

But why should I wait for it to progress? I shouldn't.

If his behavior is unacceptable, you shouldn't wait for it to progress any further and you should do what is best for you and your son. However, if his current behavior isn't a problem, it may never become a problem and it is tricky to make decisions based on something that might happen. Your original post seems to indicate that you are ok with his current behavior while being concerned about what happens if things get worse. There is no pre-determined path of destruction and things may never deteriorate beyond what exists today. Things may even get better as many of the people who post here can attest; it is possible to escape and all cocaine users do not follow the same progression or pattern nor do all users end up in the same place. Of course, as you note, things could also get worse and as long as you recognize this you're in a good position to make good choices.

Predicting how someone will cope is difficult, but it seems that you probably already know what to do and you should trust your gut.

[dobiediva]

Well that's one good thing I learned here: I don't have to make any decisions today. Thanks everybody for your input.

[northbelle]

I have the worlds worst luck helping others see they have a problem..Maybe just because MY problem is so glaring. Its painful to watch people we care about kill theirselves slowly. He may not be a full blown addict yet but he sure will be if he keeps doing coke.
The great thing is YOU don't have to step into the insanity of the disease. Because that is what it is. Crazymaking . Just be there for him at a distance. You sound pretty capable of setting boundaries with him!! He is blessed to have a caring soul like you who would take the time to get some feedback from others about this.
love north

[yippeeciayay]

Originally Posted by dobiediva

His son and my son are best friends so if he appears to be an addict to coke as well I worry he will start stealing from me or harming his kids and mine if they play together.

would love to support him as a friend but worry if the cocaine addiction gets really bad then what?

As of now he isn't allowed around my kids at all but his son can come HERE to play.

I plan on keeping it that way but if odds are he's going to get ugly as a cocaine addict and not remain this "loveable" occassional cocaine user I'll have no choice but to cut all ties.

this may seem a little harsh, and seem to have no empathy or compassion for the guy, though, its only intended to share my beliefs... no more.
i truly am a very caring and loving guy, though, took the rose colored glasses off long time ago.

i was this guy and til only in desperation to get away, my wife hung on
giving "one more chance" cause she thought, she could help and be supportive and blah blah blah blah blah.

the truth is,
i, as an addict, am a master of manipulation.
i can get you to believe almost anything with my puppydog eyes.
im not using, i stopped using, im peaceful, im loving.... whatever.
and if you get sucked into it, well, thats your problem...
cause chances are sooner or later you will.

now to my point,

whos speaking for your kid???... it seems no one, so i will.

this is my suggestion

get the "f" away and when he can PROVE he's not using ANYTHING AT ALL
he can then come back into your life. your son doesnt need any part of an active addict, even from afar, cause thats what he seems to be.
whether part time or full
sooner or later im sure he'll be knocking at the door lookin for a few bucks, with some stupid excuse. and then on and on and on.

also, believe me, his son is picking up on his actions and in time will share them with yours.

think of it this way,
if hes not using and cares for you, your son and his sons friendship he would love to prove hes not.

i know its tough to dump friends, ex's and lovers..., though,
you might not save only your own selves by leaving him behind for now,
you may wake him up!!! ... "it did me!!!"

now this is just an opinion and and my own experience so you can take as much of it as you want.

good luck, i know it can be a tough move to make.

you should also check out naranon

[alley703]

my personal opinion is, if hes smoking it, hes addicted. i used to do coke recreationally and it never caused a problem outside my party life. but after that first hit of it, i was hooked. crack is very very addictive. your right, the high comes on quicker, and is much shorter. meaning you need more. the high feels different. with coke, its like an all around feel good. but with crack, its this eutopia (thats the best word i can think of) in your head. but it can last from 30 seconds to like 10 minutes. with crack, your always craving that high and if you dont get it (which half the time you might and half the time you might not) you want to keep going until you get it. for me snorting and smoking are very different. and id be nervous if hes smoking it. that loving personality your talking about may go away with the crack. he may become hostile and paranoid. try to help him before hes smokin it everyday