Boyfriend smokes weed...occasionally

[Fashionista007]

I'm a recovering weed/prescription pills addict and I've been "clean" for 19 months. I say "clean" because although I haven't smoked weed, I have been abusing alcohol and prescription pills. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and he stopped drinking about 2 weeks ago. We've been going to AA 3 times a week and everything was fine...until yesterday.

I knew that he had smoked weed twice since we've been together because he came clean and told me the day he decided to stop drinking. I flipped out and told him that I absolutely cannot be with someone who smokes weed because I will end up eventually picking up again too. He said that wasn't fair, it's not like he smokes all the time, it would just be very occasionally. We fought back and forth, I cried and after a lot of talking he promised me that he would never smoke weed again. And now I feel guilty. Now I'm thinking what would be the harm if he smoked occasionally as long as he never ever brought it in our house (we live together)? People have been telling me lately that i'm OCD because I have this desire to control everything. I just feel like if I'm not in control then my life will fall apart again and I've worked too hard to let that happen. But on the other hand I feel like I'm asking too much of him with giving up alcohol and weed too. When I stopped smoking weed, I still drank for a long time. Is there a right answer here?

Fashionista007

[leeside]

Zero tolerance or it could eat at you like a cancer and welcome to SR.

[Barto]

Does NA’s literature actually state that being clean means being “completely abstinent from all mind and mood altering drugs,” including caffeine, nicotine, doctor prescribed pills, etc.? Where can I read about this? I am not trying to start anything; I want to learn more.

[Barto]

I have been reading some of the NA literature. All I could find that is relevant is its “Who, What, How, and Why” pamphlet, that states “this is program of complete abstinence from all drugs.” It doesn’t distinguish between mind and mood altering drugs and other drugs; nor does it effectively distinguish between abusing and using; it states “… complete abstinence from all drugs.”

I am not going to post my reply at this time because I don’t want to flame NA, an organization that appears to be doing good things. Let me just say that the particular language used in this pamphlet is problematic. If you’d like, I’ll PM you the reply I was going to post.

BTW, cute little girl you have there. Glad for her that you are clean.

[leeside]

That too, but I am talking about zero tolerance of his habit.

[GlassPrisoner]

I'm not in NA, as I'm an alcoholic. However, the general consensus in AA about prescription pills and recovery is this; If they are prescribed, taken for a valid reason, and taken as prescribed there is no problem. You can't "double up" on meetings to heal a broken arm....

That said, we alkies have to be vigilant about our scrips. They can very easily lead to abuse and/or relapse.

[WantsOut]

I personally don't think there is a problem if non-addict smokes pot "once in a while". That means truly once in a while, like New Year's Eve or Fourth of July and that's it.

Now, you reacted the way you did because he IS an addict - an alcoholic (from what you say). That's not the same. Too easy to sub one for the other and keep the obsession alive. Using pot keeps the alcoholism smoldering in the background just waiting for the right conditions to flare up again. And maybe next time the whole forest will burn down.

It also sounds like you know you are an addict too which means that all your alarms are going off - you know what's to come if you keep on this path. C'mon. He's going to drink again, maybe bring weed home cause "his judgement is bad" but it's really going to be because he wants to turn you into a party buddy and non-nag (from his perspective).

You see it all as clear as day. Listen to your intuition.

[leeside]

Have her tell that to the judge when she gets busted for being with him and second hand smoke don't help her either.

[Fashionista007]

We've been going to AA meetings together and we haven't been to a bar in a month. I'm not thinking about the weed thing so much anymore, I'm OCD and I like to be in control but I have to let go of this one. He promised me he wouldn't smoke weed ever again after thinking about it for a loooooooong time, so I'll have to trust him. We're taking it one day at a time and we've both been completely sober for 2 weeks.

But now there's a new issue. He's missing his guy friends and they're all big drinkers and potheads. I'm so jealous of his friends cuz they all smoke pot daily but still make it to work and take care of their responsibilities. Why can't I do that??? Anyway, I told him that hanging out with them is not a good idea, that he needs to change his "people, places, and things." I've introduced him to all of my friends and he's now really good friends with one of them who is very supportive of a sober life since his father was an alcoholic. So he has options for other people to hang out with, I just wish he could let go of the friends that are a bad influence. I don't hang out with anyone that I used to get high with. They called for months after I quit but I just ignored them and eventually they all went away and I started hanging out with my non-addict friends. I told him all of this...I just hope he was listening.