detox at home

[denise75]

im new to this i found it 2 nights ago while i was struggling with my withdrawls

I'll start off by telling my story. IM 31 mother of 3 i just lost my fiance in aug. of 06 we were together for 15 years we've been doing pills together 9 years off and on . we moved from our home state of west virgina *where oxy's got the name hillybilly heroin probably* to ohio to get away from the pills and people assocaited to them. We went from 2000- 2003 clean. in 2003 we met some people who dealt in pills and we started doing them recreationally agian.
my b/f injuried his back in the oil fields and the doctors put him on oxy's perks . Not long after that it was on full blown agian for both of us . he stopped his drinking when he was put on the oxy's .after 3 years on aug 12 he was out of his oxy's because we both abused them greatly. We got into a fight because he was withdrawling so we found some vikes and he started drinking . he drank all day then left angry and went to the bar and never made it home. He has left 2 boys a girl and me with an awfull addiction that i want and trying to get rid of. He died in aug. a month later in sept a good freind of mine who i did alot of oxy's with died because of them in a car wreck with her 1 year old daughtter in the back seat . thank god she was with out a scratch. Ive lost alot of my schoolmates and freinds from back home over the last 10 years and allmost all of them have been pill related,to oxy's methodone ,xanax.
today is my 10th day clean cold turkey ive been fighting this on and off for 10 years.the last 3 months ive went from 40 mg a day pluss vikes perks. tried to go cold turkey but ended up useing darvasets 1 a day to help with the withdrawls but kept going back to the oxy's because they just seem to fall in my lap i turn around and freinds are giveing me them or talking them up to me and i just cant get away from them when there in my face or in my head. theres one person inperticular who will not leave me alone about them he is the guy i got most of my pills from he calls allmost everyday even if i dont answer his calls the number reminds me , i see his car it reminds me some one even says his name it reminds me of the pill and i cant get it out of my head, even when i dont break down and do anything it makes me angry and irratable for most of the rest of the day.
today is the 10th day clean cold turkey im starting to feel better but it is still really intense. ive been going to drug addiction class 1 night aweek with a freind of the last 5 years . we have developed into a relationship,he has been a really big help,tho he seems to be to protective over me when it comes to the pills he tries to keep me from leaveing the house when im haveing a bad day or afraid of people i may go see.he screens my calls , he makes me so mad at times cause i cant get high with out him knowing it or even think about getting high cause he senses it. he has stopped me many times early in my recovery from takeing a pill he itercepts it. its like he reads my mind and boy does it **** me off , but i calm down and i know he did what was right i was just trippin over the pill. i,ve lied to him and snuck around so many times that now my 10th day clean he still asks me if ive done something. he says it because im acting high or manly cause some one comes to visit that he know uses or i have used with before and doesnt fell like the house is clean that somthing may have been snuck in. so he checks my pockets the house the car the mail box mainly because i have snuck in a pill that way early in my failed attempts to be clean .
So to my questions 10 days clean im still haveing withdrawls cramping acheing cold chills fatigue,irratability, depression, stress. i have been takeing calonipan when i need it for my nerves and sleep but nothinging else.

HOW LONG TILL I FEEL NORMAL AGIAN, WILL I EVER FEEL NORMAL AGIAN?
Help going crazy i think.

"People do not change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of the change" not sure who wrote it but i read it and it stuck.

[tennchick9598]

You will start to feel normal again, no worries!!! Keep hanging on there and keep posting here, and keep going to your meetings. You can do it, there are lots of great people here. Read Miki's help with home detox thread part 1 there is lots of great information on there. I am still struggling with an addiction to tramadol and whatever the heck else I can get my hands on. You are not alone, so please stay here and talk to us, and we can all get through this together!!!!!

[tennchick9598]

PS, if your doc might give you some robaxin for cramps, ,take immodium for diarhhea and tylenol or whatever for flu like symptoms. It will really help drink lots and rest lots try to sleep, take whatever might help you sleep, ambien tylenol pm etc. Keep hanging on, we will help you!!!

[northbelle]

Wow girl I hear ya!! Relationships can get pretty twisted when you throw a addiction in there..i am sorry for all your pain..that is alot of stuff..grief and loose(lose???). I feel really sad alot too and stressed out over a past that sounds quite alot like yours!!! I have seen this disease destroy peoples lives..like your friend and her baby!!
You are doing this thing!! Honor your past and those gone before you by breaking the cycle and dealing with your life..you know tha tis the only way out of this,,you CAN stand on your own two feet..with some help from some good peeps that will support you...
I don't know how long till normal!!! I just have a few clean days myself from opiates...18 days this time..god willing the LAST time!!!!.But I know I have a long road ahead but it does not have to be miserable..PAIN IS INEVITABLE..MISERY IS OPTIONAL..
Well I am on my way tot he bus to go look for a job and hit my noon meeting of the AA freedom group..best group in alaska..LOL...
love northbelle

Post again! We are glad to have you here!!!

[denise75]

hi all, i haven,t posted since jan.ihave been struggling with addiction,depression,grieving, i lost my husband in aug.06 have went cold turkey from oxy,s . i have been clean since feb.9 07. had one slip with vicoden ,one pill. ijust need some support! and a reminder that a pill is a pill vicoden,or,oxy.need support iam strong ,i know i can keep fighting this i just feel so mad still i 'll close for now.

[adoublelife]

hang in there! I know how temptation goes, and it sure makes it harder. But you know what, we have to fight it everytime, as it gets easier and easier as time goes on. I was addicted to oxycontin and it had a hold on me, it's been five weeks and one day now and it went by really fast, believe it or not. Today was a big test for me, I ran across a bottle of vicoden and really sore from a riding trip so I was sooooooooooooooooo tempted and fought the demons in my brain for a while then surrendered the pills to my Mom. I was in a foul mood for a while, then I started feeling good about beating the urge for today. So take it step by step, you are very strong and you've made it this far. Sorry for all your loss, I'm sure that makes it harder, but also easier because you don't want the same thing to happen to you, your kids need you! Breaking the cycle takes hard work, and we can't do it alone. Surround yourself with support, steer clear of bad influences or any 'reminders' as that makes it 1000 times harder. Good Luck and keep in touch!

[ccgirl]

I'll bet if you look back on it now, the w/ds I mean, I'll bet you feel so much better physically.

My condolences on your loss.

[adoublelife]

You are doing so great! Maybe you should attend some grief counseling as well because this will tie in together with your recovery. Hoping good things are happening for you because you deserve it! Be proud~you are one strong woman! Thanks for showing me that when everything is at its worst, recovery is still possible!