Help, What do I do

[t_a_n_y_a_]

My mother has a huge substance abuse problem with perscription medications. I can't give you names because quite frankly I don't know them but Codeine is definitely her DOC. In any case she will take anything she can get her hands on.
I am VERY used to her "episodes" as i call them where she is utterly ****** up, can't remember my name, falls down the stairs, goes into a coma....etc. the list goes on.
So she wakes me up this morning at 4am, smoking a cigarette backwards (or trying to) and then she takes the lighter to try to light it again and burns off a huge chunk of her hair in the process. I send her back upstairs (used to this behaviour) and tell her to stay in her room. She can get fairly volatile and angered if she doesnt get her way when shes like this.
I closed her door and am hoping she stays there for awhile. I caught her trying to eat a whole bottle of Tylenol 3s so I took them away. Once again unfortunately i'm very used to it.
The difference this time is not only am I home alone with her (which I have been since I was very young) but I'm on cocaine. I mean the buzz will subside soon but I sure as heck dont feel comforable watching her right now because as clear as I believe im thinking my judgement might be off.

Should I just wait and see what happens? Maybe call an ambulance like always? Just lock her in her room for the remainder of the day and hope for the best?
My father is at work and just as he has been for the past 15 years told me its my responsibility to watch her yadda yadda (i''ll be 20 in a couple of weeks). I feel guilty if I dont watch her, but at the same time I don't want to be responsible of something happens.

Any advice?

Edited to add: I actually just within the past month moved back home after living on my own for three years. A big reason I moved out was this. I was sick of being my mom's mother. Also I'm coming down off a night of heavy binging (on the cocaine) and really the LAST thing I want to do is play nurse maid to someone who has never sought help for themself or thinks they have a problem

[Phinneas]

Tanya - what are you doing about your drug addiction? Sounds to me like this is a very unhealthy environment and it's only going to get worse as long as you both are still using.

[tennchick9598]

Please PM me if you want to talk or need anything. I am struggling too and we all need all the help we can get!!! Much love

[leeside]

Your mom isn't going to stop for a drug abuser, so you have to stop abusing.

[anvilhead]

before you worry about anything or anyone else, get your OWN recovery going first!!! take care of your own drug problem before pointing fingers at someone else's drug problem.......

what if next time you're on a binge, your mom does need medical attention and you're too geeked to call the ambulance? or worried about getting busted? what if something happens to YOU? cocaine kills too.........

get help hon............

[wolflvr]

Well since noone else offered any advice on your mom I thought I would. First off if she seems like she is in a state of mind where she cannot take care of herself I would call the police. It is not your job to take care of her and see to it that she makes it until tomorrow where she can repeat the whole process over again. The police can put her in a ward where she has to stay 72 hours. By then she will be coming off the pills and hopefully be somewhat clear headed. They can help her with the withdrawals and with her mental state as to why she is doing this. All the ambulance will do is take her to the hospital and she will be free to leave after a while. She needs more help than that. Im not saying she wants it or will adhere to it but its what I would do. Also, I see a lot of people telling you on here to take care of your own addiction and yea, its something you should do however I dont think its something you want to do being that you didnt post on here regarding yourself. Sometimes I think people on here should address the issue the person is posting about first rather than judge them and tell them how they need to live when obviously they arent ready. I know everyone means well which is awesome but we also need to help with the problem at hand. I think you may have addiction issues being that your enviroment is surrounded by them. Maybe living with your mom is not the best place for you. Is there somewhere else you can go? Get your own place? It may be easier to get your life back on track if you are out of that situation. I wish you the best and pray that your mom and you get the help you need.

[tennchick9598]

Im sorry wolf, and tanya, i was thoughtless, I just didnt know what advice to offer about your mother. Moms are a touchy subject. I wish you luck and happiness and great things. Please pm me if you need me......much love

[t_a_n_y_a_]

Thanks Wolf and everyone else.
In regards to my own addiction I AM seeking help, at least what I can do right now. I do attend day treatment 3 times a week and I'm on the waiting list for an inpatient rehabilitation facility but until then....I keep relapsing on a regular basis. Thanks for the concern but i'm really doing everything possible short of using to help myself right now.
Moving out is not really an option because one of the reasons I moved back home was so that while I was in rehab I wouldn't be paying rent on an empty apartment.
In any case I just did what I usually do and called the ambulance and let my father meet her there later on. I didn't feel comfortable being her sole caregiver today and felt it would be better for a medical professional to intervene lest she fall, or seizure who knows.

[ccgirl]

You really need to try to help yourself first before you can help anyone else.

And I have to say, I got really pissed when I read what your dad said about your mom being your responsibility. First of all, she should be responsible for herself. Secondly, whatever happened to "for better or worse, sickness and health" Does he have no desire to help her? She is the mother, you're the child. You take care of you. You're worth it.

[tennchick9598]

you can do it tanya!!!!!!!!!! We are here to help and we love you!!!! please keep talking and asking for help/advice it will really make the difference!!!

[wolflvr]

Tanya- How r things going today? Did your mom come home or are they keeping her? Im glad that you did something rather than taking all the responsibility yourself. Doesnt your dad see she needs help too? I just feel so bad for you and hope you are doing ok. Update when you can!

[leeside]

Originally Posted by wolflvr

It is not your job to take care of her and see to it that she makes it until tomorrow where she can repeat the whole process over again. The police can put her in a ward where she has to stay 72 hours.

Wasn't her moms job to change sh***y diapers and rock her to sleep either.

[Time2Surrender]

Originally Posted by leeside

Wasn't her moms job to change sh***y diapers and rock her to sleep either.

Oh really? Who's job was it?

[t_a_n_y_a_]

Originally Posted by leeside

Wasn't her moms job to change sh***y diapers and rock her to sleep either.

Sure as hell was her job. You don't adopt a child without understanding that your responsible for them.
But in any case I understand your point. Maybe I am being selfish, who knows

And she did come home. As soon as she is coherent she can release herself because they cant force her to stay at that point.

thanks

[Time2Surrender]

Your not being selfish at all. You need to save your own a$$ first.

[t_a_n_y_a_]

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Your not being selfish at all. You need to save your own a$$ first.

True, but sometimes the line between saving yourself and lending a helping hand where its needed are blurred. I certainly don't complain or hand over responsibility for selfish reasons, just emotionally I can't do it anymore. After so many years and broken promises i'm drained. Maybe that makes me a bad daughter but I think there comes a point where you have to leave the ball in their court and know when your fighting a never ending battle. I know from my own expreience with addiction that until she WANTS help and admits a problem theres no one anyone can do.

[mikiglen]

tanya, your mom sounds just like mine.
i encouraged her to get help many a time to no avail.
i'll always be here if she needs me, but i don't maintain contact with her anymore
pm me if you need me
misti

[anvilhead]

tanya, what are you plans after treatment? i'm not sure living with the folks is the BEST option for your successful recovery....as it's not working so well right now.

how often are you relapsing? i ask cuz i'm a recovering C addict and went from now and then on the weekends, to every weekend, to maybe a nite during the week too, to sometimes back to back to back nites, to day on day off (notice the progression here....) - and all the time trying NOT to do that. then finally it started to flip, ever so slowly.......we'd get three days, and then celebrate. we fought our way to five days, once and dang near had a meltdown, so we made the call. three, five. almost but not quite not during the week. defintely not on sundays. finally just fridays. once a week. then my daughter came home to live with us for a while (pretty amazing bit of help from the universe there....) and it's now been over 5 weeks. in a row.

it's weird how, for us, we kinda had to reverse the pattern. regardless, we kept trying. sometimes it's easy to forget just how dang hard addictions are to overcome. the best thing you can do for your mom is to take care of you...quit using, learn about addiction, learn about recovery as a process - what happens when we get clean, what to expect. then you can be in the best position to help mom too. with clean days under your belt, information and experience to draw from, literature and insight. and always keep in mind that recovery is up to the addict. the nature of addiction is to use.....and that while recovery is possible for anyone, not everyone gets it.

go get yours............!!!!!!!

[leeside]

Quote:
Originally Posted by leeside View Post
Wasn't her moms job to change sh***y diapers and rock her to sleep either.

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Oh really? Who's job was it?

Are you being ironical like me?

[leeside]

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Your not being selfish at all. You need to save your own a$$ first.

Your right she has to take care of herself before she can take care of her mom.

[Time2Surrender]

Only seems right. Her Mom is a grown woman. No comparison to a helpless baby.

[wolflvr]

Lee,

That was a strange comment you made. Everyone knows when you bring a child into this world it IS your job until the day you die to take care of that child. Granted when they get older they make their own mistakes and its NOT your job to bail them out but it is still your job to be the "parent" which her mom isnt.

Tanya,
I understand how u r feeling and can only imagine the emotional turmoil this rollercoaster takes you on. Ive been praying for you and will continue to do so.

[Time2Surrender]

You and your Mom will both be in my prayers too.

[leeside]

Originally Posted by wolflvr

Lee,

That was a strange comment you made. Everyone knows when you bring a child into this world it IS your job until the day you die to take care of that child. Granted when they get older they make their own mistakes and its NOT your job to bail them out but it is still your job to be the "parent" which her mom isnt.

Shouldn't we show a little appreciation?