Can I get through this?

[squirty]

Hi everyone. I am new here but I'd really like some advice. Basically I have been dependant on Solpodol (30 mg codeine & 500mg paracetamol) for about 5 years, getting my drug of choice freely from my doctor for a pretend back injury (crazy isn't it? at least I know you guys understand). During all that time I have held down a very good job and have enjoyed a good social life (sometimes takin recreational drugs and often drinking too much).

For years I have been worried that I am addicted to Solpodol, as I always took more than I should and when I ran out stole my mum's (who actually needs them for real pain - how awful am I?). However, I put the fears out of my head and carried on but gradually started to get problems, such as kidney pains & stomach cramps (I know some of this is related to drinking as well).

Anyway the real problems came last week when I ran out of my poison of choice. Now when this happens I usually get by with weaker codeine over the counter. Obviously the problem is I need to take a lot more to get the same sort of hit. Basically last week I nearly overdosed by taking too many (cus of the paracetamol) and was vomiting and had immense stomach cramps.

Luckily I got through that but the next day I decided to talk to my boyfriend about it as I realised half the problem was that this love affair with codeine had been a dirty secret for far too long. He was the only one I had ever told I took it but he had no idea how bad this thing had got. He was really supportive but firm which is what I needed. I have tried to quit by cutting down before but I have always been someone who does everything to excess so we agreed I would quit cold turkey.

One thing he muttered when he realised fully about my problem was "I promised myself I would never get involved with an addict again." Hearing this was the most heartbreaking thing but a real wake-up call. His dad was an alcoholic and died when he was a teenager and we both had friends at uni addicted to heroin. He too has battled through addictions to cocaine and weed and succeeded. I realised I was breaking his heart and killing myself so I needed to do this.

Anyway, he said he would stay by my side all weekend and made me chuck all my remaining tablets down the toilet. That was quite scary but not too bad as they were only weak replacements. I can't get the strong ones without going to the doctor and I am not gonna do that. I cried a lot that evenin but ended up being okay cus we drank a lot of wine and shared an ecstacy tablet left from new year - good distraction!

Woke up Saturday morning feeling lost and confused and body shaking - I know the booze won't have helped. As the day went on stomach cramps got worse and felt awful so we decided we'd meet friends that evenin for drinks. Needless to say I was not very good company! Spent half of the evenin really angry and the other half crying! Anyway got drunk (weirdly it felt like the first time I got drunk!) and in the end it wasn't too bad.

Sunday morning (yesterday) woke up feeling awful. Had a hangover and no solpodol to numb the pain. Everything was becoming scarily clear in my head. Luckily, the night before we had got some weed to help me through the day. So we smoked weed and watched telly. Things were getting easier and I started to see the benefits of my quitting. Most importantly, I got really really HORNY!!! Didn't realise how much I had killed my sex drive and I had the best sex EVER! Now I was starting to see the benefits...

Yesterday evening was the first time apart from my boyfriend and was scary and lonely. I had a couple of glasses of wine before bed but didn't want to get drunk before work Monday mornin. Had the most AWFUL sleep imaginable. Was like I had flu - tossing & turning & sweating, with really bad stomach cramps. Not sure whether I slept at all but was having horrible thoughts. Dragged myself to work this mornin feeling so ill. Got through half the day before running out of the room to be sick. Luckily there's a tummy bug goin round the school I work in so they said I must have that and sent me home.

Now I am sat here feelin really REALLY ILL. Same symptoms as last night. I can't believe I had to leave work - I never do that. I can't beleive I am in this much pain and distress. I thought if I went cold turkey it would pretty much be out of my system by now and physically I would feel better (now on day 3) Do you think I delayed my withdrawal by getting drunk and stoned at the weekend? What should I do?

I am so sorry this is SO long but it feels really good to talk about it. I really don't want to give up giving up. I though I had done so well at the weekend and my boyfriend was SO proud of me. Can I get through this though? Is it just too hard doing it this way? What can I do? When will it feel better? Thanks for taking the time to read my post xxx

[jennf]

You are detoxing and Iwish I could give you advice. IF you choose to go to a doctor for help take your boyfriend with you so you do not ask the doc for more pills. Good Luck. I can tell you that you probably shouldn't drink and use other drugs to numb yourself because you will just use them as substitutes. Unfortunately I am NOT a doctor, but I can pray for you.
You are not alone.

[woops]

It's OK you are almost thro it now. The physical withdrawals from codeine peak at between 48 - 72 hours and then slowly subside. You will be over the worst of the "flu" by tomorrow and the physical symptoms will be away completely in a week. It's really not long at all. Nasty - but short lived.
I see you are in the UK - there are a couple of really good sites in the UK dealing with solpadeine, solpadol, nurofen etc etc and you will get great advice - from fellow sufferers and from medically trained people - especially the codeine org site below. Really good site - tons of information as well as help and support from fellow sufferers. Lots of females on this site.............and women who have told their stories on the radio and in magazines...........

http://www.codeinefree.me.uk/

and this is an older site run by someone who also contributes to the codeinefree site:
http://overcount.b0x.com/
but this is a messageboard and pretty quiet these days. Run by David Grieve who appears on the media about the hidden epidemic in UK and Europe.

Your biggest problem is not quitting - its staying off. Codeinefree will give you advice about all that and more.

Another site - a message board - run from Australia is another great source of help. Run by a girl who is a former nurofen addict. Great site - lots of very helpful and friendly people...............

http://mc2.vicnet.net.au/cmt/forum/index.html

Of all the above I think you would get most from codeinefree - you can talk to a psychiatric nurse who himself is a former addict and he can give you very specific help - even when dealing with your GP............

Good luck

Maybe see you in codeinefree??

But do check out all the above sites - you might prefer the approach by one group over another..........
Altho codeinefree is more comprehensive - I have formed a couple of nice friendships with people in mc2 - we tapered and got clean together................... and intend to meet one day!! One of us from UK, one from Canada and one from Oz!!

[northbelle]

WOW..the crazymaking that addction brings!!
Well it sounds like you are not stranger to addiction and you know what is up. You know the drill!!LOL I can relate SO much to the way you take pille. I got that same take way too much ..toxic body cramps..really don't do much anymore..it FINALLY started affecting my work too and I just COULDN"T BELIEVE I let my addiction affect my job!! Yeha right!! Like we have a CHOICE over the bad stuff that happens to us when we use!!
You can make it through the detox!! Keep posting here is a GREAT start..I have seen many others make it through detox by posting her and getting support through it!! Whatever you are going through..here is the place to post it and get great feedback..
Keep comin around!! Try to let go of that boyfriend...JUST FOR TODAY...JUST worry about YOU..just for right now..you can worry about him TOMMORROW!!!!
love north

[squirty]

Cheers guys for your replies. It's really helpful cus I can't talk to anyone else about it other than my boyfriend (I have plenty of friends - just too ashamed).

Thanks woops for the links. I am definitely going to check them out.

It's just hard to see me getting through this at the moment. I feel so dreadful and I know exactly what would make me feel better! I am determined to stick at it though. The longest I gave up before was about 2 hours! I will keep you posted.

I am really unsure about what to do tomorrow and that is causing me some stress. I really don't want to miss work but at the same time I can't face another day like today. Is it better to stay off sick tomorrow? x

[northbelle]

Just MY opionion..but yeah if I could take it off ..I WOULD..you are trying to detox right?? Take it easy on yourself and take a day to get through it!! Definitely..I went to work sick as heck before and I don't reccomend it to ANYONE..talk aabout sick...you will be better ina couple days...just stick to it and you will get through..you will probably loose your job if you DON"T get off the stuff. I lost everything through my addiction. Nothing was safe after a while..
The shame thing really causes alot of pain huh?? It keeps me stuck in the house if I let it ...but it gets SOOO much better and you will learn to forgive yourself. We HAVE to. You have not done anything others have not done before believe me. We feel so unique in our pain but I am finding we are not really so special...most addict/alcoholics have the same rotten feelings and they get better.
Just relax today,,take tommorow off if you can and take it one minute at a time..you can do it..you got some great links...
Boy, don't drink..it will make it so much WORSE..it did for me anyway..
keep posting..really glad you are here with us..
love north

[squirty]

Well it's 10.15pm in the UK and I've just had a nice long relaxing bath. Trouble is I am now starting to get very fidgety and can't stop my leg from shaking.

I've actually had another realisation today - that I am quite dependant on alcohol as well. I drink every night but because I usually do it with my boyfriend or friends I guess I haven't realised it is such a big problem.

Today has been the first day for a VERY long time that I have not taken anything toxic. It is VERY scary but also kind of exciting! Imagine if I can get through this...

Only trouble is my period is gonna come tomorrow or the next day. Any suggestions how I am gonna cope with that? I get quite painful ones and can't take ibuprofen or aspirin as I am allergic.

Thanks for all your support xxx

[tennchick9598]

Oh GAG that sucks that you should have to have your period while going through all this, if there is anyway your doc would maybe call in some robaxin (non narcotic and non addictive) for cramps and take immodium for the diahrea, and clonodine for withdrawal symptoms??? If not take more hot baths, use tylenol and immodium, try to be able to sleep all you can, it is gonna get soooo much better so dont worry and you will make it we are all pulling for you

[tennchick9598]

Hey there, just wanted to add, you should keep posting!!!!! Thats what I did all through my roughest times and it really helps. Tell everything you are feeling and wishing and anything, It really helped me out alot, and sometimes, you will get some truly useful advice that will make it better, we are here for you and will talk your head off......lol...KEEP POSTING!!!!!

[northbelle]

I go through the SAME thing every month hun...along with the insanity!!! You can get through it. Take whatever non- narcotic you can and call it a day. Keep posting here is a great start.
love north

[Ten Chips Down]

Hello squirty and welcome.

For those of you who don't know, the paracetamol ingredient is the international name (INN) for our acetaminophen, the USA name (USAN). How strange is that? I thought generic names were generic names!! Gahh, LOL.

Squirty: Word of encouragement: I sure don't envy your predicament right now, but for GAWD's sake don't forget you could: Be addicted to something stronger in the opiate family -or- you could have a benzo (Valium, etc) problem. The misery you have from some of those can just linger and linger, especially benzos.

So I don't mean to downplay your problem but look on the bright side - you at least have something where you can just rough it out for a week, and you to start much feel better.

Drinking will muck up your quitting the pills faster than you can say "failure." Any addict, whether codiene or benzo either one, REALLY should avoid imbibing and all costs.

Wow woops' post was LADEN with great resources, make sure you check 'em out.

Lastly, maybe most important of all for you: My eye alerted to what you are guessing is stomach and kidney pains. You're going to want to really get yourself checked (after you kick) because paracetamol can play havoc with your liver; drinking alcohol *and* taking a couple thousand milligrams or more a day can lead to liver toxicity.

Ain't trying to freak you. (You freaked ME.) Just make sure you have your liver-functioning checked out as soon as practically possible, ok?

Ten

[squirty]

Just wrote a reply and my computer crashed! Very annoying.

Basically I was just checking on to thank you guys for your wise words.

I feel like **** today as I've got a really bad headache but I am also feeling quite proud of myself. Yesterday I managed to do a WHOLE day without having anything toxic - including a cigarette (I'm a 'social' smoker).

It felt VERY bizarre and it was VERY hard. It was REALLY hard not drinking. Can't believe I've managed to get me a drink problem without realising. My body was shaking and feverish and I felt so cold. I am so pleased with myself though. It's the first time I've had a day of sobriety in about 8 years - I'm only 25 so that makes me feel quite sad.

Ten, you are completely right - it is important to look at the positives and there are always people worse off than you. It's been such a relief to hear from you guys that I should be over the worst of this in about a week. At the moment I still feel really flu like and would happily eat loads of codeine pills (I won't) but it's cool to know that feeling will subside. On day 4 now!

Pleased aswell cus I managed to get a good nights sleep - albeit feverish and disturbed sleep.

I am feeling like I am conquering this codeine thing. I'm not sure about the drink though...

[woops]

Great.
Day 5 is amazing - the symptoms start to lift like a cloud - you are over the worst of the withdrawal symptoms now.
NOW - wotcha going to do to stay off?

[squirty]

Any tips woops?

[squirty]

Guys I feel like a failure. I've just had 2 glasses of wine. I really want to go and buy another bottle.

I was just so bored and restless. Ideally, I could have gone for a walk or something but couldn't as I'm off sick from work (they told me to have tomorrow off aswell). Sobriety is so scary. My mind is beginning to become clear and I don't know how to occupy my time in a good way. I know I should be feeling positive cus I'm nearing the end of day 4 but if I could have some strong codeine now I would. I'm doing everything I can not to get another bottle of wine.

Is it too much to give up everything at once? It feels like that. I feel sad x

[tennchick9598]

you cant beat yourself up and feel like a failure, because you WILL get to that point where enough is enough and you will feel GREAT!!! I have slipped up time and time again, and becuase I was abusing the neurontin I consider today, DAY 1!!! I am gonna try to struggle through it, and stay clean this time and only take the lithium and lexapro and seroquel that I was prescribed. We can do this together all of us!! I am totally pulling for you, start fresh tomorrow with new resolve that that is the DAY for you!!! PM me if you need anything at all, or if I can help in any way. KEEP POSTING, I swear it helps.....I am here with you!!!

[squirty]

Thanks tennlady. It helps to have support. I am pulling for you too!

Well I didn't go and buy another bottle of wine - so only drank 2 glasses, which a normal French person would drink with a meal!

It was hard not to drink more and I feel like crap but strengthened by another day of near sobriety.

It's a lonely thing though isn't it? Does anyone else feel that? I sort of feel like I desperately want to be around company but at the same time can't face it. Don't know how I would cope if I hadn't found this site. You are all an inspiration to me.

[tennchick9598]

I felt exactly that same way, please keep posting, post a million times a day if you want, it will help combat the lonely feeling, and know for sure, that you are not the only one going thru this. We are all here together, we can do it!!!!!!!!!

[squirty]

Tennlady, what is it you are battling with? (if you don't mind me asking)

[woops]

What about getting yourself along to a meeting of AA?
AA or NA.
But if you are having problems quitting Mr Booze - then AA is the place for you just now.
woops

[tennchick9598]

I dont mind at all, it was originally tramadol, that is my fiercest demon, and now the neurontin which is prescribed to me in place of the tramadol, is that not a bit of irony for ya, but I am gonna be ok with it, hopefully, its an everyday struggle, tho. thats why I stay in here, cuz it helps me alot....

[squirty]

Well I've made it to the end of day 4! Am a bit disappointed that I drank but so pleased it wasn't much. It really helps coming here. While I was thinking about going to get more booze I realised I couldn't face writing on here that I had failed and got drunk. So thank you guys. You saved me.

I did have a lemsip a couple of hours ago for my headache but that only contains paracetamol and decongestants so not worried as they're not addictive. Headache is still around but I am very aware of Ten's cautions of taking too much paracetamol. I am currently thinking myself very lucky not to have killed myself already by taking too much of this so I am not tempted to take any more. Ten - I will think about getting my liver checked out, just need to get in a stronger state of mind first.

Woops - do you know of they have much of a culture of AA and NA meetings here in the UK? I might be being really ignorant but these meetings seem much more common in the states (maybe it is because it is more socially acceptable over there).

Anyway, I'm gonna try and go to sleep soon and Woops I will be concentrating on your positive words about day 5. I look forward to it!

How is everyone else doing anyway?

Tennlady - you can do it!

[northbelle]

Hey there Squirty..very cool!! PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION..we can't get better in one day. God knows it took me long enough to GET to this point..!!
Not sure about the AA where you live. I am a drig addict alcoholic but have found my niche in aa. Everyone has their own favorite meeting usually where they feel like they fit in. I go pretty much every day..sometimes twice..it just keeps it real for me . Keeps me putting one foot in front of the other and walking through my fears...and I have alot of them..
Was trying to get aride to the food bank but wasn't able to..sure can't ride the bus there. Oh well ..it is very depressing financially right now for me. I hate having to ask for help..but I have to right now...
love norht

[squirty]

North thanks for your post. Please don't despair! It sounds to me like you are doing VERY well. I read on another thread that you were addicted to heroin. I have seen many good friends just completely get swallowed up by this drug and disappear from existance. It is heartbreaking to see such lovely people get destroyed by this poison. It is the one drug I have never taken (believe me I was tempted) but I knew that if I did I would NEVER stop. I think you are AMAZING to have stopped taking this (even if you still slip!) I think you need to listen to your own advice - PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION! So what if you can't ride the bus yet, it will come, as will money eventually. Swallow your pride and carry on asking for help - just carry on progressing.