Im tired of being an addict

[INHISGRACE]

Hello all,
It was not so long ago that I owned my own home had a wonderful and happy family and a very strong relationship with God. My wife and I found out she had cancer and I slipped into depression. Though I had been diagnosed with depression previously, the bad news of my wifes illness devestated me to the point where I could not get out of bed to go to work. I wanted to be with her through her treatments and so when all was said and done I fell behind with my morgage payments and we lost our home.
Fortunatly, by the grace of God we beat the cancer but the depression and extreme anxiety never left. That is when I started self medicating myself with Vicodin, percocet, weed alchohol ect. I take roughly 10 to 15 percs a day and drink heavy when I come home from work. It hurts so bad when I think of how far I have fallen. I dont want to chase these drugs anymore. It is destroying my life and my sanity. I need help but I am afraid to be away from my wife and childeren. I try to cut or taper down but I cant. Is there any hope? What do I do? Why have I lost my faith? Im sorry for running on...I am loaded as I write this forgive me

[xjunkie4u]

Sure there is hope. How bad do you want to quit? You have to want to quit more than get high. Sure you want to get high, but how much do you want to get off the merry go round? I'm findind that a lot of people here aren't really interested in helping people as they are in chatting with friends. All the best,

[northbelle]

there is lots of hope..if I can do it you can too..I can relate to your feelings of extreme depression adn anxiety..You CAN stop the cycle. Don't tell yourself you can't. We have a way of living up to our expectations of ourselves.I mean I do not have alot of room to talk ..I just relapsed for the hundreth time..but I do know that my negative self talk is killing me slowly..It is not our job to ask why..just what I believe..I know you have been through alot with your wife . I am soooo glad she has BEAT the cancer. I bet it was scarey but it is in the past now. You can always get help to detox if you need it. Is your wife supportive of you quitting???
Keep posting
love north

[ccgirl]

It's very common for people to self medicate when they're emotional situation sucks. It numbs the pain. Now the reason for the slide is over (I'm so happy for you and your wife) and now you just need to put one foot in front of the other and step into a new way of life.

[Lizrox]

You can do this.

You said; I need help but I am afraid to be away from my wife and childeren.

If you keep it up the mixture of opiates and alcohol will kill you. How do you think your wife and children will feel then??

I don't have much advice because I am in very early recovery myself. How about an outpatient program?? They even have meetings at night so you can work during the day.

Keep posting and sharing; you can and will get your life back if you really want it..

Liz

[LIL_Pebbles]

Hi and welcome to SR

First you see you have a battle, the war will never be over,but the battle is this: if you can not do a taper, try to do a cold turkey if both are out, then depends on your insure. what state/city your in, how about a detox program? they can detox you using Methadone for one week, I think one leaves and has the choice of being on methadone maint: BUT the best is suboxen, call around your area to find a doctor who is educated to give this out, it is by far the best for opiate addiction, I am waiting, i can not call today like i had wanted to due to President Bush decalred a holiday due to our past Geral Ford who passed away. I had done a perfect taper from 50 mgs the most, some days more actualy, but went down to 7.5 mgs for two weeks, i sufferd, but as time went by my body/CNS got used to the 7.5 mg, I screwed up 12/4th since then been using beer, pills, i was not a alcoholic till i started using beer, now? i crave it and find that numbing sensation, the opiates even me out, i sick cycle. You have faith in God, that is so pure and strong, I wished that I did, faith can move moutains...I also want to add that thnak god your wife is OK now, all is over, but yes tou need to want to stop using more than getting high, now that all is OK, addiction is seperate from that now, you are the one who is sick as all addicts are and alcholics are, it is time for family to support you in getting clean and back on your feet...I wished that the advise i give out i could swolow, you know? it is not easy and i wish you luck, but i do feel your faith in God and love for your family you will make it.

God speed

[emmer]

Sure there's hope, I got depressed and started taking lots and lots of benzos and other drugs to intensify the benzos effects.
Someone from NA started encouraging me and with the help of others I am benzo free (10 months)and doing well. The coedine took longer to kick but I'm at 66 days clean now. Benzos were a nightmare to kick......... and I mean a nightmare.

But if I can do it ...you can do it.

[xjunkie4u]

Detox is the first step and inpatient is best. Methadone and sub may not be the best ways to do it from a pill addiction but that's the docs call. all the best

[Dilberto]

In His Grace,

I feel exactly what you mean. I just lost a house on Mission Blvd, Fremont this past August. For addicts- it's ALL BAD up there. You know damn well how the cops are in Fremont! Go to a meeting at Second Chance, tonight (off Thornton-West), in Newark. Read my thread, "I'm New Here!", and welcome to Sober Recovery.....we are all here to help one another!

Zachary A.
Alcoholic/Addict/x-smoker