can I step aboard?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mcalester, oklahoma
Posts: 13
can I step aboard?
Hello I just joind this site this morning I have visited it off and on for a while. I left a couple of post on the newbies and the reaction was very freeing to me. I have had a serious hydrocodone addiction heavy for at least three years and have managed to tell no one around me. Although I thought I was smart hiding it now I finally realize I've been isolationg my self in a dark lonley room all alone just me and my drug. I have pushed my husband so far away we are on the verg of divorce. My children don't understand why I can be so manic then so depressed. I don't think I'm bipolar but with lortab I could easily come off as one. guys I'm still using but know i have to stop or it will ruin every thing i have.
I have cut down in the last 2 days from about 20 lortab 10 to 10 tabs. I'm managing but feel depressed and emotional and clock watching to see when is my next fix. I know I need to tell my doctor, din't feel its an option since he didn't give them to me. I live in a small town and this could ruin my career. please help I know all my problems are all self inflected, but I truly never ment to harm anyone yet my whole family is suffering. thanks for listening
I have cut down in the last 2 days from about 20 lortab 10 to 10 tabs. I'm managing but feel depressed and emotional and clock watching to see when is my next fix. I know I need to tell my doctor, din't feel its an option since he didn't give them to me. I live in a small town and this could ruin my career. please help I know all my problems are all self inflected, but I truly never ment to harm anyone yet my whole family is suffering. thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: san antonio, texas
Posts: 48
You are not alone and yes it takes great courage to admit to yourself and others that you have a problem-A problem I might add that is a disease and can affect anyone.
I was in a similar situation with 10/10's a day for 3 years until 12 days ago-it's been hard but it can be done
You can tell your doctor and get some help with the w/d's-or a doctor you don't know.
Tapering is a great way to go if you have the willpower. The w/d's aren't that bad-it just takes time and commitment to it.
I would be happy to answer any questions you may have or you can read what I went through in Vicoden vs. Me.
Glad you are comming to terms with this
I was in a similar situation with 10/10's a day for 3 years until 12 days ago-it's been hard but it can be done
You can tell your doctor and get some help with the w/d's-or a doctor you don't know.
Tapering is a great way to go if you have the willpower. The w/d's aren't that bad-it just takes time and commitment to it.
I would be happy to answer any questions you may have or you can read what I went through in Vicoden vs. Me.
Glad you are comming to terms with this
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Welcome to the forum dee.
I am happy to hear that you are coming to the realization just how damaging addiction is to ourselves and our families. Recovery may seem like a distant unreachable goal when we have come to depend on drugs so much in our everyday life but I can tell you from personal experience that it can be done.With determination and willingness you can stop the needless suffering in your family.You did the right thing by reaching out for help.
I am happy to hear that you are coming to the realization just how damaging addiction is to ourselves and our families. Recovery may seem like a distant unreachable goal when we have come to depend on drugs so much in our everyday life but I can tell you from personal experience that it can be done.With determination and willingness you can stop the needless suffering in your family.You did the right thing by reaching out for help.
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
Hey Dee,
I was in the same situation. I was worried about my career too. I was tearing my family apart. I tried to quit on my own but I just couldn't. I went to detox and a 28 day inpatient rehab. It was WAY worth it. If you can't kick it on your own then you might want to consider doing detox/rehab. good luck with it.
I was in the same situation. I was worried about my career too. I was tearing my family apart. I tried to quit on my own but I just couldn't. I went to detox and a 28 day inpatient rehab. It was WAY worth it. If you can't kick it on your own then you might want to consider doing detox/rehab. good luck with it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mcalester, oklahoma
Posts: 13
I came clean or at least became honest
Thankyou all so much for reaching out to me. Last night laying next to my husband in bed I came clean and told him everything. He really didn't have a clue, I don't now how he couldn't, but I guess he was just trusting and honest and expected the same from me. Bless his heart he had know idea he was sharing his life with an addict. Well to my suprise after he sat in silence to injest
what he was hearing he was actually amazingly supportive, although I know he really doesn't understand this at all. I know he thinks I just need to stop buying and stop taking them. Step one.
what he was hearing he was actually amazingly supportive, although I know he really doesn't understand this at all. I know he thinks I just need to stop buying and stop taking them. Step one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mcalester, oklahoma
Posts: 13
survived the weekend
Thanks to you all for opening your hearts and knowledge through this site. I know I haven't posted on anyone site, thats because I don't feel I have the knowledge since I am still using. But I did come clean and tell my husband friday night and although It has been a rough weekend with facing the shame and guilt of my addiction their is something very freeing in honesty. Hiding an addiction is a fulltime and lonley job. I have continued tappering I went from 20+ Lortab 10 on thursday to 10 tabs on friday and 8 tabs sat and sunday. so far with very little to no w/d. Does any one know if this is normal I'm scared this is to easy and then all the sudden I'll go in to some heavy craving or painful w/d. any help with succesful tappering would be appreciated. god bless u all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
what about what tintin suggested...getting a doctors help with the taper?
the cravings will be there, get ready, but they are normal. as far as the taper, i don't know....i've always just stopped cold turkey, never had the strength to taper.
you are much stronger than i am, good luck
the cravings will be there, get ready, but they are normal. as far as the taper, i don't know....i've always just stopped cold turkey, never had the strength to taper.
you are much stronger than i am, good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: san antonio, texas
Posts: 48
I did a taper once before- Your body will adjust to a new dose in a couple days -so, I did almost exactly what you are doing. I cut from 100%-50% then decreased one pill every 2 days. That is a fast taper but the w/d were not that bad. A slower taper would be even less uncomfortable-slow down your taper if you neeed to but don't up the dose.
My mistake was thinking I could take a couple pills and handle it. wrong. I remember my neighbor gave me a couple for my back-then 4 or 5, then I filled a script.-then it was over-2 went to 4 to back where I was in a week or 2
My mistake was thinking I could take a couple pills and handle it. wrong. I remember my neighbor gave me a couple for my back-then 4 or 5, then I filled a script.-then it was over-2 went to 4 to back where I was in a week or 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mcalester, oklahoma
Posts: 13
slow go
Thank you. I have not waivered yet still tappering. I'm down to 8 hydro 10mg a day. With plans to go to 6 tabs this weekend, but for some reason tappering down from 20 to 10 was ok and 10 to 8 piece of cake, but for some reason I'm scared of only getting 6 I think I'll start feeling the withdrawls, I've even tried to tell myself maybe I should go to 7 pills for a few days before going to 6. I think its just the addict in me talking. any words of advise? And no I'm not going to the doctor just yet if I fail this attempt then I will go, this is just another part of my insentive to quit. lol good luck to all
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I think that's normal, the lower you get to the scarrier it will get.
I'm not sure, but I'm a cutter, and struggle with an e.d. I stopped
throwing up and cutting the day I stopped meth, and have over a year
now, but I still keep a razor around, it gives me some kind of safety.
It's weird. I thought I could do that with meth once, but nope.
The drugs are your safety net, your friend, for me I was in a relationship
with meth. They were so much to me so when I quit, It was very similiar
to losing a person.
So I think it's normal. Just keep trying, and know that you are doing the right thing. Keep reaching out to PEOPLE!!!! Let people, friends, your husband help you through this, and talk to them as you let the drugs go, that will make it so much easier.
Keep talking to us too.
You'll get there, your doing it, it just takes longer for some of us.
DWI
I'm not sure, but I'm a cutter, and struggle with an e.d. I stopped
throwing up and cutting the day I stopped meth, and have over a year
now, but I still keep a razor around, it gives me some kind of safety.
It's weird. I thought I could do that with meth once, but nope.
The drugs are your safety net, your friend, for me I was in a relationship
with meth. They were so much to me so when I quit, It was very similiar
to losing a person.
So I think it's normal. Just keep trying, and know that you are doing the right thing. Keep reaching out to PEOPLE!!!! Let people, friends, your husband help you through this, and talk to them as you let the drugs go, that will make it so much easier.
Keep talking to us too.
You'll get there, your doing it, it just takes longer for some of us.
DWI
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
(( dee ))) sounds to me like you're doing really well!
I think you're gonna have some moments of discomfort... it helps to realize that they're gonna happen and accept them.
When we use our margin of comfort becomes very small.. smaller and smaller with each year of using. That's why it's so difficult to "come up" to the surface of what other people call reality . There's a whole huge range of feelings both emotional and physical that we are NOT accustomed to feeling. We've lived inside our own little padded cell and "controlled" the intensity of how and what we've allowed ourselves to feel for so long that other people's range of what they feel just plain feels like an overload and overdose to us! It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin again... it took me a couple years just to reaqquaint myself with myself!!
Be patient with yourself, dare to feel different and remember to breathe! Do you have an exercise regiment? Really helps get the crap outta your body and relaxes you too..
You can do this! You've got some good support at home. Have you considered doing an outpatient program?
I think you're gonna have some moments of discomfort... it helps to realize that they're gonna happen and accept them.
When we use our margin of comfort becomes very small.. smaller and smaller with each year of using. That's why it's so difficult to "come up" to the surface of what other people call reality . There's a whole huge range of feelings both emotional and physical that we are NOT accustomed to feeling. We've lived inside our own little padded cell and "controlled" the intensity of how and what we've allowed ourselves to feel for so long that other people's range of what they feel just plain feels like an overload and overdose to us! It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin again... it took me a couple years just to reaqquaint myself with myself!!
Be patient with yourself, dare to feel different and remember to breathe! Do you have an exercise regiment? Really helps get the crap outta your body and relaxes you too..
You can do this! You've got some good support at home. Have you considered doing an outpatient program?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mcalester, oklahoma
Posts: 13
not much to say this morning but i feel i need to continue posting so i won't fall back in old habits. I'm still tappering or maintaining at 8 pills a day with plans to decrease this weekend. I have a headache this morning so its been rather tempting to head for my rx. I guess i have got to learn how to cope with regular physical pain again. I watched a movie last night with disfunctional alcoholics I thought it was a good movie Love song for bobby long. It made me think none of start out in life with plans to become an addict. my father was an alcoholic I buirried him 10 years ago. good luck to all today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 117
Welcome aboard!
Good job on tapering! Keep it up! Things will get better. Tapering is hard, and very time consuming. But if you keep on track, and continue to lower the meds... things will slowly be more bareable, and eventually you can just jump off! You are doing a very courageous and brave thing. Many are scared just to admit they have a problem!
We, as addicts, have to learn that you cant always(shouldnt) run to drugs/booze to make you feel better. Sometimes you just gotta let your body take the pain, and get over it itself. Now, i'm not talking about horrific injury... i'm talking about the average headache/migrain, small injury, emotional pain, etc. Take something thats not narcotic for those, many people here have remedies(safe substances, teas, etc.) to help you through whatever painful dilemma you might have. Of course, the doctor/counselor is ALWAYS a good option too. There is so much help out there, it would be silly not to look or accept any!
The Earth has many herbs, and plants for healing. Remedies are everywhere on the Net to help fix or remedy almost everything. Mother Earth(im not a hippie, lol), really does take care of us. We just gotta know what to look for, and learn how to heal ourselves naturally and with natural love.
Good luck with your taper, keep it up! Keep fighting, and it will all be worth it one day.
Good job on tapering! Keep it up! Things will get better. Tapering is hard, and very time consuming. But if you keep on track, and continue to lower the meds... things will slowly be more bareable, and eventually you can just jump off! You are doing a very courageous and brave thing. Many are scared just to admit they have a problem!
We, as addicts, have to learn that you cant always(shouldnt) run to drugs/booze to make you feel better. Sometimes you just gotta let your body take the pain, and get over it itself. Now, i'm not talking about horrific injury... i'm talking about the average headache/migrain, small injury, emotional pain, etc. Take something thats not narcotic for those, many people here have remedies(safe substances, teas, etc.) to help you through whatever painful dilemma you might have. Of course, the doctor/counselor is ALWAYS a good option too. There is so much help out there, it would be silly not to look or accept any!
The Earth has many herbs, and plants for healing. Remedies are everywhere on the Net to help fix or remedy almost everything. Mother Earth(im not a hippie, lol), really does take care of us. We just gotta know what to look for, and learn how to heal ourselves naturally and with natural love.
Good luck with your taper, keep it up! Keep fighting, and it will all be worth it one day.
Goin'....Goin'....Gone!
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: planet earth ( I think...)
Posts: 342
Originally Posted by dee63 
Thank you. I have not waivered yet still tappering. I'm down to 8 hydro 10mg a day. With plans to go to 6 tabs this weekend, but for some reason tappering down from 20 to 10 was ok and 10 to 8 piece of cake, but for some reason I'm scared of only getting 6 I think I'll start feeling the withdrawls, I've even tried to tell myself maybe I should go to 7 pills for a few days before going to 6. I think its just the addict in me talking. any words of advise? And no I'm not going to the doctor just yet if I fail this attempt then I will go, this is just another part of my insentive to quit. lol good luck to all
8...7...6...5...4...3........2...1
or maybe after 3.... do 2 & 1 and alternate days with those
then go to 1 everyday....then 1/2 of 1 every other day
then 1/2 of 1 every other day then...DONE!
just my oppinion...not a doctor but it sounds good though
if it were me... I would do the cut down every week...slower the better cuz of WD's..... or if you feel like you can handle it...cut the dose every
3 days......ya know....3 days (8)....3 days (7) etc etc etc
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: state of confusion..
Posts: 358
Dee, First & Foremost: WELCOME! I had the same problem; abused Norco 10/325. (10 mg hydrocodone & 325 mg tylenol.) You mentioned Lortab. I thought that had ALOT more tylenol in it, which is very harmful to the liver. To make a long story short, I TRIED to taper many times & failed when I got down to 4 a day...or the next time 3 a day...I tried & failed for MONTHS. If you succeed, and many have, then you are a much stronger person then me. I also live in a very small town, I also hid my addiction, I also finally confessed the truth to my husband...I was here @ SR for months..I was a "lurker" for a long time before I ever got the courage to actually "talk" on the forums. I have made some really good friends here, and am acquainted with some very wonderful people here. I resisted the AA & NA meetings...still haven't been to one to this day. In June of this year, I had struggled enough w/ this long term relationship that I'd secretly had for what seemed like an eternity. That feeling is probably very similar to those that heve extra marital affairs...the "sneaking off to get the pills, spending a small fortune, counting them every am when nobody was around to "catch" me..and taking them when nobody was looking...there towards the end, even if I swallowed 20 pills in ONE day, I still didn't get "that superwoman feeling" that I used to get. I was not going to let my life be dictated by a drug any longer. I found a really great counselor (30 miles away; in the nearest bigcity.) I started seeing her in June of this year. I did relapse once, for 9 days (I think) BUT I went right back to it and have not taken 1 hydrocodone pill of any kind since the short relapse. Life is now so much better! If you want to PM me w/ any questions, fears, or if you're just having a bad day, you are more than welcome to do so. There was a gal that I met on here that e-mailed me, gave me her phone #, and I called her. More than once. She helped me big time. (Thanks Laura.) Just know that you can get "well". Many have done it before you, with the same feelings that you have right now. Many more will do it in the future. You may even come back here to help THEM! I gotta go. I will check back later. Just know that you are not alone! There are always good people here! Always!
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