One day at a time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Clinton, NJ
Posts: 61
One day at a time
Its hard to believe Ive been clean for over two months. I first posted on this board desperately seeking help for my problems. Reading those posts again, they sound crazy and nuts and all that but thats what withdraw is like.
Im glad thats over with. Sure glad I came to my senses when I did.
Most people know I do not attend AA or NA. I have a problem with the ones in AA who are just there to satisfy the courts and think that 6 months clean means its time to binge drink one weekend. To be frank, I dont like a lot of AA or NA people because they remind me of a bunch of screw ups! LOL!!! No, I am not a screw up, I am perfect! Imagine that. So basically, yes I am sober and still nuts as you can tell from the above. The junkie I am wont go to AA/NA cause there are junkies there and I dont associate with junkies. Got it? Geesh.
Now that you know the world revolves around me, I will tell you all how I feel that I am slipping in my recovery. No I havent used. Its the dreams of using that wake me at night and the constant daydreaming of ordering a couple big bottles of pretty pills. I daydream that I can use again and keep it all under control. I will only take them as perscribed. Really..Doc, I promise....
....the pain is unbearable and only need one refill. Only one little refill. I really need it. Or maybe a few shots of tequila and a couple beers to get me smoothed out. Those are my daydreams and I need to remind myself that its the face of addiction, cunning, clever and unforgiving. Wish it would just leave me the heck alone instead of finding me wherever I am. My cravings are strong again, and at this point in the past have always failed. Gave into the voice that says I can have a drink or just a pill or two. Wish it would please go away...
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Thats what I have going for me and my recovery. I just have to get over this hurdle and stay on the right side of things this time. Not easy at all but is definately the right thing to do at this point.
Peace and Love to you all.............,
Alan
Im glad thats over with. Sure glad I came to my senses when I did.
Most people know I do not attend AA or NA. I have a problem with the ones in AA who are just there to satisfy the courts and think that 6 months clean means its time to binge drink one weekend. To be frank, I dont like a lot of AA or NA people because they remind me of a bunch of screw ups! LOL!!! No, I am not a screw up, I am perfect! Imagine that. So basically, yes I am sober and still nuts as you can tell from the above. The junkie I am wont go to AA/NA cause there are junkies there and I dont associate with junkies. Got it? Geesh.
Now that you know the world revolves around me, I will tell you all how I feel that I am slipping in my recovery. No I havent used. Its the dreams of using that wake me at night and the constant daydreaming of ordering a couple big bottles of pretty pills. I daydream that I can use again and keep it all under control. I will only take them as perscribed. Really..Doc, I promise....
....the pain is unbearable and only need one refill. Only one little refill. I really need it. Or maybe a few shots of tequila and a couple beers to get me smoothed out. Those are my daydreams and I need to remind myself that its the face of addiction, cunning, clever and unforgiving. Wish it would just leave me the heck alone instead of finding me wherever I am. My cravings are strong again, and at this point in the past have always failed. Gave into the voice that says I can have a drink or just a pill or two. Wish it would please go away...
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Thats what I have going for me and my recovery. I just have to get over this hurdle and stay on the right side of things this time. Not easy at all but is definately the right thing to do at this point.
Peace and Love to you all.............,
Alan
At Least I Think I Do
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Earth
Posts: 60
Alan,
I know what you mean about the people at AA/NA who attend to get their dance cards stamped for their legal troubles.
I dislike it when I see people in meetings asking others members if they want to get together - sexually. Now that is fishing in the sick pool!
But the fact is for me there are many many meetings to choose from. There are plenty of established meetings that have so much support to offer. The kind of support that keeps one sober. Check out many meetings. Every meeting is different.
Also when I see individuals at meetings who are there for the purpose of filling legal requirements - I choose to view those individuals as resources of maintaining my soberiety. I say to myself "Thanks God I am sober". IT becomes clear to me why I want to maintain a sober life!!!
I know what you mean about the people at AA/NA who attend to get their dance cards stamped for their legal troubles.
I dislike it when I see people in meetings asking others members if they want to get together - sexually. Now that is fishing in the sick pool!
But the fact is for me there are many many meetings to choose from. There are plenty of established meetings that have so much support to offer. The kind of support that keeps one sober. Check out many meetings. Every meeting is different.
Also when I see individuals at meetings who are there for the purpose of filling legal requirements - I choose to view those individuals as resources of maintaining my soberiety. I say to myself "Thanks God I am sober". IT becomes clear to me why I want to maintain a sober life!!!
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
yep, don't go back to the dope. you know where it'll get ya.
the dreams are normal.
i quit going to meetings over a year ago as i got fed up with the drug court buffoons too.
you can do it.
don't do dope
the dreams are normal.
i quit going to meetings over a year ago as i got fed up with the drug court buffoons too.
you can do it.
don't do dope
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
