hydrocodone addiction

[Chance_IN]

Bumping this up because reading it gave me a little bit more insight/hope. This isn't the first time I've WD from hydrocodone but I obviously didn't learn my lesson before. Day 3 - my wife is helping me through it (again, God bless her). Drinking lots of fluids and busting my ass at work (it seems like breaking a good sweat really does help me "flush" when detoxing) - I'm used to the diarrhea since I'm a lactose intolerant cheese-aholic.

Thanks to those who've shared here - know that you've helped someone - and good luck to all of us who are still struggling.

[Chance_IN]

Originally Posted by blueline

day 37 for me.....I'm still doing ok, still have my ups and downs but not too bad.

I didn't make it this far through the post before responding earlier. Congrats on day 37 and remember that being down and sober is better than being up and hooked.

Take care.

Chance

[ccgirl]

Hey Blue, congratulations on day 37 or is it 38 now? Way to go.


I'm on day 20, and feel pretty good except my stomach. Something really interesting happened yesterday. I had a terrible run in with a family member, and rather than taking a pill which I would have usually done, I just let myself feel angry with that person. And you know what I found? It felt GREAT! I actually felt alive and I dealt with the problem. Who knew?

[blueline]

way to go ccgirl.........stay with it, you are doing great. 20 days is wonderful. I'm proud of you.

This is day 39 for me. I woke up feeling pretty bad this morning, but I'm sure tomorrow will be better. I have good days and bad days....this is not a good one. No hydro's, so that's a mark on the good side. Still taking it one day at a time.....that's all you can do.

[notsleepingwell]

blueline...
Wow you are doin great. My daughter is my addict. She hurt her back at work and was prescribed oxycontin....she is now a heroin addict!!

She was a registered nurse, she has lost her son, her job, her home, weighs about 90lbs and we miss her a lot. No one knows where she is ...

She is homeless now, living in the streets of this city. I've listed her as missing x2, but the police tell me they cannot babysit her anymore, and I cannot keep listing her as missing, just because I don't know where she is.

Her friends all tell me that the pain pills were what took her down!! Be strong.........it's a slippery slope down into addiction! I know my daughter would never have chosen this way of life.

I'm currently raising her son, living in the city where she is, and I will find her some day. Everyone who makes it out of the hell, gives us mom's of addicts hope!!!!!!

[blueline]

notsleepingwell, thanks......and I hope you find your daughter soon...keep the faith.

[gettingbetter32]

39 days Blueline!! That's awesome. Definately an inspiration and provides encouragement. I haven't been around much - but every now and again I like to check the familiar threads to see how others are doing. I remember you and I were a day apart I think when you started - now I'm back at 0 and trying to find the strength to start it again.
I'm so proud of you that you've come this far - I'll be thinking about you and all the others who are doing so well when I try again. And I will - I just wish I was where you are right now. Could kick myself.................
have a good one - keep going!
Krista

[notkernels]

hey Blueline,
I don't know if this helps but I am inspired and motivated by you. We both are pretty close on clean time, 31 days for me today. Im also an ex cop which if you've done that job you know what it means.
Way to go blue, THANKS for motivating me!!!!

[chloe06]

I just wanted to drop in and say hi...I am at day 46...came close on wednesday to taking codeine as I was in so much pain and I was going away and came across some old tablets I had but managed to not take them and my pain has improved slightly so feeling really good about that and I know coming here and counting the days and not wanting to let anyone down especially myself got me thru those hard 2 days.

My depression is still really bad, the new anti- depressants dr put me on are not working and so I am seeing him tomorrow to maybe change them,,,also found out I am deficient in vitamin b12 which may be the cause of some of my health problems as well as the depression so going to talk to him about that too and hope I get some answers.

Heres to a better day tomorrow...thanks blue for starting this thread and giving me the strength to pursue a life without the drug that has been making me so ill...and I thought it made me feel better.

Chloe

[blueline]

thanks notkernels, I appreciate that very much. I have 20 years in this year and have considered retiring from law enforcement, but I doubt if I will. Being a cop is all I've ever done, except for my time in the Army. I was a paratrooper in the Army back in the early 80's but I've been a cop since 86. I'll probably stay with it as long as I'm able to keep going.

Sometimes I still struggle with this hydrocodone thing. It keeps calling me back and it's hard to fight it at times. Especially when my injuries act up and start hurting pretty bad. So far I have refused to take any hydro's though. This forum and the people in here have given me the strength to fight the temptation. I thank God that I found this forum. I honestly don't think I could have made it this far without the wonderful people in here. And the best thing that I have found in here is that the people don't care if I am a cop. They treat me the same as everyone else and I appreciate that more than I can say. I don't find that anywhere else. Usually when people find out that I'm a cop they treat me much differently, like I'm an alian from Mars or something. But the people in here are different and that means a lot to me. Thanks to everyone........

DAY 40!!!!!!!!!

Blue

[blueline]

hi chloe, it is good hearing from you...I was worried about you. I have had a bad few days lately but maybe it will get better. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Please don't forget about us in here. We all care about you very much, don't forget that.

Blue

[ccgirl]

notsleepingwell; I'm so sorry about your daughter. That's all I know how to say.




Well, everyone, tonight is my first NA meeting. I'm very nervous. I just don't know what to expect. wish me luck!

[golfer99]

Originally Posted by ccgirl

notsleepingwell; I'm so sorry about your daughter. That's all I know how to say.




Well, everyone, tonight is my first NA meeting. I'm very nervous. I just don't know what to expect. wish me luck!

Luck!

BTW..I use to visit my Grandparents in W. Barnstable every summer.

Best,

Golf

[chloe06]

good luck with your meeting.

Chloe

[WA_NA_Survivor]

Originally Posted by blueline

hi chloe, it is good hearing from you...I was worried about you. I have had a bad few days lately but maybe it will get better. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Please don't forget about us in here. We all care about you very much, don't forget that.

Blue

Blue, I recall how it was to have waves of anxiety, craving, agitation, emotional flatness and depression. These came and went for approx 3 months before I started my ascent out of that head-space - in my experience things started to really stabilize and plateau out, after 6 months.

You've reached a vital milestone and it helps now that you have some recovery momentum. Getting clean was very stressful but the psychological stress afterwards can be very trying too.

Your comment about pain issues reminds me of a recent situation where I had to seek alternatives to the drugs doctors normally prescribe. I have come to the same conclusion - the risk is unacceptably high for me so I choose other options and have not had to use Hydro in close to 9 months now. The NA Basic Text describes it well:
"Our bodies don't know the difference between the drugs prescribed by a Physician for pain and the drugs prescribed by ourselves to get high. As addicts, our skill at self-deception will be at its peak in such a situation. Often our minds will manufacture additional pain as an excuse to use."

There are obviously circumstances where use of the minimum required prescribed medication for a surgical procedure is necessary (as Buzz experienced) but my hope is to avoid having to make that choice if at all possible. Under direct medical supervision that makes perfect sense - no-one in his right mind tries to endure a surgical procedure with-out some form of anaesthetic for example.

Hope all is well CCGirl, Chloe and others, let us know what your meeting was like CCGirl.

[blueline]

day 41.....today is a little better than yesterday, but not much....

[Buzz Kilowatt]

Originally Posted by blueline

day 41.....today is a little better than yesterday, but not much....

Blue,

On what basis is one day better or worse than the next? Do you have specific, lingering symptoms or is it more about state of mind?

Buzz

[blueline]

buzz, sometimes my RLS comes back...that's some of it, but...I don't know, it's hard to explain...I just feel kinda down in the dumps and a little depressed at times I guess. It's not really that much of a physical thing, probably more mental than anything else. I've always been a happy-go-lucky guy and sometimes here lately I've been in a "don't #*&! with me" mood, and I want to be by myself. Don't know if that's normal with this but I've never been that way before. I had someone tell me that I had "cranky O's" for breakfast. I'm sure I'll get over it pretty soon...

I'm taking off work at noon today...maybe a good weekend away will help.

Blue

[Buzz Kilowatt]

Blue,

The most difficult W/D symptom for me was depression. I think I'm over the worst of it (after 60 days) but I do have my down times, primarily when I'm not feeling physically well.

Invariably -- with no hyperbole -- swimming laps elevates my mood like nothing else. I was really bummed out last Saturday but exercised and it changed everything. Is there any kind of aerobic exercise that you can do with your injury?

When I was on the meds I was rarely depressed yet rarely elated. My wife said I was emotionally "out there " i.e. beyond reach. After I quit I noticed a lot more volatility . . . times when I really enjoyed the moment and others being down.

I'm not as happy as I remember being, but other people describe me as happy (maybe because I'm outgoing). I don't know if this is faulty memory, or if it's really true. I'm also in a very different place than I was 8 years ago when I started the meds. But I do notice a renewed ability to smell the flowers; appreciate my family; and feel strong emotion. That alone is worth the price of admission to sobriety.

It's fairly common for MDs to prescribe SSRIs post-withdrawal. For many people it helps to keep them sober. Chronic pain is a cause of depression and SSRIs can help with both, actually. I've read that pain threshold levels were improved for chronic pain patients taking SSRIs.

Then there is the school of thought that drug users are really seeking something that will make them feel normal. A lot of people on this forum have said that opiates had anti-depressant effects.

I recommend you give it a couple of more weeks (that's what my Dr.'s office recommended once) and seek some kind of help if it's not getting better.

Then there is this problem of life when we come back to our senses and what to do with it. We'd been putting things on hold with the pain killers, and shouldn't be too surprised if it is waiting for us when we get back . . . .

Happy trails,

Buzz

[chloe06]

I just wanted to add my thoughts on depression..I have been dperessed on and off for the last 7 years but never as depressed as I have been since I stopped the codeine..I have detoxed before and even those times it wasnt this bad. I have had to change my anti- depressant because drs thought that it was causing rapid heart rate but all the ones I tried instead havent worked and it looks like the rapid heart rate is still there without the AD anyway so I am now going back to the drug that has always worked for me.

The thing that I was told was that large amounts of codeine are a depressant and can cause depression...I started a cognitive behavioural therapy course a couple of weeks ago and its good to recognise that your thinking is way off...but for me I can see that and see that the way I am thinking isnt right...but feel it is the depression that causes me to think the way I do rather than it being me...becuase when I am well I dont think in a depressed way....my dr said that is a good sign because it means the problem is chemical rather than an emotional depression and can be fixed with meds.

I also suffer with chronic pain which doesnt help with depression and emotionally and physically its hard to be in a lot of pain and not be able to take meds to help and you feel angry at yourself for abusing the meds when you need them...but that is the price we pay.

I believe that we do really have to learn a new way to live without the pills because I know that for me codeine would calm me down, make me feel content, it never gave me a high just a feeling of calm so being without it takes alot of adjusting to..including the stuff like sleep too. Everything thing looks, smells and feels different when you are not taking stuff to cope with life and I think that it will only be time that will help us to readjust...just lastly if anyone is feeling so depressed that they cant function then I would say dont beat yourself up about going on an anti depressant,if you find the right one they can really help.

Chloe

[want2livagain]

Reading all these e=mails are giving me a little hope,Thank you all Want2livagain

[leftoff]

hi.

today was my first day off of hydrocodone.

[blueline]

Thanks Buzz and you too Chloe,

I appreciate you both. I went to my family doctor on Friday and I talked to her about my problems and my pain. I had been going to my neurosurgeon before but I didn't want to go back to him if I could help it. Anyway, I told her (my family doctor) that I did not want any hydro's, or any prescription pain pills and I also told her about the way I was feeling. She gave me some Cymbalta and told me to try it. She said it is commonly used as an anti-depressant but it is also used for pain and for restless leg syndrome. Do either of you know anything about this drug (Cymbalta)? She also gave me a prescription for another drug. I can't remember the name of it but it is in the Benzo catagory so I doubt if I will get it filled. I don't really want to take any Benzos. Thanks for your input.

Blue

[blueline]

leftoff and want2liveagain,welcome. You will find help in here. I am 44 days off hydros today and I am still struggling, but the fight is worth it. Keep posting in here and you will find strength and support.

Blue

[Buzz Kilowatt]

Blueline,

Sounds like your physician made an excellent choice. Cymbalta is one of the more versatile meds for the combination of pain and depression. It's an SSNRI, which is like Prozac only it also is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, i.e. it works on more neurotransmitters than most other antidepressants.

Check out the manufacturer's website:

http://www.cymbalta.com/index.jsp

Note that alcohol is not recommended during treatment and if I were you I'd arrange to get a liver panel done at regular intervals, since it can be rough on it. I'm not a doctor, of course, but I'd probably avoid Tylenol as well because of it's depletive effects upon the cytochrome P-450 system. I'd also take milk thistle for its liver detox properties. These are minor recommendations but certainly confirm them with your doctor beforehand.

I'm suprised that you're still having to deal with RLS. Your withdrawal symptoms seem prolonged. You might want to look into what you can do for P.A.W.S. (post-addiction withdrawal syndrome).

In general SSRIs and SSNRIs require titration, i.e. finding your optimal dosage. Stay in contact with your physician until you find the sweet spot.

Good luck this week,

Buzz