hydrocodone addiction

[Smyle]

congrats on your new found freedom...

I hope everyone else is doing well....

[blueline]

Michigan, it's great that you are doing so well...but it ain't over yet, you may still yet have bad days, but keep the faith, be strong and you will make it. But, expect some more bad times. The wd's will probably come and go even weeks down the line. Day 25 for me and last night was pretty bad with the RLS coming back. Feel like crap today but I reckon tomorrow will be better. Don't want to discourage you but don't celebrate just yet.

Blood and Smyle, I know you both are right about the hydros. As of today I have no more in my house and I won't have any more. Thanks....

Blue

[Smyle]

I think that is a very wise decision and a very strong man to have done it !!!

[AlonebutHopeful]

Michigan, I too am seeing the light a little. I go through periods where I've never felt better. THen I'm crying my eyes out LOL. Anyway, addiction is an emotional problem for me. So I will have to keep my guard up for a looooong time. But, I'm so glad our detoxing is getting better. And I'm glad you are feeling so good these days. I understand your posts so well.

[chloe06]

hi by his blood,

Good news is I have slept better, bad news is my depression has worsened which is why I havent been on...dr was going to admit me to hospital today but I have managed to get thru, still clean with no thoughts of using so that is also good...just so so low and scared.

thanks for thinking of me
Chloe

[ccgirl]

I have a question. I am starting day 7, and in some ways I feel even worse than at the start. The aching is relentless, and forget about sleep. The worst part is the depression and anxiety for me. The other thing is my husband's anger has finally surfaced. In the beginning he was very helpful emotionally, although when I asked him to help me a little around the house like feeding our 5 animals and packing lunches and helping with laundry by carrying it up the stairs, that fell on deaf ears. I have really been trying to keep up with the things I absolutly have to do, but I'm so tired. By the time the kids come home, I am very grouchy. My husband told me that just because I was screwed up, I had no reason to take it out on the kids and wreck their lives too. This cut me to my heart and I don't know how I'll ever regain his trust and respect. Being a mother to me is the most important thing in my life and when their father accuses me of being a bad mother, I'm so afraid I'm going to lose them. I'm just so filled with anxiety, I'm almost paralyzed by it. I'm scared I'm going to lose my family. Sorry I went on so long. I'm just scared.

P.S. Chloe; I'm sorry things aren't going well for you. I'm in no postion to offer any words of advice, but know you are in my thoughts.

[blueline]

Ccgirl, I went through some serious wd's so I know what you are going through. Some have said that things get better after 5 to 7 days. It didn't happen for me though, it took 16 days for me to improve then I felt good for a couple of weeks. Then about three days ago I started feeling like crap again, and the RLS came back for some reason. What I'm saying is just keep going and be determined. Things will get better, both with your wd's and also with your husband. Your husband probably doesn't understand what you are going through. No one could know unless they experienced it for themselves. Just be patient and things will work out. Just don't start using again. Keep the faith.

Blue

[shanala3]

hello, i've been lurking and reading everyone's post for several days. all i can say is WOW. i've tried many times to quit hydrocodone, so far it's six days and that is HUGE for me. i've prayed about it so much lately, i went to a women's retreat with the ladies from my church just last weekend, and i had used right up until then and even on the day i went, but all the time i was praying that god would help me get off this time, i had prayed that the retreat would be a turning point for me, and it really was. i feel like god really listened because all the other times i tried to quit, i felt horrible, i couldn't even get out of bed, had to make myself take a shower and that was a huge chore, i'm sure the rest of you know what i'm talking about! anyway, this time, i actually don't feel that bad, physically. i've been able to go to work and actually done a few things around the house, my hubby's been carrying the entire load on his shoulders, even though he goes to school everyday. mentally is a different story, i'm not used to that "normal" feeling yet, i almost can't take it! everytime i tackle something big at work, i think to myself, this would be sooo much easier if i had some pills, even though i'm doing fine. had anyone else experienced that? feeling fine, yet still want the pills? all i wanted was to feel good without them, but they are all i think about. really sorry this is sooo long, just new and really have a lot to say. by the way, this forum is awesome, on previous message boards i've read, there is always a few smart a**'s on their criticizing or putting people down and i was always afraid to post, but everyone here is so great that i've seen so far, you have no idea how happy i am that i found this.

[ineedhelp]

Hi Shanala,
I'm new here too and this is day 6 for me too. We can do this, this time. I have no desire for the posion, but I know that will change as I go back to work and one difficult task or one bad day or one bought of depression hits me a little too hard. By the grace of God and hopefully my family and this place I never want to get back to where I have been. Hang in there and maybe we can help each other.

[shanala3]

thanks, by his blood, i've actually looked up where the na meetings are in my town. i'm just scared to go, what if i see someone i know? or if someone who knows someone i know recognizes me? i go to a fairly large church here and we're very close to everyone in it, of course they know nothing about my problem and i would just die if they found out. i know i shouldn't be such a coward, but i guess i am. that's why this forum is such a blessing to me, truly. also scared about people from work finding out. I HATE THIS NASTY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!! wish i had never heard of those pills!!!! sorry, for the past two days i have been very irritable and angry and snappy, and depressed when i'm not mad. but still better than all the other times so far

[shanala3]

Originally Posted by ineedhelp

Hi Shanala,
I'm new here too and this is day 6 for me too. We can do this, this time. I have no desire for the posion, but I know that will change as I go back to work and one difficult task or one bad day or one bought of depression hits me a little too hard. By the grace of God and hopefully my family and this place I never want to get back to where I have been. Hang in there and maybe we can help each other.

ineedhelp, i read your other posts and god you sound just like me. please keep posting for inspiration and i'll do the same. i've made up my mind, but i've made it up a hundred times before also, but for some reason this time feels different to me. i seen a t shirt the other day that said : PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY and i think of that several times a day and i know i'll be stronger and healthy when it's all over. So that is my new phrase. i think i'll make it my signature.

[ccgirl]

To Blue and Blood; get it? Sorry, but at least I'm laughing a little.

What I wanted to say was thank you for your kind words. As far as my husband goes, I do understand where he's coming from. But I am strong and today I feel a little better; even met with my fellow girl scout troop leader to start our year. It helps to be productive. And I didn't yell once at my girls today getting ready for school.

Again, thanks for your help and kind words. It is appreciated more than you'll ever know.

And welcome Shanala; I don't have much to add, but I'm with you!

[shanala3]

you make a good point, i'll sure think more about it now....

[blueline]

shanala, I know how you feel about the meetings. I can't go to them because of my job. I'm sure I would run into someone who knows me and I can't take a chance on them using it and making it public. So, I stumbled on this site and these people in here have been a wonderful source of strength. You're right, there is no one in here who puts people down, or looks down on you or anyone else. Nothing but respect and kindness from everyone, and I guess that's the reason I remain in here This is day 26 for me. I honestly could not have made it without the people in here. I also prayed for God to help me over this and to give me the strength to fight the temptation to take more hydros. He answered my prayers and I am now at day 26. I highly recommend that you keep coming to this thread everyday. You, like I did, will find the strength to beat this affliction. Remember, you have many friends in here. Keep the faith.

Blue

[shanala3]

blue, thanks so much, i'm just now leaving for work, dreading it. but i'll survive, i always do.. i'll check back in in the morning...

[AlonebutHopeful]

I am experiencing severe anxiety now. What do I make of this? What helps? I'm exercising every day and avoiding caffeine. And I never suffered from anxiety before. Help!

[blueline]

Chloe, I haven't talked with you in a while...hope you are still doing ok.

Blue

[chloe06]

Hi Blue...I am hanging in there! When you come back monday morning you will have 30 days!!

Aonebut hopeful...the anxiety is a WD symptom and it will pass...I was anxious about the anxiety...thought it would never end but it gets better and better as the days go by, try deep breathing and maybe get a relaxation cd.

Chloe

[Smyle]

Hey alone...I went through severe anxiety about 1 month into my recovery.. I was paraniod and just plain freaked out..it came and went for a week or two then I just kind of evened out..It was wierd but I just pushed through. I still have days that I feel anxious for no reason but I just take a few minutes and get it together...Good luck

Blue ---26 days...Congrats on that

~B

[ineedhelp]

Hey Shanala,
I feel the same as you on meetings. I know a lot of people on my side of town and go to a huge church and my daughter is in a Christian school here. I had to email someone this week that I go to church with and back out on a ministry because I just can't handle the extra strees right now. I didn't tell her why but she understood and said she would pray for me.

I also finally told my husband today too. Gosh...that was a huge relief and I feel stronger because I know he has my back (He suspected something anyway...)and that I don't have to do this by myself anymore. I asked him what he thought about meetings and he thought it was a great idea. I have social anxiety disorder and that doesn't help either. I have an appointment with my doctor next week and I am going to tell him to never refill another opiate as long as I live. I am going to see if he will either change or increase my dosage of antidepressants. I will always have to take those but they do help.

Blueline has been very inspirational to me. I feel his strength.

Hang in there girl...we can do this.

I like your sig.......Pain is weakness leaving the body.

[AlonebutHopeful]

Thanks everyone. The anxiety reached an all time high around dusk tonight. And that was after my long walk. I hope I can remember the hell I went through getting off these things the next time I'm faced with a pill.

[AlonebutHopeful]

Originally Posted by chloe06

I was anxious about the anxiety...
Chloe

EXACTLY!

[blueline]

Day 27...last night was a little better, the RLS eased up a bit but it still kept me from sleeping. I guess I need to get me some more Requip, that seemed to help with my RLS. Other than that, I'm doing realitively good. I have my ups and downs.

AlonebutHopeful, regardless of the ID you have chosen (AlonebutHopeful), you are not alone...none of us in here are alone...we all have each other.

ineedhelp, if you are not comfortable with telling people in your church, or people you know about this problem then you certainly don't need to. It's enough that you are doing something about this situation. You don't need to go public if you aren't comfortable with it. I completely understand your situation and I can relate to it.

Blue

[shanala3]

Originally Posted by ineedhelp

Hey Shanala,
I feel the same as you on meetings. I know a lot of people on my side of town and go to a huge church and my daughter is in a Christian school here. I had to email someone this week that I go to church with and back out on a ministry because I just can't handle the extra strees right now. I didn't tell her why but she understood and said she would pray for me.

I also finally told my husband today too. Gosh...that was a huge relief and I feel stronger because I know he has my back (He suspected something anyway...)and that I don't have to do this by myself anymore. I asked him what he thought about meetings and he thought it was a great idea. I have social anxiety disorder and that doesn't help either. I have an appointment with my doctor next week and I am going to tell him to never refill another opiate as long as I live. I am going to see if he will either change or increase my dosage of antidepressants. I will always have to take those but they do help.

Blueline has been very inspirational to me. I feel his strength.

Hang in there girl...we can do this.

I like your sig.......Pain is weakness leaving the body.

ineedhelp, i can't even count the times i have had to cancel stuff from church because of this nasty thing, i used to teach the junior bible quiz for the little kids, same age as mine, but i'm sure you know how long that lasted. my hubby knew i've been taking stuff for a long time now, he didn't know really how much until last tuesday and i told him it had been four days, and that was the longest i had gone without anything in a long time, i was terrified he would be mad, but he just held me and said "i know". he's been really supportive. i'm still pondering the na meetings, that will be a huge step for me if it happens, and i'm really considering it. also, like you, i take antidepressant, wellbutrin. a few years ago, when i quitting hydro (again), my dr. put me on it, i fell into a scary depression, people can never understand real depression until they've been thru it, i used to criticize people for using "that excuse", until it hit me hard. anyway, the wellbutrin was a real lifesaver at that time, and i'm pretty sure it's helping me right now, it sort of gives me a little boost. it would have been helping all along, but i wouldn't let it, wouldn't give it a chance. sure i took pills for fun, but if something ever went wrong, mainly me and him having a spat, or my horrible boss, (at the time, she is now fired!!!! yay!!) i would run like the wind and try to find as many pills as i could get my paws on. and i would be like, "well, they shouldn't **** me off!" there's always an excuse or a reason. btw, if my hubby knew that , he would go out of his way to see that we never had an arguement, he wants me to stay off more than anyone. you see, he knows the vibrant me that used to exist, happy, funny, energetic, just boasting with life, really hard for me to imagine that at this minute, but i am getting better, i wanna be what i used to be and even better. and i know i'll do it, i have to keep that attitude, with his help and this forum. maybe a meeting sometime down the road, we'll see. somedays i would rather just go for the 30 day thing, where u have to stay 24/7, get better, be done with it, and come home and start a new life. but i know that is very expensive, we have no insurance, and make too much money(ha!)for any help at all. when i checked on day care, they wouldn't even make a co payment. sorry to ramble on, i've been thinking about checking the forum all day at work yesterday and last night, i find myself really looking forward to talking and venting and listening on here. wow, something i'm looking forward to, it's a start!!!!

[ineedhelp]

Day 7 people and i'm feeling better. Thank you, God. I know it's just the beginning and I have a lot of turf to cover but this time I'm for real about not using pills to justify every little something that goes wrong or to just veg out. My family and my livlihood are just too important to me. I really felt like I had hit rock bottom last week and was on the verge of losing everything, including my mind.
I still have the restless leg at night and my brain is just "tired".

I may just go to a meeting tonight. I looked up the area meetings and there is a lot to pick from. My daughter and hubby will be at a football game so it really is a perfect time.

Shanala...Sounds like you are doing good, too. I'm no expert for sure, but I think we need to find other things that give us joy and other ways to relieve stress when life tries to bite us in the butt. I am walking daily around the block and just that is helping me for today. I'm reading a good book and have rented a few movies like other people have suggested. Getting on here has helped A LOT!! I commend you as you have been going to work. I could not have done that for anything this week. I go back monday. Sounds like you gotta good man, too. That is a huge blessing.

It's in the weeks and months down the road that I will need everyones help. Someone said that the drug will try its best to trick you back into needing it again. Thats why I am really considering a NA meeting.

I hope everyone of you has a great weekend! I'll be on checking on everyone and reading posts....another thing that is giving me joy