hydrocodone addiction

[skippy69]

Hi Blueline, Ive been reading your posts, and it brings back so many memories of the awful withdrawal i went thru. You see, ive detoxed many times on my own, and each time is worse. Ive been clean now 40 days! I really feel that im going to do it this time. I pray you dont make the same mistakes i have, and believe the lie that you are ok and can take one pill some other day. The addiction will try and trick you many ways, so be aware of that. Remember there is nothing so bad that a pill wont make worse, believe me! Try to enter a program like NA that will teach you about your addiction, and more importantly, you will meet other addicts who genuinely care about what you are going thru. Ive met the most wonderful people in AA & NA. We come from all walks of life, there is no descrimination when it comes to addiction. NONE!! It takes a strong person to stop cold turkey, so dont ever think you are weak. Anybody can use drugs, but it takes strength, courage, and God to stop. Dont ever think you dont need people, and that you are "ok", always know that the addiction is there, but let it know that you are in control of your life now. Im really happy for you, and keep positive, and get plugged in to a program that suits you. God Bless you.

Skippy

[ccgirl]

My appointment went well. She gave me some meds to help ease symptoms. They made me pretty sleepy though. So far, no diarrhea. I have one question. Is it normal to feel a disconnect from your family? I love my girls dearly, but right now I kind of wish they were somewhere else so I can focus on my fight.


One other thing. The counselor asked if anyone else in the house had pain meds. My MIL has a compression fracture in her back and has two HUGE bottles of pills. The coulselor said I had to face her down, and ask her to hide them. Of course, I had to tell her why. It was pretty humiliating, but was worth it.

[PaperDolls]

Thanks for the welcome everyone......it's much appreciated. I'm glad you all seem to be doing well.

I went all day yesterday with no pills.....I felt good and slept well and got up at a good time and got to work on time. Going through some sh!t at home right now and I just took two pills. I needed something to calm me. I've only got six pills left and I'm sure the doc won't refill them so I'll be done when they are gone. That's the best I've got right now.

Keep up the good work the rest of yous.

~doll

[ccgirl]

Ok, anyone get the name of the bus that hit me? I have been so upbet and positive, but I've gotta tell you, I feel like I've been blindsided. I'm certainly not feeling any cravings because I was given meds for that (clonidine I think), but some of the meds have just taken me down. I slept from dinner time last night til 6:30 this morning. I didn't take anything this morning, because I have to get my girls ready for school. Plus, I don't have anything to take except ibuprofen because the counselor at the center only gave me a days supply; I go back today for a weeks supply to be doled out to me by my husband (how humiliating is that)

I just feel so yucky. I know I have to put one foot in front of the other, but it's just so hard - but I have my beautiful little girls to think of so I'll get through it. Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

P.S. Chloe, I'm so sorry about what your going through, and when I have more energy I'll try to be a better shoulder.

Dorothy

[skippy69]

Hi ccgirl, It is totally normal for you to have the yuks! Feel fortunate that you are getting some sleep, as most people cant sleep at all. Clonodine is used often in detox, it is a bloodpressure medicine that helps take the edge off, therefore you relax a bit. If you can make your self do some exercise, like simply walking, it will help so much. I know its hard to get motivated, but try and think of the future, everyday will get better. And of course you have every reason to do this. One, do it for you first, and think of what a great mother you can be sober. Also, think about getting into a program, whether its AA or NA, there's something about listening and talking to others who are going thru the same thing. I know i first said "there is no way im gonna sit with a bunch of "drug addicts and alcoholics" and talk about my life and what im going thru, no way! Well, i gave it a try, and it was so unbelievable how much better i felt after going. They get me, and its amazing what a bond you develop with these people. Anyway, keep trying to think positive, and i know its said here over and over, but it really does get better. If we could just flip a switch in our brain to remember all the agony we go thru while detoxing, we would think twice about using again. But, the mind heals itself, and as time goes by it tricks us into thinking "Hey, everything is ok now, go ahead, you can have one pill, and things will be different this time". Take it from me, and just read all the posts here, there are countless people who believed that lie, including me. So dont fall for that. Good luck to you, you can do this.

Skippy

[blueline]

Good morning everyone, day 19 for me and I'm doing good. Ccgirl, keep hanging in there, you will get through it. If I can make it then you can too. It took me a good 16 days to kill this dragon but I think I did it.

Paperdolls, it's good to have you in here with us and I'm glad you are making an effort. Keep up the good work.

Chloe, I hope you are getting better. Be strong and keep the faith. We are all with you.

Blue

[ccgirl]

Hey everyone, I hope you are well. I went back to the couselor and we adjusted some of the meds, so while I'm not the peppiest I've ever been, I'm not completely out for the count.


Skippy, I already found an NA meeting in my town. It is on Sunday night. I can't go this week because of a previous committment, but next week I am going. I'm actually looking forward to it.


Take care all.

[chloe06]

HI everyone,

I am ok, still struggling with the sleep. Took my new dose of meds and they sent me off with no trouble, not sure how much sleep I got, woke when my husband came to bed and didnt go back to sleep after that so hope he came at 1am so that gives me about 3 hrs and that is a start from nothing at all and hope the AD side will start to kick in so that my mood will lift.
Blue..I am so happy for you that you are feeling better...I reckon working probably helps, being at home and not doing enough is probably not helping me.
CC...I am so happy that you are getting help and that you sound so strong...stay with it I am sure it will be worth it. I am on day 27 today, feels like a lifetime but also feels like yesterday...going to try so hard today todo as much as I can to tire myself out...its my husbands birthday tomorrow so would be good if I was ok to do something nice for him after all the support he has given me.

Chloe

[StrongR2Day]

Blue, so glad you are finally getting the physical benefits of getting clean. I know it's been a long haul.

Chloe, be patient, you're almost there. Coming off the benzos is a lot tougher and a longer haul. You're doing awesome. Trust me, the old you will be back, just keep faith in that.

CC, I'm so excited you are going to NA. I'll tell you, it was the best thing I have ever done, and I had been in another 12 step fellowship for years. Even my kids are close to my family in recovery, they consider my sponsor their "Aunt". People have even mistaken us for sisters, I guess it's not just dogs and their owners who start looking alike .

Just a warning, there's lots of hugs in NA.. Honestly, when you go, you'll feel the love, the unconditional love, from the other members. I was a little shocked at all the hugging in the beginning, now I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[chloe06]

Hi strongr,

I was only on benzos for the first week, hadnt taken any for 17days and was only twice in the last week and wont be taking them again..they shouldnt be having any effect should they?

Chloe

[liveweyerd]

I sure wouldn't think so...that is a short time and if they were going to bother you badly you would have known it within the first 2 days.

[windysan]

Luveweyerd is right. All this bs about taking benzos for a short time then feeling withdrawals months later is, um, kinda ridiculous-sounding and whatever.

[ayla zaire]

hi, i'm on day 4 and i feel horrible...only on vicoden for a few months but i have been flirting with this addiction for a long time...had lots of minor surgeries and always take the full prescription even when i no longer needed it...actually as it is after midnight i guess i am offically on day 5...i have read most of these posts and they help...thanks...

[woops]

Ayla
Feeling a bit better today? And it will keep getting better...........
Good luck
woops

[woops]

Originally Posted by windysan

Luveweyerd is right. All this bs about taking benzos for a short time then feeling withdrawals months later is, um, kinda ridiculous-sounding and whatever.

Chloe
I agree with Windy.
If you had been taking a short half-life benzo for a week - then you surely cant have any effects now? A longer acting benzo takes longer - eg valium - withdrawal doesnt set in for several days...................and can be detected for a long time....................... but if only taken for a week then I cannot think you will have noticeable effects now..........
Maybe your system has just taken a battering? Takes a while for the liver to calm down and restore itself....................... and it can take months to feel well again after abusing opiates. You are doing great!! Anyway - there is no way back now - you can only push forward in this?
Best of British!
woops

[chloe06]

Thanks guys...its probably more likely that messing around with my other meds(AD) coming off the ssri and also having no sleep. Today has turned out better than I expected..went swimming with the kids, then to the cinema and out for a meal..I felt much better after the swim so I am going to try to go at least 3 times next week and going to try to get more involved at home...so that I can wear myself out and hopefully sleep will follow...I reckon my body is in shock..I have gone from sleeping maybe 18 hours a day to about 2 hours in 24 hrs...but today or I should sy this afternoon was the first time in a long time that I enjoyed anything so that has to be good...better than good...great!! I will get there and I know 100% that I wont slip with the codeine but will always be aware of my addiction and that nagging voice inside...I will take it 1 day at a time, its day 28 tomorrow so 4 weeks.
Chloe

[StrongR2Day]

Luveweyerd is right. All this bs about taking benzos for a short time then feeling withdrawals months later is, um, kinda ridiculous-sounding and whatever.

No, that was my bad, I thought you had been on them awhile. A week certainly wouldn't do it.

[ccgirl]

Good morning, all. Chloe, you do sound much more upbeat today. I'm very happy for you.


I have a couple questions for people with experience. While my appetite is totally off, when I do crave something, it's totally bad (we're talking a pint of Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Cruch yesterday) For dinner I gagged down a little of something healthy, but it seems like sweet food is calling my name. This is a problem because 18 months ago, my sugar was high and my doctor told me I had to lose weight and then recheck my sugar, because diabetes is strongly in my family. Did the weight loss thing, but I'm scared of this sugar thing.

My other question is, after a small bout with diarrhea yesterday, my, um, you know is not so loose today. I thought diarrhea was a big part of this whole thing? I have lots of nausea and cramping, although the doc gave me some med that people with IBS take and it helps.

I'm mostly so tired I could cry. My oldest daughter is scared I'm dying. I feel so guilty. How could I have done this to her?

[chloe06]

Hi CC,

Just want to answer your questions...the diarehoa is pretty common but if the drugs didnt make you really constipated then chances are you will be lucky and not have diareahoa, mine has finally let up after 4 weeks. I agree on the sugar thing, in the early stages whatever you feel like eating you should. I could hardly eat at all and lost 24lbs in weight and only in the last couple of days has my appetite started to come back..in fact I had a problem with my blood sugars being too low...short term too much sugar wont do any damage.
You talk about your daughter and how could you have done this to her...well I am sure you didnt set out to do this to anyone, you may feel detached for a while but force yourself to participate in as much of family life as possible and slowly your feelings will go back to how you used to be, reassure your daughter that you are just unwell and that it wont be too long before you are feeling better. The guilt I felt drove me to stay away from the drugs...I said to myself guilt is my friend right now if it helps me to stay clean.

Hope that has answered your questions..chloe

[chloe06]

I am doing ok, each day is a little easier...sleep is still very interupted, maybe getting about 2-3hrs a night but it isnt solid sleep but it is better than it was...thanks for asking!

[ccgirl]

Hey Chloe and Blood; thanks for the advice. It helps. You have no ideas. And you, Chloe, giving all that advice when you feel so horrible really means alot.

You're right about the diarrhea; I wasn't terribly constipated while on the drug. So when you said that a big old lightbulb went over my head.

As far as getting out, yesterday we had a big Cranberry Festival in Town, and I dragged my sorry self to it with my daughters. Well, I am a Girl Scout leader in town, and didn't I see half my troop and there kids. All of them kept saying how great I looked (a tan will hide a lot) and I felt like screaming at them and saying it was all a lie! Anyway, I digress - the point is, I walked around that thing until my muscles were screaming. I'm glad I did.

Let's see - today is Sunday so this is day three beginning for me.

Have a nice day everyone!

[chloe06]

Just wanted to say hi...yesterday was an ok day, woke up feeling ok, sleep still not great but I am managing to stay in bed so that is an improvement. This morning I woke up and just felt an overwhelming feeling of impending doom and have continued to feel like it all day. It seems like I am my own worst enemy, if I am physically ill then mentally I am sort of ok, if I am physically ok then mentally I am really low....its like I want to be ill...but I know its not that and that I have no control. Today has just sucked...I achieved some goals..took the kids to school, went shopping for the first time in weeks on my own, picked the kids up and took them out alone after school...yet I just feel so so down and nothing gives me any pleasure..I keep telling myself that things will be ok but I just cant see how.

Chloe

[ccgirl]

Chloe; I haven't been here long, but I can tell you one thing from the depression/bipolar standpoint. When I'm physically sick, like with symptoms of withdrawal, I'm focusing so much on my bodily ailments, I don't have time to be anxious or depressed. And I just know, from past experience with depression (physical symptoms still suck) that when you're OK physically, people with depressive/anxious tendencies tend to look for something wrong, or feel anxious or scared. It's awful, but not your fault. Like me, your brain is just wired a little differently than other people's.


Today is day 4 for me. While, I don't feel so lousy I want to throw myself in front of a bus, it is still a struggle to do my normal routines. I took my kids to the beach yesterday and was so tired I fell asleep and then I couldn't find them for a few minutes. It was terrifying and I realized I wasn't ready to be alone in a public place with them yet. It was very humbling.

[chloe06]

Hi CC,

I know you are right...my depression has always been triggered by pyhsical illness. Before I became unwell in January I had been free from depression for 18 months and was so happy and then I spiralled out of control. Oh well I made it thru another day and onto day 30 tomorrow...funny I dont feel pleased with myself for being clean...I was, it gave me strength in the early days to count the days but now its just another day...but then 31 days ago I was hooked and depressed so at least I am just depressed.

Well done btw on your progress, its good to see...and maybe you are right about not being on your own with the kids must have freaked you out...welldone for trying though.

Chloe

[blueline]

Ayla...I have just gotten over the withdrawals from hydrocodone, it took me a good 16 days but from what I heard it usually don't take that long...guess I was just special or something. But regardless of how long it takes, just keep the faith and take it one day at a time and believe that you will feel much better very soon. I know from personal experience what you are going through. It's so easy to give in and take some more pain killers but that would only be hurting you. Even if it makes you feel good for a short time you will eventually have to go through the withdrawals. You might as well kick it now and get it over with. Anyway, keep the faith and you will overcome this.