Help! Cold turkey methadone!
Night owl
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by joygirl 
Lyoness.... Good thoughts to you and prayers.
You are not worthless. I've just read this entire thread completely and it has been good for me. It's reminded me of the strength I have that I didn't think I had. I was in a very bad place mentally and physically, for a long time.
Here is how I built up belief in myself: I walked to my mailbox and back. Every day a little farther. I walked in light, dark, rain... a little bit more each day. That was 2 years ago. Now I can run a half marathon. Go figure.
The point is not that you need to go walk or run a marathon. The point is, do a little something to show yourself you are strong and capable. Because you are.
It helped me to face things, bigger things. But first I had to do something to prove to myself that I am strong, to build my confidence. Just a small accomplishment goes a long way.
Thinking of you!
You are not worthless. I've just read this entire thread completely and it has been good for me. It's reminded me of the strength I have that I didn't think I had. I was in a very bad place mentally and physically, for a long time.
Here is how I built up belief in myself: I walked to my mailbox and back. Every day a little farther. I walked in light, dark, rain... a little bit more each day. That was 2 years ago. Now I can run a half marathon. Go figure.
The point is not that you need to go walk or run a marathon. The point is, do a little something to show yourself you are strong and capable. Because you are.
It helped me to face things, bigger things. But first I had to do something to prove to myself that I am strong, to build my confidence. Just a small accomplishment goes a long way.
Thinking of you!
But it felt really good to accomplish so much! It did improve my mood and you're right about that. Just have to do one little tiny thing to remind myself I can do stuff. I haven't been this far down in a long time, if ever. It's been scaring me. My stomach has been really bothering me and that makes physical work hard but I'm going to try and rest today so I can do even a little something tomorrow.
Thank you for your kind words of support!
Waiting For Engines
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 572
Help! Cold Turkey Methadone!
Hi everyone. I joined this site 12 years ago with many of the problems that have been discussed in this thread. Back then, I was waiting for a pain medication infusion pump and I had to immediately stop taking the 150 mg of methadone my pain management doc rx'd to me each day, but was allowed to stay on the 10 mg Klonopin I was taking for Panic Disorder.
To make a long story short, the abrupt discontinuation from methadone was the most harrowing experience of my life. Even after the pump was placed in my back, my doctor had somehow "forgot" to order the morphine sulfate which was going to be my only pain" medication. I cannot even describe the hell mt body went through but I made it—thanks to the wonderful people here at SoberRecovery!
I was without any narcotic medication for 8 weeks due to a "back order" of the morphine. My pain was so intense that I went to his office unscheduled, trying to hold back the tears of anguish.
Lyoness, I can truly relate to your experiences with these medicines, but remember one thing. Only your MD can answer your questions about tapering and, if you wish, a plan for discontinuation. Methadone is the most potent narcotic agonists, which is why it is used to combat Heroin addiction. In fact, in my state, only 2 to 3 pharmacies are even keeping methadone on their formulary.
It is especially important to be seen by a competent pain management physician if you are also taking a benzodiazapine like Ativan or clonazapam. I had an MD who "punished" me by not writing my monthly prescription since I was ill 2 days before and cancelled the appointment. She started to yell at me in front of staff and patients and I used a telephone to contact her boss, who also happened to be my internist as well.
He came downstairs to the clinic where this doctor started to see another patient—and asked her (in front of the other patient and me) why didn't I receive my prescriptions for clonazapam plus my 2 other maintenance medicines and she said nothing, He told her to leave the clinic and to not report to work until human resources contacted her to pick up her final paycheck. He wrote me my 3 prescriptions and my ex-PCP left the clinic forever.
Lyoness, I hope that you will have success with your NP and get the help you need. Being a patient on pain meds carries with it a horrible stigma. I am also going to finally stop taking my methadone under medical supervision, but I am scared of the withdrawal. The DEA has really cracked down on methadone being used as a pain management medicine and I have been on this stuff for 10 years now.....
Sorry for being so long tonight, too.
K
To make a long story short, the abrupt discontinuation from methadone was the most harrowing experience of my life. Even after the pump was placed in my back, my doctor had somehow "forgot" to order the morphine sulfate which was going to be my only pain" medication. I cannot even describe the hell mt body went through but I made it—thanks to the wonderful people here at SoberRecovery!
I was without any narcotic medication for 8 weeks due to a "back order" of the morphine. My pain was so intense that I went to his office unscheduled, trying to hold back the tears of anguish.
Lyoness, I can truly relate to your experiences with these medicines, but remember one thing. Only your MD can answer your questions about tapering and, if you wish, a plan for discontinuation. Methadone is the most potent narcotic agonists, which is why it is used to combat Heroin addiction. In fact, in my state, only 2 to 3 pharmacies are even keeping methadone on their formulary.
It is especially important to be seen by a competent pain management physician if you are also taking a benzodiazapine like Ativan or clonazapam. I had an MD who "punished" me by not writing my monthly prescription since I was ill 2 days before and cancelled the appointment. She started to yell at me in front of staff and patients and I used a telephone to contact her boss, who also happened to be my internist as well.
He came downstairs to the clinic where this doctor started to see another patient—and asked her (in front of the other patient and me) why didn't I receive my prescriptions for clonazapam plus my 2 other maintenance medicines and she said nothing, He told her to leave the clinic and to not report to work until human resources contacted her to pick up her final paycheck. He wrote me my 3 prescriptions and my ex-PCP left the clinic forever.
Lyoness, I hope that you will have success with your NP and get the help you need. Being a patient on pain meds carries with it a horrible stigma. I am also going to finally stop taking my methadone under medical supervision, but I am scared of the withdrawal. The DEA has really cracked down on methadone being used as a pain management medicine and I have been on this stuff for 10 years now.....
Sorry for being so long tonight, too.
K
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Thank you for sharing your story ksos! It sounds like you went through he** and back. I wish I could say I cannot believe you got treated that way but I'm afraid with all the crackdowns it is becoming more and more the norm. Doctors are scared to lose their prescribing abilities and so a lot of people are being pulled off their meds cold turkey which is destabilizing and causes suffering at best and can be life threatening at worst.
I realize we have such a huge issue in this country. I am both an addict and a chronic pain patient with a lot of mental health issues. I have wished that these medications didn't work for me, wished that "acceptable" ones did, but I so far haven't been able to change my biochemistry.
Right now I want to stabilize my meds and find things that work BEFORE I go off them so that I have healthy alternatives already in place and working before going through the long slow withdrawal off methadone. There are times when I want to stay on it forever but I have been trying to really be aware of WHY I am on it, why I want to stay on it, what may be options in the future.
Right now I want the stability, I want the pain relief, I want the relief from physical opiate cravings that I have had and had strongly on suboxone (which was a bummer!), I want antidepressant effects which some opiates have for me (and a lot of people). Mostly I think I just want stability. And I fear going off it because I think I will be running out and trying to find any opiates I can if I do.
But with all these intense, stressful events happening in my life, all these changes, I am thinking about and hoping that maybe I can make some positive changes and choices in my life. I have been suffering way too long. And really it's either off myself or figure something out. I have a friend who is working SO hard to change her health and heal and she blows me away. The amount of work and effort she puts into seeing different healthcare people, research, trying new things, it's amazing. She does have two distinct differences from me though, one is the financial ability to do things I cannot and two she has a ton of natural physical energy which I lack severely. But I wonder if I can just slowly start to take a stab at making tiny, tiny changes which will hopefully make a difference that allow me to make further changes.
Dealing with my depression and PTSD and anxiety are big things for me. One thing that has been frustrating in the course of my opiate usage is that opiates ARE antidepressant for me--at first. Then it spirals into out of control addiction but I feel like there's something there, there's a reason WHY certain opiates affect me and so many others this way. It's too long to explain but there's a huge correlation between trauma and addiction and endorphins/opiates in the body in particular. And I believe people can problems in their internal endorphin system just like with other neurotransmitters like serotonin. Even my new NP said she thought my system was essentially sort of upside down and backwards, not working right due to the extensive trauma in my childhood. It was awesome to have her say that and recognize that. However she affirmed she is NOT going to be rx'ing oxy for my depression!
I've said for years I wish they'd make a selective endorphin reuptake inhibitor, so no worries about getting high, just fix the problem. I just read where there are some new antidepressants that are being tested, that work on the kappa opioid system which takes the "high" out of the equation. ( Oxy works partly on that system.) I spent time online with my eyes bugging out trying to find out if I could participate in such a study. There are none near me but this gives me huge hope for the future. I honestly believe that so many of us addicted to opiates are self-medicating, it just gets way out of control.
Anyway. I am going on and on. But I really appreciate reading people's experiences and stories, and the support!
I'm also crossing my fingers and hoping that I may have housing soon, I'll be talking with my neighbors about their place this week. Please keep sending those positive thoughts and prayers! Thank you.
I realize we have such a huge issue in this country. I am both an addict and a chronic pain patient with a lot of mental health issues. I have wished that these medications didn't work for me, wished that "acceptable" ones did, but I so far haven't been able to change my biochemistry.
Right now I want to stabilize my meds and find things that work BEFORE I go off them so that I have healthy alternatives already in place and working before going through the long slow withdrawal off methadone. There are times when I want to stay on it forever but I have been trying to really be aware of WHY I am on it, why I want to stay on it, what may be options in the future.
Right now I want the stability, I want the pain relief, I want the relief from physical opiate cravings that I have had and had strongly on suboxone (which was a bummer!), I want antidepressant effects which some opiates have for me (and a lot of people). Mostly I think I just want stability. And I fear going off it because I think I will be running out and trying to find any opiates I can if I do.
But with all these intense, stressful events happening in my life, all these changes, I am thinking about and hoping that maybe I can make some positive changes and choices in my life. I have been suffering way too long. And really it's either off myself or figure something out. I have a friend who is working SO hard to change her health and heal and she blows me away. The amount of work and effort she puts into seeing different healthcare people, research, trying new things, it's amazing. She does have two distinct differences from me though, one is the financial ability to do things I cannot and two she has a ton of natural physical energy which I lack severely. But I wonder if I can just slowly start to take a stab at making tiny, tiny changes which will hopefully make a difference that allow me to make further changes.
Dealing with my depression and PTSD and anxiety are big things for me. One thing that has been frustrating in the course of my opiate usage is that opiates ARE antidepressant for me--at first. Then it spirals into out of control addiction but I feel like there's something there, there's a reason WHY certain opiates affect me and so many others this way. It's too long to explain but there's a huge correlation between trauma and addiction and endorphins/opiates in the body in particular. And I believe people can problems in their internal endorphin system just like with other neurotransmitters like serotonin. Even my new NP said she thought my system was essentially sort of upside down and backwards, not working right due to the extensive trauma in my childhood. It was awesome to have her say that and recognize that. However she affirmed she is NOT going to be rx'ing oxy for my depression!
I've said for years I wish they'd make a selective endorphin reuptake inhibitor, so no worries about getting high, just fix the problem. I just read where there are some new antidepressants that are being tested, that work on the kappa opioid system which takes the "high" out of the equation. ( Oxy works partly on that system.) I spent time online with my eyes bugging out trying to find out if I could participate in such a study. There are none near me but this gives me huge hope for the future. I honestly believe that so many of us addicted to opiates are self-medicating, it just gets way out of control.
Anyway. I am going on and on. But I really appreciate reading people's experiences and stories, and the support!
I'm also crossing my fingers and hoping that I may have housing soon, I'll be talking with my neighbors about their place this week. Please keep sending those positive thoughts and prayers! Thank you.
Last edited by Lyoness; 08-23-2015 at 06:36 PM. Reason: Trying to write "********" where the asterisks keep showing up.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh lyoness!!!! Can't even describe what I'm feeling towards your doctor. You just lived thru a nightmare! Ugh! So relieved to read further that you found someone to help you! Shew! What a relief! Wishing you lots of luck finding a place to live. I know this has been a problem for you for a long time now!
((((Lyoness)))))
((((Lyoness)))))
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by cleaninLI
Oh lyoness!!!! Can't even describe what I'm feeling towards your doctor. You just lived thru a nightmare! Ugh! So relieved to read further that you found someone to help you! Shew! What a relief! Wishing you lots of luck finding a place to live. I know this has been a problem for you for a long time now!
((((Lyoness)))))
((((Lyoness)))))
I did look at the house today that's right near by. It's quite huge for one person but it's nice, clean, no mice, beautiful land. So I'm still hoping. My housesit ends in a couple of days so it's back "home" and now I really am ready to move on! Only took me a year to accept the idea!
I've been thinking about you a lot and just saw where you're starting to taper. PM me when you can and let me know how you're doing. (((((cleaninLI)))))) to you too!
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Getting ready to move back home from my housesit tomorrow. Wish I could stay longer, there are so many amenities here like computer, running water and NO mice! It's going to be an adjustment going back "home" as new people are moving in and sort of taking over the place. They're stuff is everywhere, inside, outside, all vacuums/voids being filled.
I've lived there alone for two years so it's going to be a huge adjustment for me. That's why I am hoping to find my new home quickly. It's been challenging because rents are sky high for the area, so out of touch with people's incomes. It honestly feels like owners simply don't want to rent because of the way they price things. No one can afford $1000 for 200 sq. ft. of living space.
I see my new NP next week, hoping things will continue to move in the right direction. I've been stabilizing better with having my meds and not having the terror of going cold turkey off the methadone anymore--whew! I also figured out part of my stability/feeling better is from the asthma medication I've been having to take. We have huge wildfires all around and it's like fog outside except it's smoke and ash. It's awful. And I've been taking steroid medication for the asthma. And prednisone is amazing for energy, pain and mood. I had forgotten how much it helps because it's only a medication I take rarely.
It seems like all the medications that truly help me are "bad" in one way or another--addictive, hard on internal organs, side effects, etc. If they can make meds that help my bone-crushing fatigue, my chronic pain, my soul-killing depression that are "bad" for me, why can't they make ones that work but don't have all the associated problems? It's so frustrating to know there is relief but I cannot have it.... I know many experience this and feel this way. That's why there are alternative types of medicines, supplements, practices but they aren't always available or affordable to so many of us. Ahhhh, it's so frustrating!
Anyway, for today, I am breathing, I am stabilizing, I am soon going to get off my rear and start cleaning and packing. I hope you all are having peaceful and positive days. And I thank everyone for your ongoing support and positive wishes/prayers!!!!!!
=<^o^>=
I've lived there alone for two years so it's going to be a huge adjustment for me. That's why I am hoping to find my new home quickly. It's been challenging because rents are sky high for the area, so out of touch with people's incomes. It honestly feels like owners simply don't want to rent because of the way they price things. No one can afford $1000 for 200 sq. ft. of living space.
I see my new NP next week, hoping things will continue to move in the right direction. I've been stabilizing better with having my meds and not having the terror of going cold turkey off the methadone anymore--whew! I also figured out part of my stability/feeling better is from the asthma medication I've been having to take. We have huge wildfires all around and it's like fog outside except it's smoke and ash. It's awful. And I've been taking steroid medication for the asthma. And prednisone is amazing for energy, pain and mood. I had forgotten how much it helps because it's only a medication I take rarely.
It seems like all the medications that truly help me are "bad" in one way or another--addictive, hard on internal organs, side effects, etc. If they can make meds that help my bone-crushing fatigue, my chronic pain, my soul-killing depression that are "bad" for me, why can't they make ones that work but don't have all the associated problems? It's so frustrating to know there is relief but I cannot have it.... I know many experience this and feel this way. That's why there are alternative types of medicines, supplements, practices but they aren't always available or affordable to so many of us. Ahhhh, it's so frustrating!
Anyway, for today, I am breathing, I am stabilizing, I am soon going to get off my rear and start cleaning and packing. I hope you all are having peaceful and positive days. And I thank everyone for your ongoing support and positive wishes/prayers!!!!!!
=<^o^>=
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Thank you Dee and clean and everyone for your support and kind thoughts! It means a lot!
I head back "home" today and am nervous about it. The new people have sort of taken over and I am feeling very squeezed out. It's time for me to move, I just need the place to move to! So I am hoping something will work out quickly!!!!
I won't have regular computer access at home but am going to try to work something out so I can get on more regularly. The new people have computer and maybe they'd be willing to share.
Otherwise I'll check in when I can. And I just want to say thank you again to everyone for your support, it has really helped me a lot! And to ask to please keep those positive thoughts coming--they help too! Thank you!
I head back "home" today and am nervous about it. The new people have sort of taken over and I am feeling very squeezed out. It's time for me to move, I just need the place to move to! So I am hoping something will work out quickly!!!!
I won't have regular computer access at home but am going to try to work something out so I can get on more regularly. The new people have computer and maybe they'd be willing to share.
Otherwise I'll check in when I can. And I just want to say thank you again to everyone for your support, it has really helped me a lot! And to ask to please keep those positive thoughts coming--they help too! Thank you!
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
I've finally had a chance to get online and update my thread. I've kept thinking about you all, appreciating the kind words and loving thoughts and hugs. They really help. When I was having some horrible anxiety and unable to sleep the other night one of the things that pulled me through was remembering/feeling the positive thoughts and support I've got from you all. It helped!
I am back home and it's been intense. The new people who moved in REALLY want me out and have engaged in pretty awful behaviors to try to force me out. I'm talking abuse, dehumanization, telling me where I am ALLOWED to sit, stand, park, hang my coat--no lie. And my landlady is not being supportive.
I've lived on this same land for over 13 years, paid over $50,000 in rent, yes you read that right, done 1200 hours of labor (cleaning, visitor care, weedeating, etc., etc.) and the thanks I get is no support from my landlady who has benefitted tremendously from me and abuse from the new people. It's had me in tears, angry, insane, hurt, etc.
I've done my very best to stay positive, to not engage their behavior, but sometimes it just hurts and I fall apart. They called ME filthy for not cleaning empty cabins on the land (did 30 hours of weedeating instead) and yet the mess, the cesspit they've made of my home also had me angry and in tears. They're getting better, both at putting their stuff away and treating me like a human being but I am ready to be OUT of there.
I have found a place to move that I really want and care for, have been told they want me there, but it's taking a long time and I'm getting nervous. I really want and need this to go through. It's affordable, big, NO mice, on beautiful land and they're accepting HUD! Miracle! So please I ask again that you send your positive thoughts and prayers out to me so that I get this place and am moved in ASAP! I've been believing in you all and your support and that of other friends and it really has helped me get through. I'm trying to hang onto that and stay positive!
I saw my NP again and she is thankfully still prescribing my medicine. She is being careful, only rx'ing small amounts due to my recent severe dip into depression and I will be doing a risk assessment too. So she is staying very vigilant. I am so grateful I found her. I am hoping we will have a good therapeutic relationship.
So that's my update. I hope all of you are well. Like I said I think of you often, send my thanks and nurture myself with your support. Take good care of yourselves! I'll check back in when I can. I'm really hoping I can get internet at home when I move, fingers crossed!
Peace. =<^o^>=
I am back home and it's been intense. The new people who moved in REALLY want me out and have engaged in pretty awful behaviors to try to force me out. I'm talking abuse, dehumanization, telling me where I am ALLOWED to sit, stand, park, hang my coat--no lie. And my landlady is not being supportive.
I've lived on this same land for over 13 years, paid over $50,000 in rent, yes you read that right, done 1200 hours of labor (cleaning, visitor care, weedeating, etc., etc.) and the thanks I get is no support from my landlady who has benefitted tremendously from me and abuse from the new people. It's had me in tears, angry, insane, hurt, etc.
I've done my very best to stay positive, to not engage their behavior, but sometimes it just hurts and I fall apart. They called ME filthy for not cleaning empty cabins on the land (did 30 hours of weedeating instead) and yet the mess, the cesspit they've made of my home also had me angry and in tears. They're getting better, both at putting their stuff away and treating me like a human being but I am ready to be OUT of there.
I have found a place to move that I really want and care for, have been told they want me there, but it's taking a long time and I'm getting nervous. I really want and need this to go through. It's affordable, big, NO mice, on beautiful land and they're accepting HUD! Miracle! So please I ask again that you send your positive thoughts and prayers out to me so that I get this place and am moved in ASAP! I've been believing in you all and your support and that of other friends and it really has helped me get through. I'm trying to hang onto that and stay positive!
I saw my NP again and she is thankfully still prescribing my medicine. She is being careful, only rx'ing small amounts due to my recent severe dip into depression and I will be doing a risk assessment too. So she is staying very vigilant. I am so grateful I found her. I am hoping we will have a good therapeutic relationship.
So that's my update. I hope all of you are well. Like I said I think of you often, send my thanks and nurture myself with your support. Take good care of yourselves! I'll check back in when I can. I'm really hoping I can get internet at home when I move, fingers crossed!
Peace. =<^o^>=
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
My Dear Lyoness,
All the positive thoughts and prayers coming your way from your loyal friends here at SR.
I, too, think of you almost everyday (yes, you too Marcus ) Lots of stressful problems with one of my daughters relapsing just one day after a rehab stay. Meth, the drug that really messes with your soul. But, I'm controlling the enabling and finally gave into tough love. She is now homeless. And that is her problem and choice.
Enough about me, many hopeful thoughts for my "dear friend". I'm hear always for you, remember that when those new roomasses make you feel small...think how strong you really are!! We have seen you rise above incredible odds and you come out of it as beautiful and strong as a fresh new flower. :
Always on my mind Lyoness!
Your dear loyal friend,
TF
All the positive thoughts and prayers coming your way from your loyal friends here at SR.
I, too, think of you almost everyday (yes, you too Marcus
) Lots of stressful problems with one of my daughters relapsing just one day after a rehab stay. Meth, the drug that really messes with your soul. But, I'm controlling the enabling and finally gave into tough love. She is now homeless. And that is her problem and choice.Enough about me, many hopeful thoughts for my "dear friend". I'm hear always for you, remember that when those new roomasses make you feel small...think how strong you really are!! We have seen you rise above incredible odds and you come out of it as beautiful and strong as a fresh new flower. :
Always on my mind Lyoness!
Your dear loyal friend,
TF
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 114
Sending some more positive thoughts your way! One thing that is very clear to me when reading your posts is how strong, resourceful and hard working you are, you have faced many seemingly impossible obstacles and have overcome every one of them, you keep calling them miracles, I call them the result of hard work, perseverance and strength, it often seems like you don't see how awesome you are! Wish you all the best and I know you will make it through this difficult time, we are all pulling for you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Lyoness - I have been away too for a while and just saw this. I don't have anything in the way of advice, but wanted to let you know that I was sorry to hear about the recent events. Hopefully you are doing better.
Night owl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
I'm finally at a computer again so wanted to continue to update my thread. And say thank you so much Twofish, Dee, GS123 and Opiophobe for writing and saying what you did. It really helps. I have so much trouble seeing myself as strong, able or capable and getting that kind of feedback really means something. I really want to "listen" and let that in deep. Just yesterday I did have a thought that I have been able to meet my challenges, even if they've sucked, and that I needed to pay attention to that. I am really hoping with moving my life is going to start becoming more positive and hopeful.
I did sign a lease with the landlord of the place I really want and turned in my paperwork to HUD. Now I am just waiting until tomorrow morning when HUD comes out to inspect it and decide if it is ready for me to move into. I have my fingers crossed and am hoping and praying. It really should pass but I'm just not going to say I've really got it until HUD says YES! So, please put out your good and positive thoughts that HUD approves it tomorrow! Thank you!
When it's approved I can start moving in right away so that means I could start moving my stuff tomorrow. That would be awesome! I'm so anxious I keep thinking I have to move everything, singlehandedly tomorrow but I had a flu shot which has made me a bit "flu-y" and my body is not up to snuff. So it's reminding me I can move more slowly and avail myself of the help that has been offered. I'm just so excited and anxious and can't wait....(can you tell?).
My new landmates (I chuckled at your name for them Twofish, they have behaved that way unfortunately) have been better of late. The one who has expressed the most severe dislike for me was gone for several days and that was incredible. The land felt better, I felt better, the energy was just clearer. And her partner was nicer and we actually spent some time talking and having good interactions. That was better, too. So things have been calmer and kinder for several days now for which I am truly grateful.
I haven't told them much about my new place, just that it's possible. I didn't want any grief from them if it took a long time and I just felt fear that somehow they'd ruin it for me. Don't know why but some other friends agreed that waiting to tell them til I was absolutely sure was the right choice. So hopefully tomorrow....
I'm really looking forward to this move. A friend told me, quite correctly, that my current home, though it started out positive and good has really beaten me down in the last few years. I told her she was right. I really have been beaten down in so many ways. So I am really hoping that a move to a new home, a place with lots of light and independence and freedom (from judgment, devaluation, etc.) will help me move forward in my life. Maybe I will be able to get up and out of my depression for real and maybe my recovery will move upward as well. Just even thinking of the possibilities is new and different and unexpected so I am hoping.....
Hope, hope, hope...!
I hope you all are well, too. And that the next time I write I will be telling you about my new home! Thank you all for your support!
=<^o^>=
I did sign a lease with the landlord of the place I really want and turned in my paperwork to HUD. Now I am just waiting until tomorrow morning when HUD comes out to inspect it and decide if it is ready for me to move into. I have my fingers crossed and am hoping and praying. It really should pass but I'm just not going to say I've really got it until HUD says YES! So, please put out your good and positive thoughts that HUD approves it tomorrow! Thank you!
When it's approved I can start moving in right away so that means I could start moving my stuff tomorrow. That would be awesome! I'm so anxious I keep thinking I have to move everything, singlehandedly tomorrow but I had a flu shot which has made me a bit "flu-y" and my body is not up to snuff. So it's reminding me I can move more slowly and avail myself of the help that has been offered. I'm just so excited and anxious and can't wait....(can you tell?).
My new landmates (I chuckled at your name for them Twofish, they have behaved that way unfortunately) have been better of late. The one who has expressed the most severe dislike for me was gone for several days and that was incredible. The land felt better, I felt better, the energy was just clearer. And her partner was nicer and we actually spent some time talking and having good interactions. That was better, too. So things have been calmer and kinder for several days now for which I am truly grateful.
I haven't told them much about my new place, just that it's possible. I didn't want any grief from them if it took a long time and I just felt fear that somehow they'd ruin it for me. Don't know why but some other friends agreed that waiting to tell them til I was absolutely sure was the right choice. So hopefully tomorrow....
I'm really looking forward to this move. A friend told me, quite correctly, that my current home, though it started out positive and good has really beaten me down in the last few years. I told her she was right. I really have been beaten down in so many ways. So I am really hoping that a move to a new home, a place with lots of light and independence and freedom (from judgment, devaluation, etc.) will help me move forward in my life. Maybe I will be able to get up and out of my depression for real and maybe my recovery will move upward as well. Just even thinking of the possibilities is new and different and unexpected so I am hoping.....
Hope, hope, hope...!
I hope you all are well, too. And that the next time I write I will be telling you about my new home! Thank you all for your support!
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