Spouse, Suboxone & Sex
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 93
Spouse, Suboxone & Sex
Help. My husband is on suboxone, 16 mgs a day. When the heroin stopped, our sex life came back very briefly. Now, almost 2 months later...I think its been 3 weeks? Possibly closer to 4. I am 7 months pregnant. His counselor has talked about 1-3 years on suboxone. I know intellectually that it is the suboxone, not me. But years of no sex??? I've already been through 6 months of almost none due to the heroin use that I was unaware of.
It would help if he would be able to communicate with me about it, but I think that whole man's pride thing gets in the way. I tried talking to him last night, told I'm I'd seen people online saying once they were down to 8 mgs or less a day their sex drive improved, but he pretty much just shut down. I don't want him to have to force himself to have sex with me! But, during the years we've been together, there have been times that I wasn't as excited about it but still did it because he wanted to. It would be nice if he could/would return the favor.
This is just slowly destroying me mentally. I want the intimacy that comes with sex. I want to feel like I am attractive to my husband. I want to enjoy sex before I am as big as a barn with this baby, & before I have a newborn & a post pregnancy body. Knowing that I could be the most attractive woman in the world & he still wouldn't have a sex drive doesn't make me feel better all the time. I wish I could make him understand that I am not judging him or think less of him as a man because of this problem, but I could say it till I'm blue in the face & he wouldn't believe it. I guess I can see where me saying I'm extremely sexually frustrated is going to make him feel like he is failing me. But trying to not say it, the emotion is just building & at some point i'm going to have to let it all out & it'll be much worse.
I don't know. I'm sure I'm not the only one here going through this. How are your spouses handling it? How do you handle it as a couple?
It would help if he would be able to communicate with me about it, but I think that whole man's pride thing gets in the way. I tried talking to him last night, told I'm I'd seen people online saying once they were down to 8 mgs or less a day their sex drive improved, but he pretty much just shut down. I don't want him to have to force himself to have sex with me! But, during the years we've been together, there have been times that I wasn't as excited about it but still did it because he wanted to. It would be nice if he could/would return the favor.
This is just slowly destroying me mentally. I want the intimacy that comes with sex. I want to feel like I am attractive to my husband. I want to enjoy sex before I am as big as a barn with this baby, & before I have a newborn & a post pregnancy body. Knowing that I could be the most attractive woman in the world & he still wouldn't have a sex drive doesn't make me feel better all the time. I wish I could make him understand that I am not judging him or think less of him as a man because of this problem, but I could say it till I'm blue in the face & he wouldn't believe it. I guess I can see where me saying I'm extremely sexually frustrated is going to make him feel like he is failing me. But trying to not say it, the emotion is just building & at some point i'm going to have to let it all out & it'll be much worse.
I don't know. I'm sure I'm not the only one here going through this. How are your spouses handling it? How do you handle it as a couple?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Calhoun georgia
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Well sad wife I'm a guy and I'll tell ya this, opiates of any kind at a high dose such as your hubs will RUIN a guys sex drive!! And I'm talking nonexistent! I was on high high doses of hydrocodone for 3 years then methadone for over 5 years that's 8 years right? Ok...my fiancee and I got together right at the start of my ugly habit she was innocent and had no idea about drugs matter of fact we got together after she served 2 years in iraq. After she watched me spiral outta control with the pain pills she told me to get help or it was over, then we decided on the methadone clinic BIG mistake! After 1 year at the clinic and my dose increased my sex drive was GONE!! We went 4 years...4 freaking years with no sex.. she finally left me. I dont wanna say i didnt care about anything when I was on a high dose BUT I didn't care enough to show her love and that still haunts me to this day. BUT the bright side to this story is that this happened 1 year ago, 6 months later after not speaking to me she calls tells me she can't be with anyone else cuz she still loves me but said I'd havta get clean. At this point I was lonely and I had already started coming down off methadone bcuz I hated myself for ruining us. I know this post has been long but it really hit home and I hope you read this and get inspiration. When she came back (Oct 2013) we had the BEST sex ever! I was still on methadone then but I'm proud to say I've been completely clean 38 days now! It's hard to quit so if you love your man bear with him but I will say this...If he doesn't love you enough to cut his dose and eventually drop that garbage then he doesn't deserve ya hun, and that's not your fault. Drugs destroy families and that's a fact and that includes prescription drugs. I wish yall the best of luck lord knows I struggled with it but ask your man this...is 2 weeks of pain worth a lifetime of misery? You havta want to quit or you NEVER will, I did it for the woman I love I want us to live our 30s and 40s to the fullest bcuz I RUINED our 20s due to my selfish opiate habit. Sorry to be so gloom and blunt but it just kills me to see these awful drugs ruin people's lives especially when I KNOW people have the power to overcome them, cuz if my ass did it anyone can!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dallas
Posts: 70
I am a woman and that happened to me. It did mess up my relationship, but I was with a guy so betrayed when he found out about my problem he ended up bailing...
Maybe discussing a dose reduction or semi-taper sooner than that? I was on 16mg.. When I started my taper I think it changed some the lower I keep getting. I mean.. chicks are diff than guys when it comes to sex anyways, but I started thinking about it again within the first week of cutting down.
Good luck sweetie.
Maybe discussing a dose reduction or semi-taper sooner than that? I was on 16mg.. When I started my taper I think it changed some the lower I keep getting. I mean.. chicks are diff than guys when it comes to sex anyways, but I started thinking about it again within the first week of cutting down.
Good luck sweetie.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
When my husband was on suboxone - his sex drive came back completely.
ETA - he was on 16mg. However, he also told me that suboxone gave him an "artificial" feeling....a good feeling and lots of energy yet would never take it again.
ETA - he was on 16mg. However, he also told me that suboxone gave him an "artificial" feeling....a good feeling and lots of energy yet would never take it again.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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We had a good day yesterday, and talked about his long term plans for being on suboxone, and eventually got around to talking about sex, and I think we are just going to basically put it on the schedule. It was interesting though, last night we did it, and then he got really frustrated afterwards that I build everything up to much and he basically doesn't feel like I'm getting anything out of it I think. So I made it very clear that any negative feelings were all in his head, I didn't have any. And then I took a shower & came back and we had another little chat and I explained to him that I have gone through childbirth, he was there & saw what that did to my body, it is different now and does require a little more work and that is just life, it isn't him or me. So I did everything I could to clear up all the depressed & negative feelings. I think I have to accept that I am just going to have to initiate it all of the time for awhile.
LMN- The first 2 weeks after he got off the h & started suboxone he def had a sex drive. Although they did up his dose from 8 to 16 after the first couple weeks so that could be a factor. I can't help but think that me being 7 months preg does play a role-our sex life wasn't fantastic during my last pregnancy either.
Anykey- He is 23. Not even close to 50 so I think it's fair that I am depressed that I don't have a sex life and I am only 25 years old. If I didn't want to have sex, I would've become a nun. No, hugging & kissing is not enough. I want the endorphins that sex creates.
LMN- The first 2 weeks after he got off the h & started suboxone he def had a sex drive. Although they did up his dose from 8 to 16 after the first couple weeks so that could be a factor. I can't help but think that me being 7 months preg does play a role-our sex life wasn't fantastic during my last pregnancy either.
Anykey- He is 23. Not even close to 50 so I think it's fair that I am depressed that I don't have a sex life and I am only 25 years old. If I didn't want to have sex, I would've become a nun. No, hugging & kissing is not enough. I want the endorphins that sex creates.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dallas
Posts: 70
Communication is gonna be the best start 4 ya'll..
That's awesome! I know it's hard, I am so sorry.. I was with an addict before I got hooked and went thru that too.
We r here for you! Again, maybe see if he is willing to go to 1 1/2...or 1 a day? It may help...
That's awesome! I know it's hard, I am so sorry.. I was with an addict before I got hooked and went thru that too.
We r here for you! Again, maybe see if he is willing to go to 1 1/2...or 1 a day? It may help...
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 130
I can't speak to subs impact, but the opiates will crush both the sex drive AND the "plumbing" necessary. I side stepped the plumbing problem with cialis, but, there was very little sex drive, so, my performance was generally very uninspired. So, as his sex drive comes back online in his brain, might be a self confidence booster to have the wee coal is or viagra lurking. Performance anxiety can be a beotch.
Last edited by Druwyd; 05-05-2014 at 12:47 AM. Reason: spelling
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It's too early for him to want to start tapering down. To him at least. I'm not fighting him on it since I have no way of understanding what is going on in his head, and even if I feel like he's using it as a crutch to not be completely sober....Well, we are at 2 months with no drugs in a few days, so I'll leave it alone for now.
His plumbing definitely seems to be fine. I've decided we are just going to have sex every day till I'm too pregnant to want to, and if I get everything going he does not have any problems. He hasn't the past 2 days anyway, we'll see how it goes.
His plumbing definitely seems to be fine. I've decided we are just going to have sex every day till I'm too pregnant to want to, and if I get everything going he does not have any problems. He hasn't the past 2 days anyway, we'll see how it goes.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 21
So to confirm, Suboxone does take your sex drive? I think my bf is on 16 mg a day he is trying to tamper down. At what level of the Suboxone does the sex drive finally come back. I do not like initiating sex all the time. Makes me feel like im really not wanted and its forced...(sad) I want to be patient with him thru all of this... He told me he is now taking 3/4 couple times a day. I dont know what he really means by that...When I ask to many questions he shuts down on me...
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Join Date: May 2014
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NO problem with the equipment.....its just the desire. He is only 31.
But thank you for your response.
May i ask a personaly question as well...... since equipment works... does the Suboxone affect how long lasts? Then he will so he is so sorry..... (TRYING TO BE UNDERSTANDING)
But thank you for your response.
May i ask a personaly question as well...... since equipment works... does the Suboxone affect how long lasts? Then he will so he is so sorry..... (TRYING TO BE UNDERSTANDING)
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: not where you are
Posts: 70
i cant answer that. it is not a 'side effect t' of the drug that goes away when the drug is stopped. it is more of a damage done to the body and brain. every person is different so I cant help.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
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Sad wife, it takes time, I know how he feels.
When I was on codeine my sexy drive was basically non existent, I'm 30 and during the worst part of my addiction I think we had sex twice over a 6 month period.
Once I went cold turkey my drive came back for a week with a vengeance! I couldn't keep my hands off her, but now that PAWS is in full swing I'm just too depressed. I'm sure my drive will come back, last week was really encouraging and exciting to feel that drive again, but I think I'm gonna need some time for it to develop properly whilst going through PAWS.
Be patient, but I think talking to him about it isn't a bad idea depending on how you approach it, if it were me I would just want my girl to make me feel sexy but not pressure me. Give him a bit more time, it's a journey for both of you, addiction never affects one person only. Once he is fully off medication I'm sure his drive will slowly but surely start to come back. 2 months isn't that long, try not to stress about it too much, that may make him retreat even more.
I wish you both all the best.
When I was on codeine my sexy drive was basically non existent, I'm 30 and during the worst part of my addiction I think we had sex twice over a 6 month period.
Once I went cold turkey my drive came back for a week with a vengeance! I couldn't keep my hands off her, but now that PAWS is in full swing I'm just too depressed. I'm sure my drive will come back, last week was really encouraging and exciting to feel that drive again, but I think I'm gonna need some time for it to develop properly whilst going through PAWS.
Be patient, but I think talking to him about it isn't a bad idea depending on how you approach it, if it were me I would just want my girl to make me feel sexy but not pressure me. Give him a bit more time, it's a journey for both of you, addiction never affects one person only. Once he is fully off medication I'm sure his drive will slowly but surely start to come back. 2 months isn't that long, try not to stress about it too much, that may make him retreat even more.
I wish you both all the best.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 12
Thanks for your input. My husband is on Suboxone (two years now) and is also an alcoholic. He has chronic back pain from Ankylosing Spondylitis (hunch back disease) so he went from Norco to oxy to Suboxone in about 12 years. He had a turp operation and since can't reach orgasm and 0 desire. I am accepting of the sex loss trying to treat him as I would want to be treated, in a loving way. Wonder if he'd get it back if he could get off the drugs/alcohol....? He is desperate to have sex again.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Lostinhk 
Sad wife, it takes time, I know how he feels.
When I was on codeine my sexy drive was basically non existent, I'm 30 and during the worst part of my addiction I think we had sex twice over a 6 month period.
Once I went cold turkey my drive came back for a week with a vengeance! I couldn't keep my hands off her, but now that PAWS is in full swing I'm just too depressed. I'm sure my drive will come back, last week was really encouraging and exciting to feel that drive again, but I think I'm gonna need some time for it to develop properly whilst going through PAWS.
Be patient, but I think talking to him about it isn't a bad idea depending on how you approach it, if it were me I would just want my girl to make me feel sexy but not pressure me. Give him a bit more time, it's a journey for both of you, addiction never affects one person only. Once he is fully off medication I'm sure his drive will slowly but surely start to come back. 2 months isn't that long, try not to stress about it too much, that may make him retreat even more.
I wish you both all the best.
When I was on codeine my sexy drive was basically non existent, I'm 30 and during the worst part of my addiction I think we had sex twice over a 6 month period.
Once I went cold turkey my drive came back for a week with a vengeance! I couldn't keep my hands off her, but now that PAWS is in full swing I'm just too depressed. I'm sure my drive will come back, last week was really encouraging and exciting to feel that drive again, but I think I'm gonna need some time for it to develop properly whilst going through PAWS.
Be patient, but I think talking to him about it isn't a bad idea depending on how you approach it, if it were me I would just want my girl to make me feel sexy but not pressure me. Give him a bit more time, it's a journey for both of you, addiction never affects one person only. Once he is fully off medication I'm sure his drive will slowly but surely start to come back. 2 months isn't that long, try not to stress about it too much, that may make him retreat even more.
I wish you both all the best.
I had no idea about PAWS. I had to look that up when I read it. It makes so much more sense now. My AH went through detox earlier this year and couldn't handle this part. I had no idea about this or that it would last 2 years. Apparently he didn't either and I should share this with him. Thanks!As for the sex, my AH has been on pills or h for almost 8 years and there's not been a whole lot of it. I have a fairly low sex drive so it's not too much of a problem but it still is.
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