New and alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
New and alone
Hello, everyone! I am new here, new to being on suboxone, and most of all, new to realizing I am an addict.
Three years back, I had a few surgeries due to having endometriosis and ovarian cycts. I was prescribed lorcet, and even when my pain was minimal, my doctor kept prescribing for a few months, so I kept taking them because I liked the way they made me feel. When the prescriptions stopped, I simply stopped using. About a year later, my father (a life long heroine user, pill popper and alcoholic) and his best friend began getting vikes. Once a month, when their meds came, I would buy a few-whatever I could afford, at $5 a pill. When they ran out, I wouldn't try to find more, I would just wait for the next month. Somewhere along the way, in recent months, I began taking something-vikes, percs, lorcets-every single day. I found four other sources to get my pills and was paying roughly $50 a day to get the pills and FEEL NORMAL. I was no longer using them for a buzz. I started stealing them from 2 grandmothers, buying them from an elderly aunt, calling people multiple times a day to see if they found any. I didn't know who I had become, but I knew I didn't like this person and I needed help.
All of my life, I had always used something, usually weed and alcohol. I always thot I could stop anytime-and I did for short times here and there. Pills were not so easy to get out of my head.
My life is pretty good right now. I have a wonderful loving (non drug using) boyfriend, alot of friends, four children, and I graduate college in May.
If everything is going so great-why am I doing this??? I know I would lose my bf if I continued doing what I was doing.
Sooo, I went to the VA (I am a veteran) and came clean to my doc at the mental health clinic. (I have suffered with anxiety and depression the last 14 years.) I began the suboxone program last Monday at 4 mg twice a day with the plan to only be on suboxone a few days, then switch to vivitrol. The initial dose was too high, so the dr reduced it the next day to 2mg twice a day. Three days on that went ok, then the day of my appointment, I had such bad pains down my legs. Dr said I needed to stay on the suboxone cuz apparently my pill use was worse than he thought. That was Friday. He gave me enough subs to last me until this Thursday, when we will see about switching to Vivitrol. My problem is that when I take my first dose at 7 am, I am fine, no cravings and I can function-until about 1 pm. Then I get anxious and start watching the clock until I can take another pill. I have been able to hold off on the second pill until about 3pm everyday and knowing I cannot take another that day, I just deal with the anxiety, want to hurry up and get to bed early so I can wake up and take my next pill. My concern is, when the doc takes me off subs so soon, am I going to go nuts wanting subs that I no longer have? My only hope is that dr will increase to 2mg three times a day and let me get my head together some before switching to Vivitrol.
I apologize for going on and on. This whole situation is a secret to everyone. I cannot confide in family-my father shoots subs and I do not want him to know I have them. I need them for me! I am afraid my boyfriend will think less of me. My best friend is a pot head/coke user and I think it is best I stay away from her for a while. I mentioned getting help to my pothead sister and she told me "Don't be a quitter!" WTH-she is no help! I have no one to turn to and am struggling though this on my own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
I don't know about switching to vitriol. Is it an opiate? An agonist?I would recommend telling your doc the withdraw issues are having on your suboxone dose since you are in withdrawal part of the day. I applaud you for taking the necessary steps necessary to quit. Suboxone is tricky in the sense that you will need to increase to match your oxy tolerance, but you also have to let yourself "normalize" once starting it. It may take a few days.
Opiate/oxy addiction does not have prejudice. It isn't a matter of "if" but "when" it will own you.
Last year, in February, I realized I had to make many bold choices to quit my friend that shoot dope or abuse opiates. I say that but many of my friends I loved, did shoot it, I cut everyone off, except those that choose the same path as me. Quitting oxy/opiates is quitting those that enable you to to use too. It's a hard choice, and even harder if it's family. my advice, announce to your family you are on the straight n narrow road or just cut all ties. A support system of people who know you as a recovering addict (who are clean or on the same path), and and not craving is Gold.
I'm currently of methadone 2 weeks today! I've been clean of heroin since 4/29/12. You can do this.
Welcome trinity!
<3 mia
Opiate/oxy addiction does not have prejudice. It isn't a matter of "if" but "when" it will own you.
Last year, in February, I realized I had to make many bold choices to quit my friend that shoot dope or abuse opiates. I say that but many of my friends I loved, did shoot it, I cut everyone off, except those that choose the same path as me. Quitting oxy/opiates is quitting those that enable you to to use too. It's a hard choice, and even harder if it's family. my advice, announce to your family you are on the straight n narrow road or just cut all ties. A support system of people who know you as a recovering addict (who are clean or on the same path), and and not craving is Gold.
I'm currently of methadone 2 weeks today! I've been clean of heroin since 4/29/12. You can do this.
Welcome trinity!
<3 mia
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: alicante3
Posts: 16
hey trinity im glad u also have recently found this site just like i have only a few days ago and similar 2 u my addiction is a big secret as far as my family and friends r concerend but this place helps bigtime, we need 2 b strong and keep r heads high, i am only 3 days of heroin (first time in 6 years) and in treamtment to suboxone which so far helps me massively i do c what u mean by waitin 4 the next pill im fealing a little that way, but 4 me its gotta b better than H. Keep strong and use this site 4 help, 2 me its been great and there r some realy great ppl wiling 2 advise and share their ride. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
From what I have read, vivitrol is not an opiate or agonist-it is an antagonist. It blocks the receptors in the brain fom feeling any effect from substances. That is ALL I know about it though. Does not seem to be much information out there about it. Thank you both for your responses!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by trinity77 
From what I have read, vivitrol is not an opiate or agonist-it is an antagonist. It blocks the receptors in the brain fom feeling any effect from substances. That is ALL I know about it though. Does not seem to be much information out there about it. Thank you both for your responses!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: middle of the ocean
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by trinity77
Hello, everyone! I am new here, new to being on suboxone, and most of all, new to realizing I am an addict.
Three years back, I had a few surgeries due to having endometriosis and ovarian cycts. I was prescribed lorcet, and even when my pain was minimal, my doctor kept prescribing for a few months, so I kept taking them because I liked the way they made me feel. When the prescriptions stopped, I simply stopped using. About a year later, my father (a life long heroine user, pill popper and alcoholic) and his best friend began getting vikes. Once a month, when their meds came, I would buy a few-whatever I could afford, at $5 a pill. When they ran out, I wouldn't try to find more, I would just wait for the next month. Somewhere along the way, in recent months, I began taking something-vikes, percs, lorcets-every single day. I found four other sources to get my pills and was paying roughly $50 a day to get the pills and FEEL NORMAL. I was no longer using them for a buzz. I started stealing them from 2 grandmothers, buying them from an elderly aunt, calling people multiple times a day to see if they found any. I didn't know who I had become, but I knew I didn't like this person and I needed help.
All of my life, I had always used something, usually weed and alcohol. I always thot I could stop anytime-and I did for short times here and there. Pills were not so easy to get out of my head.
My life is pretty good right now. I have a wonderful loving (non drug using) boyfriend, alot of friends, four children, and I graduate college in May.
If everything is going so great-why am I doing this??? I know I would lose my bf if I continued doing what I was doing.
Sooo, I went to the VA (I am a veteran) and came clean to my doc at the mental health clinic. (I have suffered with anxiety and depression the last 14 years.) I began the suboxone program last Monday at 4 mg twice a day with the plan to only be on suboxone a few days, then switch to vivitrol. The initial dose was too high, so the dr reduced it the next day to 2mg twice a day. Three days on that went ok, then the day of my appointment, I had such bad pains down my legs. Dr said I needed to stay on the suboxone cuz apparently my pill use was worse than he thought. That was Friday. He gave me enough subs to last me until this Thursday, when we will see about switching to Vivitrol. My problem is that when I take my first dose at 7 am, I am fine, no cravings and I can function-until about 1 pm. Then I get anxious and start watching the clock until I can take another pill. I have been able to hold off on the second pill until about 3pm everyday and knowing I cannot take another that day, I just deal with the anxiety, want to hurry up and get to bed early so I can wake up and take my next pill. My concern is, when the doc takes me off subs so soon, am I going to go nuts wanting subs that I no longer have? My only hope is that dr will increase to 2mg three times a day and let me get my head together some before switching to Vivitrol.
I apologize for going on and on. This whole situation is a secret to everyone. I cannot confide in family-my father shoots subs and I do not want him to know I have them. I need them for me! I am afraid my boyfriend will think less of me. My best friend is a pot head/coke user and I think it is best I stay away from her for a while. I mentioned getting help to my pothead sister and she told me "Don't be a quitter!" WTH-she is no help! I have no one to turn to and am struggling though this on my own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Three years back, I had a few surgeries due to having endometriosis and ovarian cycts. I was prescribed lorcet, and even when my pain was minimal, my doctor kept prescribing for a few months, so I kept taking them because I liked the way they made me feel. When the prescriptions stopped, I simply stopped using. About a year later, my father (a life long heroine user, pill popper and alcoholic) and his best friend began getting vikes. Once a month, when their meds came, I would buy a few-whatever I could afford, at $5 a pill. When they ran out, I wouldn't try to find more, I would just wait for the next month. Somewhere along the way, in recent months, I began taking something-vikes, percs, lorcets-every single day. I found four other sources to get my pills and was paying roughly $50 a day to get the pills and FEEL NORMAL. I was no longer using them for a buzz. I started stealing them from 2 grandmothers, buying them from an elderly aunt, calling people multiple times a day to see if they found any. I didn't know who I had become, but I knew I didn't like this person and I needed help.
All of my life, I had always used something, usually weed and alcohol. I always thot I could stop anytime-and I did for short times here and there. Pills were not so easy to get out of my head.
My life is pretty good right now. I have a wonderful loving (non drug using) boyfriend, alot of friends, four children, and I graduate college in May.
If everything is going so great-why am I doing this??? I know I would lose my bf if I continued doing what I was doing.
Sooo, I went to the VA (I am a veteran) and came clean to my doc at the mental health clinic. (I have suffered with anxiety and depression the last 14 years.) I began the suboxone program last Monday at 4 mg twice a day with the plan to only be on suboxone a few days, then switch to vivitrol. The initial dose was too high, so the dr reduced it the next day to 2mg twice a day. Three days on that went ok, then the day of my appointment, I had such bad pains down my legs. Dr said I needed to stay on the suboxone cuz apparently my pill use was worse than he thought. That was Friday. He gave me enough subs to last me until this Thursday, when we will see about switching to Vivitrol. My problem is that when I take my first dose at 7 am, I am fine, no cravings and I can function-until about 1 pm. Then I get anxious and start watching the clock until I can take another pill. I have been able to hold off on the second pill until about 3pm everyday and knowing I cannot take another that day, I just deal with the anxiety, want to hurry up and get to bed early so I can wake up and take my next pill. My concern is, when the doc takes me off subs so soon, am I going to go nuts wanting subs that I no longer have? My only hope is that dr will increase to 2mg three times a day and let me get my head together some before switching to Vivitrol.
I apologize for going on and on. This whole situation is a secret to everyone. I cannot confide in family-my father shoots subs and I do not want him to know I have them. I need them for me! I am afraid my boyfriend will think less of me. My best friend is a pot head/coke user and I think it is best I stay away from her for a while. I mentioned getting help to my pothead sister and she told me "Don't be a quitter!" WTH-she is no help! I have no one to turn to and am struggling though this on my own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Welcome to SR! Our stories are much the same except I was introduced to roxies and was spending the same and more a day. I am on a much higher dose than you and by day two of 3 8mg 3 times a day I have no cravings or anything, I felt great almost to good. I go back today for my week follow up. She said that I would be on this amount for a month and slowly taper and that it could take a year to do that. I think omg that's a long time, but i'd rather take the subs and feel great over a hand full of blue pills that were going to kill me. Good luck! This site is awesome!
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
I add my welcome! And congratulations for deciding to quit the opiate merry-go-round. It's great that you have a doctor you can trust and be honest with. Keep talking to him and letting him know you are feeling some w/d symptoms and are "craving" your next dose of subs. He should be able to work with you to get on a dose and dosing plan that will help you.
Are you doing any counseling or anything else to help with quitting? I've been seeing a counselor, along with SR, and it really is helpful. We need all the support we can get.
Take care and I hope you'll stick around!
Are you doing any counseling or anything else to help with quitting? I've been seeing a counselor, along with SR, and it really is helpful. We need all the support we can get.
Take care and I hope you'll stick around!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
Thanks for your responses! This is day 10 for me on suboxone. My next appointment with the dr is tomorrow. I am terrified that he is going to just stop the subs. They are helping me so much. My dad called two days ago and told me he had 20 vikes for me. I was able to tell him no thank you, I am done with that crap. Two weeks ago I would have been doing anything in my power to go get them. A friend called last night and told me she made moonshine jello shots and would save me some. I told her no thanks, too.
So, my craving for another sub mid-afternoon is withdrawels? I never even knew what withdrawels were until recently. I was wondering why I always seemed to have hot/cold flashes, achy legs, etc so much. I thought I kept getting sick with a flu or cold.
I am not doing any counseling as of yet. The counseler at my VA has been booked solid and I am waiting for an opening to get in to talk to her one day while I am there to see the dr. I would like to go to meetings, but with 4 kids and boyfriend, it is hard to sneak out without explaining where I am going, or get a babysitter. I have not told him too much yet. All he knows is the VA did a drug test on me, found pot, vikes, and alcohol in my system and said they would no longer treat my anxiety/depression unless I got clean. I told him they put me on meds that will make me sick if I use anything and I have to submit weekly urine for testing. He doesn't know how bad I was, or that I voluntarily went for help. I am ashamed that I was that bad, and afraid he will think differently of me. We have a perfect relationship that I do not want to jeopardize.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
Just wanted to write this down on here so I can track my progress:
Last drink-March 8, 2013
Last vicodin-March 9, 2013
Started Suboxone-March 11, 2013
Many opportunities to drink or pop pills, "friends" and family offering me pills, weed, and alcohol, but I have managed to say no each time. I know I can do this!
My boyfriend's band plays this Saturday. I am not sure I am strong enough to go and not drink, so I have decided to sit this one out. There will come a time when I will be able to go, but not just yet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: alicante3
Posts: 16
cool well done trinity thats hard i know exactly how u feel as i have now only been off H 4 five days and on subs similar 2 me my x dealer came 2 my house yesterday and i turned her away i felt SO proud of myself and u shud 2. When i rang my husband 2 tel him what id done it felt like i was getting somewhere. We gotta stay strong in this and c that there is so much 2 life than this crap. Keep us posted on yr progress. Good luck
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Congratulations trinity! That is terrific and inspiring that you are able to turn down all the continued offers of drugs and alcohol. Do any of these people know you are quitting? However you want to tell them it would probably take pressure off of you if they weren't offering.
I understand about having a hard time telling your boyfriend. I have only told two close friends and no one else in my life. It's an important decision who we tell. Maybe over time and with counseling, and as you feel stronger in your recovery, you will find a moment when you feel you can talk to him.
Keep going strong.
I understand about having a hard time telling your boyfriend. I have only told two close friends and no one else in my life. It's an important decision who we tell. Maybe over time and with counseling, and as you feel stronger in your recovery, you will find a moment when you feel you can talk to him.
Keep going strong.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Hi anad--just wanted to say congratulations to you, too, for saying no to your dealer. That took real strength. Each time you say no and choose differently you're building a new pathway in your brain that will help you say no the next time! Well done!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North kingstown, ri
Posts: 29
Hi im new to the forums, im 20 yrs old, been addicted to opiates since 15, started shooting heroin at 18 and have been in and out of rehabs since, i dont know if i have another rehab in me anymore, as the majority of my teen years has been spent in auch places and counseling and IOP programs, just sick of it all and want a normal daily life, wondering the pros and cons of getting on a low dose of suboxone, like 2mg a day for maintanace, any feedback is greatly appreciated as of now i will continue to slowly kill myself and shoot up again for my millionth "last time"... Hope this one gives me what ive been lookin for, whoever cares anyway
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: alicante3
Posts: 16
guilty401 go 4 it honestly i can only recommend the subs as im on day 7 clean from heroin after 6 year abuse and real abuse and i have never felt better, seriously think about it, we have a wonderful world out there aside 2 drugs. Keep us posted on yr decision and pls feel free 2 ask me anything on my subs experience im happy 2 help. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North kingstown, ri
Posts: 29
Im just worried its trading one addiction for another... Honestly even after a hard run ( 1-2g decent dope a day ) 8mg of subs still gets me high.. Dont wanna trade addictions but i cant stop fckin relapsing.. I honestly just dont know anymore..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North kingstown, ri
Posts: 29
Never tried sub maintanance.. Doesnt even matteranymore bcuz i just had my meeting with my family and counselor and they are makin me move into a sober house with a bunch of 50 yr old guys and im only 20 so... Pretty bummed out..also they think i havent used since friday but. Hve been taking suboxone 4mg a day since friday and will now have to stop cold turkey after a 2 week dope binge, so my forst week in this "sober house" will most likley be spent in withdrawel.. Fcking amazing i love my life..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: middle of the ocean
Posts: 37
guilty 401 I had the same anxiety about trading one for another, but the piece of mind that I get out weighs the overdose, as I know that's where I was headed! Day 9 on subs, A Dr. Can help you!
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