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Old 03-10-2012, 04:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question day 3 - no methadone

I started going to a methadone clinic April 2010 to get off of oxicodone. I peaked at 110mg but am now hv been maintained at 80mg for a year.. Methadone did amazing things for me, my husband & I bought a house, we actually have savings now, & it brought me closer to God.when I first started the program I was very anxious to to get off of the program as soon as possible. I prayed about it & sought outside counseling & decided to fix the REAL issue at hand, why was I self medicating? What void need to ne filled? So I asked God to tell me when, I DID NOT WANT TO BE A LIFER! I received a monthly newsletter from one of my favorite preachers advising tht on March 7th thy would be having an entire day of prayer for any requests that were sent in. I knew right then it was time & I almost feel over. I had gotten comfortable & really dnt want to do this in just a cpl days! But... I trust Him. A year ago my husband fasted for
3 days & praying for the the ability to buy our home & on the 3rd evening I was wrapping up my prayer & out of nowhere I say to my husband I quit smoking (I was a smoker for 10 years & had no intention on quitting ). He chuckles & says OK dear... I haven't smoked since - I had no desire, cravings, or w/d from it. It was completely puzzled & extremely thankful. I hv faith & trust now in this situation. I got a 10 day tk home amount b/c if u miss more than 3 days ur discharged & I know it takes decades to w/d from methadone so I figured by day 10 id knw if I needed to go back w/o being discharged. I know to most ppl tht the of the hope of the same thing happening w/ the methadone is completely asinine but we shall see. Its day three & I feel amazing. Yes I know its only day 3 so at what point would one begin to wish thy were dead? I hv read & heard of methadone being debilitating & gruesome to w/d from & a lot more intense then opiate s. So I want to know what others went through, has anyone derided CT off of a high amount, how long did it last? I know its time, I want my life back. I wam to enjoy "intimacy" again, I want children, I want to enjoy & embrace life again, I want to eat good food again (methadone makes me hv no desire for different foods, I've eaten the same thigh for 2 years), I want to feel emotions again good or bad, I want to cry again (also hvnt done in 3 years), I want to feel & be who I was before pills & methadone. Any words of wisdom would be amazing - no need to say how ridiculous or foolish my experience or hopes are,
Please be positive <3 thank you
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR...

Wishing you well as you move forward
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Old 03-11-2012, 06:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for the welcome & best wishes. My addiction was mydirty little secret for years. No one knew not my mom, not my best friend of 12 years, my hubby does of course but he's never touched a drug in his life not even a cigarette. So while he does support me he absolutely no idea the severity of it. Tht's why I came her to hear stories I can relate to
I need the support of others like me! Thanks again!
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Old 03-11-2012, 07:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I find my local AA meetings extremely useful
So much support...understanding and information...

Have you considered checking out NA?
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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No advice, but I want to wish you luck and say I admire your attitude and your faith. I think that will carry you through!
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
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"He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realize it. Columbus cherished a vision of another world and he discovered it. Copernicus fostered the vision of a multiplicity of worlds and a wider universe, and he revealed it. Buddha beheld the vision of a spiritual world of stainless beauty and perfect peace, and he entered into it.

“Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts. For out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built. Mind is the master-weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance, and that, as they may have hitherto woven in ignorance and pain they may now weave in enlightenment and happiness.” -- James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
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Old 03-11-2012, 12:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Smile

I cannot even begin to tell you how much your words of encouragement & enlightenment mean to me! My mind is truly a battle field right now, one minute I'm excited & have absolute faith & trust & the next I'm doubting everything & wondering if I can truly make it for monthsbott of w/d. You comments have renewed my faith, given me courage & strength. I am truly amazed positive everyone is thank you, than@k you, thank you!! TJP163 - you comment made me cry like little child for the first time in 3 years, it empowered me & I can't wait to show the ones (MMT clinic ) that told me I cldnt do it - that it was done & politely hand them 10 unopened bottles <3
Today is day 4 -n i hvnt experienced any withdrawal symptoms yet, but its still VERY early I know but i hv never felt better. In these 4 days I have laughed till I cried, actually cried & it felt SO good, I have eaten wonderful food that is so so ugh it was like fireworks going off in my mouth, I have got excited, mad, frustrated, im very emotional, & spastic i even got road rage but - I felt emotion good or bad idc - I felt. It was so good to feel that rush of wonderfulness rush through me- better than any drug<3 I took a walk yesterday & was amazed at how beautiful the grass, flowers, trees, & sky were. My scenes were so amazingly aware of everything around me. I knw i sound like a hippy but u really forget the beauty & joy of life. Methadone may help you to live a life of normalcy again but it does NOT give quality of life AT ALL. I feel young & vibrant again. I know that that possibly the worst has yet to come but af-ter these last couple of days - it is a small price to pay.- I. don't care if it almost die, I will never jeopardize the absolute beauty & joy that life has to. offer ever again!.God is good - he will lead you where his grace can't reach you <3
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Old 03-11-2012, 03:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm so happy for you! Please keep us updated as the days go by because we are walking with you and support you all the way!
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Fantacy land officially over things just got real serious real quick ... game on... ugh a miserable game it is
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Old 03-11-2012, 09:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Fantacy land officially over things just got real serious real quick ... game on... ugh a miserable game it is
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Old 03-11-2012, 10:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Don't give up and stay strong. I was on Methadone at one time too, now I'm on suboxone and have tapered down slowly. I would try to taper down slowly off the Methadone. I know your sick and tired of being on it, trust me I know the feeling, but you will still get that satisfied feeling by tapering slowly.

Everytime you drop down to a lower dose be proud of yourself!!! before you know it you will be on a low enough dose to stop completely. Don't ever stop trying Don't be too hard on yourself either.

You need to do what's right for you, I'm not an expert, just giving a little advice from my experience. It's easier to taper down slowly then to just stop cold turkey, if it works for some people I say more power to you and that's great but don't feel bad if you can't do it. At least you are trying and that's the most important part.

Goodluck and hang in there!!!!
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:33 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice, I an absolutely TERRIFIED now. I just dnt think I can do this for a month. I am so cold its unbearable, my arms I was to amputate MYSELF! I feel like a million bug's are crawling all over me! I can't move w/o soooo miserable it takes literally every bit of strength just to move. I'm considerig together suboxine tomorrow but I can PROMISE you I will NEVER tk methadone EVER again! That stuff is the devils coolade! It shldnt be allowed to be given to ANYONE! tis by fast I'd thee worst this f I have EVER felt. I would rather go through natural birth 18 times in a row rathbe here right now. I feel completely hopeless - I dnt know if I can do this
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Old 03-12-2012, 01:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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torture has began..

Thanks for the advice, I an absolutely TERRIFIED now. I just dnt think I can do this for a month. I am so cold its unbearable, my arms I was to amputate MYSELF! I feel like a million bug's are crawling all over me! I can't move w/o soooo miserable it takes literally every bit of strength just to move. I'm considerig together suboxine tomorrow but I can PROMISE you I will NEVER tk methadone EVER again! That stuff is the devils coolade! It shldnt be allowed to be given to ANYONE! tis by fast I'd thee worst this f I have EVER felt. I would rather go through natural birth 18 times in a row rathbe here right now. I feel completely hopeless - I dnt know if I can do this
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Old 03-12-2012, 01:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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torture has began..

Thanks for the advice, I an absolutely TERRIFIED now. I just dnt think I can do this for a month. I am so cold its unbearable, my arms I was to amputate MYSELF! I feel like a million bug's are crawling all over me! I can't move w/o soooo miserable it takes literally every bit of strength just to move. I'm considerig together suboxine tomorrow but I can PROMISE you I will NEVER tk methadone EVER again! That stuff is the devils coolade! It shldnt be allowed to be given to ANYONE! tis by fast I'd thee worst this f I have EVER felt. I would rather go through natural birth 18 times in a row rathbe here right now. I feel completely hopeless - I dnt know if I can do this
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome, bcHE. How ya doin? I know it's probably hard to think clearly right now. Keep yourself hydrated, gatorade, gingerale, whatever you can keep down. The mathadone is stored in the liver, so you probably felt ok for 3 or 4 days because the reserves were being released into your system. Not many people can wd alone, without some sort of clinical/medical assistance. You haven't failed, and God has not failed you. That's why He provided you with this resource, and with hospital ER's, clinics, and meetings.

Are you close to a rehab facility that has a detox unit? There's a handful of good ones in Florida. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. Sending prayers your way.
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:42 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Congratulations on finding your way here and into the right path in your life. I hope the best for you in your new endeavors. Hopefully you won't go through all those horrible w/d period. Methadone does have a long half-life, but I would imagine you would've gone through it by now. Maybe you got lucky. Here's hoping! Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:05 AM   #17 (permalink)
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We do have A LOT Of rehabs & detox centers seeing how Fla is the pill capital of the country. There are pain clinics rehabs methadone centers every 15 ft here. I have checked out the rehabs but my insurance will not pay & I dnt hv the 10k - 20k to go. It's $100 a day & thy suggest a MINIMUM of 5 days so yea. I'm dying right now. But my bestfriend is on her way w/ subs she works at a suboxine clinic so she said she its actually A good time to take it. I took subs. When I was on methadone & well to say sat the least I was begging God to just take me. I hvnt lost my faith in God - I NEVER will. He had done amazing thongs on my life. He wasn't the one who made me take pills & end get on methadone. I blame no one but myself. Sin only lasts for a season & there are consequences to every action. I knw I can do this, I I'm just hating the pain I feel like a straight up junkyard like the ones u see on TV shaking looking like a fish outta water. I am just ashamed, I come from a amazing family, I am living the American dream white Pickering fence, awesome husband, I'm a stay at home wife & all tht BS so wtf is wrong w/ me?! Ugh too much is never enough ... I'm just ready to put this chapter of my life behind me & move on.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:18 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I meant they are $1000 a day sorryk
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:22 AM   #19 (permalink)
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@bcHElovesme Don't be so overly hard on yourself. Methadone is very hard to come off, harder than most. Especially cold turkey. Suboxone will help with relief, but I would advise to only stay on it long enough to get through your symptoms and taper off that right away too....otherwise you're just changing the name of the rose: Pills>Methadone>Suboxone>Etc......all of them doing them same for you. Suboxone is probably your best bet of getting off and getting clean. I was on 3-5mg a day, then took two weeks of Methadone, 8 days of 1mg a day of Suboxone and jumped....that was 2 weeks and 3 days ago...I feel great now!! It wasn't fun at first, I got sick, t hurt and I'm still chilly at times, but I worked my butt off to get through it and feel so much better for it. You can do this! Don't feel bad, just make sure you make and stick to a plan to get off for good! Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:44 AM   #20 (permalink)
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OMG thank you for telling me your experience! I feel relief <3 & tht was my e act plan! I plan on taking of for a week or so to get over the rough stuff, is that enough time?
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