Am I Helping or Hurting?

[coffeedrinker]

My guy decided a couple weeks ago to try and get off, different this time. He would like to try Methadone. The wait was two weeks, just for an intake appointment, so he purchased it on the street and I am supposed to administer it. Problem is I believe he is mixing with something else because for a period of hours, he is most definitely high. So I decided to tell him he was not playing by the rules and I will not continue to enable him. If he starts to withdraw, I will surely take him to a detox, but I will no longer contribute to this situation. I have taken away his phone, money and car driving priviledges because I'm pretty certain he'll be to his connection pronto otherwise.

Can anyone who knows their way around this type of things offer me any advice? I know you're supposed to hold down the advice, but I am sick with worry that I'm doing the wrong thing.

If he goes into w/d, what should I do?

Thank you for your reply!

[incitingsilence]

I have to ask did he still make the appointment for intake even though it was two weeks away?

Getting methadone on the street, which I don‘t find odd….so many have to just run it out their way….this way, and then that way and each time it doesn’t work how they wanted it to they learn…

But for you to have to dose it out that isn’t an easy place to be in and is to much of the wrong type of helping I think…Really now if he is done wouldn’t this just work his way…and honestly he needs help that you can’t provide….that doesn’t mean you can’t support his efforts and believe in him and cheer him on, but help, well our type of help usually has the opposite effect.


Really I am more concerned with you and your actions not him and his…he is a big boy and I am most sure he can take care of himself, actually save himself … seeing his as capable might be a good thing.

When you write you took his phone away, is it his phone or one you gave him and pay for…
If it was his phone, meaning he pays for it then you had no right to take it away and if it is a phone you gave him please look into the motives as to why you gave it and why now he can’t have it….

Also the money is it money he earns or money you give him that you now decided not to…
If it is money he earns, it is his and again you can’t take it away, although not giving money that you know is going to drugs ( even if you can make it all justifiable with denial ) doesn’t help so not contributing to the use of the one you love is a good thing….

Car privileges his car, your car…you can’t take away his car, and if you own it together then you are faced with a problem with liability issues…if it yours you don’t have to let him use it, but still it is always important to look at motives….

Doing something for self protection is one thing…
Doing something because you think it will stop him from using, well that is control…and an addict in active addiction is just that and they use, which makes total sense…


Have you sought out support for yourself??? It might be something to look into.


If he goes into wd the best thing you can do for him is give him a phone and a phone book…hell if you are in the states, it is even easier he won’t even need the phone book, he might just be able to dial 411 and get all the resources right there of where to call for help.

I wish you the best, I have so been there weighing out the rights and wrongs of everything, and only when I started to work on me did things start to make sense.

inciting silence

[logo]

I know for me the first few times I took methadone I felt high from it. After about a week I could not feel anything from it. The one good thing about methadone is after getting in to your system it blocks the effect of other opiates. I tried to get high on other opiates and it did not work no matter how much I did. Get him on methadone as soon as possible and his getting high on other opiates will not happen no matter how hard he tries. The only down side of methadone is it is very hard to get off of. A lot of people are on it for life. I haven't been on methadone for about ten years thank GOD. Try to get him to go to some meetings and on to SR and that will help him a lot.

[coffeedrinker]

to inciting silence:
yes, his phone is really mine, since it is part of my family plan. i got it for him, and he pays the monthly, back when he was truly sober.
car, mine. i was allowing him to drive me to work, then run his errands, etc, but since i knew he wanted to meet his connection a few days ago, took that away
money: hmmm. yes, it is his earned money. he looks at bills, but sees dope. i will have to think about this one.

he said he wanted to get clean and sober, with the help of mmt. i am trying to help bridge that gap and yes, he did make the appt. it just takes this long apparently.

i am not doing this for gratitude, but i did think that he would thank me one day. he is on house arrest - told him that if he wants to hang until the intake for mmt and treatment, he can but he has to just sit tight. if he wants to use, i will give him his money, and he can leave. he either doesn't want to leave because he's being straight about turning things around, or he just wants a roof over his head.

i know all about support, and i do go to meetings: al-anon and nar-anon. and it's the reason i came to this site.

i was most concerned about w/d. because if he says he's getting sick, i know it can be potentially serious and i want to know how to respond. you say just give him a phone and walk away? i don't quite get that. but THANK YOU for your reply. i truly appreciate it.

logo:
i know methadone will block other opiates, but there's a lot of other junk out there and i think he was mixing to get a high. thank you for your reply

[Sugah]

Originally Posted by coffeedrinker

i was most concerned about w/d. because if he says he's getting sick, i know it can be potentially serious and i want to know how to respond. you say just give him a phone and walk away?

This is NOT a medical advice. It's an opinion backed up from plenty of personal experience and a lot of information you can find on the web.

Withdrawal is painful, yes. Miserable, no doubt. Dangerous? Not as dangerous as using.

If he's otherwise healthy, the greatest risk in withdrawal from opiates is dehydration. I was very physically fragile when I last detoxed and I made it through, cold turkey -- seven years ago today.

Peace & Love,
Sugah