My Suboxone Journey

[ZeroNowhere]

Today is my first full day taking it. I'm finding I'm really really drowsy, like the nods. I was taking Klonopin before I started the Suboxone, and was told by the doctor not to take those anymore (he tests pee for everything). I'm thinking whatever remains of the Klonopin must be helping that along a bit. I also see it's a common effect. I sure hope it doesn't last but a couple of days cos I can barely keep my eyes open. Like I need toothpicks to keep em open lol.

Looks like I'll be taking a walk to the dentist instead of driving.

So far so good though. We went and picked up my husbands pain prescription yesterday. Usually when I look at a bottle I salivate and think about how to get a handful of them. It was totally different yesterday, I gagged, yes gagged when I saw the pills!

Since I'd been taking Klonopin for a few months regular, I think it's going to show up in my pee. But I'm being honest on the questionairre they sent me home with so I don't go and get thrown out of the treatment for having it in my system. I know klonopin has a really long half life, so it will probably be in my pee Friday huh? I last took one yesterday because of the withdrawals before my appointment. I haven't touched anything though since I've been to the doctor, so I hope he's understanding. I can't be turned away, AGAIN. It'll be November before I find another Doctor, and I can't do that. Ok off to the dentist. Have a great day folks

[cjsg]

Hello,
Reading your post reminded me of a few of the thoughts I had. I was taking xanax and klonopin up until the day of my suboxone induction. I had weaned myself down to about 3 mg of xanax... down from 8 to 12mg a day, I decided to just stop them and jump off at the 3 mg area and I had some crazy mental side effects, but nothing life threaetening. I made the decision because i spoke to my doctor at my appointment, he kind of got my head straight and explained to me and reminded me WHY i was in his office and why I was in this place in my life. I was there to stop taking opiates and sedatives. He encouraged me to just make the jump.. I would suggest telling your doctor however , to see if you are indeed at a safe jumping off point.
My first few days on the suboxone were similar to what you are describing, ridiculous nodding and whatnot. I had the luxury of being able to not have to do much so I just ate and watched the telly. I did start walking at night. It may help you to realise that the sub is buying you a little bit of time and affording you a relatively comfortable detox...I had the driving urge to take advantage of this time and cram my head full of recovery related information. I read up on various recovery related schools of thought, came here, and went to and continue the to attend meetings. They DO help me a lot. My opinion is that sitting around doing nothing to change my coping and thinking patterns is a complete waste of the time the suboxone is buying me. I may be wrong but it seems logical to work on myself and prepare all I can for the da that I stop taking it.
ANother point I want to mention is something that might save you a lot of heartache. Surrender the suboxone someone who will dispense it to you. If you are like me, and a lot of people, this will save you a lot of heartache. We, as addicts, could never be trusted with a pill bottle, so why would that be different now, especially in a crucial time where you are working to break old habit, thoughts, and behaviors. IF you give up the meds, you absolutly will not be able to flub , and you are in fact saving yourself a lot of grief and worry. I tried to make excuses why i couldn't do this, or why it was impossible in my case, but it was a lot of my old thinking trying to pave the way for me to screw up. A forum member named christin, as well as others, helped me to realise a few things I was doing that were potentially dangerous. I hope you can surrender them. I have had no significant problems with the subs...even at taper times and it is at those specific times that I am glad I have someone controlling my medication because I found myself craving the old dose. I have to say, even though I had passing cravings for the old dose, they really weren't that bad. I look back at my tapers and see that I really only suffered minimally and the taper was completely tolerable. Maybe it was due to my mindset and the fac that I tend to use walking as a coping method for anything now. 4 days is the most that I have had do endure the minimal discomfort of the tapers. I help myself by repeating to myself my ultimate goal with the subs. I have to tell myself everyday that I am taking them to eventually get off them, that I am done with the drugs, that my habits are changing, and that I will be glad to finally drop the sub and really be clean so that I can start laying real foundation for recovery.
Do you have an idea of how long you might be taking the suboxone? I know it is not possible to know exactly. But after talking to me my doctor told me that I would be on them for about 2 to 3 months. That was fine with me because I am of the mindset that the longer I a on them, the harder it will be to eventually stop taking them. That is just my opinion. So far Doc was about right, next wednesday will be two months for me and it happens to be the day when I start the old weird every third day dosing thing, of about .5 mg I think he mentioned. we'll see.
It feels so good to almost be free of them. They were a great help. I hope you can take advantage of the time to fortify your resolve and take steps to bring about big changes. The small steps you make everyday will add up to something significant, you'll see that if you do the right thing. All of the promise and hope you have for yourself right now is exciting, but it can all be completely blown away if you don't have someone dispensing your medications. Some people do it without flubbin, but it is foolish and dangerous to risk it. As you mentioned if you get kicked out f the program, you'll be screwed. it would seem a much wiser option would be to eliminate the possibility of you taking more than prescribed. if you do do control the meds you may see yourself, skipping doses to hoard the medication, or taking a bit extra to take the edge off a particularly rough day. Its just a pandora's box full of possibility for continuing old behaviors. All of this is based on my experience, of course but you could save yourself a lot of grief. srry to ramble. I wish you luck, sub can really help out a lot, but taking it without doing the other extra work is going to make the suboxone just another pill/drug.BUENA SUERTE
take care of yourself and be strong and determined
Chris

[ZeroNowhere]

Originally Posted by cjsg

Hello,
Reading your post reminded me of a few of the thoughts I had. I was taking xanax and klonopin up until the day of my suboxone induction. I had weaned myself down to about 3 mg of xanax... down from 8 to 12mg a day, I decided to just stop them and jump off at the 3 mg area and I had some crazy mental side effects, but nothing life threaetening. I made the decision because i spoke to my doctor at my appointment, he kind of got my head straight and explained to me and reminded me WHY i was in his office and why I was in this place in my life. I was there to stop taking opiates and sedatives. He encouraged me to just make the jump.. I would suggest telling your doctor however , to see if you are indeed at a safe jumping off point.
My first few days on the suboxone were similar to what you are describing, ridiculous nodding and whatnot. I had the luxury of being able to not have to do much so I just ate and watched the telly. I did start walking at night. It may help you to realise that the sub is buying you a little bit of time and affording you a relatively comfortable detox...I had the driving urge to take advantage of this time and cram my head full of recovery related information. I read up on various recovery related schools of thought, came here, and went to and continue the to attend meetings. They DO help me a lot. My opinion is that sitting around doing nothing to change my coping and thinking patterns is a complete waste of the time the suboxone is buying me. I may be wrong but it seems logical to work on myself and prepare all I can for the da that I stop taking it.
ANother point I want to mention is something that might save you a lot of heartache. Surrender the suboxone someone who will dispense it to you. If you are like me, and a lot of people, this will save you a lot of heartache. We, as addicts, could never be trusted with a pill bottle, so why would that be different now, especially in a crucial time where you are working to break old habit, thoughts, and behaviors. IF you give up the meds, you absolutly will not be able to flub , and you are in fact saving yourself a lot of grief and worry. I tried to make excuses why i couldn't do this, or why it was impossible in my case, but it was a lot of my old thinking trying to pave the way for me to screw up. A forum member named christin, as well as others, helped me to realise a few things I was doing that were potentially dangerous. I hope you can surrender them. I have had no significant problems with the subs...even at taper times and it is at those specific times that I am glad I have someone controlling my medication because I found myself craving the old dose. I have to say, even though I had passing cravings for the old dose, they really weren't that bad. I look back at my tapers and see that I really only suffered minimally and the taper was completely tolerable. Maybe it was due to my mindset and the fac that I tend to use walking as a coping method for anything now. 4 days is the most that I have had do endure the minimal discomfort of the tapers. I help myself by repeating to myself my ultimate goal with the subs. I have to tell myself everyday that I am taking them to eventually get off them, that I am done with the drugs, that my habits are changing, and that I will be glad to finally drop the sub and really be clean so that I can start laying real foundation for recovery.
Do you have an idea of how long you might be taking the suboxone? I know it is not possible to know exactly. But after talking to me my doctor told me that I would be on them for about 2 to 3 months. That was fine with me because I am of the mindset that the longer I a on them, the harder it will be to eventually stop taking them. That is just my opinion. So far Doc was about right, next wednesday will be two months for me and it happens to be the day when I start the old weird every third day dosing thing, of about .5 mg I think he mentioned. we'll see.
It feels so good to almost be free of them. They were a great help. I hope you can take advantage of the time to fortify your resolve and take steps to bring about big changes. The small steps you make everyday will add up to something significant, you'll see that if you do the right thing. All of the promise and hope you have for yourself right now is exciting, but it can all be completely blown away if you don't have someone dispensing your medications. Some people do it without flubbin, but it is foolish and dangerous to risk it. As you mentioned if you get kicked out f the program, you'll be screwed. it would seem a much wiser option would be to eliminate the possibility of you taking more than prescribed. if you do do control the meds you may see yourself, skipping doses to hoard the medication, or taking a bit extra to take the edge off a particularly rough day. Its just a pandora's box full of possibility for continuing old behaviors. All of this is based on my experience, of course but you could save yourself a lot of grief. srry to ramble. I wish you luck, sub can really help out a lot, but taking it without doing the other extra work is going to make the suboxone just another pill/drug.BUENA SUERTE
take care of yourself and be strong and determined
Chris

Hi, thanks for all of the info. Yeah, I don't control my pills, my hubby does, and if he's to be gone he leaves me out what I'm supposed to have. Like this weekend, I'm here alone and he left me out my doses. I have no desire to take extra or anything, I'm pretty damn stable at the dose I'm on. I take two of the 8mg tablets a day right now to start. I actually worked my way up to that dose. I just quit last Sunday, Saturday night was the last time I took any Lorcet. I felt some cravings last night, so I went up to the full dose and they were gone, and I felt fine. I figure I'll probably be on the subs for at least a few months. I'm going to therapy now that I'm fully clean and there are no drugs to suppress my emotions. I'm even titrating my anti-depressant. I want that all out of the way so the therapist can help me reveal why I need to take them for emotional well being. My guess is I haven't come to terms with my parent's deaths, as I should have. It's still very raw to me, because I just self medicated myself so it wouldn't bother me. I did it with alcohol when my Dad died, until I got pregnant. When my Mom was diagnosed with Cancer, I went to therapy for a short time, but didn't feel I was getting anywhere with that therapist.

Since, I've found a wonderful therapist who has dealt with death issues herself, so she'll be able to help me work through the grieving process that I haven't gone through yet. I mean, just the other day when I was at the doctor, and we'd left, I had to pee bad (I thought I'd have to leave a sample) and I almost said, lets run by my Mom's so I can go pee. So obviously in my head I haven't worked out something with that.

I was also sexually abused when I was 9 by a neighbor, and raped on my graduation night. I never told a soul until after I got married, and then only my husband. I definitely haven't worked through all of that. Once I'm stable enough to deal with that without reaching for a pill bottle (even herbal remedies), I'm going to stay safely on the Suboxone. It's a miracle medication. I know it's said a lot on here, but I must reiterate that. There is NO way I'd be clean off of everything I've been off of for almost a week now, without it.

And thankfully, the Suboxone is helping a LOT with the klonopin withdrawal. Usually I'm a mess at this point of a klonipin withdrawal, and I don't feel anything but an occasional headache and some irritability. The weekend alone is helping a lot with that. I feel better than I did yesterday with that. I only had to take a couple aspirin for the headache.

This is probably the first time in 20 some years that I've spent any amount of time without anything. I'm not even drinking alcohol. That, I had a handle on. I could have one drink and leave it alone. But for now, I'd rather not. I still go to the bar and have fun, but just have a coke or an iced tea. The thing that bothers me is when people don't know you don't drink and send a shot over and insist you drink it. I finally had to tell the guy, I'm sorry but I don't drink. My friend felt bad so she drank it. It pissed me off really, as I don't like to be backed into a corner after telling someone, hey thanks, but I don't drink. They have the audacity to ask what the hell I'm doing in a bar.

Ahh, I'm babbling too