I stopped taking my suboxone cold turkey!

[Forsaken12]

Monday 8/24 I stopped taking my suboxone cold turkey, not because I ran out of pills, just because I wanted to do complete abstinence. I thought if I just quit I would go through withdrawals and feel miserable and not want to take my suboxone after. Well today is the 8/28 and I still feel really miserable I don't know weather I should continue taking my suboxone or try to tough it out. I was on 16 mgs a day which is prescribed. My doctor told me I could taper off the suboxone but he doesn't know that I just stopped taking it all together... What do you think I should do? I don't want to be on suboxone the rest of my life. Sometimes I just want to quit the suboxone and try to live my life without it. I really don't know what to do..

[Nallabelle]

Well, going from 16mg to 0 is a HUGE drop as far as subs are concerned. It is the addict in you that does not have patience. Us addicts want instant results and instant gratification. It is realistic to think that you could have withdrawals for another week, or more.
I tapered down and still had withdrawals. They lasted longer than when I detox off vicodin. This is definitely a subject that a lot of people on here might not touch because of the "dont give medical advice" rule. Why didnt you taper? Ive heard going to .5mg every two days is best. If I were on 16mg (which is a lot, in my opinion) I would have taken 2 months to taper.
Nonetheless, your choices now are either to stick it out or take like a VERY VERY small amount of the subs to help you. I dont know if that would help or drag it out, though. I understand not wanting to be on the subs long term though. If you want your freedom. this is what you are going to have to go through to get it. You can do this, keep posting!

[miamary05]

I am on sub's myself.. But my problem is that I am taking more than I should be..I too want to quit them and live my life completely clean. I don't know if I have the strength to just quit could turkey..So I am going to the tapering off route..and having someone hold my pills for me and give me the correct dose everyday so I don't mess up..

You had the strength to quit cold turkey.. It's been 4 days now and I would try to continue on.. If you really can't take it anymore then try to taper and start off on a really low dose.. maybe that will help.. I would def. get a different opinion on this.. as I am in no position to give good adivce.. The girl who was abusing her sub's!... But you give me hope.. You had the strength to quit cold turkey.. So maybe I can have the strength to do it the right way...

Best of luck and please update on how your progress has been.

[Forsaken12]

Well I just got home from work and man was today horrible. It was the worst day yet. I feel like collapsing in my bed. It's weird because on suboxones I was never tired. Now I just feel like sleeping. I've really lost my appetite. I had to force myself to eat today otherwise I probably wouldn't have. I told my cousin that I stopped taking my suboxone. Before I was taking suboxone for about 4 months. I was a heroin addict for about 3 years and I kept relapsing every time I went to detox and rehabs. Nothing was working so I went on suboxone and it was the only thing that kept me from going back to heroin. I have a girlfriend and I think about her and I say to myself, "She doesn't deserve to be with an addict, she deserves someone better". I think about how I let my family down because of my addiction. I think about the job I lost because of the drugs. I feel like I let god down too. I just want to live a normal life. I don't think I can, I've lost hope in that. I feel like I can either live a sober life where I'm depressed all of the time or a drug addicted life where I feel good but everything else is in ruins.

[Forsaken12]

Today I got up and I feel so tired. I keep crying over stupid stuff. I don't know why... I'm like too emotional today. I'm thinking about taking only 2mg to get through the day but I've gone so far without it that Idk if I should...

[Forsaken12]

Ok I took the 2mg right now. I think the 16mg was too much anyway. I broke an 8mg into quarters so I figure that's 2mgs right? So I'm going to just take that and hopefully now that I've wait about 5 days of withdrawals I should feel better.

[christin1225]

Forsaken,

You need to talk to your doctor. You are not doing yourself any favors. Whether or not your girlfriend deserves to be with an addict, if she stays with you, she's going to be with an addict. And IMHO, if you keep messing with your Sub dose, she's going to be with one who's in active addiction before long.

Again... please talk with your doctor and stop messing with your prescription. You've got some serious issues to work on here.

[Forsaken12]

Ok well I just took 4mgs of suboxone today total and I feel good. I think I'm just going to stay at 2mgs and tell my doctor about it. I have an appointment on 09/04 so I'll just tell him then. The only benefit to what I did is now I'm at a much lower dosage and I don't feel miserable...

[Nallabelle]

Yeah going lower will only help coming off. Also, going to 1 mg every other day is recommended. Sounds crazy but its supposed to help. The thing that concerns me is whether or not you are working a recovery plan. I relapsed after coming off suboxone because I had not changed my life, my thoughts, my behaviors. If you can, get to a ton of NA meetings, therapy, etc or you could get right back on the H. You didnt go through all this trying to get clean to throw it away like I did. Good luck

[Forsaken12]

I'm definitely not going to NA. Sorry. I went to it before. I don't think it helped. If going to NA is the only way for me to recover than I would rather not. I know that I can do better without it. I changed a lot in my life while not in NA. Maybe if I'm still using when I'm 30 I'll go to NA. Otherwise I'm not going there and having 10 people come up to me and lecture me each time because I'm always the youngest person at the meetings. I would feel more comfortable talking to a therapist though... I feel like they understand me better and treat each person like an individual rather than the same case every time. I guess you get what you pay for. Lol

[christin1225]

Yeah going lower will only help coming off.

I'll agree with Nallabelle if going lower is at the direction of your doctor.

Originally Posted by Forsaken12

I'm not going there and having 10 people come up to me and lecture me each time because I'm always the youngest person at the meetings.

I'm always thrilled to see the younger ones come in. How old are you, Forsaken? What a thrill it is to see someone "getting it" before they've tossed the greater portion of their life away!

I would feel more comfortable talking to a therapist though... I feel like they understand me better and treat each person like an individual rather than the same case every time. I guess you get what you pay for. Lol

I'm going to PM you a link to a wonderful article that my sponsor emailed to me this morning. It's written by a psychiatrist. I thought that it was excellent. I hope that you enjoy it. It really shone a new light on Twelve-Step programs for me.

Now, as far as Suboxone dosages ... I've read where the full opiate effect is realized (the ceiling effect) around 4mg. What exactly this means, I don't know; I'm not a pharmacist. What it does tell me though is that I don't entirely understand how the stuff works. That's why it's always good to listen to the doctor. I'm glad that you'll be talking to yours in a couple of days. Giving up control of your meds is a really important part of your recovery.

[Forsaken12]

I'm always thrilled to see the younger ones come in. How old are you, Forsaken? What a thrill it is to see someone "getting it" before they've tossed the greater portion of their life away!

Yeah I know it gets you older people off to see me come to an NA meeting but for me it's just the opposite. I wish everyone would just leave me the **** alone instead of shoving 12 steps down my throat.

I already do "get it". I don't need 12 steps. Nobody does. You just think you need it. I'm sure there are other better ways to recover you just didn't research them all. Thank you. Any attempts to suggest 12 steps to me will be replied with negativity. sorry, keep it to yourself. And don't patronize me. thanks.

[Forsaken12]

It's not that I'm really against the 12 steps all together. It's just the group meetings I have a problem with. If I could practice the 12 steps at home without having to go to NA then I would do it. I really just can't stand the people in NA though. Why don't they make online NA meetings? Since anonymity is so important, wouldn't internet meetings in a chat room make a great way to deliver the NA message? You could still make a commitment at the same times as you would a meeting in real life.

[cjsg]

Good old christin.... DOn´t wrry Forsaken she gave me the same speech and she was right. I was actually making my own sub treatment hard on myself and the doctor. I didn´t mean to, so , at christins urging, I thought it would be wise if I gave up the control of the meds . meaning that I took the medication as prescribed and talk to my doctor. Although I thought I was ready for help. I soon realised there is a differance between wanting help, and actually letting yourself be helped. Although I was willing to be helped I was still making the whole process very hard by not taking the full amount, and getting impatient already. Although I though I wanted to be off them already , I kind of realised that instead of being impatient about tapering off them, I should be using this time to build a good foundation for staying straight. If you quit your treatment, because you have issues with the sub as I do ( trust me I grudgIngly take this drug), you may be doing yourself a disservice. Maybe instead of getting worked up about the sub, you might try investigating a program you like so that when you get off the subs you aren´t sitting there high and dry. (The rational recovery or whatever they have nowadays besides the 12 step idealogy) If you don´t you could turn out doing what I did. I detoxxed and never followed up completly like I should have with outpatient or whatever. And shortly after I relapsed. Now around 9 years later I m back.. only to find out that I DIDN´T get it. And I was sooooooo sure that I had last time. I would have bet my life on it. The people that truly get it .. are the sober ones... regardless of what method they used to achieve and maintain sobriety. Any method by which you can achieve and maintain has got to be a decent one and we are all different. I hope soon that somehow I can be one of those that do truly get it.

Srry to blab but reading what you wrote about the subs and feeling impatient reminded me of myself, because I felt the very same things. As I read your post I thought someone had rad my mind and posted it. Good luck to you
Chris
I do agree with you wholeheartedly about not wanting to be on this medication long. In fact I don´t want to take it one second more than I need to.

[Forsaken12]

What a thrill it is to see someone "getting it" before they've tossed the greater portion of their life away!

You mean there are people who get out of NA and realize they were just wasting their time? Because telling me that going to a group meeting almost everyday for the rest of my life is throwing my life away.

I kept thinking about that. I'm not going to post on here anymore. I never believed in group meetings. I can't stand them. One on one is the only time i feel comfortable talking to someone. I just have to do it my own way otherwise I won't do it. I know myself. Maybe I do have to get beaten down a few more times before I go to NA. Maybe that's why there are only 30 something year olds in NA. So if I ever relapse again I'll go to NA. Otherwise I'm sticking to my own plan. Thanks for everything. Adios.

[shelderella]

I have gone to NA and I have choose to heal without it because it was not for me.Don't let one or two people make you feel like it is the only way to recover from your addiction.There are many paths to recovery.I respect twelve step programs, but I have found other means to help me in my recovery.It is perfectly fine to have a choice.

[Forsaken12]

Thanks. I saw my doctor last last friday and I told him that I wanted to tapper off the suboxone. His response to me was a little disappointing. He told me I could taper off it anytime I want. So basically he's leaving that up to me. I'm doing good now. I continue to only take 2mgs a day but I think I want to try 1mg a day and then maybe 1/2mgs a day. I hope I can do that. Also shelderella thankyou. I feel like everyone thinks that the only way to sobriety is 12 steps. It's not for me. What did you use to recover?

[WantToHeal]

Originally Posted by Forsaken12

I have a girlfriend and I think about her and I say to myself, "She doesn't deserve to be with an addict, she deserves someone better". I think about how I let my family down because of my addiction.

This really resonates with me, in fact it chokes me up, because I feel the same way about my wife and family. But here's the thing...if she's still by your side, chances are you can set right some of the wrongs you've done in the past. I'm sure she does deserve a good man, but I'm equally sure that you have it in you to be that man - that's the one thing that you and you alone control.

And I'm not trying to give medical advice to you, for reasons not the least of which is that I have no experience with the sub...what I can say is please take your medications under the advice and care of your doctor. Discuss your concerns with him/her and work out a plan, together.

Be well!

[Forsaken12]

Hi, I just wanted to give an update on how I'm doing lately. I continue to take suboxone at 2mg. My doctor gave me this card with a phone number to people that give counseling over the phone. This is awesome. It's exactly the kind of thing I would want because I don't have to take any time out of my existing schedule, they can work around it. Right now I work two jobs, I'm a full time student, I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, and I have a girlfriend. So for people like me who don't have a lot of time to spare this is good. I know people say that recovery is a full time job, but if it is, I know I won't do it. I don't want to be a professional addict in recovery. Cheers

Oh yeah and a weird thing happened to me today. My old dealer called my cellphone to ask me if I wanted anything.He's been in jail for about 5 months and just got out. Weird right? When I picked up the phone I actually didn't know it was him calling because I deleted his number from my phone but I guess he didn't. So I told him that I got clean and that I didn't want anything. I have no plans on calling him back. And also today which was a weird coincidence, one of my neighbors and childhood friends told me that he's now selling weed. Such a weird day.

It's like when I use to use drugs, it was a pain in the ass and so hard to get. Now that I don't want it and I'm clean, it's like everyone is throwing it in my face.

[3yrsclean]

I have been taking suboxone for 3 years, after taking heroine for 6 years. I have tried to quit taking it, and have "toughed it out" for up to 4 weeks before taking more suboxone. I am down to taking roughly 1mg a day, and still cannot get off it.