My partner went into rehab for Subone detox and already wants to come home!

[Prizewinner]

Hello Everyone,
I was a member on this site 2 1/2 years ago and you guys were a great help. Now I'm back with a whole new set of problems.
Background: My partner is an opiate addict (pills). I am 50 and he is almost 25 and we have been together for almost four years. Yes, we are a gay couple (please, no flaming as I can't deal with it right now.)
So 2 1/2 years ago I had my own intervention and kicked him out to make him hit rock bottom. He is Native American and receives healthcare and treatment for free. Two years ago his doctor put him on Suboxone and now my partner and his doctor both agree it is time for him to come off of it. In the meantime, he has been going to college and has made the dean's list two out of four semesters. So he IS a really smart guy and loves me more than any other partner ever has.
Well, two weeks ago my partner tried to detox himself at home and it was a disaster. He went to his doctor and he wrote him a rx for one week to slowly taper him off and also arranged for my partner to enter a facility for 30 days. This particular one is reknowned for detoxing Suboxone patients. He took his last pill Fri. morning before we left for the four hour drive to the facility.
Now he has nearly or already used up the calling card I bought for him because he started telling me he wants to come home after he has been there for only 24 hours! I feel as if he needs to stay there the whole 30 days. And that is probably going to make me look like the biggest a**hole in the world in his eyes. I feel that this is a huge "gift" as they say on Intervention and he shouldn't let down the people who worked so hard to make this happen. I just don't understand this turn around in his behavior because he was so pumped up about going and was excited all the way there.
I know for sure the half-life of the Suboxone will run out tomorrow or Tuesday and then his withdrawals will begin in full force. Another thing he has been saying is that he wants to come home after detox and I don't think that's right either. He hates where he is because it is an older, renovated house that he says stinks. He's complaining that one of his roommates has severe body oder. He says he is so much further along than the rest of the patients are in their recovery process. He doesn't like the rules as in being told where he can and can't go and when to do things. He feels that because he went there voluntarily that he can leave anytime he wants unlike the others who are there at the facility by court order. I finally told him he's an addict and all of this is addict talk and I don't want to hear it anymore and if it is so bad, go and complain to his counselor about it because I can't do anything four hours away.
All day yesterday I was in huge codependency mode and spent my entire day off of work chain smoking and acting like a maniac because I never expected this would happen.
So what do I say when he calls begging to come home? And I want to write him a letter, but what do I write?
Please help me out with some advice as I really don't know what to do. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate your valuable time!

[baggervance]

My family stuck me in rehab and I was angry and still am to a point. Ive been where your partener is and I would'nt be expecting him to be all lovey and happy to see and talk to you for awhile. I know you feel like you are doing the right thing as my wife and parents did and you both were but its hard to see for awhile or it was for me like I said I still get angry about it sometimes. The suboxone W/D for me was hell it took 40 days and like your partener I wish a pill addict and abused my subs. I wish I have better advice for you but I will offer my support.

[Prizewinner]

Thanks Baggervance. He had been weened down to 1 mg of Suboxone the morning before he went into rehab. He already told me this afternoon that he isn't feeling as much discomfort as he did when he tried to detox at home after quitting at 3 mg. I am so glad you wrote to me so I can get a better perspective. But I still don't know what to do with his thinking that he can just leave the facility in a week after he detoxes. I feel that he needs to stay and do the 30 day program because that fulfills the gift he has been given. From my perspective, I will just be enabling him if I go and get him before his time is up. And I am not going to have that on my conscience the rest of my life. (By the way, I am originally from Tennessee (Memphis).

[baggervance]

Yeah a week in my opion isnt enough. I had really no symptoms till 7-8 days but I jumped off at 4 mgs 16th day was my worse. Prize I didnt stay I walked off after 24 hrs and got a ride home. Everyone is different I felt as if I could trust no one I had an intervention done on me then they took me for a consultation and just left me. I was angry hurt and when I got home I was very paranoid. My wife lied to my parents and then lied to the rehab people so who were they gonna belive. I was clean when they took me an tested that way. I had quit the subs maybe 6 days before they took me.
so a little different situation there. But please try to convince him that w/d will take awhile mine lasted 40 days no kidding. Im going to memphis tuesday I live 100 miles east of there near pickwick.

[Prizewinner]

Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a message and I want you to know that it really means a lot to me. I am SO codependent at this point, but at least I realize that and am going to start taking care of myself because no one else is going to. Addicts are such selfish people. Do they not think about what their loved ones at home are going through? Probably not. Reading what you wrote made me realize I am not alone and I am so sorry for what you have been going through all of this time. There truely is some light at the end of the tunnel at the end I hope.
However, I just got yet another call from my partner and he told me that I'm not his father or mother and I can't tell him what to do. He said I took him to rehab and it is my responsibility to bring him home when he is ready. And he is still going on about how he really doesn't need to be there because he wasn't abusing drugs before he came since he was on a maintenance plan using Suboxone. He also said he has his mind pretty well made up that he's leaving next weekend. I let him know that if he leaves early it is really going to cause problems in our relationship.
At least he has used up his calling card and can't call me anymore until he gets a new card. And I can't send him one until I get paid on Wednesday. I assured him that I would call him at least once a day until then.
This is going to be the longest 30 days of my life.

[Prizewinner]

Thought I would give you an update on my partner. Finally, finally he told me that he's "in it for the long run." What a relief it is to me that he's actually changed his mind and is going to stay the whole 30 days. He is still experiencing some discomfort (vomiting and diarrhea) but nothing like he experienced when he tried to detox himself at home a couple of weeks ago. He was given some over the counter stuff for that today and feels much better. He has been eating more and says the food in the facility isn't that bad at all. Only problem is he hasn't been sleeping that well but slept better last night than any night since he's been there.
That's all for now. And thanks so much for the support!

[baggervance]

sounds like he has over come some anger or nerves. Im glad it worked out for the both of you.