jamielynnn3

This is my first time posting this.. I'm so lost.. I've been with my boyfriend about 3 years things have been great. Yeah I knew he would occasionally dabble with pills. Never thought too much of it, I guess I didn't realize the severity of it. Well four months ago I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend was excited said it was tine to grow up, and he would stop everything. Well these past months have been the biggest wake up call. I finally have had an eye opener to how bad things are. I have loaned him money over the past year, and noticed money missing.. He owes me 1400 dollars... Well long sorry short, he's still been using, and hiding/lying to me about it. His addiction has made me turn into a crazy person I feel like I feel like I need to always know who is messaging him, where he's going, who he's talking to... I hate it because I've never been that way.. Actually a week ago I reached my breaking point and noticed him getting texts from his pill connect (that's the only reason they talk/he knows them) I asked him if he want hiding anything to show me the message.. He deleted it, I freaked and called his mom as well as mine to tell them everything... I warned him and actually gave him 3 diff chances to not leave. But I know our could doesn't deserve to love a life like this full of let downs &disappointments. Well while I was back at home he actually messaged me and let me know he had finally made an appointment to get help with his addiction. Which miade me so happy he always talked about wanting to stop and how he hates being sick, wasting money. I came back because like I said things are good with him besides his addiction. Things had been great... Now my problem is his appointment isn't until Sept 28.. I know he needs to use because of the withdrawals I just want him to be honest.. I knew he had been lying still.. He was f@cked up last night, and passed out.. He had texts from his drug connect... I did something I knew the consequences of but I read his messages.. He's lost my trust, I had to know the truth... Now it's driving me crazy... I don't want to leave, I'm four months pregnant with his child. Please anyone out there gave any advice, support, words of wisdom. I'm feeling so hurt, empty, lost, and helpless. My poor heart can't take much more... It's gotten to the point where I really just want to cry.. I feel like I could at all times pretty pathetic Will his appointment help this? Will he realize what hes putting me through? How his addiction isnt just hurting him its hurting me as well... Its almost like hes cheating on me... Any advice, feedback, experiences will be appreciated...

GraceToo

I'm sorry you're going through this . The bottom line is that as cliche as it sounds, nobody can help your boyfriend until he chooses to help himself . He has to really want to quit and to act on it. Right now, because you are pregnant, your first concern has to be you , your health and the health and well being of your baby. You will never be able to save him from his demons , as much as I know you want to, because ultimately it is his battle to win or lose. I hate that I sound so negative, but as you already know, there is nothing nice or pretty or simple about addiction. You mentioned that he has an appointment coming up, what is it for exactly? I know you said it's to get help, but if I knew what kind of appointment it was maybe I could provide you with a little more information.

Meantime, hang in there, and start putting yourself first, not him or his addiction. I know its hard, even hellish , living with and loving an addict but you have another little person now to worry about and take care of now, so focus on your pregnancy and on taking the best care of yourself that you possibly can. Let us know how you're doing and if we can help!

Audrey

Atmyend

I agree he has to be ready. I just started suboxone treatment Monday along with my husband and our best friend. It has really helped us, not much withdrawals and have not wanted a pill since. If hes ready it could really help him. Have you checked around with all docs in your area to see if someone can see him sooner? Every doc is different and we were seen the same day we called at one place but it was going to be a week at another which is an eternity in withdrawal time.