ChrisMan's Story

[ChrisMan]

Hi everybody!

I am ChrisMan, and I have one year of sobriety today. My primary addiction is sexual addiction -- this is an addiction that many people do not understand. But it is a real addiction and one that can destroy relationships and threaten one's very life.

Here is the brief version (and I will stay away from explicit details): I got hooked on pornography, then "sex with self," then sex with others. Porn that got more and more explicit and more violent became the norm. Sometimes I felt I could "control" things. At other times, I was clearly out of control, putting myself in very dangerous situations and spending hundreds of dollars a month on porn (some sex addicts have been known to spend as much as $10,000 a month on their addiction).

I came here in August of 2004 and received a lot of help, but my addiction remained strong and almost destroyed me. At my worst, I was abusing drugs and alcohol to a great extent and was remaining sexual active in very dangerous places even though I was very sick with the flu, bronchitis, and sinus infections. At times I would wake up in the middle of sex acts not knowing how I got there and not knowing how I met the person. I felt nothing was going to help, so twice I seriously planned out how to kill myself, though I never actually attempted suicide.

Well, I finally confided to a good friend everything that had happened. I am part of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and have a sponsor. I have a great therapist, too, who has helped me to understand what was going on behind this -- I have had to come to terms with emotional and physical abuse I received when I was younger. Coming to terms with this has set me free. Also I have picked up some martial arts (Tai Chi, Tai Chi Sword, and a little bit of Eagle Claw Kung Fu) which really help to do something positive for my body and my spirit. I pray every day and that is important -- my Higher Power is a personal God with whom I need to communicate every day.

SR is great and many people I have met are thrilled when I tell them about this wonderful place. I am very happy and very thankful to SR, my Higher Power, my therapist, my sponsor, and my recovery group. It is good to be alive!

ChrisMan