My Story

[Steve.clarke1-]

Hi my name's Steve, and I'm an alkie today is my 4363rd day of abstinence from alcohol. I know that I am not "On the program" as I keep pissing my Wife off because of my selfish ways, as I am in so much fear, the following quote from step 4 is very good one, for me. We eat, drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fearing we shall never have enough. And with genuine alarm at the prospect of work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam. These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build. I realise that I have to change quite a bit more before I can have a contented sobriety. The illustration in Chapter 3 about the Jaywalker is a very apt one, for me. Because as the man in the illustration, I feel that I was, insane. Or expecting different results each time I tried the first drink.
Keep Coming Back, is often heard in the rooms of A.A and I go to at least four meetings a week, and feel quite serene whilst in the meetings but on leaving I seem to revert to a full of character defects, Steve.
KEEP COMING BACK it works if you work it (so that's all I have to do). I try to do a little bit of service for the Northdown Intergroup and for that all I do is give out leaflets and have been to Schools to chat a bit about A.A, trying to Carry the message. I am a telephone responder for the Wiltshire Intergroup, and I really get a lot out of trying to do these things as it keeps my mind focused on the fact that I am an alkie and I certainly don't want to go back to the misery that I had in the days before I came into A.A. Of course I had some Great times It's just that I cant actually remember them at the moment. I do know that drinking got me into a few scrapes and they all started from when I was 15 years old and had my first drink in the Station Hotel Andover. I had my first of many total memory lapses on that day, and I was very scared, as I did not remember much about that evening at all. All through my childhood / adolescence I was insecure about myself and would always act the clown, and try and make people think that I was having Fun. I remember going to see a film, ( In the early days of my so called dryness),
Called "The Mask " and in that film I heard "people wear or hide behind masks of different descriptions" and that part of the film made me cry. As I realised that was, or is even now is me. When I started work I, was training to work in a factory as a fitter, (building Tobacco machinery), I started with 14 other 16 year olds and the drink played a very big part in my life as it did for the next 17 years. In those years I had many problems
because of of the drink. At 19 years old I had a car crash in which my girlfriend of that time fractured her pelvis, and I was in a coma which I stayed in for 5 weeks. When I came out of the coma they had to strap me into a wheelchair as I could not even sit up as I had brain damage and I then had to go to physical therapy, Speech therapy, and Occupational therapy. I apparently, (I say that because I have no recollection of the day of the crash at all ).I had been drinking at one party, and was going to another party when I pulled out in front of a car and the Mini I had at that time was sent rolling 55 yards down the road and through a five bar gate.
My parents who had been clearing up after me and moaning about my drinking, used to go to the hospital daily to visit me. I was never very interested in anything other than music and drinking. And when I say music I mean listening to not playing. I have seen over 100 bands live but have a bad memory and was usually drinking at these events. So I do not remember them all. I soon got back to drinking and was often being kicked out of my parents house as I would not cut down on my drinking and not showing any respect for other peoples property, or other people. At the age of 24 I decided to leave the factory that I had been in for 7 years and go travelling. This I did for four Drunken years…I had a few problems during those years
Involving me and, Booze. I started travelling with this work mate of mine (Kev) an we travelled by train, getting off and on for two months around Europe. Kev started to carry me back from pubs and places, and he started to be like my parents were, saying things like why do you have to drink so much and you change completely when you drink. ( The same things that my parents, used to say). Kev left after 5 months, it was when we were in Istanbul, where we had flown after a 3 month stay in Israel. When we arrived in Israel I made my first decision of the trip and suggested that we go to Bet Ha***a (Better ***ta) a kibbutz that I had been to for a three week holiday 3 years earlier. So we arrived there met up with some other volunteers.
And had a party. In the morning we went to see the volunteer boss and it was not the one who was in charge 3 years earlier who had kicked me off. So that was O.K or so I thought, the new volunteer boss asked us how we new of Better ***ter and I, thinking that the last volunteer boss (Shona) had left told the new boss that I had been ther 3 years previously. The new one told us to go to the cow sheds and see her we wandered up and saw a Cow being born then Shona saw us and called the new boss and said dot have the one with long hair. Kev could have stayed but not me, he decided to stay with me and on the advice of some of the other volunteers we went to Tel-Aviv and got ourselves fixed up to work on a Moshav.
A moshav is similar to a kibbutz but you earn a dollar an hour or was it a day? But because of the Inflation in Israel at that time,we were advised to open a $ account in the bank and watch our money grow.
This we did and saved enough money to fly to Istanbul. Kev was totally fed up with me spending our money on Booze,and then writing cards to my family and asking them for money and keeping this money for booze. And after 5 months of travelling together Kev wanted to go home, but I did not. So whilst drinking in the "Pudding shop"
I met some truckers and we drank and smoked dope
And I got Kev a lift home with an English trucker. Freedom at last I was scared to be alone but it was better than having to cut down on my drinking. Shortly after that I had my Passport stolen from my rucksack which was in my hotel/hostel in Sultan Ahmet.
About this time I met a bloke in this Pub called the "Altin Fici" who said that he was married with 2 young kids and that he was an accountant and was learning English ,and offered me a place to sleep and food in exchange for some help with his English language
I had to hitch and bus all over the place and money was tight. I rang home and told my folks of my plight, and my dad who apparently new some bloke who ran a hotel in Istanbul would sort it out Some money was faxed to a bank, and I used this money for drink. I was put up in this very flash Hotel Temetti or something like that. I went there and abused their hospitality for about one month. Then decided to leave so with my new passport I had to wait a month to get a replacement from the consulate which was in another part of town. I went to the Border to try and get into Greece and they would not let me leave. They sent me to the Airport Police the Traffic Police and the Tourist Police as my new Passport had no entry stamp in it this took a long time. But eventually I managed to leave and ended up sleeping on the beach for 5months in a Small holiday village called Asprovalta. I had a job in a bar called "Bel Ami Bistro" I used to take two bottles of cheap wine to the beach every night. From there I met a mother and daughter from Frankfurt
and they took me to Germany with them. They asked me to leave after a night out( I'm still not sure what (I pretended to myself that I did not care about not remembering things but it really terrified me, yet I could not stop, no matter what I did or was tod that I had done.
I did, but from there I went to visit some other people that I met in Greece and they lived in Koln.
I stayed there in various addresses for 2 years, and whilst there I had jobs in Bars and Hotels.
I woke up once in Hospital with a drip in my arm, I was barred from places and never knew why.
So eventually I came back to England. Met a girl from Thailand, "Pinya" in the local disco, her parents hated me so I married her. I always got drunk. She always moaned and I always got drunk even after swearing I would never drink, I did. And after 5 years she divorced me. It all started on the wedding day when I had a Punch up with her mum + step dad and step brother, and a table with lots of bottles and crockery on it was knocked over by her mother as I lost it with her mother, who Never liked me at that time we were living above a laundrette, that her parents had and we left the reception and stayed in a hotel in Stockbridge for the night .
I then changed the lock on the door of the flat above the Launderette and in about 2 weeks time we went on a honeymoon to Turkey . Whilst on honeymoon I tied to chat up a few topless birds on the Beach , which upset "Pinya" for some reason. Then she was upset because I would speak my few words of Turkish too the natives, the same few words to all of them. She was always complaining about my Boozing and my treatment of her on our Honeymoon. When we got back her Folks and I were not talking.
And within a short while we received a solicitors letter telling us we were Evicted. I took the letter to My folks and they were not to happy about the way Her folks had acted at the Reception and paid for a solicitor to fight for me. "Pinya" and I then rented a House in Mylen Road from "Pinya's" boss at the Dentist. This House was very damp and smelly, but I did'nt worry after all, because , Bottoms up was at one end and the Railway Tavern was at the other. One day "Pinya phoned me up at the House and said her Parents were having a go at her and I went to the launderette on my motor cycle and Head butted her dad in a crowded shop. More solicitors letters. We then started to buy a Flat, and as we were'nt earning much money, we both had to find second jobs. I became a Bouncer at the local Bingo hall , well doorman who had to carryout a few other duties, like selling ice creams or giving out change. I had a strap around my
Neck with a tray around my waist and I would say the same things over and over again, things like "Come on ladies Get you Choppers around my Whoppers", and "Anything under the tray is free" and "Get your Gob around my ………Ices. When I was giving out change I used to say "Get your mits on my bits.
Very silly but I loved it. I actually stayed at the bingo for some years even though I recieved several Warnings and was sent home twice for turning up drunk. Pinya eventually left me and I realised that I had to do something about my drinking , and I could not do it alone as I had often tried to stop or cut down ,on my own but it Never lasted , I knew of A.A as I had worked in the local Crisis Centre , but had forgotten where and when the meetings were. I popped in and asked, and was told Sunday's 1600-17.30, Tuesday's and Thursdays 20.00-21.30. I cannot remember what day it was but I went along on my 33rd birthday. And told my folks of my alcoholism and they said "You were never that bad".What a laugh they used to kick me out on a regular basis for drinking too much and yet they would not belive me when I said that I was trying to help myself by going to A.A. I am so happy that I can stay away from one drink one day at a time these days With the wonderful support of the Fellowship.
I have just moved house to a Bungalow in a village that is near to Salisbury Wiltshire where I now go to a saturday,monday,Wednesday meeting and get along to a sunday meeting in Andover Hampshire.
Today is my 4019th day of "Dryness".
I have been working some shifts in an Andover Homeless Hostel and that really helps Me.Last night I went out for a chinese meal 18 other AA's for someones 30th AA birthday.
AA birthday

Oh Yeah, I've just remembered I have now two tattoos, a circle and triangle on one arm and an AA camel on the other,they are for life as is my addiction.
Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Coming Back
Steve4363 ODAAT