Zelda's Story

[inneed]

I am a 41 year old recovering female. I have four children that got cought up in my addiction before I lost them. My story is like most peoples with all the illeagle, shameful, and unthinkable activies to support my habit.
I started at the age of ten and stoiped at the age of 35 and not by choice. I thank God for Aug. 14, 1998 the day that I got arrested for dealing. That was the first day of a new way of life for me. It was hard at first because I was so full of shame and guilt for what I had done to my family. I was unable to see the fog I had created over the years. The one thing theveryone kept telling me for years was going to be my down fall was my loyalty to the wrong personfor the wrong reasons. After going to prison for two years and doing a treatment program for eight months my loyalities and thinking still had not changed. Everyone tolme I would be back within 30 days.
Upon my release from prison I already had my relapse planed out all the way down to the time frame. My mom changed that for me because she did not take me shome. She took me to her house for awhile then took me to see my oldest daughter. My life changed that night. You see I met my grandson for the very first time. This inacent little boy trusted something enough to reach out for me with a big smile, as if he had known me since birth. From that night forward I stayed clean for him.
After doing a six month out paticent program my life started to change. Then after working my steps for the first time the miricals started happening in my life. I got a good job and went back to school. I climbed the ladder at work fast and pqassed my college courses that I had taken. This heme build on the lack of self-esteem that I have always had. I have come to believe that I am a good person and that I am worthy of having a good life. I can live and not survive any longer. I have got my children back in my life including the one I gave up for adoption 19 years ago. I now have 5 grandchildren and a mother that I never knew that I had before. I have been able to build the bridges with all my family and most importain I have found Zelda.
I'm still not sure what my purpose is here on earth other then to put one foot in front of the other and do God's will. I do know that I am happy for the first time in my life. I am in a healthy relationship for the first time.
Today I run a business that helps other people aflicted with the diese of addiction. I am a teacher and co-cordanator at the CAARR Instatute. I voulenteer time at red cross as a cpr instructor. Today I am a mother, grandmother, sister, friend, daughter and a lover to others in my life, but most of all today I have respect for myself and I love who I am becoming.