PurpleKnight - My Story Part 2 (PK - The Recovery)
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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PurpleKnight - My Story Part 2 (PK - The Recovery)
It was a Saturday morning in November, nothing special, hungover as usual, promised myself the previous day on the way to work that I wasn’t going to drink that night, but when did that ever happen? Good intentions that always ended up at the liquor store, right? Isn’t that what everyone does? Aren’t I entitled to enjoy myself? I’d been working hard all week, it was time to relax with a few drinks.
But that morning, yet another Saturday morning feeling like death, one of those mornings were you get the feeling there wouldn’t be enough water on the earth that could deal with the throbbing headache you’re enduring.
As I sat watching the football results, I reached a certain acceptance that alcohol was not working out for me anymore, surely the social stigma of not drinking amongst my friends couldn’t be any worse than the way I was feeling at that moment, something had to change, I couldn’t go on like this, I was on a downward spiral and either my life would collapse before my eyes or I was going to end up in a box way before my years.
So I remembered signing up to SR a year earlier, and I decided to log on again, and knock on the door of the great community I know today once again, gripped with all the fear my hungover mind could muster, what was I doing? Maybe this isn’t such a great idea? Maybe I don’t really need to be this drastic? Am I really an alcoholic?
The vivid memory of loosing my dad to alcoholism a few years earlier was alive and well at that time, he died in hospital, alone, I had received a phone call to work from a nurse saying "you really need to be here right now", that meant it was serious, my manager said go, just leave, you need to go, but on the 1hr drive to the hospital he passed away, I never made it, I stood at his grave thinking what could I have done different, if anything!!
My journey began, the welcoming hand of SR was stretched out once again by a few of the same regulars who are still here to this day, and that Saturday afternoon I tried out something I hadn’t done in years, a Sober Saturday night, when people talk about getting to Day 2, I’ve been there, it’s like climbing Everest, it looks impossible and when you get there it’s like winning a gold medal at the olympics, and that’s what I did, that Saturday night I sat in, time felt like an age, I stayed close to SR, read 100s of threads just to pass the time, couldn’t sleep much, but after a few hours of dozing off I eventually woke up on the Sunday morning hangover free, when did that last happen?
People talk about taking a leap of faith and recovery really is a leap into the unknown, but again holding onto the acceptance that alcohol was not doing my any favours and there must be a better way to live my life, I pushed forward with the resolve that I was in this for the long haul, there was no going back, but unlike a year earlier I was going to actually do something this time, take some practical steps to make it happen.
Support was the key, in my mind I had the intention of using SR and if that wasn’t enough I was going to escalate things to AA or other face to face meetings, my SR activity was scheduled, first thing when I woke up, upon arriving at work, my lunch break, before leaving work, upon arriving home from work, and last thing before bedtime, 6 daily check ins to keep me focused on the task at hand, to counteract the fairytales and myths my addiction would sell me in isolation, to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes.
Next up it was some proactive steps to make Sobriety happen, the best thing I ever did was to leave my bank cards at home for the first 6 weeks, no cards meant no stopping off at the liquor store on the way home from work, I packed my lunches and brought just enough cash to fill my car with petrol, all I can say is that you gotta do what you gotta do and I have been Sober ever since, such radical steps became a feature of my early recovery.
My regular routines also needed to be changed, I used to come home from work and drink, but I quickly learned that I really didn’t do anything with my time, so I decided to go for long walks after work, go to the local coffee shop on a Sunday morning, and not feel guilty about having a triple chocolate chip muffin with my coffee, started to talk to the regulars, created new friendships and rekindled my love for chess by taking part in local competitions, and when it came to watching my local ice hockey team I would be like one of the dads taking their kids to the game and bypass the beer stall for the coffee stand, milk no sugar please, I have a game to concentrate on, then drive home and have a hangover free morning the next day, no more pre or post drinks, I was there to enjoy the game and remember it play by play.
So what does the future hold? Well I now look back on that childhood, that scared, insecure lonely kid in his 20s, trying and struggling to find a place in this world, and as a result turned to alcohol for some comfort, and if I could write him a letter I’d tell him everything is going to be alright, you don’t need to escape all the time, you don’t need to be liked and be accepted for someone you’re not, be yourself and be proud of who you are, you can do this!!
Alcohol was leading me down a path, very subtly over many years which would have caused even more misery and problems in my life had it continued, but having now pushed alcohol to the sidelines, the shackles are off, I can regain that freedom that I once knew as a kid when I was imagining with my friends great adventures, why can’t I be a sailer battling pirates, great sword battles securing treasures and sailing the open seas, and then home to bed?
I lost my way, and alcohol sold me all the fairytales that it could get away with, everything that it couldn’t deliver upon, my potential, my self worth, my motivation and love for life were all eroded, but with the principles of acceptance, support, proactive actions and the change of my lifestyle I was able to turn things around.
Sobriety is the gift that in my experience keeps on giving and for me the community of SR must receive a mention, you all know who you are, the members that joined the same time I did, those that contribute to the daily threads, the Newcomers Forum, the Alcoholism Forum, Drug addiction, Cafe Central, I’ve also found soo much comfort in the Friends and Family areas, our fantastic Moderators and Admins, you are all a fantastic group of people and I am privileged that we have even crossed paths.
To all Newcomers reading this, never doubt that you are amongst a wealth of experience, wisdom and more years of collective Sobriety than many of us can simply aspire to, ask questions, seek wisdom, a second opinion on things, and know that there is a fantastic resource here 24/7!!
Team SR leaves no one behind, and I have personal experience of that!!
There is no one that can't achieve Sobreity, my question is what are you doing? and are you doing enough? it can be done, you can get there!!
PK
But that morning, yet another Saturday morning feeling like death, one of those mornings were you get the feeling there wouldn’t be enough water on the earth that could deal with the throbbing headache you’re enduring.
As I sat watching the football results, I reached a certain acceptance that alcohol was not working out for me anymore, surely the social stigma of not drinking amongst my friends couldn’t be any worse than the way I was feeling at that moment, something had to change, I couldn’t go on like this, I was on a downward spiral and either my life would collapse before my eyes or I was going to end up in a box way before my years.
So I remembered signing up to SR a year earlier, and I decided to log on again, and knock on the door of the great community I know today once again, gripped with all the fear my hungover mind could muster, what was I doing? Maybe this isn’t such a great idea? Maybe I don’t really need to be this drastic? Am I really an alcoholic?
The vivid memory of loosing my dad to alcoholism a few years earlier was alive and well at that time, he died in hospital, alone, I had received a phone call to work from a nurse saying "you really need to be here right now", that meant it was serious, my manager said go, just leave, you need to go, but on the 1hr drive to the hospital he passed away, I never made it, I stood at his grave thinking what could I have done different, if anything!!
My journey began, the welcoming hand of SR was stretched out once again by a few of the same regulars who are still here to this day, and that Saturday afternoon I tried out something I hadn’t done in years, a Sober Saturday night, when people talk about getting to Day 2, I’ve been there, it’s like climbing Everest, it looks impossible and when you get there it’s like winning a gold medal at the olympics, and that’s what I did, that Saturday night I sat in, time felt like an age, I stayed close to SR, read 100s of threads just to pass the time, couldn’t sleep much, but after a few hours of dozing off I eventually woke up on the Sunday morning hangover free, when did that last happen?
People talk about taking a leap of faith and recovery really is a leap into the unknown, but again holding onto the acceptance that alcohol was not doing my any favours and there must be a better way to live my life, I pushed forward with the resolve that I was in this for the long haul, there was no going back, but unlike a year earlier I was going to actually do something this time, take some practical steps to make it happen.
Support was the key, in my mind I had the intention of using SR and if that wasn’t enough I was going to escalate things to AA or other face to face meetings, my SR activity was scheduled, first thing when I woke up, upon arriving at work, my lunch break, before leaving work, upon arriving home from work, and last thing before bedtime, 6 daily check ins to keep me focused on the task at hand, to counteract the fairytales and myths my addiction would sell me in isolation, to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own thought processes.
Next up it was some proactive steps to make Sobriety happen, the best thing I ever did was to leave my bank cards at home for the first 6 weeks, no cards meant no stopping off at the liquor store on the way home from work, I packed my lunches and brought just enough cash to fill my car with petrol, all I can say is that you gotta do what you gotta do and I have been Sober ever since, such radical steps became a feature of my early recovery.
My regular routines also needed to be changed, I used to come home from work and drink, but I quickly learned that I really didn’t do anything with my time, so I decided to go for long walks after work, go to the local coffee shop on a Sunday morning, and not feel guilty about having a triple chocolate chip muffin with my coffee, started to talk to the regulars, created new friendships and rekindled my love for chess by taking part in local competitions, and when it came to watching my local ice hockey team I would be like one of the dads taking their kids to the game and bypass the beer stall for the coffee stand, milk no sugar please, I have a game to concentrate on, then drive home and have a hangover free morning the next day, no more pre or post drinks, I was there to enjoy the game and remember it play by play.
So what does the future hold? Well I now look back on that childhood, that scared, insecure lonely kid in his 20s, trying and struggling to find a place in this world, and as a result turned to alcohol for some comfort, and if I could write him a letter I’d tell him everything is going to be alright, you don’t need to escape all the time, you don’t need to be liked and be accepted for someone you’re not, be yourself and be proud of who you are, you can do this!!
Alcohol was leading me down a path, very subtly over many years which would have caused even more misery and problems in my life had it continued, but having now pushed alcohol to the sidelines, the shackles are off, I can regain that freedom that I once knew as a kid when I was imagining with my friends great adventures, why can’t I be a sailer battling pirates, great sword battles securing treasures and sailing the open seas, and then home to bed?
I lost my way, and alcohol sold me all the fairytales that it could get away with, everything that it couldn’t deliver upon, my potential, my self worth, my motivation and love for life were all eroded, but with the principles of acceptance, support, proactive actions and the change of my lifestyle I was able to turn things around.
Sobriety is the gift that in my experience keeps on giving and for me the community of SR must receive a mention, you all know who you are, the members that joined the same time I did, those that contribute to the daily threads, the Newcomers Forum, the Alcoholism Forum, Drug addiction, Cafe Central, I’ve also found soo much comfort in the Friends and Family areas, our fantastic Moderators and Admins, you are all a fantastic group of people and I am privileged that we have even crossed paths.
To all Newcomers reading this, never doubt that you are amongst a wealth of experience, wisdom and more years of collective Sobriety than many of us can simply aspire to, ask questions, seek wisdom, a second opinion on things, and know that there is a fantastic resource here 24/7!!
Team SR leaves no one behind, and I have personal experience of that!!
There is no one that can't achieve Sobreity, my question is what are you doing? and are you doing enough? it can be done, you can get there!!
PK
Last edited by Dee74; 10-09-2015 at 02:39 PM.
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